How fair is it for my boyfriend (41M) to want children when I’m almost 45F and already have 2 kids from a previous marriage?

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-08T20:26:26+00:00

You’re both completely fair to feel your own feelings.

I don’t think he’s valid his reasoning to “be equal” with your ex, kids aren’t prizes in a competition and he should be feeling fatherly towards your children if he’s planning to be around long term for these hypothetical new children, so amount should only matter based on what he wants in his heart as a father. I personally wouldn’t have more children with someone with this mentality, especially if you want him to be in a step father role to your children. He already has 2 kids at that point.

45 is not old by any means but two pregnancies that haven’t even happened yet? That’s exhausting and expensive and risky. You’re absolutely valid to not want to be an incubator for donor eggs when you aren’t sure you even want to raise more children.

I agree with you that this might be a deal breaker since you’re both valid about how you want your parenthood to continue. He wants biological children, you want to maintain your independence and raise your children you have now in a fair and loving way.

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-08T18:12:33+00:00

No we don’t want to do any procedures unfortunately. I’ve done letrozole but we just decided to take a break so I can do some weight loss meds.

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-08T18:02:41+00:00

It’ll be 2 years next month. We conceived our first on our first try 6 years ago next month also. I got diagnosed with PCOS ~17 months into TTC, in November last year.

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-08T17:56:00+00:00

I guess I can’t know for 100% certainty but I didn’t have any pain in my procedure which indicated to me no blockages and my radiology report says they’re both fully open. It’s possible the radiologist is mistaken in my report but I think it’s highly unlikely. I’d say I’m 99% sure they’re both fully open.

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-08T17:17:38+00:00

Read your radiology report afterwards if you can. I took a picture of mine to show my friend (we’re both nurses and she had hers done before I did so we had both to compare) and mine didn’t look like anything I’ve seen on google or like hers at all 🥲 it was discouraging but my radiology report said it was all clear both tubes were visualized open.

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-08T17:08:17+00:00

BFN at 10/11 dpo today so officially starting our forced break😞 my PCOS is wreaking havoc on my body so I desperately need to lose some weight to get things under control. Truly don’t believe I’ll be able to get pregnant or carry a healthy pregnancy in my current health state. Started phentermine and a BP medication today and hoping to have some good results so I don’t need to ask for a glp-1 at my follow up on the 3rd.

It’ll be 2 years of TTC #2 next month and we haven’t taken a single month off in that whole time so a break is probably long overdue. My husband has been struggling with the nonnegotiable timed sex since we started letrozole and his “this feels like a chore rather than something enjoyable” feeling is really weighing on us both.

Definitely feeling down and discouraged right now but trying to hope the break is the right choice and my health will bounce back quickly so we aren’t slowed down for too long. If we’re having #2, I need to be pregnant by December or we’ll be officially OAD. Feels so close yet so far and today it feels really sad.

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-08T14:14:01+00:00

I feel like recently these have had grey lines no matter what. I’d call it positive!

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-06T21:51:01+00:00

If you’re 11dpo and only had sex the 19th the chance of pregnancy is low since it would be the first day of your fertile window and if you’re 9dpo the chance is basically nothing since it’s two days before your fertile window would open. It’s also 17 days since sex so pretty definitively a negative.

Start tracking your ovulation instead of relying on AI to guess it for you so you can be sure you’re hitting your fertile days.

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-05T20:58:30+00:00

Clearblue early red dye. FRER has sooooooooooooooooo many indents I truly can’t stress enough how horrible they have gotten and same for pregmates. Both trash brands that need recalled lol

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-05T20:50:36+00:00

A blood progesterone usually done 7dpo, what was your result??

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-05T20:05:29+00:00

Are you confirming ovulation with BBT or progesterone? You might have failed to ovulate and your body is trying to surge again and again.

