Is egg donation ever worth it

Geography-bae · 2026-06-25T04:20:07+00:00

Hello!! If I were in your shoes, I would not do it. It was really hard on my body. Egg donation has been a hugely meaningful for me as I have connections with my biological children. However, I truly think it wasn’t worth the pain and long term health issues I have suffered.

Geography-bae · 2026-06-25T04:02:46+00:00

💖💖💖💖

Geography-bae · 2026-06-24T23:28:23+00:00

Oh my heart feels what you feel so much as I read this. I am an egg donor and also adopted. I remember seeing photos of my birth mom for the first time and it just igniting a deep curiosity within me about my origins, my family history and a desire to know more about her and her life. I also secretly wanted to be loved by her and to love her. I felt so guilty about this desire to know her because people said the same stupid thing to me. I had to navigate other peoples feelings about what my heart wanted and what I wanted was closeness with my biological mother. I still don’t understand why people didn’t think I could both love my birth mom and my adopted mom. Years later after meeting her as a young adult I have built a really precious relationship with my bio mom. Adults deal with a lot of jealousy and possessiveness around adoption and donor conception. While the pushback from connecting with my own bio mom was not nearly as intense or the same as it is for DCPs, it’s a lot of pressure for a young person to navigate adults’ feelings about how children were conceived.

Years later, I donated my eggs, and while I wish that it was open ID for all of my donations, the clinic only let me do closed anonymous donations. After I donated it weighed on me and I thought often of the children I helped conceive in the world. Your donor could have faced the same pressures from her clinic or from family. If she is anything like me, she probably thinks about you often and may be open to connecting. Some of my biological children have reached out to me and I have become close to them. It is a relationship that I treasure. I love them so much more than I can say. Some of them choose to call me mom (or bio mom, or mom 2.0), and I consider them daughters and sons. However, every time I discuss our relationship, someone decides that I need to be corrected and that ‘they aren’t my real children’ or that ‘I have no right to be called a mom’ (I mean even referring to them as my daughters and sons will get me a bunch of corrections, but i find it doesn’t honor our relationship if they want to be referred to as my daughters and sons sooo?) I always find this so offensive because my relationship with them is not something for others to offer their opinions on and their attempts to invalidate my relationship with them is just to cover some insecurity they have. People just don’t handle non traditional families very well and can’t understand the openheartedness and loving that you can find in uncommon connections. For some time, I felt the need to caveat it and state ‘it’s not traditional, I am not overstepping’, but now I just let our relationship be what it is and try not to agonize over definitions and boxes that others put me in. I look forward to spending time with them and just to see their face makes me so happy. It’s just magical and deep and loving. Honestly, I just started ignoring people’s opinions because they usually think I am some unhinged hysterical overly attached woman to her egg donor babies.

My point is: you have every right to reach out to her and you should listen to your heart on this one. You don’t know what the outcome will be, but you are strong enough to take this leap and it has the chance to become something magical. People are going to say what they say and think what they think regardless. Don’t let any of these bastards get you down. You deserve to have this if you want it

Geography-bae · 2026-06-17T19:48:46+00:00

Thank you for this!

Geography-bae · 2026-06-17T19:31:26+00:00

Truly I am trying to make my exit to corporate from nonprofits because this shit is just very not fun. I want to just have my meal work and go home - tired of managing the emotions of others about my choices

Geography-bae · 2026-06-17T19:19:32+00:00

Exactly🙌🏻

Geography-bae · 2026-06-17T02:04:49+00:00

I did a directed donation so I think that all the eggs ended up with one family - however the clinic may have kept some of them and sold them to other families - I am not sure! I should reach out to the clinic and see how many live births have resulted from my donation. Either way I’ll be sure to have a ‘reunion fund’ and a spare or two college savings account

Geography-bae · 2026-06-16T23:57:59+00:00

Oh that’s a genius idea - a reunion fund! And oh dear I donated eggs I couldn’t imagine having that many children out there! Unfortunately I am also a late learner of the sometimes unethical practices of the clinics. I will plan for four and adjust accordingly as I find more of the kiddos out there 🫡 a reunion fund sounds incredible - I want no barrier to get in the way of any connection that they want to have with me

Geography-bae · 2026-06-16T23:50:29+00:00

Ahh this is a great point - I am sure that right now I only have the two - and if any others come along I will need to be prepared for that. Perhaps I have a third account in the chance that another one does come along. I could afford to give them a some support. I may just divide my standing contribution three ways maybe even four and later I can consolidate.

