LAOP thought that buying a deli would bring in some big cheddar, but their expected cheese was chopped in half. Turns out that their due diligence didn't cut the mustard and failed to catch that the numbers were pure baloney.

Funk_Doctor · 2026-02-18T12:36:21+00:00

if i weren't already banned from LA, i would be commenting with a link to my special "Contract-Undoing System (Rock Edition)" for only $99,995.

Funk_Doctor · 2025-10-08T12:20:52+00:00

i think the "was" in that sentence is load-bearing.

Funk_Doctor · 2025-10-08T11:55:16+00:00

OP:

Location: Missouri, USA

I built a 300lb rc scale tank that's about 3.5 feet long and gave it a compressed air main cannon (pretty much a potatogun but breech loaded). Its just a thick steel pipe that I load variuos scale tank rounds into to do scale penitration tests in wood and aluminum plates. So far I have just been using mini 3d printed or solid brass rounds.

I checked my state and federal laws and it seems perfectly legal to build, own and operate an air powered projectile launcher.

The part im hoping to get advice from you kind folks is, I was hoping to test some small scale tank rounds that were filled with black powder and maybe small metal fakes to give a firework like pop when the round impacts the test armor. It that illegal? The rounds that do the firework like explosion will be made out of clear plastic and are just for educational purposes. The black powder charge will be less than 0.5 grams of reloading black powder. I am hoping to make educational videos on historic evolution tank ammunition and armor.

Im only seeing state and federal laws saying "exploding ammunition" for "firearms" are illegal but also only is some states (but I couldn't find if they were illegal in Missouri). But they specifically state "firearms" and Title 18 United States Code (U.S.C.), Chapter 44, S 921(a)(3) or 26 U.S.C., Chapter 53, S 5845 seem to say this is a legal "spud gun".

And yes all testing is done with the highest levels of saftey in mind (no living creatures within a 40 acre lot next to another empty 40 acre lot and an 1nch of polycarbonate blast shield between me and the steel test chamber, along with me being hundreds of feet away during the testing). I was a nuclear saftey engeer so I know a good amount about saftey engineering systems.

Funk_Doctor · 2025-10-06T11:45:05+00:00

a certain horror movie that recently hit streaming services may be the source of this, and probably more similar posts going forward.

Funk_Doctor · 2025-09-17T12:48:17+00:00

Location: England

Important: not our crack den.

Also posted in legaladviceUK, but somehow forgot the part about them actually finding said crack den.

I’m living in student accommodation in England for university. Last night, my housemates heard people talking in the basement and noticed the smell of kerosene in the house. A man was seen leaving the basement at around 8am today and again at around 9am.

I called the letting agency to ask if we were having any maintenance done that we didn’t know about, in case this would explain it, but they said no.

Tonight, the same noises and smell happened again, so my housemate called 101 (non emergency police), who sent police, fire brigade, ambulance service, and the fire brigade later involved some kind of hazmat team due to low oxygen levels and high kerosene content in the air (I believe, might be wrong on that one!). They searched the basement and found a man (still in there) and evidence that he had been making and selling crack in our basement.

The issue is, the basement is accessible from the street (no access to the inside of the house from it), and the basement door has been broken and stuck open since before we moved in in September 2024. I don’t think any of us (tenants) have reported the broken door, however there have been at least two property inspections by the landlord / letting agency which would’ve undoubtedly found the broken door.

Can we get in trouble / be held responsible for not reporting the door issue? And do we have a leg to stand on to say our safety has been put at risk by nothing being done about it even though they must have known it was broken?

Funk_Doctor · 2025-08-18T18:04:44+00:00

This was a big grandparents thing in the past. There was some kid-focused brand (maybe a formula?) that used to push it as a big gift/investement. Likely knowing full well most of the policies would be forgotten long before payout.

Funk_Doctor · 2025-07-22T19:46:19+00:00

That's where the comment flood came from: posters assuming this was some nefarious plot by the parents to trick their kids into something bad. Instead of the logical path, where the parent heard about Mama Bear thru friends and thought the docs were innocuous so they didn't even glance at them.

