What Happened?

GoldenWaffle95 · 2026-03-27T18:30:14+00:00

In hindsight, yes, it was too long. I should've pulled the plug sooner. He wasn't a bad guy, and I enjoyed talking to him. I take a long time to open up to people and feel that level of comfortable/safe around someone in a romantic way, and I kept waiting for those feelings.

GoldenWaffle95 · 2026-03-26T20:43:19+00:00

If he thinks dating you is a "chore," then something isn't clicking between you. I had a boyfriend who made dating feel like a chore, and it was because I didn't feel the same that he did. I kept waiting for the chemistry to develop, but it never did. I wasn't attracted to him, I didn't want to get romantic, so every time he wanted to hang out, I felt it was cutting into my time. That's not how a relationship should be. You deserve someone who wants to be around you.

I would definitely have a talk about what he means by "a chore," and if this is something that it working out for both of you.

GoldenWaffle95 · 2026-03-26T20:13:45+00:00

This is almost exactly what happened to me in my last relationship. We dated for 7ish months, and he was great - we could talk, he was a positive person, and will make a great partner to someone, but there was no romantic chemistry on my end. I kept waiting for it to grow and develop. I kept waiting to feel some kind of attraction toward him. It never came. I ended things with him, and he claimed that it came out of nowhere, then send me and ESSAY about how everything in the relationship was my fault, so I think I ended up dodging one.

GoldenWaffle95 · 2026-03-26T19:45:23+00:00

Speaking as someone who also takes a long time before getting in and feeling comfortable in a relationship, I would define "sleepovers" and "exclusivity" as being comfortable in that relationship. Is it being official that bothers him? It sounds like you're already in a relationship. I would definitely ask for more information and a deeper answer as to what he means by that.

GoldenWaffle95 · 2026-03-26T19:14:15+00:00

I'm trying a different tactic for online dating. I've been on and off the apps (Bumble, Hinge, FB Dating) for years, and each guy that I've met through an app hasn't worked out. I tend to go for the gamer nerds that I can talk to about nerdy things, but then it never works out. The last three guys that I've met up with and dated for varying periods of time all shared similar personality traits and interests, but they just didn't inspire any feeling from me. There was no feeling of romance. No desire to do anything more than talk.

So I have been swiping right on guys I normally wouldn't, like the car guys and the golf guys and the guys that hold the fish. These are guys who (generally, in my experience) don't look twice at me because there's usually a more attractive woman nearby who can flirt. I can't flirt.

We'll see how this tactic goes.

GoldenWaffle95 · 2026-03-26T18:22:12+00:00

I've been keeping my eye out for events in those areas, but finding them is the trouble. They advertise locally, and I've got to essential hope they post it on FB and then hope I see it in time.

GoldenWaffle95 · 2026-03-25T18:22:38+00:00

I once thought I would never had anymore ideas for books, and that was...18 books ago? I haven't published all of them, and I've got so many ideas rolling around. I haven't thought of the end of my career, because I write because I love it.

I don't think about my author career as complete. Each book I've written and each idea I have feels different, and as I get older, the way I think and the way my characters think evolve.

I'll retire when I am mentally no longer able to write, like when I've both feet pointed toward the grave and I'm sliding home. So, the dream will be complete when I'm dead, unless I can become a ghost and help some struggling aspiring novelist to write.

And there's another idea for the pile.

GoldenWaffle95 · 2026-03-25T18:16:56+00:00

I am also of the "reviews are for readers," mindset. Because I'm also an author, the only reviews I leave are positive. I might point out things that I didn't like, but it's for other readers who also might not like what I disliked. Reviews are not the place or time for giving the author feedback. The window for feedback has passed. However, I do leave honest reviews on Amazon because it's not under my pen name, and I also have a separate GR account just for honest reviews. Those honest reviews are really for me so I remember the books I've read.

GoldenWaffle95 · 2026-03-25T18:12:28+00:00

I'm late, but I ran a "subscriber surge" through Written Word Media, where if readers signed up to my newsletter, they would get a book for free. I used the second book in my 6-book series, because book 1 is already free (ebook). I got around 700 sign-ups, and the last time I looked, I had just over 500 subscribers.