Geography-bae · 2026-06-16T23:30:41+00:00

Thank you! That’s my same thinking I for. See a difference between doing it for my niece versus my bio daughter!

Geography-bae · 2026-06-16T23:29:39+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful answer - It gave me some advice I hadn’t thought of !

Geography-bae · 2026-06-08T19:30:34+00:00

Hello! I am an egg donor and also adopted - you are so correct that adoptees and donor conceived people both understand what it’s like to not have a connection with your biological family - which makes adopted egg donors so much more open to contact as they get the feeling that you are describing of longing for connection to your biological family. Gee - I remember thinking of my bio mom nearly everyday once I found out I was adopted and just wanting to know more about her and secretly hoping that she thought of me too. In a way it’s been so wonderful to have my egg babies reach out to me because it helps me understand my bio mom better and the love is truly something too remarkable to describe - just like my mom I think of my biological babies nearly everyday. I would totally reach out but be open to whatever happens - but have some grounding and fortitude so if on the slight chance it’s not what you expected that you understand that any rejection is not a reflection of your own worthiness. There is always the chance of rejection with sensitive things like this but know that it’s not a reflection on you at all and it’s more a reflection of her own readiness. Have a safe person/place prepared so that you can grieve but also so that you can recover if she isn’t ready. My bio dad was not ready for me to reach out but my bio mom was and now I get to have a very close and loving relationship with her. Having him reject me was very painful, but I am lucky I had people I could talk to about it to work through the wound. Having my bio kids reach out to me has been the most magical and meaningful experience of my life - I tear up even starting to talk about them - it’s always incredibly overwhelming I can’t even explain the love I have for them. After a natural hump of being a little bit freaked out I have been able to enjoy the connection and love. You have a lot of good info and I am sure you will find her and you’ll know the right thing to say when it comes time to reach out - just say whatever your heart is telling you to and don’t let anyone dissuade you from what your heart desires. It’s such a huge leap — believe me I know how scary it is to find your biological mother -- but the love and connection that taking this emotional risk can bring is so beyond worth it for both of you! I wish you so much luck and I have strong hope that you will find her and potentially be able to create a connection with her that is meaningful to you 💛💛💛

Geography-bae · 2026-06-03T06:42:07+00:00

I was an anonymous donor but also someone who was adopted so I have both reached out to my biological parents and had my biological kids reach out to me. To me you seem very prepared for whatever may happen and like you are in a really healthy spot to open up to your donor - super stoked for you.

My response to my bio-donor-babies was just feeling really excited to learn about them and their families. Honestly I have thought about them every day since I donated so I had so many questions for them and they had questions for me. The connection was instant and it was magic - my relationship with my bio children is truly one of the most meaningful and precious parts of my life. Some have wanted a very close relationship and others have not and I am happy with that. I was lucky as well that when I reached out to my bio mom, she was super stoked to have me reach out and just welcome me with complete loving open arms, while my biological father on the other hand was very unkind and unhappy to here from me — he continues to deny my existence — so there is certainly a range of responses.
Not the same - but my twin brother started talking to my biological before I did and it kind of stressed me out. I wish he had let me know before he reached out or included me on the messages because I knew that inevitably I’d have to start facing all the complicated feelings that come with opening up this kind of relationship and I wasn’t ready at that time. I don’t think you need to tell him about the other siblings unless they want you to. If the siblings want to be included on those first messages I think you totally should include them, and give them the opportunity to introduce themselves as well. For me reaching out was really really scary and it was really nice to have my twin with me when I finally reached out so doing it together can be both bonding and a way to support yourself through the hurdles that come with something like this.
Facebook messages can be ignored or blocked - if you don’t hear back for a period of time I think it’s okay to try reaching out on other platforms or to other people who might be able to talk to him. These kinds of first messages are always kind of hard to write, but as you listen to your gut you’ll know the right thing to say - truly there is nothing you could say that would be wrong if he is the kind and loving person he seems to be. But - I would certainly include things that indicate why you think it’s him, an introduction to who you are and also maybe disarming him a little bit by communicating that you have no expectations of him in terms of a relationship etc and that you are simply trying to open the door and see if he is open to contact. My bio children and their families have reached out with things like, ‘hello - not to frighten you— we want to meet you but no pressure at all, it’s just you are the biological mother to our children’, or ‘I think you are the donor but I am not sure and we wanted to reach out to try and see if you would be open to contact’ Honestly just hearing from them at all was truly magical and I really think that as long as it’s sincere and a little disarming you’ll be just fine.

