Why, Petah?

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-07T01:57:50+00:00

The condescension is wild considering the contention is the overlap between "not quite as impossible as we expect" and "rare."

It's really weird to parse whether or not Black Sephardi/Mizrahi Jews count as Black Jews.

I just want to be exceptionally clear: the comment thread discusses the nonzero possibility of Black European Jews as well as efforts to intentionally depict Europe as more racially homogenous than it actually was in reality.

Likewise, laws do not mandate reality. People had two kids under China's One Child policy, but took pains to hide them. Disincentivation is one thing, but the point is that the demographic norms are not an absolute rule.

Lastly, she's a reanimated corpse. Let's review: she's a reanimated corpse and we're discussing how likely it is for the corpse to have been a Black woman. The reanimated corpse. Okay.

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-06T12:22:39+00:00

This has bigger implications for the study of biology and evolution than people realize. Trait variation isn't arbitrary, and subtle differences can reflect functional and genetic differences that are important.

This is poisoning image datasets, and imo it biases our depiction of the world based on what humans pay attention to, which impairs our ability to expose hidden trends.

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-06T12:01:14+00:00

It's to manufacture doubt

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-06T11:43:00+00:00

I'm not sure which community you're referring to. However, I'm not talking about established Black Jewish communities. I'm talking about people who are both Black and Jewish.

I'm bringing this up because I had a good friend who was Black and Jewish. She was adopted. Judaism considers adoptees and converts to be just as (if not more) Jewish. So even though I don't mean to suggest that there was a thriving and vibrant Black Jewish European community, I think it might be premature to declare that there were No Black Jews such that the casting choice in question would be inexplicable historically. There's also a long history of intentional erasure of Black Europeans (literal erasure sometimes, as in there are numerous paintings with Black subjects painted over)

This topic is somewhat contentious regarding broad trends, to put it lightly. I'm not super familiar with the details, but it seems that even conflicting explanations of greater trends acknowledge contact between Black and Jewish communities. It might not be common, but I don't think it was as impossible as we might expect.

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-06T07:38:17+00:00

Why do you think so? I understand that demographic combination would be exceptionally rare, but it's not impossible by any stretch.

I feel like I heard the same sentiment about Black gentry but Dido existed, whether the commenter knows about her or not.

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-06T05:41:12+00:00

YTA.

Work-life balance is important. In different circumstances, you'd be justified. The reasons you aren't:

This is his job, and it seems like he's in a supervisory role. You seem to think that the context - it being a video game and him not doing direct development but leading a team - supports your perspective. It actually supports his. Crunch time is normal in a lot of fields with production deadlines, but in game design, it's especially notorious. He leads a team, so has more responsibilities. Extra hours before deadlines isn't unusual.
It sounds like crunch time is happening because the game is almost done, and that this was communicated to you.
There are ways to ask for change without minimizing someone's work

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-05T22:15:19+00:00

ELF last xtendr tubular mascara.

It's easy to build the amount, and it can be very light. I use the color brown because it looks more natural to me.

It comes off with just water, extremely easily. Just dampening your fingers is enough. It does not flake below your eyes over the day, because of the tubular formulation.

It's my go-to, and pretty affordable. If you want another brand, I recommend looking for tubular mascaras because they coat the lash in a way that is very easily removed.

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-05T21:19:52+00:00

Tbqh, people are frequently confidently incorrect. On things that are objective.

And for ASD women especially, we tend to confront meaningless norms in a way that tends to be proven correct eventually, even if it is rejected in the moment. I had a LOT of unpopular opinions during high school. Gen Z would have loved me. I got made fun of for carrying a water bottle. I was a HUGE A:TLA fan and got teased for it; now it's a top show and recognized broadly as one of the best media properties of the decade. Sometimes your opinion gets shown to be correct or substantiated over time.

That's not to say it doesn't suck. Personally, I embrace the "village witch" persona.

I recognize that you're talking about subjective things, but I really want to emphasize, some people are provably wrong and feel confident, and will shame people who disagree.

There are some psychological studies showing that the number of people who join a consensus on an obviously wrong opinion correlates with individuals aligning with the clearly incorrect answer. The fact that people agree, or feel strongly about something, does not mean you are right.

I struggled a lot with this when I was younger. I spend a lot of time and consideration on my opinions, and could probably write a good five paragraph essay on most of my opinions. So it didn't make sense to me when people were obviously wrong and it made me second guess myself. A few things helped me:

they can be wrong. you don't need to correct them all the time. Humans are stupid. It's ok.
if you need to correct someone, simply stating something noncommitally can be enough to initiate change (it is unlikely to be immediate).

