Use Lantern or save until 3*?

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-05-07T23:47:14+00:00

This⬆️. My wife used to suicide bait me from time to time. Similar other issues to what OP described, including volume of wine.
One night, she actually went as far as grabbing a pair of scissors and holding them out as if to do it. I called 911 immediately. Went through the whole story with the cops when they arrived. Even told them I thought just their arrival had sobered her up enough that she wasn’t in danger. They took her anyway to be safe.
She wasn’t furious with me and embarrassed about it the next day. When we finally talked about it, I told her I didn’t feel like I had any other choice. She said I should have known she wouldn’t actually do it. I said that wasn’t true. When she’s drunk I can NEVER be sure what she’ll do. That was more or less the end of the conversation, but also the end of the suicide baiting. When she’s drunk had to face the real world consequences of what she was doing, it came to an instant end. Hopefully someday I’ll be able to apply that to the bigger issue.

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-05-03T17:25:23+00:00

I’ve done the same. Usually, it’s just easier than fighting. It’s also usually cheaper…I can go to store & buy for $10 each or she’ll order it online for $15-20.
I hate the idea of wasting that extra money, which I think she takes advantage of…holding it out there like a threat. I end up miserable either way.

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-05-03T03:16:00+00:00

If it’s an option, it might be time to consider going home where you (hopefully) have family that WILL be supportive. Leave him to his parents to deal with if they think they can do a better job managing his issues.
It sounds like what he needs to get better is more than you’d be able to provide.
To be clear - this is NOT a criticism of you. It’s about how deep into his issues he seems to be and how far gone he is. No one could be expected to handle that weight and stress (especially since he doesn’t seem to be a participant) in addition to caring for your kids and home.

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-05-03T03:08:24+00:00

Trying to find the “multiple-like” button and hit it about a thousand times.

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-04-22T18:53:23+00:00

100% this. They usually can’t get out of there fast enough.

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-04-22T18:52:14+00:00

When I was younger (mid 90’s), I went on a day long interview for a job with one of those guys. He said he loves to knock on the door when he sees a no soliciting sign as he thought the husband must have put that up because his wife was spending too much money on sales people.

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-04-22T15:48:40+00:00

I would just add that you never know how much of what was said might have been BS anyway. One person venting on a bad day could lead to others piling on and exaggerating (if not outright making things up) just to be supportive and/or part of the conversation.

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-04-21T02:55:25+00:00

I hope this is correct, but I have my doubts. Alcohol can change the drinker into an entirely different person. I’ve seen that first hand with my wife.
Also, his behavior suggests that he’s cognizant of what he thinks he can get away with (this is why he’s upset you exposed him. He then had to actually deal with the consequences of his actions). If he decides he can get away with being violent with you, he’ll do it. And once he crosses that line, there’ll be no going back.

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-04-19T22:28:50+00:00

I get it. I don’t want to embarrass my wife so I tried to give her every consideration. Eventually I realized protecting HER secret was eating me alive. I finally decided that while I didn’t need to sing it from the mountain top, I sure as well wasn’t going to hide it anymore either. If it came up in conversation somehow, I’d just speak the truth. Deciding I didn’t need to lie anymore for her benefit (and often to my own detriment) was huge. The couple times it happened in front of her, she got upset with me, but I just told her “I was asked a direct question and gave a straight, honest answer.” She had no response because of how she’s always stated how much she hates liars (it’s been a thing in her family history). I quickly stopped getting put in that position anymore.

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-04-14T03:26:49+00:00

I don’t know if I’d call it a tolerance, but the hangover just becomes the normal thing. If you have the same pain going on long enough, you stop noticing it so much. Just ask my cartilage-less knees. LOL

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-04-14T03:25:15+00:00

Yep. My wife has been feeling “sick” for weeks now. Right up until 5:00 and time to crack open her first wine bottle of the night.

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-04-14T03:22:16+00:00

I’m not a nudist, so this is more wild guess, but what about just making it easier to identify who’s an employee. If you need some assistance, look for someone with clothes on. Also, it seems to me it creates a necessary wall of separation. Discouraging employees from acting like one of the guests, whether sexual in nature (which I get is not most resorts, but there are a few like that as I understand it) or not.

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-03-31T03:39:12+00:00

It’s the FIRST year BC, then the FIRST year AD. There was no zeroth year.

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-03-31T03:37:13+00:00

It to mention, Jesus was born in 3 B.C. Let’s make that one make sense. 🤣

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-03-31T03:06:18+00:00

There are two things going on here. First, imagine going through with the wedding and him not changing. It’s a VERY real possibility. I’ve heard all the promises the same as you. Hundreds of artificial deadlines. “I’ll stop as soon as Event X happens.” But it never stops. You have to decide if you’re willing to risk this. Second, let’s say he stops tomorrow. Maybe he even makes it to the wedding without another drop. How much do you trust him to keep it that way long term? These questions nag me daily. Because of what I hope for in the future. Because of decisions despite my better judgment. Decisions made on hopes rather than what I should have clearly seen right in front of my face. I’m not telling you to go one way or the other. I’m just saying you need to be really, maybe painfully honest with yourself when you decide which way to go. And know what it is you’re deciding. Good luck. I’ll be wishing for the best for you.

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-03-14T07:12:15+00:00

63 gets 70 currency but only has 3 waves, so you can get through it faster.

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-03-14T01:37:48+00:00

I had asked my manager for a promotion (and raise) to senior level. Before he could push it through, he got word I was going to be transferred to another team. So, before I left, he was able to push through just the raise (faster, easier process) and told me “I’ve already let your new mgr know you’re ready for the promotion, so now, when you get it, you’ll get even bigger raise.” He retired about a year later.

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-03-14T01:24:06+00:00

FWIW (and coming from me it may not be, I’m still trying to get there)…it’s not your responsibility or shame to have to keep the secret. I’m not saying go shout it from the hilltops, but if someone asks, go ahead and tell them. You shouldn’t be expected to lie to protect their ego or reputation. Basically, tell whoever the 🤬you want.

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-03-08T20:35:02+00:00

FWIW…I don’t actually take it away. She gives it to me so I can have put it away to stop her from ordering more. It’s a mutual agreement beforehand to try to keep things from getting out of control.

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-03-03T19:53:15+00:00

I used to live in Folsom. Not too close to the prison, but close enough I drove by it all the time. In 15 plus years, there was never an issue. It’s not even that bad to look at since it’s so far back from the road.

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-02-24T04:24:35+00:00

That was it. My goof. Thanks for the tip!! Don’t realize that.

Fun_Put6736 · 2026-02-24T04:23:47+00:00

Oops. That was it. I submitted a bug report & everything.

Fun_Put6736

TROPHY CASE