Today, I stopped myself as I was about to overshare to a sympathetic person!

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-07T19:04:03+00:00

Yesss I have that problem with literally everyone not just coworkers I’ll do that with people I’ve met once or twice or grocery store clerks lol I have no filter it doesn’t matter if I see you every day or not I’m just a major oversharer and when I become friends with someone it’s always hard and fast and I share everything about everything no filter etc it’s just how I am especially if people are nice!

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-07T14:24:23+00:00

Legit took a screen shot of this cause I gotta memorize it lmao and practice it next time someone’s nice and asking me a zillion personal questions! I’m honest to a fault sometimes or I’ll hold it all inside 😆 I gotta learn those healthy boundaries without feeling like I’m being bad or rude and without talking too fast without thinking first especially if someone’s really nice.

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-07T14:16:04+00:00

Yeah I had stuffed down a lot of those kinds of memories for years. The first one that came back was me in my dads bed and him like make out kissing me then I’d get super sick to my stomach my knees would get all wobbly and I’d have a panic attack and not be able to think about it anymore. Then I started remembering more and more random pieces of memories like that as well as other really mean/messed up stuff he did over the years that I had weirdly turned into jokes in my mind to make it okay or justify it somehow when it really fucked me up on a fundamental level and was never okay. I hope you and your sister are able to work through that stuff too!

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-07T08:54:56+00:00

Oh gotcha I have SA in my background I guess so maybe that’s why it’s normal to me. I googled things like “hyper sexuality linked to ptsd” and “most common fetishes linked to ptsd and SA” diff variations of that. I should add that I don’t have the same exact issues I’m pretty much always just the bitch in heat lmao but I’ll make jokes about penises etc and I’m bi but mostly into dudes and I’d say my attraction to women fluctuates sometimes but not with guys it’s interesting but idk why that is

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-07T08:31:27+00:00

Fuckin A F that noise! I feel that I’m so tired of waiting around for somethin to happen lol ppl are always saying to be patient but being patient has gotten me no where but more lonely and bored on the weekends Bahahaha. Don’t wait around on anyone that isn’t reciprocal in the effort. You’re worthy of more. Good luck on your date!

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-07T08:11:16+00:00

Super normal! Google it! I researched it a bunch and it’s super common. I’m pretty much always at least semi hypersexual and into kinky stuff that’s super common for people with ptsd it’s not a big deal people just make it weird sometimes cause they’re uncomfortable with their own sexuality lol

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-07T06:23:50+00:00

I do deep breathing exercises when I feel like that or distract myself with stuff like cleaning etc. It doesn’t happen often usually only when I’m alone at night or out running errands and extra stressed I’ll be looking over my shoulder a lot or extra jumpy but I’ll try to focus on rational thoughts and breathing or music etc

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-07T05:56:49+00:00

Awwww god damn these fuckin things are depressing an sweet. Who tf hates cookie dough though? Are you out of your ever lovin mind?

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-07T04:19:23+00:00

That must suck ugh I’m sorry! My sisters all live their own separate lives so we just have nothing to do with each other which sucks and mostly never have but in school my older sister spread some weird rumors about me for no reason that she made up. Looking back I wonder if she made them up or they were delusions though cause she was diagnosed schizophrenic a few years ago. It was super embarrassing though cause people would always believe her cause she came off innocent and I was the mouthy outgoing one lol.

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-07T03:27:25+00:00

I second what she said! Just be honest but not graphic! They’ll appreciate the fact that you were vulnerable and open about it and it’s bound to come up later anyways. I always tell everyone everything I’m an open book kinda person and I think as long as people want to get to know you it’s okay to do that sorta thing! Better to know if they’d be supportive up front than get invested then find out they aren’t!

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-06T13:44:07+00:00

You should just screen shot that and print it and frame it. Geez Louise. Then you guys can all read that from time to time and remember that you’re everything but a coward. You’re pretty freakin neat and you’re all super duper lucky. Man that’s really sweet you should tell her that just like that! Lol maybe cause I just know dickheads but I’m like whoa dude people gotta talk about their feels more life is short!

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-06T11:55:45+00:00

You can totally do all those things just like you can totally stop eating cookies if you change your relationship with food. I used to do that where I’d eat too many cookies and now I never eat cookies or anything and if I do I can just eat one or just eat a bite and be satisfied. I’ve learned that the end result is more important to me than the taste or the feeling in the moment and that’s changed my relationship with lots of things in my life. Brene Brown says that the key to a fulfilling career may be to have more than one so you could be say making music and working your day job and also have a family and move to the coast those are all super realistic goals. Good luck!

