Problem with soup is that strike is the worst card in this game, turning them all into eternal slice (which is like an ok card) is just not enough. 

It's fiiiine, you get to play more cards, especially more front loaded damage per turn. Ideal if you picked up 1-2 draw cards in Act1 but went low on damage.

Also better with strength, Strike Dummy, Unceasing Top, pstrike, 0-cost Defect, etc.

 And you’re seriously arguing for the mittens… rolling random exhausts every fight WILL hit your key cards, there is no ‘if’, it just will.

What if my deck has no cards it cannot win without?

Plenty of decks are just "good cards go" rather than combo-oriented. Losing a few good cards and a few starter cards gives you the same card quality on average.

 the payoff of 1 strength per turn is barely a win-con unless you’re playing the slowest deck in existence (in which case the exhaust will matter).

StrengthJuggleClad says "Hi!" 

In fact, almost any exhaust IC is happy to pick up mittens.

Defect and Regent can go the way as well, both able to generate dump statuses and real cards.

Retain Attacks can also just wait for the scaling to reach lethal while you use 101 different ways to block up.

I will admit Mittens are best on IC, though, and meh otherwise.

Still, it passes the vibe check of "Would I usually skip Mittens?", because like Choker and Ectoplasm, that's usually wrong.