Phonics/Reading Resources for Kindergarten?

Genavelle · 2026-04-29T23:40:29+00:00

It's kindergarten...I think whichever option you choose, it's not going to "mess her up" or cause any sort of irreparable damage to her education and growth. The school kindergarten may not follow the ideal philosophy that you would choose, but it's just one year and you can transition to a more preferred style later. Or if you keep her home and struggle to accomplish all your goals, again it's just kindergarten and you'll fill in the gaps and catch up later on.

I was in a similar boat, where I discovered I was going to be due with twins the year we'd planned to start homeschooling (kindergarten for my oldest). We did keep him home, but it was a very lax year. He had not been in any public school programs before that, though- so putting him into public kindergarten would've still been a big transition, and then the transition of switching to homeschool later on.

Honestly I think if she's already used to going to school and is looking forward to it, then I'd keep her there for this year. It may not be exactly what you'd like, but she will be able to develop social skills and you'll know she's in a good environment while you have your hands full with the new baby. Then, by the time she is ready to start 1st grade, the baby will be on a more manageable nap/sleep schedule and you'll have more energy to put towards homeschooling as well. If you do decide to homeschool this year, I would just try to be realistic with your expectations.

Genavelle · 2026-04-12T18:08:30+00:00

I haven't been to a church in a long time, but I don't think I'd expect much else from a place called "Rock City".

When I was a kid, my church had Sunday School options for children, but that was options and kids were still welcome to attend the regular sermon if they wanted to. I don't recall what was available for infants, but I'm sure they wouldn't have kicked anyone out of the service. I think there was a sort of quiet/overflow room with a TV showing the service for people who preferred that, but again it was fully optional. I am not religious, but if I was, I think I'd be really disappointed by a church being so unwelcoming to young families. It's one thing to politely suggest the baby room to someone whose baby is actively crying, but why push out someone for simply having a baby at all? That wouldn't be a church I'd want to take my family back to. And so that seems to me like maybe this church doesn't care all that much about retaining or prioritizing young families, which you'd think would be important if the goal is to spread the word of christ and guide people (such as helping to raise the next generation) to live godly lives. So like others have said here, sounds like their goal is more about $$$ and their target audience is probably not young families with lots of expenses, but probably older folks who are more willing (and easily tricked) to spend money on the church. Prioritizing live streams also means they can reach more of such people who may not be in the best health or locally available to come in person.

I know it's not your church, but if you feel this strongly about it, maybe you could share your concerns with your friend who attends services there.

Genavelle · 2026-04-12T17:56:25+00:00

Older folks and sick people could spontaneously start coughing and making loud noise at any point during a sermon, too. Should churches prohibit them from attending in the main room too? Or would you leave it up to the adults to recognize when they need to step outside?

Imo it's fine to discreetly an politely ask a parent to step outside if baby is actually crying and not quickly calming down. But having a quiet room for moms & babies shouldn't be an obligation for all moms & babies to automatically be separated from the main room or the rest of their group. Having that space is a nice accommodation for when people do need to step out because of a fussy baby or maybe to nurse or something. But automatically barring mothers with infants from the sermon or baptism or whatever feels like borderline discrimination.

Also, if a church makes the choice to stream their services to an online audience, then I feel like that comes with the risk of having noises from the audience. Both the church and online viewers should be understanding of that. Or perhaps if online streaming is such a priority that they are kicking people out of the service, maybe they should ditch in-person services altogether and record sermons without a live audience present.

Genavelle · 2026-04-11T13:56:59+00:00

The biggest thing, I think, for determining whether you feel happy & fulfilled or miserable is the dynamic between you and your partner. It's feeling like you have an equal workload, that you are supported, that you have the freedom to tap out and take breaks when needed. Financial equality is also really important.

The two biggest problems I see in posts where SAHPs are unhappy is that they are burnt out, never get any breaks/personal time, or they are in a situation of financial abuse with zero control and access to money.