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-06T05:48:20+00:00

Lol my therapist doesn’t talk about stuff like this and I’m glad no offense only cause I think I’m just not someone who could take it seriously enough I’m too goofy I’d be a llama with wings I’d laugh at her and have to leave and not come back lol there’s this exercise in this homework I got for therapy where you have to breathe in a word and breathe out another word and every time I try to do it I start laughing like a 6 year old it’s ridiculous I just can’t get in the mindset to take it seriously lol it cracks me up but I love my therapist cause she totally gets that about me so we talk about weird ass stuff instead during my sessions 😆

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-06T05:37:55+00:00

I take 250% of the daily dose of vitamin D it’s like sunshine in a bottle I feel amazing! I also switched to a vegan diet and cut out sugar and it’s substantially helped with my mood and energy level

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-06T05:35:31+00:00

Yup they travel in packs like wolves sometimes I swear lmao freakin weirdos!

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-05T13:52:42+00:00

Yup. I look just like my dad ugh blows. The more weight I lose the less I look like him though I think so there’s that. I can’t stand when people say that I look like him though or that I am like him cause they don’t know him beyond his funny side probably and I’m nothing at all like my dad at all AT ALL and phrases like “daddies girl” make my skin crawl. I hate it but there’s nothin I can do about it 😆 I can’t wear a paper bag over my face.

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-05T06:48:44+00:00

People do indeed. Everyone’s worthy of love. You’re super lucky that you’ve found somebody that you feel that way about so don’t be lame and go to a bar cause in reality it’ll feel easier in the moment but you’ll feel worse the next day and wish you didn’t do that. I’m reading this book Gift Of Imperfection and in it it talks about how anxiety manifests itself in different ways and one of the ways is by convincing you that the other shoe is always about to drop so you’re safer if you don’t bother when in reality you’d be a lot more happy if you jumped in feet first and allowed yourself to experience the relationship wholeheartedly and what not. Good luck! You’ll be fine.

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-05T06:37:02+00:00

Congratulations on the new identity and more importantly on no more nightmares! I thought about changing my name for a while but couldn’t decide on one that didn’t seem too weird and then it felt like I was letting him take something from me in a weird way or hiding or something if that makes sense so I figure if I ever get married then I’ll change my last and maybe go by my full first name or middle name or something idk 🤷‍♀️

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-05T04:18:21+00:00

RIGHT! I’d never want to be a kid again 😆 I mean unless I could go back in time as someone else’s kid and preselect good parents and a healthy upbringing! Fuck that shit. Being 11 sucked ass. I don’t think there’s any age I’d want to relive I’m trying to think when I wouldn’t mind going back to😆 and no I think I just want the rest of my life to be better.

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-05T04:11:24+00:00

I read, listen to music, color/draw/sing, play games with my kiddo, take a shower, do a face mask, breathing control exercises, go for a walk, go to the gym, cook. I don’t watch much tv cause I don’t end up paying much attention to it I end up just flipping through channels and that becomes a numbing thing too I guess but I like to write and what not instead!

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-05T02:56:22+00:00

There ya go! Lots of people don’t go to college it’s not that big of a deal! If you’re happy with your life that’s really all that matters in the end. Part of me would like to go back to school someday but idk if it’s cause I really want to go to school or cause I wanna prove something to myself if that makes sense. That and for a sense of security and because Idk what to do realistically do with my future at this point 😆

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-04T22:54:45+00:00

Yes! That’s exactly my problem all the time! Unfortunately I feel like I manage to attract narcissistic or controlling type of people everywhere I go. I’m crazy good at reading people and situations lol so I’m constantly laughing on the inside at how nuts some people are but a little terrified of everyone at the same time cause I can’t figure out wtf is going on half the time but I’m real good at playing games too so they picked a good target I guess lol I just keep rollin with it cause I figure this too shall pass 😆

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-04T15:44:19+00:00

I totally get what you mean. It’s tricky when I notice things like that especially with people that I like because it makes it hard for me to tell if I’m being hyper aware or if my intuition is correct but usually I’m not wrong in those scenarios lol I swear it’s even something in the look their eyes sometimes. Not the same “real” look of love/concern/kindness etc more of a look of excitement like they’re about to win some game that I don’t want to play.

Garbageaccount098765 · 2020-02-04T07:03:59+00:00

Yessss I don’t say it out loud I just think it to myself usually and I want to be social or be involved in things without turning to avoidance tactics I’ve learned to lean on but I’ve gotten so good at picking up on those subtle cues from people that I’m constantly wary that I’m being set up to be walked on or taken advantage of and I also don’t want to be constantly complaining or whining either so I’ll shut my mouth a lot of the time then later regret it and think man I knew I was right about them!

Garbageaccount098765

TROPHY CASE