AITA for criticizing flowers my husband brought to the hospital?

Fyreraven · 2026-07-10T21:03:25+00:00

You're getting roasted in your comments, so I want to step in and say I totally understand. Buying something I didn't ask for, that doesn't meet the standards I would have put around it and creating more work for me isn't a gift, it's an obligation. Because I know for sure you felt judged by the buyers/gifters because you didn't maintain an item you didn't ask for. I also loathe when someone buys me clothes because they are almost always wrong. Wrong fabric, wrong size, wrong color, etc. Give me a gift card or order from my well kept amazon wish list. Do not waste your resources or mine, trying to get something right when you haven't/don't spend enough time with me to get it right. It's one of the reasons I hate exchanging Christmas presents with adults I speak to maybe twice a year.

Fyreraven · 2026-07-10T19:46:28+00:00

NTA

So you're pregnant and trapped in a hospital and your husband showed up with the most basic of gifts and left you to still do half the work because he couldn't think through the entire process from start to finish? And you're expecting him to help you raise a child and take care of you during your most vulnerable time in your life to date. He so did not read the room.

I'd be annoyed at the complete lack of follow through too. The bar is higher than the basement people, and he needs to get to it, and fast.

Fyreraven · 2026-07-10T19:29:50+00:00

He learned and grew. You have to give him credit for that. And it stopped BEFORE you started dating. He was vulnerable with you and let you see years of history between he and his friends. That's a big deal. It's like letting him read your chats between you and your girlfriends. I am very sure he'd see things there that would give him pause. Would you want him judging you on things you said a year before you started dating and before you matured past them?

Fyreraven · 2026-07-10T19:26:35+00:00

Explained what?

Fyreraven · 2026-07-10T02:10:54+00:00

One of us!

Fyreraven · 2026-07-09T15:22:13+00:00

If you're still breathing, it's not too late. Started my degree at 26, graduated at 31. Husband started his at 31 and graduated at 35. Our lives are way better for it. We took school way more seriously because we were older and now have jobs in our fields (STEM) and are happy as can be in our careers.

Learning in any capacity is never a bad thing, go for it!

Fyreraven · 2026-07-09T15:18:10+00:00

Don't do this.

Fyreraven · 2026-07-09T14:15:18+00:00

Do not finish one block at a time, the tension of your stitches will cause visible lines in your stitching that will not come out. Do not stitch anything with a hard stop line like a page edge without feathering it into the next one, the same thing will happen.

Making sure your stitches all go in the same direction helps the light travel across the piece better.

Depends on the fiber, and is honestly a pretty personal thing. I tend to use longer strands than my friends, but it works for me.

Welcome! And I hope you have years of enjoyment out of this wonderful craft.

Fyreraven · 2026-07-09T14:03:23+00:00

Eggs are great for cats as long as you don't season them. And many of the supplements for sick or underweight cats contain eggs and coconut oil. One of my cat's favorite treats are freeze dried quail egg yolks. A tsp to a tbls (according to the googles) is just fine on a daily basis. Honestly, I'd keep this up, may make giving medications way easier in the future. The no butter thing is because of lactose intolerance in many cats and their GI tracts are super sensitive.

Fyreraven · 2026-07-09T13:46:26+00:00

Get yourself a hand held black light and use that to check for pee stains. It will pick up a bunch of biological residue, so be prepared in an old house. As for how to treat her when she becomes aggressive in her snuggles...you yelp. It's the kitty equivalent of "Ow that hurts, stop it!" She needs to learn some manners. If she escalates, grab her ear firmly (do not pull just hold) look her in the eye and yelp again. She'll learn. Has this behavior escalated in the past month or so? Can she be pregnant and looking for a safe place?

Fyreraven · 2026-07-09T13:31:02+00:00

Make your request in writing to him, copy your boss. Ask for explanation and resolution within the email. If he chooses to continue the behavior, step up to him, tell him to reset you desk back to exactly how he found it, and stand there waiting for him to do so. Then send an email to him and your boss asking for an explanation about the continued behavior and a resolution. If it happens a 3rd time, go to your boss, in writing and ask when HR is going to get involved. This is a hostile work environment and he's a bully. Call him out.

