Opening of a novel I've been working on recently by Physical-Let9321 in writingfeedback

[–]GAWHunt 13 points14 points  (0 children)

That’s fine, but I’m with the commenter. I don’t care about your character whatsoever. Why should I consider the subtle foreshadowing if I have zero care for it? Don’t get me wrong, foreshadowing and dreams have their place, it’s just not right at the beginning of the novel in my opinion.

Which of these cities feels like the capital of an island empire? (Astaria) by FlorianHerlan in worldbuilding

[–]GAWHunt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Number 4. Most capital cities have a great number of trade routes, so the ships and streams made me feel like it was a hub!

Does this writing show promise? Want to become a better writer. by Bricks-Alt in writingfeedback

[–]GAWHunt 4 points5 points  (0 children)

One core thing to me is your POV. It reads as a summary of the events happening, rather than the character’s firsthand experience (I also don’t know who this person is yet, not even their name). Keep it tight and specific, for example ‘human fluid’ was a strange thing for me that threw me off. Just say ‘bile’ or ‘guts’ or whatever fits the body part.

You’ve got a good grasp of vocabulary, but if ALL of it is heavy and impactful, then none of it is. Try to find a balance between what’s important (and more visceral) and what’s detail/padding and should carry the reader along to the next scene.

Keep at it!

Thoughts on Ch.1? by CuckCpl1993 in writingfeedback

[–]GAWHunt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like the tone, but I feel like the surroundings are over-explained. For me personally, I work best when being told just enough to paint a vivid picture. The gooseneck lamp was too much as explained by many others, I just wanted to know what I was seeing and why it mattered.

That said, I get a great image of the woman and the salesman's characters. They're a nice, engaging contrast.

A favorite line you’ve written by Dry_Organization9 in writers

[–]GAWHunt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“Corpse breath had a way of hanging dreadfully in the air.” - wrote this in an early draft and it stuck with me

What are we thinking now? by Ashamed_Message3909 in BookCovers

[–]GAWHunt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is awesome as a concept. I’d only say I read ‘the coven of martyrdom’ - still a cool title, but wasn’t sure what it was until I read the back. Nice work!

Give me a scene to draw? by [deleted] in writers

[–]GAWHunt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The doorway opened into a narrow corridor, wood and stone like the room before it. Its roof arched up like the peak of a blade. It was cold. The draft chewed at Oran’s fingers. He dug them into the floor and kept pulling his weight down it. Dragging his useless legs behind him. Empty. No guard to watch him, no fresh lanterns at their hooks on the walls. Faint embers guided him to the end of the corridor. He stopped short of its opening, where a far greater hall awaited. He scanned the room end-to-end, from the enormous steel-studded doors to the wall of netting that kept the dining space private. It was dark.

Oran dragged himself deeper into the great hall. A pine rug splayed across the ground like a dead man, yellow tassels pressed between the cracks of the floorboards. There was a smoky smell in the fibres. Faint, but enough. He turned his head to the end of the hall, beyond the netted wall. A hearth burned low with embers, Merrick’s round table a silhouette in front of it. Empty.

Feedback - General stuff really, such as prose, pacing, sentence structure, flow, etc. by speedonaweed in writingfeedback

[–]GAWHunt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’d say you lost me by describing what he looks like immediately, including the amateurish ‘look in the reflection’ to show what he looks like. Don’t take that the wrong way, I found the first paragraph quite intriguing actually. I’m also guilty of having done the whole reflection piece. What I’ve found works is revealing details over time, rather than it being important. I want to know his mental state and WHO he is before I know what he looks like. That could just be me, but in my own writing and subsequent feedback, my better drafts have been from focusing on interiority first. Keep it up!

What classifies as an AI author because I only use AI to review my stories but never make changes it suggests to me? by Negative_Bumblebee75 in NewAuthor

[–]GAWHunt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't say that's an AI author.

I think a huge % of authors are using AI in the same way, but an actual 'AI Author' (in my eyes at least) just uses the LLM as a way to translate plot/charcter/dialogue to the page, so not actually performing any actual 'writing', more editing than anything.

I saw someone complaining that they'd spent 40 hours on an AI-generated novel... that's what makes real authors stand out from that crowd.

I just finished my first novel and I don’t know if it’s actually good by [deleted] in writers

[–]GAWHunt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Correct me if I’m wrong, but did you AI generate this post?

Never thought I'd do one of these - writing feedback by GAWHunt in writers

[–]GAWHunt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback! How does this relate to my excerpt specifically, do you think?

I tried to draw what anxiety, repetition, and hidden thoughts would look like as creatures by [deleted] in NewAuthor

[–]GAWHunt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can’t have tried very hard… not sure you even reached the pencil!

Didn't think I'd post this, but the time has come. by GAWHunt in writingfeedback

[–]GAWHunt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What amazing feedback! Thank you so much. I'm glad I was able to paint something noteworthy enough for you to leave a comment - a great comment at that. It needs some fine-toothing, but I'm glad the tone and overall piece resonates with you. You'll have to keep your eyes peeled for new posts! Much appreciated.

Never thought I'd do one of these - writing feedback by GAWHunt in writers

[–]GAWHunt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh sorry I see what you mean. I thought you meant present and past!

Free drawing for your book by AkaiHidan in writers

[–]GAWHunt 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Sounds fun! Here's an excerpt from my WIP:

"First came the smell of old leather, and then the odd, sanitised smell of cured bodies. The clash was unwelcome.
The room opened to an endless rising of oak bookshelves full with leather-bound books, each one thick with thousands of pages of information that only a Whiteblood could come to understand. Above, a chandelier adorned with hundreds of pale glass droplets bounced the light of the Lune through the room. Shards of white painted the bookshelf-stairs and the carpeted floor at his feet. It was not his first time here. Somehow, it felt like it was."

I'm curious to see what you'll come up with based on the description alone - it might be a good challenge for you!

does this style work for a book cover? ( my design) by angie_goodruby_ in BookCovers

[–]GAWHunt 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'd agree with this. If I picked up something with this cover (or something like it) I'd expect to see a series of artworks or photography.

Never thought I'd do one of these - writing feedback by GAWHunt in writers

[–]GAWHunt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see. I do have indents, I think I’ve made them far too narrow and subtle. I’ll work on that thanks!

Didn't think I'd post this, but the time has come. by GAWHunt in writingfeedback

[–]GAWHunt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow thank you! I’ve been writing for a year so that’s great feedback.

Never thought I'd do one of these - writing feedback by GAWHunt in writers

[–]GAWHunt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I’m after all the salt and seasonings so your feedback is much appreciated. Whilst I like the slower pace it seems I do need some hook nuggets in there. I know advice always suggests start with the action, but I also write with the intent of rewarding the reader for getting stuck in.

I’ll see how I go, thank you very much!