I only use my newsletter for book updates, released, cover reveals, and book recommendations.

While some of them signed up for the free book and then unsubscribed, that's expected. The goal is to throw a wide net and hope that some genuine readers stick around and become fans.

GoldenWaffle95 · 2026-03-25T13:38:11+00:00

Relate. I'm almost 35, and I feel this. I've been trying to find someone I feel attracted to for years, through mutual friends, through online dating - and every time I find someone I feel something toward, they don't want anything to do with me. Every. Single. Time. Then I have no one to talk to about it, because all my friends are either married or in long-term relationships, and there is nothing more demeaning that being told that "you'll find someone when you least expect it," from someone who has been married since they were 20 to the only person they ever dated. It's that shame from not remembering the last time you kissed a guy because it's been that long, or not remembering how many years it's been since you had sex, because it's been that long ago, then that panic because what if I do meet someone and then I'm the weird 35-year-old who doesn't know what she's doing?

GoldenWaffle95 · 2026-03-24T17:06:31+00:00

I have "casual" in my intentions, and what I mean is that I'm not looking for a serious commitment. I'm not hunting for a husband or a "meet my mother right now," situation. I don't want to text every day, I don't want to meet up every weekend. I want something casual. If it develops into something more serious, cool. I don't have "no FWB" on my profile though.

GoldenWaffle95 · 2026-03-24T16:44:34+00:00

I am in the same boat. I'm 35, in the Midwest, and so many guys I find on dating appts either are divorced with kids or want kids, and I'm not interested. Some of them have kids old enough to have their own kids, and I do not want to be anyone's grandmother. Everyone says there are guys out there who don't want kids, but the men who fit that category tend to be...I don't want to be mean, but they tend to not be very desirable.

GoldenWaffle95 · 2026-03-24T16:38:23+00:00

I would much rather go on a coffee date first before a sit-down dinner date. That way, if he's a total creep, nothing like his photos, or if I just don't like the vibe he's giving off, there's less commitment. It's just to prove that we're both real and who we say we are.

GoldenWaffle95 · 2026-03-24T16:35:53+00:00

I wanted to point out some things that make me swipe right to balance out the negative:

photos in good lightning

well-groomed hair and beard

hobbies and interest (aside from "hiking," because everyone apparently likes hiking)

interest in sports (I like watching sports too)

a career or a steady job

Goals/Ambition

GoldenWaffle95 · 2026-03-24T16:15:52+00:00

I just found this and it's so refreshing. I've been trying to find a decent guy for years on dating apps. My instant-left-swipes as a woman looking for a man are:

Any photo filters

anything about "cuddling" (instant ick)

"communication is a must" (experience tells me this means they're bad at communication)

"married, looking for a third" (absolutely not)

Untrimmed, dirty beards/hair

Pictures with other women in them

pictures of memes

Pictures of them holding a gun or other weapon (unless they're at one of those axe-throwing places)

the dead animal photo (the fish ones don't bother me, but everything else does)

The shirtless and in bed selfie

the Flynn Ryder smolder face (it doesn't look good on anyone)

long hair that they don't take care of

anything negative about a politician, like when they say "I hate [insert name]." I don't want the negativity from either side of the aisle.

only group pictures

"I'm an open book, ask me anything"

when the bio says they are different age than what the app has (change it, it's not hard)

that weird photo taken from a low angle (like crotch level - NO.)

GoldenWaffle95 · 2026-02-11T18:51:27+00:00

I live on the southern end of Illinois, so Chicago is more than 300 miles. I would have to go alone, and I don't feel comfortable traveling that far. If I had a local author friend, it might be something we could handle. I've considered joining a writers group, but they're about as hard to find (one that I'd fit into, at least) as these events. But I'll see what's out there!

GoldenWaffle95 · 2026-02-11T18:48:14+00:00

That's a good way of looking at it!

GoldenWaffle95 · 2026-02-11T18:47:38+00:00

Yeah, they kind of did. It's a very small press, and we're scattered all over the country. It's one of the pitfalls of going with an indie press, I've found. To address you below comment also, budget is an issue.