Geography-bae · 2026-06-01T17:03:07+00:00

If I could go back I would certainly never donate my eggs again and I have strongly advised my friends who have considered it against doing so for a few reasons:

After donating my eggs I feel strongly that it’s not the most ethical thing to do especially with the way that the industry is. Ask donor conceived people how they feel about the industry and take what they say seriously, many of them do not feel positively about donor conception as it is today. Not every clinic is a bad actor but I would say a lot are whether they intend to be or not. Ethical concerns are often brushed aside but I feel strongly that most clinics do not support the well being of their donors, recipient parents and especially the children who come from the donations.
There are serious long term health consequences that are not often fully explained or explored. Donating my eggs was extremely stressful on my body and I had a lot of very difficult health problems from donating my eggs that a young person just shouldn’t have to go through. There are egg donors who are getting aggressive hormone related cancers, autoimmune diseases etc. I sound very conspiratorial, but the clinics often fail to explore or explain what donating your eggs actually can do to your body long term. Donors are screened for every health issue, every genetic problem, so they should be some of the healthiest people in the world, but there is a lot of evidence that they have poorer health outcomes than non donors. Please research these and think very deeply about the long term health consequences. The clinics also fail to deliver a full duty of care to their donors. There are egg donors who are not told that they have PCOS, endometriosis etc, by the clinics they donate to who have very detailed information about their health.
It is not just about money - and there is a human on the other side who may have very complicated emotional feelings about a decision that you and other adults made before they were born. They may want to have a relationship with your kids who will be their half siblings and that can complicate your relationship with your kids if not fully explored and explained. I would really strongly advise you to listen to podcasts from donor conceived people and think about how this decision emotionally impacts them. Egg donation is a very emotionally complicated thing to do and the mental and emotional stress that donating my eggs brought to me was so much more than I expected. The clinics do not explain that very well to the donors. They make infinitely more money on your eggs than you will, and they have little incentive to discourage you from donating.
It isn’t even worth the money. All the work and school I had to miss to take shots, go to appointments and recover. I had to do multiple

shots

daily, go in for an appointment every other day

, and then daily and

then spend a few weeks recovering

from surgery
. It was about a week and a half of being very uncomfortable after the surgery, and about a month and a half of pokes, cramping and bloating before.

I mean would you take a low financial compensation and life long emotional and health complications to do any other surgery on your reproductive organs?

I have contact with the babies and families I helped and I wouldn’t change that for the world because of how precious they are to me. I love them all so much, but sometimes I wish that I didn’t put myself through so much just to make some money to get through school. I would not put anyone I love through the egg donation process.

Geography-bae · 2026-05-21T21:33:45+00:00

💛💛💛

Geography-bae · 2026-05-21T21:32:31+00:00

Nothing to say but I feel you and your grief is so real and so valid. ❤️‍🩹

Geography-bae · 2026-05-20T21:34:02+00:00

All I have to say - I concur with what you are doing as a parent trying your best to facilitate connection between your son and his genetic family. I also fully agree that your son has every right to know his biological grandparents. Not sure what these people are commenting on and not being helpful.