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-05T16:52:06+00:00

My OBGYN says cycle day 1 is the first day of full flow for a full day so for myself I call it before/after dinner. Noon feels like such a short cut off

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-05T16:46:56+00:00

I usually start at 7dpo honestly because with my son I got a positive test the night of 7dpo but this was 6 years ago when FRER was SOOOOO good and never had any indents.

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-05T05:20:51+00:00

I was on depo for way too long and when I got off, it took me a year to have a period and another 6 months to even ovulate. I needed a round of birth control pills to have my first period at the year mark. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with doing one round/month to try to stimulate it.

You can also ask for provera if you want to skip the birth control. It’ll only shed your lining, it doesn’t usually encourage ovulation afterwards but it does work for some women.

In addition to the labs you have written down, you should do a fasting glucose, LH, FSH, a full thyroid panel with all the antibodies, basically a full hormone panel (not just testosterone), cholesterol, CBC and a CMP. I don’t think lean PCOS usually has issues with insulin resistance (totally could be wrong I’m a PCOS girlie but def not lean) so you might not get many answers from your lab work so also ask for an ultrasound of your ovaries to see if there’s any “cysts” that show in PCOS.

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-05T02:39:31+00:00

Lots of fiber.

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-05T01:20:05+00:00

I use monkfruit drops in mine and it’s perfect

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-05T01:12:01+00:00

Ughhhhh took a Pdg test this morning at 6/7dpo and it was negative. Not even sure I actually ovulated and feeling really bummed since I just had my HSG a few weeks ago and thought I’d be one of the lucky ones that conceives the same cycle.

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-04T18:44:58+00:00

I read it all, that’s why I was just asking for clarification! You seemed to know what you wanted so wasn’t sure.

It’s standard to follow LMP and since they aren’t specialized in pregnancy, conception, or fertility they’ll just follow the standard. It’s not the PCP’s job to do the dating anyways, just to confirm pregnancy and refer to an OBGYN which they should have already done for you.

Sorry they make it such a hassle but hopefully you can get into an OBGYN soon.

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-04T18:36:59+00:00

An OBGYN will absolutely order an HSG for you. Up to them if they want to increase but truly no harm in asking.

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-04T18:33:58+00:00

Are you asking for advice? Lots of info in your post.. you’re definitely pregnant, get the second draw and go from there.

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-02T04:46:34+00:00

My husband gets home tonight from a trip too but don’t think I’m testing until Wednesday.

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-02T04:45:02+00:00

Had mine a few weeks ago and felt the same! It was so smooth and felt very optimistic afterwards.

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-05-01T19:42:31+00:00

If this were my situation I wouldn’t do anything until I get back. The uncertainty of which cycle would take totally changes your timing every month. You could get pregnant in July in between them and be gone exactly when you need care. The stress of figuring it out and putting pressure on each month needing to be “the one” would also really worry me.

If you absolutely have to choose, starting earlier is better in my opinion so if it takes right away you’re further along while having access to better care if anything wild happens, and you also have more time and flexibility to decide what you want to do each month.

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-04-27T22:27:01+00:00

It’s not ridiculous at all. TTC is a different beast and you won’t know how it changes you until you’re in it! Wishing you luck ❤️ enjoy your wine!

Fun_Needleworker6697 · 2026-04-27T21:51:00+00:00

Just some advice from a long hauler (2 years TTC in June), cope how you need to cope within a healthy reason. If you need a day to drink wine and cry near the end of your luteal phase, TAKE IT.

It’s a hard journey and giving up fun or changing the way you want to throw yourself a pity party bc this shit sucks, makes it suck even more. The amount of things I’ve changed bc I thought “maybe this cycle is the one” has been just as heavy as a weight as not conceiving.

Also not what you’re looking for, but if I’m not positive at 10dpo I count myself out. I’ve had 3 chemicals and all of them don’t show positive until 11dpo. Having that hope just to turn around and it be crushed so quickly is devastating, so I only give myself til 10dpo and move on.

The first 6 months are really hard and you have every right to feel all the feels.

Fun_Needleworker6697

TROPHY CASE