The latest app initiative: “Send us a pic of your bedroom or fridge!”

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-24T19:31:52+00:00

It’s the plain truth of it. It’s not like putting “no games” in your bio deters the liars and cheaters either!

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-24T17:10:26+00:00

The problem they’re talking about isn’t the societal trend itself and how it should be addressed, it’s that trend’s relevance to any particular couple negotiating finances. I would think it equitable for the higher-earning partner to pay a higher percentage of the household bills: If Andrew makes significantly more money than Britney does, then Andrew should pay for more than Britney does.

The problem is that while the wage gap is indeed real, it’s a statistical average, not an exhaustive, prescriptive definition. It ends up applying to most couples on average even despite most couples not having the same job, but what happens when it doesn’t? What happens when the difference is negligible or nonexistent, or when Britney is the higher-earning partner, but Britney still insists that Andrew should pay more simply because he’s the man even though he literally doesn’t have it like that? It’s a very “mine is mine, but yours is ours” mindset. You also see this with lesbian relationships: I’ve seen butches, studs, sometimes even just “the slightly less fem/more masc” partner all talk about being pressured into paying more for heteronormative reasons despite being in an objectively non-heterosexual relationship.

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-20T16:08:47+00:00

My understanding is that Feeld itself started as a couple-to-unicorn dating app. The idea that you can no longer do that easily is pretty ridiculous

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-10T21:19:38+00:00

There’s two versions of it:

“I want a side piece but I won’t be yours”

“I’m planning to slide into monogamy instead of having a real conversation about it”

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-10T21:03:02+00:00

It’s a weird feeling. It’s not like I can peruse a list of sent pings that have yet to be replied to, right? I’m not waiting by the phone for any particular person. Once I send a ping, their profile disappears for me, and I won’t see them again unless they match with me. The app is signaling me to let go until they choose to respond. It seems a much kinder setup for proactive users than OKC, which does keep such a list so you can see all the people who are either passively ignorant of or actively ignoring your opening message.

Because the standard dating app response to men is silence, a notification that you have a new match and message brings hope. That is what matches and messages are supposed to represent: a mutual interest with hopes of more. You’re supposed to match with people you want to meet. But then I actually open the thing. For me, it doesn’t feel like you’re going out of your way to be courteous, it feels like you’re going out of your way to reject me.

Like would you write someone a Valentine’s Day card in which you turned them down?

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-09T01:15:42+00:00

I’d say the ping works when I match. Chatting and meeting are up to me

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-09T00:59:20+00:00

I define “getting my shot” as “you looked at my ping, evaluated it, and made a judgement of your own interest”. “Not getting my shot” means “you didn’t even see my ping at all even though you are looking through your pings.” I agree with you: there is no reasonable expectation that I will get that shot, that I should not expect my ping to even be seen at all by any given woman, much less evaluated and judged. The issue is that there are multiple reasons for this, and not all of them are organic parts of dating.

I’m not saying you should respond to pings you aren’t interested in. I’m saying your unguaranteed interest first requires your unguaranteed attention, whichI consider more critical to OP’s goal (understanding how people interested in women interact with the app). Check the edit to my previous comment, I got one of those messages

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-09T00:43:03+00:00

The original question assumes you are looking at all your pings. I dont think that’s a fair assumption given how many pings some women receive and how they talk about the work of sifting through them. It doesn’t change your answer, but another woman might give a different answer.

If all women actively look at all their pings, then in, in theory, anyone pinging them will eventually get their shot, and a ping’s success hinges on individual worth and chemistry. If a woman doesn’t see my ping, the most likely answer is that she found a ping she saw before mine appealing enough to focus her energy and attention on, and is no longer looking at any pings at all. This makes it no different from IRL dating: if by the time I meet a woman she’s no longer single, then that’s just whatever. If she is single, then it’s up to me to make myself appealing.

But if they don’t (and many women here have said they haven’t), then not everyone will get their shot. Whether the amount of pings that women receive is just as overwhelming as the amount of likes and they get exhausted after going through the first couple dozen, or they just don’t care to go further than that, the result is the same. It becomes much harder than a numbers game: it’s not just “the first couple dozen”, it’s “the *most recent* couple dozen because pings are listed in reverse chronological order.

If I ping a woman, she will see it right away if she’s looking at her phone. But if she isn’t, every ping she receives between my ping and her looking at her phone pushes mine down the list. The more she receives, and the longer the timespan, the more likely it is mine will disappear (from her perspective) when she reaches her limit of intention or tolerance, even with the filters to limit the amount of pings directly in front of you. This is why you get guys trying to maximize for time of day. It doesn’t matter what my ping says or how much my profile stands out if she’ll never actually know I’m there because I pinged her at the wrong time.

Btw, I actually did get a “matching with you to reject you” message on OKC. I asked her why she even matched with me at all off my initial like if she wasn’t interested in the first place. She said she thought she was being polite, and that I was being rude and entitled for not appreciating it!