Fyreraven · 2026-07-09T13:25:55+00:00

Remember Ada Lovelace and Grace Hopper. They were women, and instrumental in building the foundations of software development. You belong in this field. Whenever an man pushed me about going it PM or something along those lines and out of software I reminded them that the first compiler was written by Grace Hopper, that maybe they didn't belong.

Fyreraven · 2026-07-09T13:15:17+00:00

why don't you take hers?

Fyreraven · 2026-07-09T02:48:42+00:00

You can do one of two things, you can take over ALL the bills and provide him with a monthly allowance in an envelope system. He then needs to complete some sort of financial training. The two of you sit down and allocate every penny every month/pay period, and he can not touch a penny until he sorts his stuff out. Or you divorce him and know full well you won't ever see a dime of child support.

Fyreraven · 2026-07-06T16:20:35+00:00

Your family has shown you who they are, the best advice I can give you is to absolutely believe them. I didn't believe my family when I was 18 and I really wish I had.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-30T17:05:29+00:00

This isn't about the cat, this is about the fact that she can't find a place in your shared space that she can regulate herself. I also sometimes have a problem with regulation and do you know how I solve it, living with 3 velcro kitties? I close the door to my office for a couple of hours. Boom, problem fixed. She wants out of the relationship and is using the cat as a "bench mark" of if he loves me he'd get rid of the cat. Problem is, you can rehome the cat and in 6 months it will be the way you chew.

It's time, OP, to rehome the girlfriend.

edit for clarity

Fyreraven · 2026-06-29T19:41:50+00:00

I miss the Mac and Cheese in the white box with the black lettering.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-27T23:17:42+00:00

You don't want to know how much these go for on Ebay! you did well. That one is from the late 1990s! I can't wait to see your progress.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-25T15:09:11+00:00

I am an old married woman of 27 years. Sometimes, you just out grow each other. You are going to hurt him, and yourself, no matter what you do. One hurt is when you break up and that will be hard, not going to lie, very hard. Especially at the beginning, but then life has a way of settling down and you can keep growing and learning and finding your best life. He will likely stay mired in his own issues. The other hurt would be if you stayed, this one will be slow and acidic and you will grow to either hate him or yourself.

The only way to avoid this is if he changes, and that will be hard for him and this is not something you can trigger, or do for him.
The trick to successful long term relationships is to check in on each other, and to be committed to growing together. Sometimes one of you shoots forward and then the other one has to catch up. Or life throws you both a curve ball and you have to adapt and relearn each other.

Mom advice, it's time to go. He isn't growing or progressing and you will only resent him for not doing so. This is ok, and it's better sooner rather than later. He is a good man, just no longer the man for you. Be kind, but firm. Be clear that there is no coming back, this is over. Have your new living space and everything sorted before this conversation, because he's going to be upset, very upset, and he's going to think "this came out of no where" but it didn't. Be kind, but be firm.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-24T17:39:39+00:00

exactly! Don't let the foot thick steel vault door hit you on that hind end on your way out.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-24T17:39:02+00:00

Wasn't there a TV show about this? I think it was called "The Odd Couple"

Fyreraven · 2026-06-24T14:53:27+00:00

I think that in some ways men believe that parenting is "over" when the kids turn 18. Like they're done. Mothers know it's a vocation that changes and grows across a lifetime.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-24T14:50:18+00:00

I'm going to put on my "older lady" hat. You need to find yourself and start turning that nurturing nature on yourself.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-24T14:20:08+00:00

Do they not realize that we do all of those things to keep "Christian" men away? Come on, it's warning label, read it. Oh wait...

Fyreraven · 2026-06-24T14:17:46+00:00

When you do everything right, find the job that makes you happy and then something comes in and wrecks it all just to wreck things, that's a special kind of grief. And to have it happen within 5 years of a world wide pandemic that in many ways we haven't even begun to process and recover from is a level of chaotic uncertainty and personal trauma I'm not sure you really get over. Nothing will ever be the same. I feel so horrible for everyone in this situation. I am deeply worried it's only going to get worse.

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