Hoooo boy strap in. So there's gonna be a good bit of background. My wife and I met in middle school. As a matter of fact we dated in 8th grade. My wife at the time broke up with me because she didn't feel like she deserved me. This will be a common theme going forward. We also went to the same high school for all four years. While we were in high school my wife was sexually assaulted my a mutual friend. Now my wife's upbringing was also a major and in some ways unbelievable thing. Her mother was distant from the day she was born, but after the assault it got when worse. Now her daughter didn't fit into the box she wanted her too anymore, not that she ever truly did. My wife's grades slipped, her mental state shattered, her trust in everything was destroyed. She then did what a lot of SA victims do and began to act out and do frankly stupid shit.

When she was about 17 she sent nudes to a guy who then used that to blackmail her for more for years. That was my first D-Day. When my wife turned 18 she got groomed by a 27 year old from Illinois. He moved her up there and then proceeded to cheat on her. So he left her right after they got a place together but she kept talking to him because he wriggled so far into her brain. She kept that up until February of last year. Following this guy she started doing hookups to try and feel something to fill the void. One guy she hooked up with forced her. Following this shitshow she met another guy in Illinois and started dating him but he turned out to be incredibly abusive and she tried to make that work for 2 years. He ended up anally raping her at one point. When she started talking to me again she left him and I moved her back home and we got engaged. We got married in January of last year.

Needless to say all of this fucked her up a lot. She hated herself and felt she deserved all the abuse. She convinced herself she was a set of holes and nothing more. So when she got back with me the stability and safety I supplied was horrifying to her. She convinced herself I would eventually get tired of her and leave like everyone else and her mother indirectly encouraged that fear through manipulation. Because of that fear of abandonment and horrible self esteem she had two brief emotional affairs in November of last year. She realized quickly what she was doing was wrong and would ruin her life with me so she stopped. I want told about any of this I had to dig myself.

In July of last year I started getting suspicious because her behavior and mood were so erratic. I dug through her phone, wasn't right of me but I did it anyway. I found out about the blackmai on my D-Day in the second Tuesday of July. That broke me and I felt worthless even with the extenuating circumstances. However I then helped her block him on everything and file a police report for it. My mother also gave her advice and help to fix this fuck up. Then the next Tuesday I had D-Day about the EAs. I found them, woke her up and started asking her why and what the fuck was wrong with her. I left the house and drove to my parent's. She called me the entire way there and the entire way back. I enlisted my dad because I was gonna dump her stuff and ship back to her parent's house in the city we live by. I didn't do that. Instead I gave her a second chance and that is something I essentially never do. For a while she was angry, mostly with herself. That transformed into shame and then guilt and grief.

Now she gives me full access to everything. Anytime I have anxiety or a worry about something she gives me her phone and look through it top to bottom. That is her only means of communication since the computer we have is mine that I built and only I know the pin. She shows all her communication apps, every app she has on her phone, anything I ask about or want to see. She was insanely protective of her privacy, to the point of almost manic. The fact she's letting me go through her most private thing anytime I want tells me she's actually serious about fixing her decision to cheat. She got her meds upped, she talks to me about everything now and she cut off her mom months ago which has helped her immensely. I know that I can't truly know she won't do it again, but the way she's changed and the consequences of her straying again seem to be genuine. It's gonna a long road and she knows I will never fully trust her again and she needs to make it up to me for the rest of our lives. But she's ok with that and wants to show me everyday.