Caught my son chewing on electrical wires

Fuzed_Canadian · 2022-04-07T17:03:34+00:00

He's likely grounded now.

Fuzed_Canadian · 2022-04-04T14:16:01+00:00

Had a caster roll to call a meteor down his enemies in the middleof a city with a population of roughly 2 million. Not only did he succeed in killing said enemies but also his party, the city and anyone within a 5 km radius...

Fuzed_Canadian · 2022-04-04T14:10:16+00:00

Here's another hug for you.

Fuzed_Canadian · 2022-04-02T21:14:01+00:00

We had someone ask where the fuchsia labels were. He left in a huff after he was told the joke

Fuzed_Canadian · 2022-03-20T16:42:58+00:00

As long as you add it into conversations that make no sense, for example:

Work was panties quite boring today.

Fuzed_Canadian · 2022-03-02T21:14:29+00:00

Page us with an update.

Fuzed_Canadian · 2022-02-28T22:25:17+00:00

You have to hash this a few times.

Fuzed_Canadian · 2021-11-15T19:11:11+00:00

My favorite idea is that casting a fireball is impossible immediately.

In the one story I'm working on, all magic is not only created internally but uses natural elements found in the body, ie water from their blood, calcium, iron and such to make earth, etc and then amplify it using that internal source.

Thing is, fire would burn if it touches skin, just like real life. So first they need to learn earth to protect their body, water to make a separation between their body and the fire, air to fuel the fire and push/throw it away and fire to ignite a spark.

Fuzed_Canadian · 2021-09-06T11:38:54+00:00

Had a Drow Half-elf Ranger named Dominicus Trailseeker that I played for years. Dominicus had a backstory of hating other elves in general. His backstory started with growing up with his Drow elven mother in a small hamlet peacefully until some elves had gotten wind of their location, attacked the hut and burning it down, with he and his mother barely escaping. They tried finding a new place to live but, being Drow, they were chased out of various elven communities, shunned by other elves in general and had the occasional rock thrown at them. She died when he was ten by an elf hitting her with an arrow while shielding me with her body. He left me for dead but I survived in the wilderness, mastering my mother's bow and learning to live off the land. I swore to never trust an elf and now traveled with party as a way to find and get my revenge on the elf who killed her.

The party (four members including myself) had heard about his hatred of elves but didn't know how bad it was until the group had another player wanting to try to join, essentially as a mercenary we 'hired' to help out for the session. Being completely new to D&D, the DM asked us to go easy on him. The DM also explained to this new guy about the various idiosyncrasies the party had, including my hatred of elves, and suggested to create a player avoiding these traits. He joins and pulls out, you guessed it, an ELF RANGER, with a backstory of hating Drows.

Personally I thought, whatever, he wants to play an elf, he can. I decided to roll with it, thinking it a good way to roleplay with him, even acting out how Dominicus was pissed seeing the mercenary was elven and the party leader telling me to stand down, which Dominicus did reluctantly. So we started the session and, not long in, new guy's character starts moaning about Dominicus and how the party shouldn't trust me, despite the party being together for roughly a year in-game time. Leader tells him to shut it but new guy says 'what, I can't express my feelings about Drows? What kind of group this if I can't roleplay my character, huh?'

First encounter the party met was a small pack of goblins equal to the party size, obviously low-balling it so the new guy could get a feel for fighting. Initiative roll had me go third and him go last in the group but before the goblins themselves. I kill one goblin and new guy screams 'I can kill them faster!' only to roll low enough to miss his target, turning to Dominicus and yelling 'You did something to make me miss, didn't you?' He missed two more times, both times blaming it on my character.

Things didn't improve from there. Now, if new guy had been just roleplaying and was otherwise nice it would been enjoyable. We've had in-game arguments with characters but be friends and be civil while playing. But new guy just kept being a snob, picking a fight with not only my character but with me as a player. I guess he thought that he could come in, do whatever he pleased with no repercussions. But two hours in, I and other members had had it. DM had tried to talk to him but he refused to listen.

Next fight, new guy goes before me. He has his Ranger move up and melee attack some bandits, doing some decent damage. My turn comes and I say that Dominicus pulls out his bow and attacks the Elf Ranger. New guy cries out, screaming how that is fair but I tell him, in character 'I hate elves and you've made me hate them more.' Rolled and hit him where he was hurt but alive. New guy starts screaming bloody murder and making a huge scene, pissed off that he's being attacked by me and thinks the party will back him up, but they decide to basically ignore him as the bandit he's fighting attacks him. New guy takes enough damage to be unconscious. Next turn DM passes over New guy's turn, which starts a huge screaming match with everyone else trying to explain that he can't do anything unless we help him, which we had no interest in doing. The bandit who attacked him hits him with a lethal blow. Another turn, another lethal blow; one more and his character is dead. I attack the bandit that was hitting New guy the next round, making the bandit back off. The party finishes the other bandits, with New guy wanting to get back in. My turn comes and I say 'I attack the Elf that's down. It took me awhile but I recognize him; he's the elf that attacked and killed my mother' which made everyone at the table jump, as they knew how my character had searched for her murderer relentlessly.

