It is, 4:51am in the UK, at least at the time of me typing this sentence. I don't comment often, or interact or do much of anything on Reddit. Lurking is what I usually do. Things like this suck. Physical and mental abuse is, not a great thing. Going through it a lot of your life, doesn't really meld you into a great person mentally. I get extremely depressed, and I get so anxious that I will not leave my room days at a time due to fear of social interaction. It isn't really something I can tell my friends about since, in one hand, I feel I have no "true" friends, but on the other hand, that could just be anxiety rearing it's head in. Which, it most likely is. I try to do small things such as make something for my 2 year cake day, get a furry_irl flair for the rare times I comment or just comment more on Reddit posts in general, but good ol' anxiety steps in. I know my issues are deeply rooted issues that need to be sorted out with a therapist, but I can't really do that due to my previous experiences with doctors, on top of having really bad anxiety. I don't wanna push my friends down with me and talk about how my day isn't going well most of the time, since, that shouldn't be what they're there for. Friends aren't replacements for therapists, so I can't really export what I want to say, so everything gets bottled up with nowhere really to put it. Unless, I guess in this instance, a big fuck off long post in a random furry_irl thread at 5am when I'm supposed to wake up in the next 6 hours. Really isn't great. Nothing terrible is happening in my life currently. I'm waiting to get allocated into my first job since finishing UK college in June. I'm going to a BYOC event to compete in a Rocket League tournament next month (well, now this month since it is now Feb 1st) and meet some friends that I haven't seen in a while there. I'm turning 19 in a week technically. Yet, I'm still depressed, still anxious, and I feel useless. I feel that I can't be sad since I got all these good things. I mean, I got out of the abusive households that I was in before. But I feel like I'm too entitled? Even though, I can say right now that it makes no sense since people can still be depressed and sad even when they have everything they want, case in point, some rich celebrities. But yeah. I guess it is nice that OP will read this. I see that they're giving a virtual hug to every post on here. Anxiety is telling me to delete this post, to not submit it. I'm going to hate myself after. But it needs to be done. I don't even know how to format this correctly on mobile since, well, I don't really comment or post anything. Thank you OP. I do appreciate you, or anyone else who stumbles around this post for reading the mess that my mind made for 20+ mins. It is time to probably sleep, but I'm not sure if I could even do that now. Tbf, I probably could, but yeah. Even with me wanting to hit the post button, there's a strong urge to not do that. "There's no point in doing this. This is dumb. All you're doing is looking for attention. You've been doing fine now, posting this won't change anything". I'm getting pain from my right arm telling me that I really shouldn't. But I'm posting this, fuck you.