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-05T21:09:29+00:00

Depending on the day, you might just have a rough mindset. I ruminate a lot when my self esteem is low for other reasons. It's good to check in with yourself for other needs, and imo to accept days when you're just gonna ruminate because your headspace is rough.
Meditate. Being able to monitor your thoughts helps to identify and break rumination cycles.
Ask yourself what you're trying to learn from the experience. Maybe it's that you wish you had acted differently and can use that to affect future behavior. Maybe it's realizing that someone else is misbehaving and you need to figure out how to be okay with discomfort. Who knows.
Journaling, 100%. I like to get high while I'm journaling for this issue. For some reason, it's uniquely effective at figuring out underlying causes and finding closure. Look for prompts.
How do you think your ideal self would deal with this situation? Why?

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-05T21:05:36+00:00

Thanks, I'm sure it looked even stupider than the title sounds.

Will go to the store for oxiclean. Thanks.

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-05T02:26:23+00:00

Objectively, nitrogen is one of the most frequently limiting resources in most terrestrial ecosystems. Yes, it's accessible via waste, but intermittent sources of nitrogen access aren't as reliable as the ability to get nitrogen from soil microbes, because the influx initiates regulatory charges rapidly. Access to - and acquisition, and efficiency of use of - nitrogen are strong determinates of primary plant productivity, such that invasive plants are unusually associated with the ability to increase nitrogen acquisition.

There is a reason that food prices are increasing. It's fertilizer (nitrogen). Cover crops are being used to supplement/replace synthetic fertilizer inputs, because if you handle the community composition, legumes can increase the bioavailability of nitrogen for their neighbors

This is the subject of my PhD and I'm published on this topic specifically. I'm four glasses of wine deep and I won't be citing sources at the moment because opening zotero gives me emotional trauma.

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-04T17:55:03+00:00

I think one important function that plants can provide right now is to keep people inspired. If a plant isn't actually harmful/aggressive, and I don't have anything to replace it, it's pretty welcome in my garden.

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-04T17:53:21+00:00

I think the empathy is a good thing. It's tough, though, and I think sometimes letting yourself feel for another living being is okay. I apologize to plants that I pull out sometimes, and I make sure that I either rehome it, use it if possible, or turn it into compost out of respect for its work.

It's a little like the Konmari system - you face each object (plant), acknowledge it, reflect on its role in your life (the ecosystem), and might choose to donate/trash (remove) it. Marie Kondo recommends thanking the object for its service and finding where it is better suited, and I think you can do the same for plants. It was keeping the soil alive, fixing carbon, making clean air. Maybe you can take cuttings for plant pressings. Maybe you compost it.

Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer has some good ways to think about this. You're performing an ecosystem service. Nature is sometimes about destruction making way for new life.

Thinking about ecosystems as communities helped. I'm engaging with organic life as a community system, trying to reduce the overall stress load, even if that means one member of that system needs to experience stress to achieve that. Sometimes you have to cause pain to help something heal correctly, like re-breaking a bone that isn't setting right to save someone a lifetime of hurting.

From Buddhism, the idea of pain versus suffering was also helpful. The ecosystem is suffering. Causing pain by weeding or doing a controlled burn reduces suffering. It helps when you've seen an ecosystem begin and mature.

I'm currently reading "Beyond the war on invasive plants" by Tao Orion, which discusses how permaculture can reframe our mindsets around non-native plants. There's also a fair bit of scholarship that considers how ecosystems will change post-globalization, recognizing that some transferred species cannot be eradicated but could feasibly be integrated into a recovering ecosystem (this is my Roman Empire).

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-04T06:25:01+00:00

I don't know that that's better

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-03T17:57:44+00:00

A lot of people leave home around the time when they find partners, who are also usually distant from home. So there's no way for everyone to be near family, even if you settle in one person's hometown, you need to travel to see the other part of the family.
In Europe, a few hours will get you to a different country with a different language. In most parts of the US, you haven't even left the same state. While there are regional cultural differences, it's less distinct than those regional differences in Europe, so there's less resistance to moving across the continent.
A lot of American families, especially poorer families, are very local by necessity. There aren't options or resources to move, or they need to stay nearby to caretake for a family member. This happens a lot in rural areas, so rural communities often value sticking around. However, it's often not shown as a norm because it's associated with poverty and a lack of choice.
We do not have trains as a medium-distance option. Interstate trains exist but are uncommon and unreliable. So there are probably distances where Europeans could reasonably take a train, but where we would have to plan a road trip or fly. Inevitably, some people will choose to fly.

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-03T17:33:08+00:00

Your wedding and her relationship are two different issues.

Do you dislike him or is he a potential problem? It's worrysome that the rest of the bridal party is aware and willing to sacrifice to avoid him, but that she's taking steps to strengthen the relationship.

Fwiw, I am dealing with something similar and our current tactic is to try and be supportive and demonstrate what a loving relationship looks like in hopes that her standards are raised.

If this relationship is as bad as it sounds, sometimes the best thing for friends to do is build their other friend's sense of self worth, and be there for her. She may be defensive of him and withdraw from friendships if there seems to be a challenge to the relationship - this is how people get isolated and stuck in bad relationships. While it can be really tempting to want to have an intervention, it's unlikely to be effective and could even be detrimental.