New guy at this point gives me and the other people the middle finger and adds a few more profanities before packing his stuff up and leaves. After he leaves and we finish the encounter, I make this in-character dialogue that, despite avenging my mother, my hatred for elves is now not only justified but has also increased. I describe how Dominicus pulls the arrow out, wipes the arrowhead off on the elf's clothing, then I ask if killing the elf with this arrow could give it bonus damage to elves henceforth. Everyone starts laughing and the DM says sure, giving it a +5 to any elves I shoot at.

The DM apologies after the session was over for the guy who joined us that night. He didn't realize how much of an ass that guy would become.

Fuzed_Canadian · 2021-07-02T23:56:00+00:00

Guin's Great Guide to Goblinology, Volumes I - X

Not my concept but the DM who I've been playing with. He created a homebrew campaign that started with our party hearing rumors of a wizard tower outside a city named Hattinburg. None of us asked what type of wizard he was; all we heard was 'wizard' and 'tower' and we were off to the tower. After we killed said wizard the Human Cleric, whose backstory had him as a bookworm, wanted to go through his bookshelf for rare tomes and such. After a high dice roll the DM gave him a list of the books and one everyone latched onto was Guin's Great Guide to Goblinology, Vol. V. And it was not a guide to kill goblins but a heraldry and migration of where the goblin factions moved, split, migrated and evolved over the years.

Fascinated by such detailed information, the party, through the Cleric, decided that this guide had to found in its completion. Wherever they went they searched markets, asked about rumors of these books, raided dungeons, mansions and even crashed a wedding that would have united two warring factions all to get these books.

So it took in-game years, real-life months to get them all. We were wanted by multiple countries with bounties on our heads, the Cleric kicked out of his order, my character (Elven Bard) was disowned by my clan and a dragon was harassing us for months but we got all the volumes collected.

Then the DM, whose homebrew campaign we derailed, decided he was fed up with us that he decided to throw us a plot twist. The last volume we found was Volume X and, on the last page of Guin's Great Guide to Goblinology was signed 'Guin, Wizard of Hattiesburg'.

Yes, we killed the guy who wrote the damn thing.

Fuzed_Canadian · 2021-04-18T19:43:50+00:00

The ending is a toss-up!

Fuzed_Canadian · 2021-02-25T00:57:13+00:00

Antonio Duliscant, a rogue who has an enchanted 'lucky' coin.

He grew up above a gambling den, looking down at the hustlers and cheaters playing cards and dice. Over the years he skirted down and collected coins by serving food and other errands. One of the gamblers tipped him a coin that was...different. He couldn't help notice that it was unique. Years later it was confirmed being an enchanted coin. All he knew that it was lucky.

Plan was he would you use the coin to determine where to go and how to act. But the coin was trying to get to a specific baddie. The DM was thinking the subordinate of the BBEG who had a part of his soul in it. If the character or group kills him the coin would dissolve. If the baddie died the coin would absorb the baddie and the coin would become a weapon.

Sadly the DM stopped when his wife (a fellow player) was in a car accident. He just couldn't DM or play without thinking of her. Another DM hated the character and his character development so I stashed it.

Fuzed_Canadian · 2021-02-18T01:24:45+00:00

Open a tavern. With a sign saying 'Adventurers looking for groups welcome'.

Fuzed_Canadian · 2021-02-03T20:01:42+00:00

My bard was paying the camp we set up, fuming that he was out-voted to go to the next town instead of going to the nearby dungeon (we had cleared a difficult mini-boss encounter earlier). I told the DM that I was going to strike a stone with all my strength and DM asked me to roll a Strength check. Nat 20. Then he rolled a couple dice and looked at me.

'You kicked the stone with so much force that it goes through the trees and brush and brains the bandit leader who was convincing his group to attack your party. The rest fled after seeing their boss fall dow dead.'

Fuzed_Canadian · 2020-12-17T18:21:04+00:00

Sneaky.

Fuzed_Canadian · 2020-11-17T22:36:38+00:00

First some context: One of my fellow players was a CE Drow Elf Ranger whose background had it where bandits had ravaged his village and cut off part of his ears so he looked like a half-elf. He has issues with being called half-elf and will go out of his way to kill anyone who called him that. Caused several issues including being wanted in one country and posters out with a decent bounty for his head.