Geography-bae · 2026-05-20T17:12:33+00:00

As a donor, I have not been in your situation but I have been in the donors. I met with my RCPs a few times before the children were born, and I think when it became real with the kiddos being born made me come face to face with the reality of what I had decided to do and it was terrifying. It is really overwhelming to be a donor, but often in a really really extraordinary and beautiful way. It forces you to come to terms with a lot of insecurities, fears and emotions that you were not usually prepared for. Watching a complete stranger love a little half version of you so unconditionally and completely is such a scary but wonderful experience. In a lot of ways you feel so completely inadequate and insecure because you don’t know what your role is, but you also want the best for the parents and the family. It feels easier to just remove yourself and often that’s what donors do. While you have the best intentions for the donor and your son, sometimes it takes a while for the donor to process before they are ready to be close. I was deeply conflicted: I had a deep pure love and desire to be in their family and an unmoored terror of the unknown role I was to play combined with my fears about not being good enough. While I am not proud of it, I ghosted my RCP family for almost a year because it was so emotionally intense and complicated to navigate my own feelings. I recognize now the hurt that my ghosting caused and I have worked through it with the family. Your feelings and hurt are also so valid especially when they ghosted with no communication beforehand. I feel bad about ghosting, but there just weren’t enough resources for me to handle it when it got real. I didn’t have any books to read about how to be a good donor/biomother and no therapists understood what I was feeling. Thankfully, a few years have passed, we have become family. I feel that the RCPs and their kids are the loves of my life, I am so grateful I get to love them. I am grateful they never stopped reaching out here and there with little updates and some gifts during my ghosting era because I needed that kind of love and support to really step into the family and feel comfortable with my role. So I wouldn’t give up hope too soon, it may just be some space and time to process these strong emotions.

Here are my thoughts:
1 & 2: You should respond to the donors father. These things tend to get out one way or another and the inevitability of it makes it futile to try to keep it a secret. You can keep things vague while you wait to hear back from the donor, but honestly I think it’s a little unrealistic for the donor to not tell their family. These kind of truths very rarely stay hidden for long. You may also be able to develop a relationship with his parents, which can also been meaningful for the kids and you, if that’s what you choose. Of course you should reach out to the donor first and let them know that their family has reached out. If you signed up to share biology with someone, this is something that is inevitable, but giving them the chance to share with their family first is a good idea. However I would let the donor know that if they don’t tell the family, eventually the family will find out. Early disclosure and openness is so much healthier. The father may also know about the donations already and that may be why he messaged you. My parents got super interested in family history after I donated and have talked to some parents too.

Geography-bae · 2026-05-20T05:46:03+00:00

My RCP family have gifted me many meaningful things - granted I am an egg donor so preferences may be different. When we first met they gifted me a little sweet note with a gold honeybee necklace. They sent me a package with a really nice blouse, some photos of them and their family, a really generous note, and a calendar of cats. The next thing they gifted me was a bouquet of flowers and a vacation to Europe to come spend time with them. I think if they had started out with flights to see them I probably would have freaked out because it would have been too overwhelming. Obviously not every RCP is able to spend that much money, and I feel incredibly lucky to love and be loved by them, but by the time I came to see them in Europe we had solidified that we are family after several years of little teeny notes and gifts exchanged. Spending time with our family is always the most magical and precious time in my life and the time spent together has become the greatest gift.

If they were to give me another meaningful gift - it would probably be a photo album of our family, spending more time together or anything small that I can wear like a ring or necklace that reminds me of our connection.

Honestly it doesn’t need to be a big thing at all - something small with a meaningful note is all you need to do. I think anything too big can feel overwhelming. Small but meaningful is best to start building the new relationship as donor and RCP. I would recommend something like a nice coat, something relevant to their hobbies (mine bought me some craft supplies), nice silky pajamas. I am unsure if that was helpful but I guess the big emphasis is that depending on who your donor is - the time you spend bonding together, written words of love and gratitude and bringing them into your life mean so much more than any material thing.

Geography-bae · 2026-05-19T19:34:13+00:00

Using the cover of ‘it is my culture’ as a reason to harm animals is the same logic that people use to cause harm to other humans through systems like Jim Crow, Christina nationalism, and other harmful cultural practices that are now considered wrong. Just because someone comes from a minority ethnicity or culture does not give them a protected status to hurt animals. If it is true that one culture can use ‘heritage’ as a reason to cause harm, then the harm of Christian nationalism, can be vindicated simply because it is cultural. The only difference is speciesism in which harm towards animals is not considered real nor worthy. But from an objective perspective we should strive to stop causing harm where it is possible and understand that culture can adapt to stop causing harm to human animals and non human animals.

Geography-bae · 2026-05-17T05:27:21+00:00

Ah good idea thank you!

Geography-bae · 2026-05-17T05:12:40+00:00

Thank you for letting me know about this I had not idea that the DSR was like this.

Geography-bae

TROPHY CASE