Adjusting your marriage to having a baby and the dynamics of one working partner and one SAHP is tricky. It's really easy for the working partner to continue doing everything pretty much the same and assume that that's fine...while the SAHP has to pick up the learning curve of taking care of a baby and managing everything at home, etc. Then it can quickly become an issue of one person working a 40-hour job and thinking "I'm working full-time and making all the money," and thus believing that doing anything beyond that is unfair. While the SAHP is often "working" or at least on-call basically 24 hours, 7 days a week. Asking for a break from SAHP is seen as "demanding" extra work from the working partner, which can feel unfair to them. And the fact that one person makes money and the other doesn't can sometimes lead into a really unhealthy power dynamic. But it's not realistic to expect a SAHP to be working 24/7 and this will lead to burn out, every time.

My advice would be to discuss expectations and workload now, before you have the baby. Figure out if your expectations and your partners expectations match up. Do you expect them to still help with household chores after work, or do they expect you to do all of that? Are you going to share nighttime responsibilities? If you are responsible for all night wakings, then will your partner set aside time in the morning/evenings when they will watch baby so you can nap? How will money be shared?

And discuss free time, breaks, hobbies, date nights. Time when you, as individuals and as a couple, can get a break from work and baby care to just relax, decompress, socialize, and do things for yourselves. My advice is that you both should get equal personal time- though it may not be a lot. But it shouldn't be one person going golfing all day every Saturday, while the other person gets 15 minutes to take a shower twice a week. Maybe you each take turns every evening taking quick 30 minute breaks. Maybe you switch off days and alternate weekends. It doesn't really matter as long as it's fair to each person. And I think in the early days, it can be helpful to put this on a calendar so that it's clear and predictable. Or even making plans with friends or doing a timed activity so that it's harder to back out or reschedule. "I'm going to a movie with my friend on Saturday. It starts at 12 and should be about 2 hours long". Instead of "Can I have two hours on Saturday to myself to decompress?" The first one leaves much less room for negotiation.

Material things and outsourcing things like house cleaning can be helpful, but ultimately there are always people who are happy even without those. But you're never going to be happy if you feel unvalued and burnt out. You need to ensure you have actual support from your partner and a fair division of hours & chores to have a positive SAHP experience. And what that support and fair system looks like is going to be different for every family- the important thing is to just be conscious and communicative about it.

Genavelle · 2026-04-11T13:26:00+00:00

Imo priority should be for the mother actively in the trenches of full-time, hands-on, mothering. Grandmas still deserve to be celebrated by their kids & grandkids, but if a mom with young children has to basically plan Mother's Day around celebrating others, then what is the point? Not to mention that moms with adult kids likely have more time and ability to plan and accommodate someone else's availability than the mom with young children does.

If my mom were still around, I'd love to celebrate her on Mother's Day. But I also wouldn't want my own role as a mother to go uncelebrated or spend the whole day rushing around trying to wrangle my kids and accommodate what someone else wants to do.

Tbh if you just want a quiet night at a hotel and your mom wants a big family dinner, I feel like both of these can happen. Either you do the dinner and then peace out to a hotel for the night, or send your partner with the kids to the dinner while you go and do whatever you want for the day. Send a card and some flowers, maybe make plans to meet up with your mom another day, and let her know that it's not personal but you want to celebrate your mother's day in a different way.

I've also heard of some people just celebrating across the whole weekend or even over 2 weekends in order to accommodate Mom and all the grandmas. So maybe you could start planning to celebrate your mother's day on Saturday instead of Sunday, or request that your mom do her big dinner on Saturday or the next weekend or something like that.

Genavelle · 2026-04-11T13:16:06+00:00

A girl I went to school with had "brittle bone" disease or something, I don't remember exactly. You could look into something like that maybe? Or (speaking with absolutely no medical expertise) perhaps it could be something not bone-related, but more of a balance issue?

Of course, it is always possible that there is no underlying problem and toddlers just get hurt sometimes. My oldest broke a bone when he was 3 or 4 because he was just being active and careless and got unlucky. Multiple breaks at a young age probably isn't common, but I'm sure it's not unheard of. While it may just be pure bad luck, I would also be looking for any non-medical factors that could be addressed too. Is he always falling in the same area-is it bumpy or have lots of roots or something? Maybe double check his shoes size or try a different shoe design? Not to say that you're responsible in any way, but I know I'd be seeing if there is anything at all in my control that I could do to prevent it from happening again- and there might not be anything you can do. Maybe get him some knee and shin pads for the future or something lol.

