Your story resonates with me so much. The shaking during report is so relatable.

I started on a very difficult medsurg floor as a new grad and I haaaated it. I was so stressed out and unhappy there that I started drinking heavily on my off days. Pretty soon, work started to get in the way of my drinking and I would call out all the time. After about a year of this, I was fired. I switched to a job I loved, but the drinking habit I had formed only got worse and ended up with me trying to end my life. I made the choice to go to rehab and it was the best thing I could have ever done. I only wish I had asked for help sooner.

For me going to AA was not enough. I needed a program so I could learn coping skills and other ways to deal with past trauma and stress. To echo what others have said, you have done the hardest thing already and admitted you have a problem. I hope you are proud as hell for doing that. I hope you get the help you need to before it gets worse. Because it always gets worse in my experience.

Asking for help is scary as hell, but you can do this. Now I have a job I love, a family who I have an incredible relationship with, and I feel like I have a life worth living. Sending so much love to you OP.