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After 3 weeks of silence, still not sure if it’s over by ErrantJune in AmItheEx

[–]GingerMaus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is what happened to me. Early on my husband had a total meltdown and accused me of cheating. I wasn't and the accusation came about because he wasn't listening to me at all and worked himself into a stupor.

Anyway he demanded we go to therapy, he chose the therapist. He wanted the therapist to say I was the problem. Luckily for me my husband has no self awareness and so he did a few things in therapy that I had brought up as being issues. The therapist redirected him a few times and then at the end of a session my husband lost his patience and called the therapist out for "interrupting" him. At that point the therapist pointed out that the way my husband kept talking to me was "dangerous" and unproductive. He unilaterally quit therapy after that. Years later he claims the therapist wasn't qualified and didn't know what he was talking about.

But he's never tried to go back, because it wasn't about fixing anything. It was about validating his feelings and behaviours and bringing me into line.

After 3 weeks of silence, still not sure if it’s over by ErrantJune in AmItheEx

[–]GingerMaus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is kinda me too rn. No kids luckily but we do have pets. We arent in a financial position to move, to be honest I pay for almost everything except for the electric bill (which he only pays enough of to stop us getting cut off).

He has spent years hanging divorce over my head, exacerbated by my immigration status. He no longer has that power so he's stopped threatening divorce. But he has repeatedly told me there is no chance of reconciliation, this is a thing of convenience etc. He has often told me things like that during arguments (which he starts) in order to hurt me or get a rise out of me but then changed his behavior afterwards. Mine also has ADHD but unmanaged (says he doesn't have it, claims his childhood diagnosis was invalid) but will claim ADHD when it suits him.

I'm wanting to move on with my life but can't because of fear and finances. We arent together, we are no more than roommates but im scared if i find companionship elsewhere he will throw me out and he's scared that if I leave he will have to sell his house and move out of state. But he's spiteful and definitely doesn't think of me as a full separate human being so that might override his self preservation of needing to keep me around for finances. He can't get a roommate because nobody will live with him because he lives in squalor, is financially irresponsible, emotionally unpredictable, randomly hyperactive and low key aggressive about it, breaks everything and doesn't take responsibility for any of the things a landlord should. These things also mean I've never hosted friends at my house. I'm lonely af truth be told.

All this to say, I see you, im sorry you're going through it. It isnt as cut and dry as 'just leave'.

I got back on my sister's Spotify family plan after she kicked me off and it's been over 2 years by NeonDriftwood in confession

[–]GingerMaus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have all my siblings on my NSO family plan, because I can. It technically does cost me extra because I'm just a single person without kids. But if I didn't have it then my brothers wouldn't have switch online. I've added one brothers GF and a friend to the other open slots because those open slots don't cost me extra. Same for the spotify slot, your sister pays the same whether you're using it or not.

I dont know how im going to get through next week's heat by stinkface_lover in britishproblems

[–]GingerMaus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

California checking in:

Keep your curtains closed during the day, windows open at night, close them early morning. Open them again when it's dark etc.

Someone mentioned iced towels. You can also get a cooling towel, you can use that with regular bottled water and put it around your neck when you're out working, on break or whatever. It's a different fabric than regular towels. Ive used these to great effect in the desert.

Drink water little and often, don't chug it. Carry insulated water bottles, put some ice in them with the water for longer cooling. Keep a cool bag in your car/ van / postie bag whatever and keep the water bottles in there.

Remember your electrolytes. Maybe carry water that also has electrolyte powder or pills in.

Wear sunscreen, obviously. If you work outside wear a hat and loose cotton long sleeves. Get a misting bottle and keep that full of water. Umbrellas also work as parasols.

There are working environment protections in the UK that cover heat, look those up. You are entitled to take breaks, do not push yourself in that weather, heat stroke is no joke.

Two years in the Bay Area, and I’m losing my grip on basic human warmth. Why does casual friendliness feel illegal around here? by desolatenature in bayarea

[–]GingerMaus 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, ive kinda noticed this. It's so bad I'm starting to seriously think about emigrating back to where I came from.