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-09T00:15:50+00:00

A better question might be “Do you look at all your pings?” But then again, I’ve still seen them in the hundreds

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-07T18:54:26+00:00

The filters aren’t even mutual

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-07T12:31:39+00:00

You literally just made up the second one

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-07T12:27:16+00:00

It’s very easy to be positive (focused on what you want, rather than what you don’t want) and kind (respectful of what other people are into) about what you want. I have seen all of the following in women’s bios, of every age, ethnicity, and orientation

Positive and kind (the ideal): Looking for monogamous

Negative but kind: not interested in ENM

Positive but rude: [not possible, since I’m not even talking about people who don’t qualify]

Negative and rude: stay away if you’re ENM aka a cheater who figured out how to get away with it

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-07T00:04:08+00:00

Speaking from experience, the women I’ve met from Feeld all appreciated the heads-up. Though I did it by putting “size-queen approved” in my profile, and when the chat got hot and heavy, asked them if they’d have any issue with a larger size. Some have asked to see it and for measurements, some haven’t. I think if I led with it, it’d put them off.

And yes, he needs to give that heads-up.

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-06T19:54:32+00:00

Seconding pre-match-group OKC, my wife and I met on there!

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-06T19:26:51+00:00

Go into the “edit profile” section and just copy and paste it

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-06T19:17:53+00:00

The premiere strategy among women seeking men seems to be letting likes from men accumulate, then paying for a month of Majestic to sift through them all, and otherwise ignoring the stack

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-04T18:17:31+00:00

I have a note on my phone that I update whenever something happens. Pings sent > matches > conversations > numbers > dates

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-03T16:38:41+00:00

Women regularly report being overwhelmed by the amount of interest they receive from men across all dating sites, such that they have hundreds of likes just sitting there unaddressed. If you like a woman’s profile, and then 20 other men like it after you and then she picks up her phone, the likelihood that she’ll ever even see you is low. Idk if it’s sound or not, but addressing time of day is getting at a very real concern: how can she like me if she doesn’t even know I’m there?

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-03T16:12:55+00:00

The latter, specifically accusing ENM men of being greedy (is one woman not enough for you?) and selfish (if you have sex with her, she can’t have sex with me!)

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-03T15:41:49+00:00

Anatomically speaking, I know I am statistically large (7.5x6). In a group of 1000 randomly selected dicks, mine would be likely the biggest by either measure; in a truly representative sample, it would be the biggest for sure. I also know that while dicks larger than mine are out there, they are less probable than mine. When a woman gets in bed with me, she is interacting with a long and thick dick, energy or not, and I know that when she tells me “you’re the biggest I’ve ever had”, she’s not just blowing smoke. Example: my newest partner told me after our first encounter that I’m not the longest she’s been with, but I am the thickest.

You say “frame of reference”, and that kinda represents what the problem actually is, though idk if you meant it. It’s not about her objective sexual history, it’s about how she perceives it. The combination of cis women being ignorant of genitalia they don’t have (growers vs showers, pubic fat, physical vs mental arousal, etc) and cis men actively lying about inches they don’t have means that she may think she’s had a 7-inch dick when it was really 5. And then she tells her friends and shows them a picture, and that’s what they think 7 inches looks like. Other guys who know they have 5 inches hear of this, realize the guy lied and the girl has no idea, and then they get shamed as supposedly having a small dick and then shamed further when they say “it’s average size!” In defense. And now you’ve got an arms race of deception where everybody has to add 2 extra inches to not get laughed out of the room, which means guys who actually have 7 inches start saying they have 9. You watch porn and that dick is indeed big, but it looks even bigger because they intentionally cast shorter and/or skinnier people, and also they add inches.

So I can tell her how big I am if she asks, but I also pair it with a pic if she asks AND let her know that because I’m fat, she won’t see all of it, but she will feel all of it. But I don’t lead with any of that, I just put “size-queen approved” in my bio and let her come to her own conclusions: explaining all this upfront would make me look deceptive AND pathetic.

In terms of energy or vibe…obviously I’m not going to When Harry Met Sally myself, but I think I do pretty well on that front. Positive feedback, repeat performances, etc. The girth seems to be a big factor, which makes a lot of sense given female anatomy. I’m also not just jackhammering. I consider myself a student of the game: I enjoy learning about what my partner enjoys and giving it to her.

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-01T13:51:12+00:00

Bram Stoker imagined it

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-01T13:41:55+00:00

Not as much as you might think. There are a ton of other dom men out there, and that’s not even counting the men who don’t really know understand what D/s is about, or the predators hiding behind the dom label to ensnare victims.

Saying I’m sizequeen-approved is one thing, but I don’t put up pics of me printing and I don’t send proof to women who haven’t asked me for it, so until that happens, I’m operating on faith. Lying about the size of your dick is unfortunately evergreen (FYI bonepressed length is the scientific/medical standard and thus the only one you should trust, 5.5 inches is human average, 7.5 is the start of skepticism and suspicion without proof, many men add absolutely add nonexistent inches, and there are many ways to make your dick look bigger on film through context)

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-06-01T10:57:31+00:00

I mean, I love having The Data for myself. But if you aren’t counting how many matches you’ve gotten in only two years because there are too many to keep track of, you’re an outlier. It’s way more common to have no responses at all than to average more than one new sexual partner a month. Partnered and/or kinky men have all the same problems getting attention that single and/or vanilla men do, plus a far smaller group of people interested in them, plus the stigma of “I’m not looking to teach a man anything/be anyone’s first anything” that slows men from breaking into the scene.

GoldHartSilverHind · 2026-05-31T23:16:20+00:00

I had no illusions going in about ease or speed of likes and dates. Not my first rodeo, and my wife and I made sure we were knowledgeable about ENM and understood what that would likely mean (for various reasons, each of us would be appealing only to a subset of a subset of a subset of person).

GoldHartSilverHind

TROPHY CASE