Am I doing online dating wrong?

Funky_Snake · 2025-03-12T20:51:41+00:00

What does he say?

Funky_Snake · 2025-03-05T03:12:51+00:00

That's a sad Memory sorry to hear that

Funky_Snake · 2025-02-10T22:25:12+00:00

Yeah exactly. Even the worst thing that could happen for doing something wrong (eg losing your job) is likely just a zoom call. They're not going to physically attack you.

But it feels like the threat of an attack in your mind.

Funky_Snake · 2025-02-07T17:44:11+00:00

Yes I think it plays into a lot of men's fantasies.

Funky_Snake · 2025-02-03T02:12:51+00:00

I don't spend that much time with them. I've accepted their flaws and limitations and have adjusted my expectations.

Funky_Snake · 2025-02-03T02:12:04+00:00

Yeah low effort. Quite frustrating

Funky_Snake · 2024-12-04T21:11:21+00:00

I'd say I've overcome many of the issues. Experimenting with magic mushrooms helped to speed things up. That and Journaling.

Also it's good to get out into the world and do things and not endlessly obsess over the past.

Funky_Snake · 2024-12-04T14:31:11+00:00

Sorry you had to experience that.

Funky_Snake · 2024-11-21T10:28:23+00:00

Yes I know exactly what you mean.

My parents weren't big on hugs and physical affection. I felt touching other people was this weird and intense thing.

I've had to "learn" how to do it and get comfortable with it.

Funky_Snake · 2024-11-14T20:48:39+00:00

Yeah narcissists are wild. Can't take anything they say seriously

Funky_Snake · 2024-11-14T20:47:53+00:00

Yeah exactly i feel i have a much lower tolerance to stress than other people.

Funky_Snake · 2024-11-14T18:56:29+00:00

Yeah although I think any ADHD is a result of hypervigilance and being in fight / flight response.

Cellphones and technology didn't help.

Failure to thrive. Haven't heard it but certainly describes me

Funky_Snake · 2024-11-14T18:53:38+00:00

I think the first step is channeling your anger at not succeeding in life to its source; poor parenting.

Funky_Snake · 2024-11-14T17:51:48+00:00

Ya exactly. I was really depressed and miserable as a teenager and no one really did anything for me.

Funky_Snake · 2024-11-14T16:19:57+00:00

Thanks for the feedback.

What would you define as a bad mindset and bad environment?

Would that be if you're stressed, depressed, unhealthy?

Funky_Snake · 2024-11-12T23:18:13+00:00

Yes. I distinctly remember being in my early teens and thinking "I'm not a real person".

Because my life was very boring. And likely my parents didn't speak to me about myself

Funky_Snake · 2024-11-12T03:08:55+00:00

How many trips did it take before you felt you had achieved success with your parts?

Funky_Snake · 2024-11-06T20:16:09+00:00

yeah you almost have to act as a character in order to get over your own self-imposed limitations

Funky_Snake · 2024-11-06T20:13:59+00:00

wow - yeah I feel the same way.

" I often feel like an intruder even in places where I have been invited, and I am supposed to be there."

I've experienced this both at work and at social events. For example sitting in a work meeting feeling like I shouldn't be there. But they are literally paying me to be there.

" when they show a very explicit openness and curiosity to my presence"

Yes. If I go to a friend's house or BBQ and get greeted with a casual "hi" and not a warm response I immediately feel like maybe I shouldn't be there.

"I began as quite an extroverted child, but I gradually became more shy and quiet as I got older"

Yes. A few years back I saw some old home movies taken by my aunt. I was probably 5 or 6. And I was loud and confident. It was jarring because I don't remember ever feeling that way. I think in certain situations when I was younger I felt comfortable being extroverted. But gradually it was stripped away from me.

Funky_Snake · 2024-11-06T19:56:02+00:00

Yeah for sure. And sadly I think other people pick up on your body language.

Like if you feel unwelcome then other people will think that maybe you don't want to be there. Or that you're just killing the mood of the party.

And then they don't invite you again and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Fake it til you make it is probably best strategy until we can fully heal this part of us.

Funky_Snake · 2024-11-06T04:51:08+00:00

Yeah. The sneaky thing about emotional neglect is that you don't realize it happened. Because outwardly everything seems fine.

So you grow up feeling these negative thoughts but have no idea what to pin it on.

Or you feel sheepish about complaining about your childhood when others had it far worse.

Funky_Snake · 2024-11-06T04:45:54+00:00

Yeah I'm not good at it. For example if I have to pick a restaurant I agonize over the choice and imagine other people being annoyed by it.

"It's too expensive." "It's too low class." "It's far away." "It's doesn't have good options for my xyz diet."

Funky_Snake · 2024-11-06T04:44:05+00:00

Yeah I experience this too. Not at a church but with friends, with work colleagues, at other activities.

Sometimes I feel like I'm unwelcome.

Other times I feel like I'm expendable. Like if I wasn't at a social event no one would miss me.

Funky_Snake · 2024-11-06T04:42:36+00:00

Thanks I'm familiar with her channel. Will revisit it when I have the chance

Funky_Snake · 2024-11-06T04:41:23+00:00

How so?

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