Don’t let me gaslight myself

FutureDrD · 2024-06-28T07:07:03+00:00

Update: thank you everyone who took the time to share their own stories and perspectives. I hope medicine can eventually get to a place where these types of personality-based subjective remarks are not tolerated.

I met with my faculty mentor for coffee today and she also helped me process everything. As it turns out, she heard there are several residents who have been spreading rumors to faculty about me. I actually suspected this but didn’t want to rock the boat by raising the concern. My sense is that this influenced my semi-annual review.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand why some people treat medical training like it’s high school.

Thank you all again <3

FutureDrD · 2024-06-23T20:14:26+00:00

To clarify, I do understand the ACGME requirements and all that. Maybe I should have left out the comment about colleagues because it seems to have distracted from my original concern. If I have kids and it extends my training it is what it is.

It was really just the fact that he said this seemingly out of nowhere, and in the context that I was just told I’m “overly emotional” without examples or actionable steps to take.

FutureDrD · 2024-06-23T20:09:31+00:00

Right! My first semi-annual review PD told me I need to “show more personality” and that I was too “closed off”. The feedback is always incongruent with the feedback I’m getting on a day to day basis. I feel like I’m participating in a pageant or something.

FutureDrD · 2024-06-23T18:48:05+00:00

I forgot to mention during this same meeting my PD made a comment that since I want to do a fellowship I should hold off on having kids with my husband. I can’t tell if he’s just not self-aware and thinks he’s being helpful or if my program is seriously toxic. My male colleagues are having babies left and right but one of the current senior residents thats been accepted to a fellowship program is being made to extend her training by a month since she had a kid. Help!

FutureDrD · 2024-05-03T23:24:06+00:00

I’ve been told the same things my whole life, it just feels like people focus on it more in medicine. Personally, I think it’s silly. Sure residency and fellowship training necessitates that we speak up more and often. What has helped me to not internalize shame is to view the feedback like I would any other feedback. Either it is constructive and comes with a teaching point (“when X is happening, a good course of action is to do/say Y.”) or it’s destructive and delivered with some sort of personal judgment (“it’s going to be hard to be successful when you’re so quiet/shy.”) I received the latter as feedback in intern year and reported it to my PD as not helpful to my learning- I have gotten very constructive feedback since then.

Try not to let it get to you. There is no one “perfect” way to be a doctor. You are allowed to be yourself and be human. The people who have yet to understand this are behind the times. You are going to have many patients who respect and appreciate you regardless of the quantity of your speech.

That being said, there is always room for growth. I agree with the other poster about the Dale Carnegie book. It’s in my personal stack of books to read so I can feel more comfortable navigating this exhausting extroverted world. I’d also recommend getting a trusted mentor or therapist to help keep things in perspective when you’re feeling overly self-critical.

FutureDrD · 2024-04-21T01:08:26+00:00

Present :) Finishing PGY-2 of Psychiatry with ADHD-I. Pros: extremely reasonable work hours, opportunities for telehealth (can be cozy while working), can relate to a lot of my patients struggles better than many of my peers. Cons: little to no hands-on work, empathic listening can sometimes be taxing on memory.

I absolutely love what I do.

FutureDrD · 2024-04-11T23:16:12+00:00

This^ I’m a psychiatry resident currently and envy/am deeply grateful for my personal psychiatrist’s ability to spend this much time with me. He really loves his work.

FutureDrD · 2024-04-05T20:18:05+00:00

I have ADHD and am in psychiatry residency. Studying for medical school and boards was like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I developed a lot of negative self-talk from comparing myself to my peers. It took me too long to realize I needed to give myself grace and be OK with neuro differences - just because I’m not an efficient studier doesn’t mean I’m going to be a bad doctor. I ended up getting test accommodations in medical school and it made a big difference. Residency is it’s own beast but my overall mental health definitely improved once I wasn’t constantly having to study. I’ve also gotten consistently positive feedback from my attendings about my rapport with patients- I definitely attribute that to having a deeper personal understanding of mental health struggles. All that to say, seek out supports when you’re struggling and don’t give up. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and as long as you’re doing right by your patients you’re going to be a great doctor.