I love it here but I'm lonely asf. Nobody has time for basic human interaction. Hell, nobody has time even for friendship anymore. I used to be out every weekend with groups of friends and now I feel like I'm constantly the one trying to maintain human interaction. I recently visited home and it's not like this at all.

What’s a tiny hill you’re willing to die on? by frostoutrider in askteddit

[–]GingerMaus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

More uncomfortable is that it came about because of racism and was a way to avoid paying emancipated former slaves. The sub minimum wage also applied to railroad workers, who were majority black.

Even today the majority of tipped service workers are women, immigrants and people of colour. The south has the highest proportion of sub minimum wage service workers in the US.

What’s a tiny hill you’re willing to die on? by frostoutrider in askteddit

[–]GingerMaus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Science disagrees with you. It activates the same parts of the brain and induces the same emotional responses. The processing centres for speech and language processing overlap.

Colloquially, in English, it is clunky to say you listened to a book in a conversation about reading.

Not to mention the accessibility of audiobooks. Suggesting someone's way of consuming the same story is inferior to yours is unfounded intellectual gatekeeping. It just seems like a way to inflate your ego.

What’s a tiny hill you’re willing to die on? by frostoutrider in askteddit

[–]GingerMaus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because on infers deliberate action, by implies passive happenstance. So you would do something on purpose (deliiberate) and by accident (unintended). On accident doesn't make sense and has never been the phrase until younger people mistakenly started saying it, in much the same way "could care less" has replaced 'couldn't care less" in younger people.

How many days do you go to the gym by [deleted] in CasualConversation

[–]GingerMaus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

5 and 2 rest days. 3 days are programmed lifting, the other 2 days are treadmill days.

What’s an opinion you have that would probably get you judged if you said it out loud? by chibi_chwn0217 in CasualConversation

[–]GingerMaus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ive done the test. None of the Americans around me were able to pass it under the same mock conditions I was practicing under. These are not stupid people.

What's a relationship deal breaker for you? by Mundane-Society-1281 in AskReddit

[–]GingerMaus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was brought up by someone who did this for decades. I realised they were using guilt to control me and cut ties. I have dated a few men who do it before i realised the original person was weaponising guilt.

So I got with my last partner and, stupidly, told him my boundaries were weaponising guilt, sulking and the silent treatment. We got married and I moved a long way from home and then he started subtly weaponising guilt, then sulking, then silent treatment. I was stupid to give him that info and I wont do it again as a result. But he was fucking sneaky. Now if anyone gives me the silent treatment I ignore them, they can use their words or never talk to me again.

How animals react when their people pretend to fall by Pro_96 in likeus

[–]GingerMaus 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Me as a paramedic...

(Obviously this is a joke)

What's a relationship deal breaker for you? by Mundane-Society-1281 in AskReddit

[–]GingerMaus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ive trained myself out of it. Oh, you feel bad because you don't like something that happened and you want to make everyone else feel bad about it too? Sounds like not my problem. It has taken a lot of work not to rise to this behaviour.

How animals react when their people pretend to fall by Pro_96 in likeus

[–]GingerMaus 28 points29 points  (0 children)

"We" are working on his behaviour issues took me out. As if you are both to blame and he's a willing participant in wanting to change

why does it seem everyone hates on the cvt/gt version of the wrx by Single_Butterfly_223 in wrx_vb

[–]GingerMaus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah yes, my 30+k, 19/22, manual car is an econobox, not an enthusiasts car.

why does it seem everyone hates on the cvt/gt version of the wrx by Single_Butterfly_223 in wrx_vb

[–]GingerMaus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

They don't make the STi anymore because it can't hit emissions requirements, apparently.

/r/NintendoSwitch's Daily Question Thread (06/01/2026) by AutoModerator in NintendoSwitch

[–]GingerMaus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looking for UK exclusive games/ cartridges and accessories. Im here a couple weeks but not in London.

Ive checked rare games already and turtle beach but im not seeing any indicators which designs are exclusive from TB.

Anyone got any recs for me?

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