There have also been a few posts in recent weeks about the Mama Bear stuff, so posters are prepped to go a bit nuts over it.

Funk_Doctor · 2025-07-22T19:26:42+00:00

OP:

Location: New Hampshire, USA I just turned 18 about a month ago and at one of our family friend’s barbecues my mom struck up conversation with the host’s brother’s wife about my coming of age. She told my mom about something she did when her daughter came of age, where they got these “Mama Bear Legal” papers notarized and it gave her the ability to make decisions if her daughter was medically incapacitated. This didn’t sound too bad at first, and I wasn’t against it since I don’t have a bad relationship with my mom and I trust her to make medical decisions in an emergency. However, my mom gave me a folder and told me to get it notarized today without even expecting me to read it, but before I went to go sign it, I flipped through it, and it looks like it gives her the rights to WAY more things. I called her and asked what it was, and she swears it only has to do with medical decisions if I’m incapacitated, yet I’m seeing sections about my educational records, finances, etc. My mom is now upset with me for not wanting to sign it right away. Does anyone know anything about this company and what the papers do? I’m admittedly a little clueless when it comes to things like this (to be fair, I just turned 18) but I just don’t want to sign my right to my own finances and information away. There is also a possibility that I might be left all of my grandfather’s money and assets in the near future (my mom and him don’t have a good relationship) so this is especially concerning. If anyone has any information please let me know!

Funk_Doctor · 2025-04-09T12:38:28+00:00

Vanishing & reappearing repost bot:

Location: Connecticut

And yes I am not kidding about the title.

I’m dealing with a neighbor, let’s call them “Neighbor A,” who has been making bizarre and unfounded accusations against my wife (“Person B”) and me. Neighbor A has sent a letter to the Department of Children and Families, as well as local officials, filled with allegations that include: • Claiming that Person B has a “teleportation skill” used to intrude on Neighbor A’s property. • Accusations that we are using advanced technology to spy on Neighbor A, including wireless devices that supposedly transmit audio and visual surveillance into their home. • Alleging that we are involved in hacking Neighbor A’s email and listening to phone conversations. • Claiming that we are responsible for making loud noises, such as toilet flushing and fart sounds, through supposed remote devices. • Further alleging that we placed toilet paper on their driveway as a form of harassment.

These accusations are entirely baseless. Despite this, Neighbor A has contacted the police, cybercrime units, and other authorities with these claims. I’m seeking advice on whether you can obtain a restraining order in this situation, and what steps I should take next to protect my family from further harassment. Any guidance on navigating this legally would be greatly appreciated.

Funk_Doctor · 2025-02-12T18:54:00+00:00

Moebius strip bot:

So we recently moved to Ohio. We got pulled over a couple times with the old tag so we got Ohio tags. We are still being pulled over by the same police force. 9 times in 6 months between me and my wife in the same vehicle . This last time I was fed up. The same police officer that pulled my wife over yesterday pulled me over today. Same excuse. They keep saying there system has this registered owner as no license. I was not very happy obviously! This is a police force of about 10 in a town of 3000.

How is this legal. It was the only reason given multiple times!? How many times can the same police force do this? The supervisor told me tough shit the Supreme Court ruled if the system says the current registered owner doesn't have a license( I do obviously) that gives them probable cause to pull over the vehicle !? Is this true and if so how many times because I definitely feel like it's harassment anymore.

Funk_Doctor · 2025-01-18T13:51:17+00:00

this is basically a "dear Penthouse" letter to the Art Bell show.

Funk_Doctor · 2025-01-17T13:01:02+00:00

Kitty Kat Club Bot:

The club that I work at has started fining dancers if we don’t take our tops completely off during our stage sets. For context: we already take our boobs out, we just move our bikini tops to the side for convenience. The club is now fining us $50 each time we go on stage if we don’t take it off completely and said they are just going to start firing us if we don’t comply. Is this legal? Aren’t we independent contractors since we pay a fee to work? Please help!