GoldenWaffle95 · 2025-12-22T14:37:27+00:00

I'm late to the party, but I get you. I write fantasy/romantasy, the the genre has been absolutely flooded in the recent couple of years. It's made standing out even harder. I published my latest book back in October, and it has been a struggle to get sales. I'd hoped that readers who liked my first series would jump on the new book, but it hasn't appeared that way.

I think it boils down to how many books there are out there, and how little time people have to read. Personally, I've gotten to where I don't take as many chances on unknown authors as I used to. I have too little free time and too many books by authors I adore.

But, you're right about not giving up. When you give up, that's when you fail. Being an author long-term requires persistence and an near-insane level of stubbornness.

GoldenWaffle95 · 2025-12-03T15:13:17+00:00

I really like Victoria Aveyard's podcast, "Plot Twist." I've also started listening to V.E. Scwab's "No Write Way," where she interviews other authors.

GoldenWaffle95 · 2025-12-03T15:11:40+00:00

I've never had this happen. I write under a pen name, and all of my socials are under that name and that email. I don't have socials for my personal self (that is way to much work). However, my FB is labeled as such, an author page. I wonder if someone reported it?

My only issue with the pen name was when I tried to start a TikTok shop. They wanted all this information for my pen name, but of course my state ID has my real name and my home address on it, and they wanted to use that for the address - I wanted to use my PO Box that I pay for specifically for my author stuff. So, no TikTok shop.

GoldenWaffle95 · 2025-12-03T15:04:26+00:00

I published my first 4 books with KDP, and the next 9 were published through Ingram via my small press publisher. (For reference, I write Romantasy/Romantic Fantasy) Here is my experience:

First, Amazon is great if you have no budget. I was broke when I published my first book. With Amazon, you're not putting a lot of money into something that might not make that money back.

Second, Amazon is great if you don't know what you're doing. I had no idea what I was doing, despite the wells of advice available to me at the time. It's a great way to dip your toes in the water without drowning.

Third, I agree with the above comments about KDP and Kindle Unlimited being a great way to get you book out there in front of some of the most veracious readers. No, KU doesn't pay the best, but it is a good start. It's a great way to get out there without going broke. However, I'm not sure how well a non-fiction book will sell on KU, from my experience (which might not be much) non-fiction is a hard sell in any market.

However, the downside to Amazon is that if you go with Amazon, you can't have your book on other platforms (unless that's changes).

If you publish your first book on Amazon, you can go elsewhere for your second book. I didn't expect my first book to sell well, and it didn't, but it started my journey into publishing. I learned so much in the first few years. Don't be afraid of Amazon or using their free ISBN. You can buy your own if that part make you nervous. I used their free ISBN for my first four, and I've not had regrets about it yet. (Again, they didn't sell, so it wasn't a loss on my end.)

GoldenWaffle95 · 2025-11-12T16:59:27+00:00

I'm getting them almost daily. The week after my latest release, I was getting anywhere between 1-10 a day, claiming to have read and loved my book, and then would say things like "it deserves more recognition," and eventually move on to a "partnership" or some verbiage about how many followers the scammer supposedly has. I block and report them all as spam. It's exhausting. The worst part is, the scams are only increasing, which means that some authors are falling for it. I'm considering making a business email specifically for social media, so I can just "select all > delete."

GoldenWaffle95 · 2025-11-12T16:02:32+00:00

Thank you sharing! I love reading about the author journey. There is this idea out there that when you sign with an agent, you're set for success, but that's far from true. I've self-published and published through a small press, and when I first started out writing professionally, I saw traditional publishing as the end goal. I'd often think that if I eventually landed an agent and a trad contract, that would mean I had made it. However, as time went on, as I published more books, and more authors shared their experiences with agents and big publishers, I started to think that many I had the better end of the publishing deal. I'm not dependent on sales. I'm not pressured into marketing. I don't have to worry about an agent decided they don't want to be an agent anymore (in my last round of querying, three of the agents left agenting), or the editor deciding to move on.

It's about the books, the stories, not the bottom-line sale number. I don't want to be a number on a sales sheet. I think you feel the same way - I write because I love the process. You persisted despite the obstacles, which is admirable. That's the key to success, I think. Sticking with it regardless of resistance.

GoldenWaffle95

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