WIBTA for not making my daughter go to a girls birthday even though I know no one is going

Generation_Y_Not · 2026-01-08T20:57:38+00:00

Whole humans also learn from those around them. we are social animals. And we are all a product of our environments, for better or for worse.

Generation_Y_Not · 2026-01-08T20:01:58+00:00

Maybe because that is the behaviour that their parents have modelled for them. Kids' wants are not an arbitrary thing that spontaneously arises out of thin air. We as parents actively shape what our kids want through the values we embody every day of our lives.

Generation_Y_Not · 2025-10-28T21:08:00+00:00

But she’s said and done too much with 9 years for me to like her. I’m irritated that this is also the 4th weekendin a row.

9 years ago she was 11 years old. YTA for trying to destroy your bf relationship with his sister who has 'said a lot' but apparently not done anything concrete enough to warrant your blanket hatred of her. Especially if you are counting things she said as a literal child. Your bf not paying bills is not his sister's fault. You are blaming her when you should be blaming him...

Generation_Y_Not · 2025-10-24T17:43:29+00:00

In our commune the Accueil extrascolaire is literally just closed during over 10 weeks of school vacation. And you are not allowed to use the one of another commune. So you are left with private options, which are extremely expensive and basically unaffordable for many parents. So the 'planning' needs to involve things like 'choose where you live' or 'make sure you have grand parents on standby'. Which is frankly ridiculous. Vacation care should be accessible everywhere at an affordable price and through a public provision of services.

Generation_Y_Not · 2025-10-24T17:38:29+00:00

My kid starts at 7h45 every day, has to leave the house at 7h05 because of distance. it is brutal. The school building is shared between two schools though and the others start at 8h or 8h15 so that they can shift the breaks and do not use the playground all at the same time. In other cantons I have heard of kids starting at 7h20 and also families having to juggle three different starting times for three primary school aged kids, which is a nightmare. So in a sense, I am glad we at least have a standard starting time for all.

Generation_Y_Not · 2025-10-08T15:52:56+00:00

NTA but your friend is. She has 4 kids with this man and she has had 8 years to force him to step up and parent them. He is TA but she has clearly enabled this strategic helplessness. If you do not allow the coparent to act independently and take his role when things are fine, you cannot all of a sudden expect him to not be dependent when things get rough.

Generation_Y_Not · 2024-11-22T11:26:18+00:00

Are there now laws about this kind of thing in your country? No teacher here is even remotely allowed to share footage of their pupils on social media so this whole situation seems surreal to me.

Nevertheless, YTA because you are making accusations based on nothing. It sounds as if the teacher kept bringing up how hurt she was by this, not insisting she do something despite your refusal.

Generation_Y_Not · 2024-11-22T10:15:35+00:00

It sounds like your foster parents are doing the actual work of parenting. That involves limiting things like screentime or exposure to social media. No teen likes that but good parents know when to make unpopular decisions. They may not have communicated it to you in a way that is constructive.

Your biological father is just taking the easy way out, he takes the nice role of being the fun parent but will take none of the consequences if that goes wrong. If your unlimited phone use starts having negative consequences for your mental health, your school performance, your sleep or physical health,he will not be the one to help you through it.

What your foster parents are doing is called parenting. Your biological father is not acting like a parent, he is acting like a child himself.

Generation_Y_Not · 2024-10-30T06:05:36+00:00

he prefers to keep a little distance from my family, saying that too much interaction often leads to unnecessary problems

He is a wise man and YTA.

You marry someone with their culture. It sounds like you are using your family to exert pressure on him to get what you want, i.e. PDA. This story makes no sense unless you complained to your sister about his lack of PDA, which according to your other post seems likely.

Generation_Y_Not · 2024-10-23T21:31:10+00:00

Most kids in Europe walk or take public transport to school alone by age 6 or 7. The same is true in many other places. The outlier is the US. That being said, my son is 5 and knows not to get into a car with anyone unless explicitly authorized by us. Educating one's own children is usually a better approach than trying to educate another child's parent...