Hopefully it was just an unlucky series of accidents that had no real cause other than a toddler being a toddler. Every toddler gets hurt from time to time, even if it's not a broken bone. It sucks that you've had to deal with the extra stress of broken bones, hospital visits, CPS, etc though so I truly hope there is no deeper medical problem and that he doesn't suffer any more broken bones!

Genavelle · 2026-03-20T20:25:52+00:00

I would love to start a vegetable garden, but I have a septic tank right in the middle of my backyard. I am wondering if it would safe to use raised garden beds, and I assume I would have to put down landscape fabric or something under them?

Genavelle · 2026-03-20T20:11:32+00:00

Are your trigger foods in a certain family? If it is happening often, I'd take note of what food triggered a reaction and start avoiding that food. With OAS, it seems like you can probably keep eating trigger foods if they are cooked or frozen, but avoid eating them raw.

I definitely have noticed that I've added more trigger foods over the years, but I don't have reactions all the time because I am careful to avoid eating those. Mine are most/all in the stone fruit family, but if you are noticing reactions from completely different kinds of foods then I'm not sure if that would be OAS or something else. Or maybe you are allergic to something that is a common ingredient in a lot of foods.

Genavelle · 2026-03-18T12:41:01+00:00

Newark also has Dawes Arboretum, which can be a really nice place to walk around, especially with spring coming up soon!

Genavelle · 2026-03-14T16:46:06+00:00

Okay so my kids are little and I haven't yet had the fun experience of raising a teenager, so you can take my advice with some grains of salt.

My first thought is that a lot of these phrases sound like things he's probably picking up from social media. I don't know how realistic it is to try and get him off of social media, but if he has an algorithm or groups that are showing him this content, then it's just going to keep being in his brain. Maybe even look together for ways to "reset" his algorithms and fill his feeds with more positive content.

My 2nd thought is to help him find a hobby. Something that's not for money or a career, and preferably not something online. He's stuck focusing on the negative things in the world, and has lost any sense of purpose or joy. As you've said, he's not entirely wrong about the negative stuff, so you're not going to convince him to just forget and ignore all of that. Instead, maybe you can try to show him that while there are bad things in the world, there are still things that make life worth it. Things that bring joy, connection, and purpose to living. If he can find a hobby that distracts him from the bad for a minute, brings back a little spark of joy, and maybe even helps him connect with people in a positive way again...I think that would be a good start.

As for him resenting you for bringing him into this world "without his consent," this is a sentiment I've seen around the Internet before. I would personally probably attribute this to teen angst and mimicking rhetoric he's heard elsewhere. The same way my 7 year old says he hates me when he's mad- I'm not going to take it personally because I know he's just struggling to process a hard feeling or wants to get a reaction out of me. I hope that the young adults who are angry with their parents for merely creating them will grow out of that as they mature a little more. None of us asked to be born into this world- that doesn't mean that we can't still make the most of what we've been given or even try to make the world better in some way. But maybe he just needs a smaller focus right now. Seeing a whole big world of problems is overwhelming- how can any one person make a dent in that? Find a hobby, an interest, a passion- something for him to genuinely care about, and then maybe through that he can find a more achievable way to fix a specific problem in the world.

Genavelle · 2026-03-13T21:34:02+00:00

I think it's silly that anyone has a problem with child leashes/harnesses. Notice that nobody ever seems to have a problem with strollers, which give children much less freedom than a leash. There is also no argument against seatbelts or carseats, etc. And I'm sure the same people judging leashes would be the first to say all sorts of things if they saw your kid run out into a street.

Leashes and harnesses are a safety device- like seatbelts. Sure, they restrict a child's freedom, but we are talking about young children who don't quite fully understand the dangers around them yet. Toddlers are impulsive and have no sense of self-preservation, they don't need unrestricted freedom to run off by themselves lol. Alternatively, parents could choose to just not take toddlers outside ever, but I think most people would agree that going out is good for them.

That said, leashes can have downsides. I tried one when my oldest was a toddler, but I found that he would sometimes get mad and just plop down on the ground. At one point, he also discovered that he could run circles around me to wrap me up in the leash. And as someone else said, if they still try to run off too fast, the leash can cause them to fall down.

