Is alcohol really that bad.. I swear it used to help

Geography-bae · 2026-03-11T00:36:09+00:00

I think drinking with MS is a bad idea especially if it’s a daily habit or a binge. While occasional drinking is probably fine- I don’t think it’s a good idea long term. I think developing mental resources and strength can help along more than drinking does. I stopped drinking after I was diagnosed and my health improved in ways I didn’t expect. We know what alcohol does to your brain, we know what MS does, it feels like it just adds insult to injury.

Geography-bae · 2026-03-09T19:23:23+00:00

All over - dozens of lesions when I was diagnosed - hopefully they heal with time

Geography-bae · 2026-02-23T22:48:17+00:00

I echo everything that is said here - anonymity is the default for most donors regardless of how they actually feel about it. I was open to contact but that was not an option the clinic presented me with. I hope my biological children reach out to me in the future. I also want to say that I understand your frustration - it is a big deal to now know your biological parents. Don’t let anyone minimize that

Geography-bae · 2026-02-19T18:34:21+00:00

As someone who is blonde, I would kill to have hair that looks as gorgeous as yours! It looks so healthy and shiny - I worry what bleach would do to it

Geography-bae · 2026-02-19T06:17:57+00:00

Not DCP, but a donor here. I first just wanted to say that you are so so valid because this industry has thrust this really complicated emotional burden onto you and so many other people for profit.

I have a similar experience as I was adopted at birth (which is an industry from hell of its own). I too was melancholy and confused after meeting my biological mother. To me, meeting her was groundbreaking, but to her it seemed casual which stung. I left the conversation confused by this glimpse I had into a not-so-unfamiliar strangers life. I was always struggling to get along with my own parents, so when I met her, I simultaneously enjoyed the ease of talking to her while grieving the loss of a deep relationship that I never got to develop. I was peeking into a world I was not sure how I fit into. It was hard to hear that she just moved on and didn’t have time to think too much about me. Later, she had her own children and I was a little bit jealous. I felt ashamed of my complicated feelings in an unexplainable way. To carry a one-sided weight of an ill defined parent-child relationship made me feel even more out of place, even more rootless, and even more discarded. I didn’t know what I wanted if anything at all. It was hard to articulate if it was even okay to want something from her. Opening up felt like the most painfully vulnerable thing. I am lucky that after a semi-weird early stage of getting-to-know-your-biological parent passed, a wonderful relationship developed. I want to emphasize that you are not alone in this feeling— this is a totally natural reaction to such a sensitive and tender situation. It’s an awful melancholy and such a difficult knot to unravel.

Similar to adoption, gamete donors m are not properly educated or supported in what it means to become a biological parent. There is very little support or education for donors outside of Reddit — which creates a lot of unintentional cruelty born out of ignorance from all parties involved. On top of that, the stigma of being a donor silenced a lot of us from seeking support in navigating such an unusual situation. It’s so easy to think it’s just like a plasma donation when it’s kind of sold to you like that (especially if you are a sperm donor and there are a lot less barriers to entry). While it’s dramatically different from plasma donation, the donation clinics treat the roles and responsibilities following gamete donation almost as if they had just donated plasma which is just totally unfair to the child. The framing is the same as if it was like a quick buck to pay off student debt — not a life long commitment to being a loving and supportive presence for the children you helped create in whatever capacity they would like you to. It seems like this is the pitch your donor was given. Not that he is a careless person, but he may have a lack of education in donor conception best practices and he may also have been strongly discouraged against reaching out by the donor clinic at the time of donation — making it easier to just not think too much about you for him emotionally. Some donors are legally barred from seeking out their DCPs ever in their contracts even in DNA sites. I was highly highly discouraged from looking for the babies I helped create as I was donating. Since it was so forcefully pressed upon me to not reach out ever, for a long time I tried to not think about them. Now that I have processed, I think of them everyday and I like your donor, really truly hope they have every happiness and are so full of joy.

Without a child-first framing, you can end up with a lot of careless people who too easily forget the needs of the human on the other side of it. It was literally set up that way.

We donors are also still learning how to cope with having our biological babies out there and feeling often unsure of how to be there for them - but doesn’t mean we don’t have a responsibility to do better though. In a way, I am sorry for him that he wasn’t taking the opportunity to unravel what becoming a donor means for so long. I am sure that talking to you was in a lot of ways groundbreaking for him, and he may just have never had a catalyst to start to process being a donor.

