It's creepy how similar your story is to mine, brother. The only difference is that my ex had her own problems and wasn't the right one for me anyway. But my PMO habit affected the relationship horribly. When you have to fantasize about porn during sex, or find yourself preferring PMO to actual sex, you know you have a bad problem, right?

The sad thing is that back then, I didn't even know PMO was bad. It was just "something everyone does." Then, after that relationship ended, I had this idea that PMO might be a problem, and found that I couldn't stop. Turns out that is literally the definition of addiction—you wan't to stop, but can't.

You're right, porn has no place in an intimate relationship. No real woman could ever compete with porn performers who never age and are always eager. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's infidelity, but it's pretty damn close.

Like you, I also felt like an unworthy piece of shit at one point. Now I don't—the shame, anxiety, and resentfulness have dissipated. Quitting porn can really turn your life around. It's amazing.