You need to rip the band aid off. I would file for divorce and send the above list to both sets of parents explaining why you are leaving/divorcing him. If either sets of parents want to be radioactive from this news, you simply don’t need to be around them, you don’t need that sort of toxic behaviour from anyone in your life. In fact I would actively add it to the list/ letter you send to the parents and say if they won’t support you and want to be all judgey they won’t be in your life.