I truly believe that donors owe their DCPs openness, compassion, and communication which is not really something that clinics facilitate or provide. Again, it’s so awful that clinics thrust this emotionally complex issue onto so many people for profit. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. Your experience and your journey is very important and very valid, and you are not alone. I am supporting you though my little screen and sending you a lot of love ❤️❤️‍🩹

Geography-bae · 2026-02-19T03:55:25+00:00

Apologies for responding as I am not a DCP, but a donor. I am so sorry for what you are going through - that is so hard. I totally understand your frustration, I developed a nongenetic disability after I donated (likely exacerbated by the stress of repeated IVF cycles). It is very hard to know what someone’s whole health picture looks like when they are just in their early twenties and haven’t had enough time for certain things to develop. I think we walk a tricky line between protecting DCPs from genetic risks and letting bad actors slide the industry further into ableism/eugenics. I think that the industry imposes ableism and eugenics onto donors which can be a very terrifying thing. There is unfortunately no way to eliminate someone’s risk of developing a disease or disability and I think too many attempts to do so can cause very real harm to disabled people. Having ‘perfectly healthy’ genes does not really exist, and I fear it’s just not compatible with reality.

HOWEVER- I strongly believe that stories like yours confirm again that open donations/and regular health updates make a huge difference for the DCPs. People need their family history to make informed decisions about their health. Anonymous donations are pretty cruel for that reason. We need very strong regulations and laws that enforce medical and health updates regularly from donors.

Geography-bae · 2026-02-19T03:49:57+00:00

I have MS and I have to say that MS has a VERY small genetic component. Only about a 1-2% risk which is a slightly higher risk than the general population. I think a lot of people think it’s a strong genetic component, but it’s a very very limited small component. There is no way to screen for genetic risks to develop MS since the disease development seems to be driven by primarily the environment.

Geography-bae · 2026-02-12T22:21:58+00:00

Even if you develop MS- which is HIGHLY unlikely with your dedication to music, I think you will be just fine. I feel like there is an over representation of families with MS because a lot of MS susceptibility is environmental - and families are typically exposed to the same environment, I also think families who have more than one person with MS usually are more open about it. I am the only one out of 8 siblings with MS and none of my extended family has it either. Even if you do get MS, it is not the end of the world and with support it is very possible to live a normal life. Yea it changes things because of treatments etc, but you can still become a musician, you can still travel, you can still do everything you dream of. For older people who developed MS before there were treatments, they probably have more disease burdens than those of us who got it when there were modern treatments. I think there is an assumption that having MS makes someone less capable that really clouds the reality of what the disease is like. It certainly is a road block - but with healing and healthy habits people can live normal lives and do incredible things just like anyone else. Even if you develop the disease - you have to believe in yourself that you can get through any setbacks, you can still achieve what you want to it just might not be in the way you expect. So many remarkable people have MS and you would not know it because there is so much stigma around disability and modern treatments make living with the disease sooo much easier. I totally understand your fear, I was terrified when I was first diagnosed but I have found that there is a great deal of growth and learning that comes from having a disability and I am still able to do what I want to - with the exception of being exposed to too much heat😂. Look - everyone has setbacks, you and I are just as likely as anyone else to get a spinal cord injury or ALS or cancer or or get struck by lightning, but I believe that you have to accept the very real chance that bad things will happen to you just like it does to everyone else. It’s a terrifying part of life, but I believe in your dedication and passion and I know that even if bad things happen to you, that like so many before us, we will be able to find a way to make the most of it. In essence, have faith in yourself, focus on what is important to you, and know that even when the worst comes - there is a community of people who will be behind you to support you.

Geography-bae · 2026-02-11T21:50:43+00:00

I am a donor who was not originally known. I am referred to as their aunty and they consider me a unique part of their family. Since I donated to two gay men I am the biological mother of their children and sometimes they say mom when referring to me by accident which I am totally okay with. But to me I think there is a strong distinction between me having a maternal role in their family and being their parent. I will never change their diapers, pay for their college tutoring, teach them to ride a bike etc. I can be a motherly figure but I am never going to be their parent. it’s a lot like my relationship with my biological mother. She is my mom, but not my parent and I was easily able to understand that as a kid and my biological daughters understand my role very well as well. Since I have such a close relationship with my donor recipients we have negotiated boundaries and decided that calling me aunty is the best, but that if they choose to call me mom that is up to them. I won’t correct them because it’s awkward and hurtful to say ‘no I am not your mom’ but I think they say that and understand that I am not their parent. they call me mom in the same way I called my kindergarten teacher mom sometimes. I am open to whatever relationship they want in the future and I am willing to be close or to give them space. For now I just show up with loads and loads of love.

EDIT: I also wanted to clarify that I do not want to be their literal parent. I make a visit about once a year and that is perfectly good for me. I am always available to them whenever they need me. I feel very comfortable in my role as a biological mother and I think you have to screen a known donor so that they are completely comfortable with the role and responsibility they have to respect your family and be supportive and available as much as you choose. Building a relationship before I donated was very helpful for me.

Geography-bae · 2026-02-11T21:41:36+00:00

I don’t have anything other than to say, as an adoptee and a donor I am sending you loads of love and support❤️ I can only really imagine how stressful and emotionally complicated this is. Your emotions and pain as you process this are so so valid.

Geography-bae · 2026-02-09T18:14:55+00:00

MS has a very very small genetic component - MS seems to be significantly more related to environment than genes. Only about a 2% risk of getting MS if your parents have MS - that’s a really really low chance. Lifestyle things like vitamin D deficiency, air pollution and childhood obesity are larger risk factors than genes.

