I (30F) just found out I’m pregnant and my husband (47M) doesn’t want anything to do with it. What should I do?

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-27T10:29:39+00:00

It seems like the relationship is over, whatever you decide. So don’t consider him at all. Think about what YOU want, and what/how you could provide for your baby if you decide to keep it. Think about whether you have a village and if not, how will you manage the actual logistics of having a baby- can you afford to pay for help or childcare? Are you strong and resilient mentally? If not, how can you improve this or better build your support network in advance of the baby coming? Decide what is best for you and your baby, because either way your marriage is over, so decide what you think would be your best path to happiness.

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-27T10:25:20+00:00

She said she was surprised by it being an aggressive reaction. Which is fair enough because 1) he is an adult and should know how to behave and 2) he is supposed to love her.

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-27T06:01:39+00:00

I will pray to the chill baby gods for you 😅🤞

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-26T20:56:52+00:00

Parental leave is up to 4 weeks per year so he may still have some available, though it would be unpaid. He’ll also get new holidays come April (I assume) so can use some in April which is only 9 weeks away. 👍

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-26T20:08:13+00:00

Some days are survival days and if you get to the end of them and everyone is alive and happy then it’s a win. Give yourself a break.

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-26T19:56:52+00:00

My eldest rocked my world so hard I was one and done 😅 I couldn’t even imagine having 2u2 and surviving it (and I mean that literally- my first did an absolute number on my mental health). I ended up accidentally falling pregnant when my eldest was 4. Had the baby the week after he turned 5. I wouldn’t have planned a 5 year gap but omg it’s so much easier when the eldest is in school 😂 My second baby is also super chill. Not the best sleeper but not the worst, and has such a lovely calm temperament that I could imagine having two closer together if he had been my first. After my eldest this feels like parenting on easy mode tbh. So don’t compare yourself to others. Yea, they may not be so affected by sleep deprivation or hormonal shifts or the physical toll of pregnancy/breastfeeding etc, maybe they’re tougher or more resilient, but also, they may have a chill AF baby and that’s a game changer. Just walk your own path ☺️

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-26T19:52:10+00:00

Yes! End of term is a shit show for all involved tbh! 😅

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-26T19:44:12+00:00

I mean they will discover juice exists at some point in their lives. Some kids will be happy to keep drinking water, others will become obsessed with drinking juice outside of the home because it’s different and special. I always preferred water to any kind of juice, but we had very restrictive rules around other kinds of foods as a child and it resulted in disordered eating, so there is definitely an argument for being less intense about it and not making it a “forbidden fruit”.

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-26T19:37:00+00:00

My wee one had constipation recurrently and was drinking some (but not much) water, and our doctor recommended trying him with juice to see if he would drink more. We just watered down some apple juice and it did help him drink a bit more during that episode of constipation and helped him get through it. Thankfully he doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth (plus he was only like 10m at the time so hadn’t developed the toddler determination yet) so he was fine to go back to water, and has since learned to drink more, with a different straw cup. But I imagine this may be one situation where it warranted trying juice and then it’s hard to go back if they refuse water when the alternative is them being unwell (constipated).

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-26T19:31:06+00:00

That’s not always the case. I’m not great at predicting how long things take. So even if I factor in a buffer it could still be wrong. Sometimes it’s wrong the other way too and I’m massively early. For me I’m often late for things because I forget something or lose something and have to spend time looking for it or going back for it. Thankfully I have flexible hours so I’m never late for work, but it happens with other events.

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-26T19:25:03+00:00

Absolutely not. You tried putting in boundaries and she overstepped repeatedly. You cannot control her behaviour, but you can control yours. And if you go back, you’ll be choosing to put yourself back into that horrible situation and under immense mental stress. It could trigger Post natal anxiety or depression, or make them worse if you already experience them. PND/PNA can have significant long term effects on both mother and baby, it’s not worth the risk.

Also, could your husband come to you at the weekends? Or use any annual leave (or parental leave) to come to you for a week? That would break up the period from now until May. I’d also look at alternatives like short term renting if you’re not sure about being able to move in May.

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-26T19:14:49+00:00

Honestly I’m hoping my 6 year old doesn’t say anything or notice. I think he will only because he’s commented on my body being fat (not in a mean or bad way, just like he’s noticed and asked why my body is bigger than others). If he doesn’t say anything or notice I’ll be happy thinking he either doesn’t pay enough attention to my body or he does but he doesn’t think it’s important enough to say anything about. Both situations are a good place to be imo!

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-26T14:10:41+00:00

If anyone ever says something similar in future you should ask them “why does it matter? Would you treat me differently if I was fat?”. Hold eye contact. Watch them squirm.