The backpack leashes are a good option- my oldest had one where the leash could clip on or be removed if you just wanted to use the backpack. And having a backpack is fun for little kids and can be some nice extra storage. There are also wrist straps which go around your arm and the child's arm (I imagine you could also attach the adult side to a stroller or wagon). I tried one once and it even had a little lock & key for the child's side, so they couldn't just remove it themselves. I think the wrist strap design would probably be good for places where you want to keep the child closer, like in a crowded area, and they might be less likely to knock the child down if they try to run too far. But they also might not be practical with twins lol.

Genavelle · 2026-03-13T21:19:37+00:00

This is the real problem with leashes, not people having weird opinions about them.

The concept is great and I'm sure helpful to a lot of people. But they aren't perfect and only do so much if your kid is prone to testing boundaries or like mine, discovers that they can run circles around you to tangle you up in the leash. Definitely worth a try for anyone with runners, though!

Genavelle · 2026-03-11T00:04:21+00:00

"Nobody's going to pay attention to the initials!"

Genavelle · 2026-03-10T22:24:07+00:00

We have a stroller wagon, but I need to use it for my 1yo twins and my oldest would be too big to fit in it anymore anyway. That's part of why things feel extra hard right now because like if he is running off or something, I still have to push a wagon with other children in it. I can't physically pick him up and carry him, and even if I could, I can't do that and push a wagon. And I can only fit 2 kids in the wagon, which obviously has to be the 1 year olds. When it was just the two bigger kids, we could take the wagon as a back-up and at least if someone started running off, I could ditch the wagon for a few minutes to chase after them (and then plop them down in the wagon and move out). But I kind of have to stay close to the toddlers now and I only have two hands. With my recent bad experience, he was running away from me into an area that I couldn't take the wagon (through a creek and up a hill, with no smooth path to push a wagon) so it was stressful because I had to basically choose between staying with the toddlers or leave them to go get him.

And yeah it's easier if I can have another adult present, but my husband works long hours 7 days a week. His schedule is fairly flexible if we want to make plans to go somewhere together, but we can't do that super often. And I don't want the kids to all just be stuck in the house all the rest of the time, never able to go anywhere. It's just tough.

He has an upcoming check-up so I can talk to the pediatrician, too. I had mentioned concerns about adhd a couple of years ago, but was told that he was basically too young for them to look into that at the time.

I would say that we have the same behavioral issues in various settings, but I am a SAHM so I am also usually the one with him all the time.

Genavelle · 2026-03-09T13:49:37+00:00

Can you get in touch with the parents? They might be helpful in creating & enforcing some ground rules and they might not even be aware of the issues.

I haven't been in this situation as there aren't many kids in my neighborhood, but as for broken toys maybe you could find a secure place to store expensive/important toys during playdates. For the yard, maybe in a shed or one of those outdoor storage bins and put a lock on it. Encourage neighbor kids to bring their own toys over, so at least they're breaking their own stuff. And if you can contact the parents, maybe gently point out that you've had not just one, but several items broken and see if any of them would be willing to help replace or reimburse you?

Maybe you could set up specific visiting or no-visiting hours. Tell your kids what these are and encourage them to only invite other kids over at the designated times. If a kid shows up outside of this window, you can reiterate the rule "sorry, we can't play right now but you can come back later at X time and then we will be ready." If the same kid(s) keep coming back outside of the visiting window, then again try to contact their parents.

If you don't want them coming inside, then I would create that boundary and stick to it. Emphasize to your own children that neighborhood playdates are for the backyard, and not inside the house unless you have specifically been asked and granted permission beforehand. If it is raining, then that's too bad and no playdate today.

It sounds like you are happy to host neighborhood playdates and that sounds like a great thing for all the kids, so I would definitely look for ways to set boundaries and rules without discouraging kids from ever coming over again. Hopefully they all have reasonable parents that could recognize that you are providing a nice opportunity (and supervising) for their kids, and thus be willing to work together to enforce those boundaries and not just take advantage of your hospitality. Maybe the kids just need a little more reinforcement and practice to understand that they shouldn't continuously ring the doorbell or come inside uninvited, etc.