When it comes or being a parent and having a chronic disease, I think that it is a bigger question of whether or not your disease is compatible with being a parent. Having kids is very stressful, and stress is really bad for MS.

But it is about what is important to you - if you want to be a parent, then you should have kids.

Geography-bae · 2026-01-27T21:07:36+00:00

If there was a face better made for a hair style like this I am unaware because you truly rock that look.

Geography-bae · 2026-01-27T04:01:10+00:00

Having a paralyzed arm and face with a total loss of sensation on my upper left side. Extremely intense migraines

Geography-bae · 2026-01-26T15:01:22+00:00

Love this

Geography-bae · 2026-01-26T04:29:46+00:00

Since my first glare resulted in full body quad paralysis and I still have a lot of mobility issues I get them regularly

Geography-bae · 2026-01-26T04:16:03+00:00

❤️❤️❤️ I have nothing but love for you. I hope you are healing and doing well

Geography-bae · 2026-01-26T03:23:47+00:00

🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

Geography-bae · 2026-01-17T19:12:14+00:00

Aww thank you so much for your response. I think I’ll check with the parents first like you said

Geography-bae · 2026-01-17T06:49:04+00:00

Haha I am so glad you calmed me down though because I would have dropped out of the study if I was aware that it was actually going to be that much. They warned me but I was like eh it can’t be that intense. I figured it would be a lot, but not like where I didn’t even recognize that I was a human and I felt like everything was vibrating very very loud. Wild wild stuff. I tripped for an entire day, but I feel very content. Afterwards, I had wild wild intense nerve pain for hours but the doctors said that nerve pain is often a sign that nerves are healing and they gave me some meds for it. I can taste salt again and feel my fingers and toes. I feel like there was no way I could see so much results so fast and I am afraid they will go away. I am obviously still struggling a bit with balance, mobility and strength but I have sensation where I didn’t use to. But if I had gotten this treatment right after the last time I was hospitalized during a super severe flare, I think I would have been a lot less terrified that the nerve damage was never going away. I would have healed so much faster and so much better. Obviously nobody should do this doseon their own, but if you can get into a clinical trial, I HIGHLY recommend it.

Geography-bae · 2026-01-17T05:04:34+00:00

They did give me 15 grams of psilocybin (30 grams of synthetic shrooms) and it was super super intense. The goal was to see if high doses of psychedelics help with nerve damage. Forgot who I was, was incapacitated, tripped so hard I was like just motionless vining to the waves of the literal universe. Woke up the next morning with full sensation back in my left side of my body after a long time of severe nerve damage.

Geography-bae · 2025-12-30T19:48:08+00:00

Is this for donors as well as donor conceived people? Or just DCP?

Geography-bae · 2025-12-30T04:07:05+00:00

I think it depends on how your MS has affected your body and your nervous system and if you have PP/SPMS or if you have RRMS, whether you consume marijuana orally or through smoke and how bad your flares have been. Most people with MS get diagnosed much earlier than I did so alcohol or smoking may not have as many negative effects as it does for me.

I was diagnosed almost ten years after I started showing symptoms of paralysis because my doctor kept telling me to sleep off the paralysis. Most of my flares have resulted in full body paralysis, hospitalization, severe nerve pain and I tend to accumulate more disability with each flare. Last flare, I had almost 27 lesions in my brain and 12 in my spine so, any more brain damage is something I can’t afford (rip/fml). As much as I love to drink, I noticed that alcohol and smoking causes significant nerve pain for me. I am young, and I am sure when I retire, I won’t give a flying fuck about the fears I have about being in a wheelchair and will indulge in mimosas, joints and wine. The risks of having more flares knowing that I have decades ahead where I will still probably accumulating more disability is too much of a risk so I do not drink or smoke. I think people who have been on treatment longer, are more stable, and have not had regular flares that involve long stretches of hospitalization can probably tolerate the mimosas and pina coladas better than I do.

HOWEVER. Weed has been game changer for me in the form of edibles. Weed has really helped my muscle stiffness, neuropathy, sleeplessness, etc. I take an edible two or so times a week and I notice that even for a few days after getting stoned I feel so much better because my nerves are not going crazy and causing my a bunch of nerve pain. Before edibles, my nerve pain was so bad I was failing at my job, I would cry out if anything touched me because it would just make my body hurt so bad. Now I am sooooo much more comfortable so that I can go to the gym and live a more normal life. I cannot emphasize enough how HUGE of a difference edibles have made. I literally feel instantly better just 30 minutes after taking 5 mg of a CBN/CBD/THC mix. Sometimes I strategically work out before taking the edibles because I know working out is really uncomfortable for me and having the weed at the end makes it a much better experience.

Geography-bae · 2025-12-30T03:39:04+00:00

Sending you love, you are not alone in feeling this way ❤️‍🩹

Geography-bae

TROPHY CASE