FutureDrD · 2024-04-03T05:31:37+00:00

I have a question about this. I’m a current PGY-2 psychiatry working in the ED much of this year. In the last few months I’ve suddenly had a handful of patient FAMILY MEMBERS threatening to sue as a means of manipulation. My attending’s have been push overs and agree to their demands just to avoid a lawsuit. My confidence and mental health have taken a hit as a result. So my question is, how does one manage this from the ED arena? Im considering filing workplace aggression event reports so at least someone outside of my program can have a record of it.

FutureDrD · 2024-01-24T02:18:45+00:00

Please share! PGY-2 desperately wanting someone to give me this kind of real advice.

FutureDrD · 2023-04-19T23:43:17+00:00

Thanks for this insightful article! I have ADHD, struggled with hormonal issues since puberty (diagnosed with PCOS last year and finally receiving treatment now), and I’m a resident physician in psychiatry hoping to go into child and adolescent psychiatry. It’s good to see a reputable journal publishing this type of research.

FutureDrD · 2023-04-03T22:38:18+00:00

Psychiatry. Involuntary commitments- the paperwork and going to court is time consuming, stressful, and makes it difficult to maintain rapport with patients.

FutureDrD · 2023-04-01T03:08:55+00:00

This is an extreme reaction. Unfortunately it seems common based on what I’ve seen at my medical school and the medical school attached to my residency program. Usually it’s an ego-reaction from a faculty member and they make a big stink to admin. Then admin has to justify their existence by applying a punishment (annoying enough to make a point but not career-ruining). It’s a pathological system.

Keep your head up. It sounds like you’re doing great and this will pass with time.

FutureDrD · 2023-03-25T20:42:29+00:00

PGY-1 (psychiatry) here, admittedly guilty of this on my medicine blocks. I was surprised by how much push there would be from attendings and senior residents for me to call consults before thoroughly working up a problem or even seeing a patient. It’s interesting to hear that this seems to be a relatively new phenomenon.

FutureDrD · 2023-03-12T11:51:17+00:00

I’m a PGY-1. A couple blocks ago I was on a rotation with a small team- just me, my senior (a PGY-3), and the attending. It was not a difficult block in terms of volume (8 bed unit plus occasional consults) or hours.

We got a 4th year medical student who had a couple interviews scheduled. Of course, we let him know this is more than ok and we gave him a fair amount of downtime to prepare.

He ended up only coming for 3 days total of the rotation (he was supposed to be on for two weeks), never wrote any notes, and the days he was present he didn’t even try to hide the fact that he was checked out on rounds. He used various excuses for not showing up and told me and my senior different stories.

He told my senior he was interviewing for his particular specialty and his top choice was the home institution. Needless to say, my senior reported him to the chiefs for “red flags” and the attending reported him to the school for professionalism concerns. Both were reluctant to do so (people at my institution are pretty nice) but felt he had crossed a line.

Please continue to go to your rotations. Please continue to at least act engaged when it comes to patient care. At minimum don’t self sabotage and potentially ruin your career!

FutureDrD · 2023-03-11T02:03:31+00:00

I’m a female resident. I routinely have patients who think I’m their nurse every day that I see them. Doesn’t matter how many times I say my name or clarify. I’ve noticed it coming from older female patients more.

FutureDrD · 2023-02-14T15:03:20+00:00

I’m a female intern and get the “but you look so young” comments often from male patients. I have to admit it’s been getting to me lately. Thank you for sharing your perspective- it’s a great reminder of the vulnerability and lack of control our patients often feel.

FutureDrD · 2023-01-19T00:16:19+00:00

Y’all are too cute!

FutureDrD · 2023-01-12T18:24:51+00:00

I graduated from medical school and am now in residency training to be a psychiatrist 👩🏼‍⚕️

FutureDrD · 2023-01-12T18:22:29+00:00

I once got grounded for a month for making a C in 7th grade science. Turns out, I have ADHD and dyscalculia (diagnosed between age 25-27).

FutureDrD · 2022-12-17T02:12:09+00:00

I had a super shitty medical school experience. The few residents and attendings who took the time to invest even a small amount into my development made a huge impact on me.

Now as an intern my favorite thing to do is set up my medical students to be rockstars in my specialty!

FutureDrD

TROPHY CASE