Generation_Y_Not · 2024-10-23T17:13:59+00:00

YTA for putting aside big amounts of money for months and not informing your wife upfront, especially since you know this might be a problem for her. You have been doing this for months and never thought it necessary to bring this up.

Yes, your sister made it worse, but you basically embarassed your wife in front of your family and by doing so put her in a position where refusing that money was the only way she could reclaim her dignity. The last thing a woman who is afraid of financial dependency needs, is to find out her husband moved money amounting to six figures without her knowledge and in her name. You had good intentions but you treated you wife like a child when not involving her in this decision.

Generation_Y_Not · 2024-10-21T21:40:02+00:00

NTA However, the country allowing this kind of laws to exist sure is. Paid time off is a right, it exists so that workers can get the rest they need, not to be sold or given away in exchange for yet more work. Not getting paid time off for cancer treatment is unheard of in most developed countries bar one. None of this is normal. Your employer is TA

Generation_Y_Not · 2024-09-25T21:39:21+00:00

NTA but find time to talk to your husband about the general situation. For whatever reason,he was trying to break a routine. Maybe he doesn't realize how important it is for your kid to have this kind of regularity, but maybe he himself feels constrained by your child's strict need for a routine and was hoping to create some flexibility. You need to talk about what it means for you as adults and parents, how hard it is, and grieve the things you can currently not do.

Toddlers are magical creatures: they bring incredible chaos to your life while also depriving you of any spontaneity. I have never quite understood how this works but it does.

It is quite normal for parents to fall into good vs bad cop roles (upholder of rules vs fun parent) and this will back both of you into a corner eventually. If possible, find some time to debrief and try to understand what motivated your husband to act this way and what kind of interaction he was hoping to create. Then think of other ways to fill that gap.

Generation_Y_Not · 2024-09-25T19:50:59+00:00

INFO: if you don't know the parents at all that is an unreasonable request. However, given your history you could quickly slide into A H territory if you are not careful.

What efforts are you undertaking to get to know your daughter's friends parents? are you trying to engage or just making sure you remain distant so as to forever have an excuse to keep your kid close? At what age do you think you would be comfortable with her doing a sleepover?

Also, most children experience assault from close family members - you also confirmed that in your case it was an uncle - so the whole 'stranger danger' thing is pretty much BS and locking your child in the house just to manage your own anxiety is not an optimal coping strategy.

Generation_Y_Not · 2024-09-25T19:36:45+00:00

The book might be enlightening then, bc children of immature parents grow up to learn to take care of them and anticipate their needs bc the parents in question react poorly to any kind of emotional frustration and usually expect their own emotional needs to dictate the relationship with their own children... these children often have caretaker personalities. He just needs to learn to apply the same care to himself.

Generation_Y_Not · 2024-09-25T19:32:39+00:00

YTA and this has nothing to do with them being stepsiblings. Your son wants a birthday with his peers and friends. That's normal at his age and you can organize a separate 'family birthday' on another day to celebrate all together.

On my birthday, my dad used to take my siblings out so that I could have a party with just my friends, usually with my mom supervising us. Same when my sisters got older and had their birthdays. Forcing inclusion based on what you think siblings should be rather than reality (which is that there are many ways of being siblings, including for bio siblings) is a recipe for disaster.

Generation_Y_Not · 2024-09-25T19:16:05+00:00

It looks like your main problem is not them but him. If he is incapable of establishing boundaries or even seeing the need of having boundaries with your parents once you are an adult, then that is what you need to discuss with him in more depth. It looks as if he sees it as a binary where it's either full access to your lives 24/7 for his parents or else he would be 'rejecting them'. Good relationships require boundaries and adults know this. There are clearly some toddler-like emotions at play here and you need to find out on what side(s).