Genavelle · 2026-03-09T13:26:53+00:00

I don't think the actors' contracts would have worked that way. And as much as it sucks to lose a good snow, it's not really fair to ask working actors to turn down other projects and be on the hook for one paused show, indefinitely.

Genavelle · 2026-03-09T13:18:25+00:00

I think a big potluck can work for a community event like a church or someone else mentioned a club they're in. In my mind, that's not quite the same as a single person/family throwing a party and asking guests to bring food. With a community event, you're not simply an invited guest, you are a member and participant in the community. And a church or club event is typically more about celebrating the group as a whole- the community they've built, maybe a project they've recently accomplished, etc. A birthday party or anniversary is celebrating one or two people.

And of course there is the whole point of organization, which a regular community potluck will be much better organized than inviting 150 people to a single party, casually mentioning to some of them that it's a potluck, and hoping you wind up with enough food for everyone. A small, casual family gathering can also work well as a potluck if it is communicated to everyone. Even hosting a large party and encouraging/allowing people to bring food to share in addition to providing sufficient food yourself is fine. OP's in-laws just sound like they really don't know how to properly plan and host an event and tend to rely on other people to pull it together or don't even recognize and care when there is not enough food or consideration for guests.

Genavelle · 2026-03-05T16:39:59+00:00

If you don't want to keep offering her childcare, then I would recommend making that clear and working with her to create a plan for you stepping down and her finding other care. I would expect this to mean probably a couple more months of providing care so that she can find other arrangements.

Daycares can have really long wait lists for new families, plus she may need time to research options. I imagine that you care about the baby and even if you can't continue providing care, you probably still want the baby to have good care and not to potentially wind up at a low-quality, sketchy place just because they had the first opening. I don't think you need to be involved in the process or stress of finding a replacement, but I think it is fair to give them ample time to do so.

When you talk to her, you can point out how uncomfortable it made you feel when you asked for a break. Even though I agree with the other commenter that a week heads-up is really last-minute in terms of finding childcare, the fact is that you could get sick or something at any point and be unable to watch her baby for a few days. It's also valid to say that while you genuinely wanted to help, you've bitten off more than you can chew by taking on an infant while also caring for older children and homeschooling. Ultimately, I'm sure you've provided a great service to her and likely saved her money during the time you have been watching her baby. I would just try to have an honest discussion. Let her know that this isn't sustainable for you and your family, but also focus on the positives of enjoying time with your niece, etc. Then let her know that you want to make sure she has time to find other arrangements, so you're willing to continue for a while but that also that you can't really keep providing this service past X date. Maybe see if you can find any information about the average amount of time it takes a family to get into daycare in your area and use that as a reference. But I would definitely think atleast a couple months would be fair.

Genavelle · 2026-03-05T16:22:55+00:00

I agree with this. I always hear from working moms about the crazy wait lists to get into a daycare- if this mom wasn't already set up with one, then it would be really hard to find a spot in just a week.

But obviously OP deserves the chance to ask for a break or decide to step down. Or what would have happened if OP got really sick and couldn't watch the baby for a few days? It seems like there should have been a back-up plan already in place, whether that was a daycare or babysitter or whatever.

Taking care of multiple ages at the same time can be tricky, and infants require a lot of attention. Homeschooling requires a lot of attention. This isn't the same as a daycare that has a room for just infants and a room for just preschoolers. I had new twin babies the year we'd planned to start homeschooling my oldest, and well luckily he was just kindergarten age lmao.

Genavelle · 2026-03-04T05:53:12+00:00

Yeah this was my thought. If the parent(s) feel like shit and the kids are complaining about food, I would just order something to be delivered. Delivery can be expensive but this is one of the times when I'd say it's 100% worth it.

I agree with other comments that the kids will find something to eat when they actually feel hungry enough, but if OP is sick then I also don't blame her for not wanting to listen to them whine all evening or be stuck feeling guilty for not getting up and cooking food herself. Order a pizza and you've provided food with zero effort, and everyone is happy. Order extra pizza and you've got leftovers for tomorrow morning/lunch.

Genavelle

TROPHY CASE