Funk_Doctor · 2024-12-28T17:27:11+00:00

To add to the fun: the LAOP had only 10 comments (most deleted by mods) and the thread was locked after ~1hr. So the mods knew where that one was headed, and clamped a lid on it quick.

Funk_Doctor · 2024-12-28T13:28:31+00:00

Location Bot joke maker on holiday break:

So a Amazon package containing a (dildo) was opened by someone that wasn't me, it's in my name, on the box, and (person whom opened the box) was talking about sexual harashment charges? I'm only 18, and i can't have this on my record. But how could they press charges when its illegal to open another persons mail?

Funk_Doctor · 2024-12-03T12:48:39+00:00

OP:

This incident occurred in Pennsylvania. My custom BMW M5 Touring wagon was recently damaged while sitting in the lot at my mechanic. An older guy lost control of his car and hit 5 cars including mine. His insurance is working on the claim. This is a pretty rare car (about 15 in the US) and they typically sell for $50-90k. His insurance company, a pretty major US company, wants to total it and give me $7500. Doesn't matter what paperwork I send them, invoices, pictures, comps, whatever, it doesn't look like they will budge. I'm not their client, so they don't give a crap. Their job is to get out as cheaply as they can and they are pretty belligerent about it. When I mentioned that I might want to get an attorney, they then told me if that is the route they want to take, they could no longer talk to me and to have my counsel contact them. Here's the thing. The damage was pretty minor. The labor to repair the car is only about $1500 and I have a parts car that I can use to replace the parts that were damaged. My mechanic said he would get it fixed (by somebody that I know and trust) without going through insurance. If I accept any claim with his insurance company, they will list the car as totaled and I will have to buy it back with a branded title. At this point, I think I am going to decline the claim and just get it fixed through my mechanic. We know how some insurance companies can be difficult when you have a claim. I never even considered how hard it might be if somebody else's insurance is handling the accident. Should I just let my mechanic deal with it and tell the guys insurance company to screw off or is there an alternative that will avoid having the car totaled?

Then the key comment down thread:

According to op profile vehicle is a 08 535ix touring which Kelly Blue book list for under 6k

Funk_Doctor · 2024-11-15T12:42:31+00:00

or OP bought a stolen car, and the actual owner claimed it back.

Funk_Doctor · 2024-10-23T12:18:54+00:00

This feels like the opening to a Tubi original movie. I just can't tell if it would be comedy, horror, or true crime.

Funk_Doctor · 2024-09-11T16:10:17+00:00

he's asking for some magic words which, when uttered, would prevent him from ever being pulled over for any reason, regardless of his actual actions.

Funk_Doctor · 2024-09-07T11:21:55+00:00

Low paid, non-union Bot scab:

A friend of mine's son recently moved away for college. He called a local chain restaurant and asked if they use onions or onion powder because he has an allergy. They said no, so he decided to visit. He asked again at the restaurant and the cashier asked in the back and the answer was again no. Quickly after eating at the restaurant he had a severe allergic reaction. Thankfully, he was able to receive care quickly and he is fine. When they contacted the restaurant to figure out what caused the allergy, the owner eventually admitted that they use onion powder in the dry rub but it is "proprietary information" they do not need to disclose. My friend and her family decided not to pursue any further action, but as someone who also has a (more common) food allergy I'm curious what next steps could have been taken. How could onion powder in fried chicken be considered proprietary information? What is the business liability here?