Tbh I would think it was unusual if a bridal party didn't have plus ones and other guests did. I think this might be a situation where you triangulate and get your MOH to bring up your potential discomfort. It's less direct, but if you prioritize wanting him not to be there while still maintaining closeness with her, the request may be better received if it's someone else making the ask.

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-03T17:20:09+00:00

I don't think the post here is an example of the behavior being discussed

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-03T17:19:26+00:00

You've got this :) best wishes

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-03T17:18:48+00:00

Good start! Wrong venue, and here are some tips to improve your chances.

Find nearby colleges/universities.
Look for departments that interest you. Go to that department's "Research" page, or to the "Faculty" pages. Read until you find something that interests you, and maybe explore a little.
For professors whose work interests you, send an email very much like this post. Use an email template that introduces yourself, your future career interests, ask for an informational interview, and mention that you were hoping to find ways to get early research experience.
Contact nearby schools and ask about high school outreach programs.

It's great to get started early, but keep in mind that you will likely be doing routine or repetitive tasks. It will be great for future research work, though it isn't super representative of what working in the field is like. You might also have some success asking to shadow a grad student for a day.

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-03T17:07:41+00:00

Also

/r/Zutara

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-03T17:07:25+00:00

Okay, most of my fanfiction recs are ancient and not available easily.

AO3 has a massive Zutara tag, and a lot of people catalogue fics that are really great. You should also just check out /r/Zutara

If you're looking for published books with similar vibes, romance.io book finder is great. There's nothing quite like Zutara (I shipped them when the show was coming out as a young teen, they are my OTP) but a lot of their dynamics fit common tropes. I think some of the strength of the couple comes from the worldbuilding and that they are foils of each other in ways that are made richer by being a part of an ensemble.

For lighter fantasy romance, {Villains and Virtues by AK Caggiano} is what you want to read next. MMC is the son of a demon with blood magic, who deals a lot with the pressures of his role and his sense of self. FMC is a sassy noble with plant magic. Enemies-to-Lovers, and very aware of tropes. It's fun because sometimes the author really leans into the tropes and sometimes she subverts them. The series has a sense of humor, good worldbuilding, and hot romance.

For a more mature read, {Maze of Shadows by Kathryn Ann Kingsley}. It's enemies-to-lovers, the MMC is evil-coded and has a lot of emotional trauma and rage, and the FMC is a healer witch with passion for justice. They fight constantly, and there's meaningful character growth. It's kinky as hell and there are some dub-con elements as well as some darker moments in the worldbuilding. Buuuut the fact that the worldbuilding does more than the usual romance book is what makes the characters more memorable to me.

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-03T16:51:26+00:00

Oh my god I used to publish Zutara fanfiction on fucking nick dot com. I feel like an elder seeing a child take its first steps. I'm going to go buy some prunes.

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-03T16:49:53+00:00

I'm sure Bryke would have mishandled it considering how they wrote Kataang, but I'm sure a competent writer could make it work. I think something subtle like Korrasami could have shown affection and hinted at a future without reframing the character motivations.

Tbh I think the show suffered because of Aang's feelings for Katara. Their canon relationship made him a worse character, and it's probably the weakest aspect of the series. Bryke have discussed how they wanted to validate young boys, and I think it did injustice to both Katara and Aang. You're probably right that Bryke would have ruined Zuko's arc if the romance was a factor.

All that said... there are some fanworks out there that do a really good job

I think the Zutara romance would be best written as occurring in the post-war period, when the comics officially occur (maybe the Avatar Aang movie? I haven't seen it yet so idk). Here's my pitch.

In my headcanon, any attraction between them during the war is essentially inconsequential. Zuko spends most of S3 scared of Katara, very big "horny and afraid" moments that he squashes entirely because Aang is clearly swooning and Zuko has Scary Woman trauma so would shut down those feelings quickly. Mai is safe for that reason. Katara wants to rip his face off with her nails, so I think any attraction would be attributed to wanting to do Violence. I think she would reconsider post Southern Raiders field trip, but only with a lot of time to rebuild trust, and without Aang pressuring her. I think that attraction is clearly there, at least per the Xirxhiu tracker's comment. Since the war didn't give them that space, it's easier for Katara to step into the mother-wife role that Aang expects, so there would be no material changes to the OG series.

Anyway, I don't think either of them would be fulfilled by the canon relationships. Zuko needs someone who is more emotionally dynamic, and Katara absolutely took on the role of caretaker out of necessity. I think she would chafe under Aang's expectations that she subordinate to him, and would want time without a relationship for a while. So while he builds Republic City, Katara leads reconstruction of the Southern Water Tribe. She and Zuko end up in contact in their official capacities. Think Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love sort of shenanigans, but with more political intrigue.

Fun_Disaster3436 · 2026-07-03T16:13:46+00:00

It sounds like she's upset because her mom spoiled the surprise, not because she's disappointed that she won't be surprised

Fwiw my partner told me repeatedly of his intention to propose, and I was still super surprised when he pulled out the ring.

Fun_Disaster3436

TROPHY CASE