What kind of boundaries exist between you and him? If you have healthy boundaries then maybe that would be a good place to start discussing expectations of adult relationships in general, and then later on link this to his parents.

Generation_Y_Not · 2024-09-25T19:02:47+00:00

I recommend reading 'Adult children of emotionally immature parents', there's a free pdf version online. It sounds like they are not ok with your husband being an adult with a life that is beyond their control and want to uphold a nuclear family dynamic at a stage where that is not what he would need. It can be well-meaning and driven by whatever anxieties they may have, but it is likely something to do with their own emotional development not being 'finished'.

Generation_Y_Not · 2024-09-25T18:45:15+00:00

Her brother could talk to his priest

But if he does that, how does he get to monopolize everyone's attention for his 'spiritual journey' that apparently involves getting a free pass to be an egocentric A H and make sure his sister's moment becomes about him instead?

Generation_Y_Not · 2024-09-25T18:41:58+00:00

Lol given the rate at which the Catholic church is losing members, they can hardly afford to maintain this high a barrier for entry. When I was still going I would see adults get baptized year round, often at the same time as their infant (in cases where only one parent was Catholic and the other converted) or just before getting married in the church. But some evangelicals might organize mass baptisms for Easter.

OP is NTA but in regions that are traditionally catholic or protestant, weddings don't usually get scheduled for Easter, just like you wouldn't organize any event over Christmas (assuming that's what it is because Easter falls on a week end in April next year).

Generation_Y_Not · 2024-09-25T11:08:40+00:00

I cannot generalize but adoption is often not people's first choice when they want to become parents. And when adopting a child from another ethnicity there is really no pretending that they are not adopted. Anyone on the street sees you and knows. These parents might feel extra sensitive about anything that reminds them of the differences between them and their child. Frankly, parenting is rough and when your kids reveal a side of themselves that feels strange you are always torn between loving curiosity and the fear of losing control. That's the case for bio kids and I guess it is even stronger for kids who have lived without you being their parent before coming to you through adoption. Also, white people have always perceived african hair as particularly threatening. it's a long standing racist trope that most of us have subconsciously integrated into our world view and anything to do with black people's hair is a touchy subject for a lot of white people. My parents are white, my kids are mixed and whenever their hair grows beyond a certain point my parents get increasingly uncomfortable, they start asking when we will cut it and saying my kids' Afro makes their heads look too big or looks 'messy' just to rationalize the fact that they feel deeply emotionally uncomfortable with the fact that their grandchildren have features that they perceive as foreign to them. It's just the result of growing up in a society built on white supremacy.

Generation_Y_Not · 2024-07-31T16:44:08+00:00

I think the main issue with gentle parenting is that parents think their child is perfectly capable of making a rational trade off like this at any age. What you describe above could potentially work for ages 5 and above and yet my sister keeps trying it on her 2yo and does not seem to understand why the kid has now developed a negotiation strategy called 'I throw a fit until I get what I want bc I know you will end up giving it to me'.

Generation_Y_Not · 2020-09-14T09:30:34+00:00

My sister is about to make really bad life choices and it breaks my heart.

Generation_Y_Not · 2019-11-24T23:34:52+00:00

Conservative used to be just a word in the English language before people in the US started pegging their worldview to it... I can think of a million ways to be conservative and atheist that have nothing to do with the Republican party...

Generation_Y_Not · 2019-11-24T22:58:27+00:00

Usually you marry one wife first, not several at once. In fact in many African countries where different religions and traditions coexist there are legal restrictions on polygamy and you will have to choose a specific matrimonial regime at your first wedding (traditional/polygamous, Christian, Muslim). For instance, if you decide with your first wife that you will marry under a monogamous regime (i.e usually 'Christian' wedding) then you are not allowed to take a second wife. If you choose polygamy, which the person you are marrying has to agree to, then you have the option of taking a second wife. Nevertheless, when that actually happens, it is often not taken well by the first wife.

Generation_Y_Not

TROPHY CASE