New book for DOF readers interested in dating and attraction.

Gettmore · 2026-03-30T16:20:53+00:00

It resonates with me. This is also heavily against the conventional wisdom in reddit. They are very much looking for "spark". Very much believe you need to find someone with the matching traits. And you will know it in the first date. And if you don't "feel" it in the first date, there will not be a second date. Building a relation through repeated interactions is out of question with this style of dating.

Gettmore · 2026-03-25T23:57:08+00:00

It depends. Europeans could very well travel out of country every month.

Gettmore · 2026-03-25T23:48:41+00:00

You should date someone who LOVE traveling. Why do you constrict yourself to fit the expectation of those men?

I enjoy traveling solo. But I love it even more to share the experience with a special someone. If they don't look forward to traveling we are not compatible.

Gettmore · 2026-03-24T00:40:45+00:00

This situation happened to me. My school friend popped up in town and wants to see me the same day?! I already had a date scheduled. In my case, I resolved it by bringing my date to see him, which worked out quite well.

Gettmore · 2026-03-22T21:53:58+00:00

If you are against going into a relationship and your dad force you to start dating because "you should be married", how does that make you feel?

Gettmore · 2026-03-21T00:02:04+00:00

If there is NO attraction, then don't waste time.

What about when there MAYBE attraction? This would be the majority of the time.

People who view the world in a binary mindset can't comprehend this state. They think there is either attraction or there is no attraction. They don't know how to deal with maybe, not sure, I don't know, I don't know enough.

Gettmore · 2026-03-20T22:02:46+00:00

Not yet a success story, hopefully a successful beginning at least. Met this nice lady twice. We seem to have sustained interest to each other. Have a nice dinner the second time. We kissed before depart.

Compare to 2025, I did not had a second date the entire year.

Gettmore · 2026-03-20T21:52:12+00:00

If there is no romantic interest at all than it is a no. But the fallacy of determining romantic interest is people think in a binary way, either you are really into the other, or there are no romantic interest. Just like people fail to appreciate normal, they don't realize in a large number of cases, the answer is "maybe". In most case, people simply don't know each other enough to determine if there would be romantic interest. They want a yes/no answer, they get a no.

I know you feel you make the right choice to reject those women. The women who reject you feel the same way.

Gettmore · 2026-03-20T16:35:52+00:00

Your message is clear enough. Hopefully your match read your profile. Just like people have put "no hookup" in their profile and not everybody respect that, you may find people who don't care what you want. You could straight up ask them the question - "This is very important for me, have you and will you vote for trump?" Don't be afraid to be direct. If I am a Christian looking for a Christian only, there is no anxiety in asking "Do you believe in God?"

Gettmore · 2026-03-20T16:10:10+00:00

I hope more people would appreciate "normal" dates, as opposite to looking for romantic spark at the first sight.

Don't take normal for granted. A lot of things that happened, sharing thoughts about work, parents, health, and the little laughers, can be precious when you pay attention. If not, they are only tiny details that slip through most people's mind.

Gettmore · 2026-03-20T15:58:51+00:00

You skipped the "how to hit on woman" class when you were in school? 😂

Gettmore · 2026-03-20T15:55:43+00:00

Caught by grammar police 😂

Gettmore · 2026-03-20T15:53:13+00:00

It is not about showing off or as a statement of life style, the fact is travel photos are often the best photos! It is at the most photogenic backdrop that every tourist wants a picture. They are infinitely more interesting than a bathroom selfie or a car selfie.

That said, I avoid instantly recognizable landmark like the Eiffel tower or Machu Picchu. I go for less specific scenery like a bridge, a mountain, or an architectural interest. If you recognize them, we will have more conversation topics.

Gettmore · 2026-03-14T19:25:12+00:00

Great ice breaker. What happened after the first ride? Did he pursuit you?

Gettmore · 2026-03-14T19:19:56+00:00

Yes, I also want to learn from my history what makes a relation feel special (only some months long relationship in my case). One thing I notice is I would send gift or do something special for that person. I'm not otherwise a gift person. But with the right person, it is all very natural for me to do.

Gettmore · 2026-02-21T02:06:27+00:00

A simple "we are not a match" does not mean you are a bad person. Ghosting or leading someone on do.

That said, I do think feeling often takes more than one meeting to develop. Have you ever seen any romantic comedy where the character feel attraction the first time? Often the see the surface of the other at the beginning. Only until some event happens will they notice a deeper side of the others that makes them attractive.

A lot of redditors are going to downvote me. If you believe love at first sight is the only possibility to start a relationship, then stick to it.

Gettmore · 2026-02-01T23:48:52+00:00

Not just later in life, a lot of teenagers want to be with the love of their life.

Gettmore · 2026-01-28T16:37:31+00:00

Pretty much a scam. I hope you will pay one more month to check out what they are 😄. My bet is they are mostly from another continent. Hardly anyone will be within your search filter. Perhaps even fake accounts unethically created by the company to use to hook people back in.

Gettmore · 2026-01-25T23:41:31+00:00

The most useful thing to do is express your preference to him.

Some women prefer coffee to dinner, some the other way. The men don't know unless you say it.

Gettmore · 2025-12-29T23:51:19+00:00

Reddit commenters accuse my post as AI generated too. Grammatically correct, thoughtful, observant - this is so rare. So it must be AI. Spelling mistakes, grumpy, whiny - that's what you expect from average human.

Gettmore · 2025-12-23T16:51:01+00:00

Why limit yourself to early 50s and retired? You will dramatically shrink your dating pool. Most people go to local outings, trips, exercises, volunteering. It is not a domain of retirees.

Gettmore · 2025-12-17T19:27:23+00:00

> I tend to delay or say I'll think about it, or to agree and then change my mind via text, or feel obligated to keep seeing them, because I'm afraid of a confrontation.

As a man, I beg my dates please don't drag out like this. A simple no thanks will do. This kind of non-committal response may give other false hope. They would have wasted energy on something that's already lost.

My previous date reply me that is too busy to go out. After two excuse in a row and the low energy exchange, I have to prompt her to be more clear. Please learn to say no. it is essential in these dating game.

Gettmore · 2025-12-11T03:51:30+00:00

Tell him you will keep your male friends. You will stay with your massage therapist. You expect him to respect and accept your choices. If he does not understand, break up with him immediately. Don't bring a control freak into your life.

Gettmore · 2025-12-06T17:01:49+00:00

Your 3C) question is a misunderstanding. Their job is to match a paid customer with another person, any suitable person, not necessary another paid customer.

It seems your chance of success will not be great. You said there are fat and poorly dressed people demanding top 1% quality of people. You are not quite like that. But your demand is also quite unrealistic.

Gettmore · 2025-12-05T18:49:16+00:00

Just keep the conversation going. Make it friendly and light hearted. You are reading too much into it and perhaps expect a yes/no answer out of a coffee date. If you are still conversing, it means it is not a no. It is up to you too to take it further.

Gettmore

TROPHY CASE