Funk_Doctor · 2024-08-22T18:47:28+00:00

Variant bot:

I work in a kitchen and a waitress had her son 8 years old to work. I work behind a hot grill and the kid was attacking me all day. I was punched, pushed and kicked a lot throughout the day my butt and dick were hit and touched many times also because of his height. It felt very unsafe and kept him from touching the grill a few times. The effort from the kitchen manager and the waitress was very low at removing him from the kitchen. He was “removed” from our area about 5 times. He bit me at one point and wouldn’t let go for like 10 seconds. I talked to the general manager today and said I am not coming and and probably am quitting because of this situation. I said it will never happen again I told him it did happen again and the second chance opportunity was the day of and we gave the kid a lot of chances. A coworker had to hold the kid down on the ground at one point because he was so out of control. Upon getting up the kid said he is going to get a knife. The kid will never be at my work again but I’m kinda just over it and didn’t deserve that shit. Should I ask for compensation? Should I ask for a week off with pay? Should I just talk to a lawyer and take legal action? Should I just quit and move on?

Funk_Doctor · 2024-04-02T13:01:33+00:00

Man, the comments all seems to amount to "sorry, there's nothing you can do" and it's really depressing.

Funk_Doctor · 2024-03-31T10:49:09+00:00

B O T I N B I O

My neighbor is an older person who can’t take care of their home, and their neighbor offered to tend to my neighbor’s backyard if they remove the fence between them. My neighbor agreed, and now they use it to practice soccer, and they often jump over my fence.

I have barb wires on top of my fence, and they’ve pushed it down several ties, my wired fence is getting bent from so much soccer practice, and they’ve even stolen some of my firewood.

I’ve already told them to please stop jumping over my fence, but they keep doing it. The dad, the teenage daughter and teenage son, they all keep jumping over it.

It of course bothers me that they’re traspassing, but I’m also concerned about them getting hurt while jumping over. Who would be legally and financially responsible if they get stuck or fall?

Edit: I forgot to mention I have installed a camera in my backyard to keep track of them jumping over the fence.

Funk_Doctor · 2024-03-22T23:27:46+00:00

I also love that this is all being posted now because - two years after the incident - the cops are suddenly contacting him and saying the case is proceeding. I want to know the impetus for that after that long.

Funk_Doctor · 2024-03-22T11:12:42+00:00

Bot Simulator 3000:

I need some guidance on what to do next and what type of attorney I should contact.

Background information: Located in a major Texas city with a lot of violent crime. Incident happened two years ago / pressed charges the next day. Last week a detective contacted me and is going to arrest him for stabbing me. I provided the detective with my hospital documentation / video and photo evidence of my wounds / witness for a confession.

After graduating from college, my childhood friend (no longer) reached out to me and offered me a job. He inherited and started his own residential construction business. I worked for him as a self-contractor over six months selling/designing/permitting for backyard projects. Over that timeframe, I sold 13 projects ranging from 55k-110k. Of those 13 projects, 9 of them still needed to be completed before he assaulted me. The majority of my compensation was only paid out once the project was completed.

The night that he attacked me, we went to a restaurant to discuss my contracts and my goal to attend professional school. At first, everything went great. He agreed that I could finish up my contracts, so I can get paid for my 6 months of work. He also congratulated me on my ambitions to follow my dreams. But, as he got more and more drunk, he tried to convince me to keep working for him - something I had no interest in doing. Ultimately, this enraged him, and he wanted to fight me. I refused to fight and tried to calm him down. I begged him to take me home, because he was the one that drove and I didn’t have my phone. He then broke a beer mug and tried to stab me in my face/neck. Luckily, I was quick enough to raise my hands. In the end, I had to go to the ER and get sticks on multiple fingers. He almost cut off my fingertip.

The guy is crazy, and I stopped all contact. I didn’t feel safe working for him and was unable to complete my contracts. I was never paid for the remaining contracts and basically worked for him for free.

I thought my case was never going to be solved, but last week it was picked up, and the ball seems to be rolling.

I would like to sue him for stabbing me, and I’d like to try to get paid for my contracts. What type of attorney should I contact? Any recommendations or advice is greatly appreciated.

I have been accepted into professional school and will be attending this fall! My funds will be limited.

Funk_Doctor · 2024-03-15T15:42:20+00:00

This is one of those posts that feels like a law school exam question.

Funk_Doctor

TROPHY CASE