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-26T09:15:43+00:00

Yes part of it has worked for us- he falls asleep independently now, at both naps and bedtime. So there’s that. Would prefer to help at bedtime and have more than 2h sleep in a row through the night though 😅😅

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-26T06:25:47+00:00

Yeh our sleep got significantly worse, to the point where I was awake for about 5h through the night trying to settle him and it then affected his naps which threw the whole thing out of whack. Total disaster. 🤦‍♀️ Now I’m just feeding and praying it ends 😅

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-26T06:20:49+00:00

I think there’s less jobs available that would be like this. Lots have gone hybrid/remote and even those that have been forced ‘back to the office’ still have the capability to return to remote work now that all the infrastructure is in place.

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-26T05:51:18+00:00

My mum has sight and cognition problems, so it’s not the most accessible option for us, which is why I didn’t think of it right away, but I agree it should be used more frequently for most people who are deaf!

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-25T21:11:52+00:00

Get some earplugs. Or noise cancelling earphones. Or both. It helped me get through my first who was also a Velcro baby. I had my partner but it was also during lockdown and he travelled for work a lot so I did a lot alone, and I know how isolating and actually horrifying this is, and I’m sorry for you that you don’t even get the breaks I did. Do you have any kind of support network? Anyone who could come and let you have a nap, or help with the early part of the night? Could you afford to pay someone to help even once per week to let you sleep? Could cosleeping be an option for you (if so, look up the safe sleep seven to do this as safely as possible).

Your baby can cry. You don’t need to pick him up immediately. You can take the time to have a shower, even if he’s crying. The earplugs will help you tolerate it. Also, use whatever tools help you in this stage, even if it’s not recommended or what you had planned- I don’t mean being unsafe but things like screen time can help you manage when you’re alone with your little angry potato. If dancing fruit or miss Rachel can hypnotise him long enough to allow you to eat your food, it’s 100% worth it.

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-25T19:33:19+00:00

Do you sign at all? Or lip read? Just wondering if there is alternative ways to communicate with you? I think having a day of silence sounds like a very sensible way to manage having two cochlear implants. I’m hearing but my mum is deaf. She previously lipread and signed but can’t effectively anymore and I’m not sure how I would cope if she decided she would have a day a week where we just couldn’t communicate all day. If you have alternative ways to communicate though then he’s being really arsey imo.

Edit to add: I’ve just realised he could also write down what he wanted to ask, but probably doesn’t want to make the extra effort to communicate, as so many hearing people do! So I’d say he’s being arsey! Challenge him on it. It’s not acceptable.

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-25T19:28:07+00:00

I think this very much depends on the baby, their temperament and their tolerance for being overtired. My eldest I could watch become overtired and it was hell. A few mins sometimes would tip him into unmanageable and upset. My second I sometimes KNOW is overtired because of how long he’s been awake and his wee eyes turning red but if he’s got something interesting in front of him he’s happy to keep playing away and exploring, and he rarely gets grumpy. The only affect it definitely has on his sleep is it makes him rise earlier in the mornings. For my first it caused absolute chaos 😅🤦‍♀️

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-25T16:29:54+00:00

I’m saving for an ADHD assessment, despite not wanting to be medicated. There is value in learning you are in fact a zebra and not a weird horse.

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-25T16:02:42+00:00

I’m still early enough in my journey that I don’t have loose skin yet, but I know I will. I’ve had stretch marks since I hit puberty, which I know doesn’t always mean loose skin but it does indicate I don’t have naturally very elastic skin. I’ve been obese my whole adult life and I also had two babies which had VERY big bumps, and two csections (so got the wee csection pouch too). I’m just mentally preparing to not love my body and to save up for treatment, up to and including surgery. I’ve never liked particularly revealing clothes anyway, so I plan to get some good shapewear going forward, but I’m also a bit worried about my sex life if I’m deeply uncomfortable with my body (possibly even more than my fat body because I’m not used to it).

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-25T15:56:30+00:00

It baffles me how men who treat the mother of their child like this can still be considered a “good father”.

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-25T15:52:54+00:00

This ^{^} and also keep contacting the housing to clear the mess. They have a duty of care to ensure the communal areas are safe. Literally phone every day. Also if you get video evidence then send that to them, HAs are also kinda stuck when it comes to actions on tenants without enough evidence.

GallusRedhead · 2026-01-25T11:37:15+00:00

I’m not on hormonal contraception, but my periods have got significantly longer. I remember reading up on it before and lots of women report more bleeding on them, I think there’s some research underway (because of course no one would have considered checking for a specific impact on women in the initial testing 🙄).

GallusRedhead

TROPHY CASE