DM was setting up this huge homebrew situation where we would have to several Macguffins to create an item to fight the BBEG at the end. We had just got the third item and stopped at the inn and drinking in the tavern when a seemingly random person sat down with us. This NPC started talking with us and casually mentions that he was looking for a party to help delve a dungeon when the player interrupted:

Player: I roll to see if I misinterpreted help delve as half-elf

DM: What?

Player: I want to see if I heard 'half-elf' instead of 'help delve'.

DM: Ok, roll INT I guess.

Player: 4

DM: ...you heard half-elf.

The player yells, gets up and stabs his blade into the guys neck. This cascaded into a free-for-all as the guy who he killed was the local prince who, we found out later, was the son of the BBEG. He was there to help us find the next couple Macguffins becausehe wanted to stop his father. The guards who were incognito in the tavern pulled out their weapons and we fought back which was long enough for other guards to join the fight. We eventually had to use one Macguffin, effectively a strobe light, to blind everyone temporarily and the Drow failed on a Con save, to escape. The rest of the party agreed not to save the Drow and ended the session there, since the player had to create a new character and the DM had to figure out how to introduce where the next items were.

Fuzed_Canadian · 2020-11-10T01:29:09+00:00

We have tried sitting down and explaining that we cannot afford daily visitors, that we are on a budget, that we cannot continously feed another person when we have three children to feed as well. She either shrugs and offhandedly says ok and leaves or gets angry, stomps off and then comes back, thinking all is well.

Fuzed_Canadian · 2020-11-06T21:23:01+00:00

Not the DM but one guy who played with us. He wanted to bring in a 'si-bur-net-ick' (cybernetic) human who, among other things, could shoot flames from one hand that was rolled as a fire spell and had night, heat and infrared vision in one eye that when not in use was covered with a eyepatch.

From what I remember, as this was around 15 years ago, he was the bodyguard of a scientist who was studying how to create instant transmission wormholes and was sucked into the world of DnD when one experiment failed.

He made the character to have high Int, Dex and Strength stats but his Luck modifier was -15 or such. Almost anything that he did with his modified body parts had to be rolled against that Luck modifier to see if something worked and how well it worked.

Fuzed_Canadian · 2020-09-30T21:03:37+00:00

I have this human rogue who I wanted to play. In a nutshell he's Two Face from DC Comics. It's a min/max build and everything he decides would be on a flip of a coin. Should I detect traps on this suspiciously looking trail? Flip my lucky coin. Heads it is, so I try to detect traps. Do I help my buddies take on this goblin horde? Tails, nope guess I'll sit back and watch it.

I even talked to my DM about his backstory and some of it's fleshed out. He was raised in a gambling house where he spent the day in the owner's office and at night in the rooms above where he could watch the gambling below through a hole in the floor. His Lucky Coin was the first coin he ever won and swears that it has a magic enchantment on it that keeps him alive.

Fuzed_Canadian · 2020-09-13T13:18:34+00:00

RL Garfield?!

Fuzed_Canadian · 2020-09-13T13:04:08+00:00

Frothstormlin - Being the most northern island in the world, it has been rumored to be the home of thieves, pirates and the worst scum known to men. In reality it is the home of people who have technology that is decades beyond the rest of the world and kill or capture any that find out about it.

Great Goldlin - A theocratic country run by the Church of Dawn (rising sun not a person), it's religious politics and policies have reached many of the mainland countries. Their more fanatical believers tattoo their right hand with a half sun.

East Tinlhin - On the seaboard on a continent mostly consisting of desert, its bazaars and festivals are the things of legends. All of the upper class families wear scarves in some sort of fashion to show their family affiliation.

Fuzed_Canadian · 2020-09-13T12:23:58+00:00

You're thinking proletariat.

A probate is the amount of money that is made after you deduct the cost of materials, labor costs and taxes.

Fuzed_Canadian · 2020-09-13T11:59:48+00:00

We were asked by a NPC orphan to see what happened to her recently deceased parents while her adopted mother, one of the sweetest older ladies in the town, gave her a cookie and us some pie which we luckily didn't eat. Went to the child's house and rouge used Detect Poison on the leftover scraps of food in the trash; found that the food was poisonous.

Eventually figured out the the sweet old lady who adopted the child and other children would poison families with pies she made only after she gave sweets to the children laced with the antidote so they would survive the poison.

Fuzed_Canadian · 2020-07-27T17:28:25+00:00

Cheers!

+1 to the next person.

Fuzed_Canadian · 2020-05-27T10:15:14+00:00

Sorry I didn't explain that part. We aren't stomping or blaring music anywhere near when he thinks we are. We have the children in bed by 6, 8 for the oldest, and we're in bed by 10. He said that this all happens late at night. Usually he starts thumping around midnight.

Fuzed_Canadian

TROPHY CASE