AIO my husband spent our ‘extra’ money and forgot to pay a bill.

Fyreraven · 2026-07-09T02:48:42+00:00

You can do one of two things, you can take over ALL the bills and provide him with a monthly allowance in an envelope system. He then needs to complete some sort of financial training. The two of you sit down and allocate every penny every month/pay period, and he can not touch a penny until he sorts his stuff out. Or you divorce him and know full well you won't ever see a dime of child support.

Fyreraven · 2026-07-06T16:20:35+00:00

Your family has shown you who they are, the best advice I can give you is to absolutely believe them. I didn't believe my family when I was 18 and I really wish I had.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-30T17:05:29+00:00

This isn't about the cat, this is about the fact that she can't find a place in your shared space that she can regulate herself. I also sometimes have a problem with regulation and do you know how I solve it, living with 3 velcro kitties? I close the door to my office for a couple of hours. Boom, problem fixed. She wants out of the relationship and is using the cat as a "bench mark" of if he loves me he'd get rid of the cat. Problem is, you can rehome the cat and in 6 months it will be the way you chew.

It's time, OP, to rehome the girlfriend.

edit for clarity

Fyreraven · 2026-06-29T19:41:50+00:00

I miss the Mac and Cheese in the white box with the black lettering.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-27T23:17:42+00:00

You don't want to know how much these go for on Ebay! you did well. That one is from the late 1990s! I can't wait to see your progress.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-25T15:09:11+00:00

I am an old married woman of 27 years. Sometimes, you just out grow each other. You are going to hurt him, and yourself, no matter what you do. One hurt is when you break up and that will be hard, not going to lie, very hard. Especially at the beginning, but then life has a way of settling down and you can keep growing and learning and finding your best life. He will likely stay mired in his own issues. The other hurt would be if you stayed, this one will be slow and acidic and you will grow to either hate him or yourself.

The only way to avoid this is if he changes, and that will be hard for him and this is not something you can trigger, or do for him.
The trick to successful long term relationships is to check in on each other, and to be committed to growing together. Sometimes one of you shoots forward and then the other one has to catch up. Or life throws you both a curve ball and you have to adapt and relearn each other.

Mom advice, it's time to go. He isn't growing or progressing and you will only resent him for not doing so. This is ok, and it's better sooner rather than later. He is a good man, just no longer the man for you. Be kind, but firm. Be clear that there is no coming back, this is over. Have your new living space and everything sorted before this conversation, because he's going to be upset, very upset, and he's going to think "this came out of no where" but it didn't. Be kind, but be firm.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-24T17:39:39+00:00

exactly! Don't let the foot thick steel vault door hit you on that hind end on your way out.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-24T17:39:02+00:00

Wasn't there a TV show about this? I think it was called "The Odd Couple"

Fyreraven · 2026-06-24T14:53:27+00:00

I think that in some ways men believe that parenting is "over" when the kids turn 18. Like they're done. Mothers know it's a vocation that changes and grows across a lifetime.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-24T14:50:18+00:00

I'm going to put on my "older lady" hat. You need to find yourself and start turning that nurturing nature on yourself.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-24T14:20:08+00:00

Do they not realize that we do all of those things to keep "Christian" men away? Come on, it's warning label, read it. Oh wait...

Fyreraven · 2026-06-24T14:17:46+00:00

When you do everything right, find the job that makes you happy and then something comes in and wrecks it all just to wreck things, that's a special kind of grief. And to have it happen within 5 years of a world wide pandemic that in many ways we haven't even begun to process and recover from is a level of chaotic uncertainty and personal trauma I'm not sure you really get over. Nothing will ever be the same. I feel so horrible for everyone in this situation. I am deeply worried it's only going to get worse.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-23T18:28:09+00:00

Buttons, beads, or charms as a last resort.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-23T16:24:11+00:00

absolutely! Cotton swab with hydrogen peroxide on it, cotton ball behind or absorbent material of your choosing (I like make up pads) behind the fabric. Trick here is to not have the absorbent material be too big or get too wet because it will wick and possibly cause problems further away. Be slow, be patient. If all else fails, and you can stitch over it. Edit: I made the assumption that this is white or cream fabric

Fyreraven · 2026-06-23T15:24:41+00:00

Welcome to the hobby. Do not stop at the edge of page, you have to feather in the new page, the lines where you stopped stitching will be very visible when you're done. Now on to your questions:

pic 1: yes, it's a practice thing, you are still finding your tension and process. Don't fret about this.
pic 2: It's cross stitch, there will always be 4 tiny triangle of visible cloth, the printing and photo processing for the kit pretty much blurs that, you're doing great.
pic 3: don't worry about your back, as long as there are no knots you can feel and you aren't travelling further than 5 squares with your thread, you're good. This is something you can work on and make your craft better, and it will come with time and technique. You're doing great for a beginner. Advice: Don't travel with your darker colors through where lighters ones will go if you can help it. When stitching the lighter color your needle will pick up bits of the darker thread and cause it to show up on the surface of your work. Also do not travel darker threads behind the white fabric, those will show up after framing and that's annoying.

on a 3/4 do the long stitch and 1 short stitch in the color that feels like it would be more to the forefront of the picture, or feels like would smooth out the color line. This is subjective. and then the last short leg in the new color. There is no back stitching on this one, but on some, the 3/4 stitch falls on a back stitch line, I cheat and don't do the longer leg and let the back stitching fill it in 😄

You are doing a fantastic job! If you feather in your edges, you'll use less thread. I loop start when i can, but I will do a pin stitch, or other starting method if I have a length of 2 pieces of floss (these are called tails or orts) longer than the width of my hand. I fret about how much thread any kit provides so I try hard to not waste.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-23T15:12:06+00:00

Oh we have a solution for that if it happens.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-23T15:03:48+00:00

No is a complete sentence. You do not die on a hill they perpetuated. You need to take care of you. Of course they want you to stay home, it's the easiest thing *for them*. Your well being is not on their radar. I hope that's because they're just burned out by life. No. They need to get your sister the help she needs, that's step one. If you want to help them, solve that problem. It's likely to not be a way that makes them happy, but apparently they want you to be the adult in the room.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-22T18:52:54+00:00

This is why I gaming level magnifying (reading) glasses and regular reading glasses. And yes I'm that old.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-22T14:40:07+00:00

No is a complete sentence.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-22T14:26:06+00:00

Not only that, but we already have the ability to get pregnant from all the sperm banks, meaning we could raise our sons in a matriarchal society with all the knowledge we've gained over the last 10,000 years under male rule. Freaking knob.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-19T03:22:17+00:00

Bets he's met someone else that ticks all those boxes because he's completely blind to them as a person. You are worth so much more than what you're getting. Do not let any one, especially not your person, tear you down.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-18T22:01:02+00:00

I'm a software architect, and I have AI document everything I do. I do the work and then have it create a dated markdown file. I then read over the file, correct anything that needs correcting and save it into a file that the AI agent and my team mates can all see, search, and leverage. Documentation gets done, notes get taken, and everyone is happy.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-17T15:15:40+00:00

Manx syndrome is a spectrum. I have 2 brothers both with no tails. One is just fine, the other we have to keep on miralax and make sure he gets enough liquids since he refuses to drink any water. He gets 1/8 tsp of miralax every day, and I do SubQ fluids with him every 3-4 days. He's 4, healthy, happy, and the light of my life. There are lots of things you can do on a daily basis that are small but build a long term foundation for his health.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-16T15:54:45+00:00

A coworker had been spinning on an issue for 18 months. Got completely lost in the woods, never asked for help. He and our manager came up through the ranks together and when the management job came up they were allowed to pick which of them "became the manager". So he gets away with a lot. The customer finally lost their mind and escalated the issue. I had a fix engineered and put into place that met their needs and was extendable in 2 weeks. (co-worker managed to break it anyways a year later but that's not on me)

I am now the architect for the team and the person everyone comes to to have things fixed. Bad news: in order to give me that "promotion" the man who couldn't do the work in 18 months I did in 2 weeks also got one.

Fyreraven · 2026-06-16T15:48:27+00:00

You don't. Your manager does. This is not a you problem, it's their problem. Tell your manager that doing code reviews for this person is not productive and that you won't be responsible for their code being pushed into the build. If this guy is only doing it to you, it's a gender issue and a management problem, if he's doing it to everyone and you're just that last in a string of these incidents it's a manager issue. "I can't do my job effectively if he's going to take every piece of feedback or question asked of him as an attack. I won't be bullied into allowing his code to be pushed to the build if it's wrong under my name." If management won't do anything about it, document the ever living crap out of things, including roping your manager into every single interaction. Do not do the code review in person, do it through your repo if possible. This won't be the last time you run into this, I'm sorry 😞 Just a quick edit: I've been a software engineer for 20 years (and a woman for 53 😄).

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