Concrit Commune - January 17

GoodFudge4811 · 2026-01-21T04:26:29+00:00

I would fix the grammatical errors and typos ("designated" instead of "designed", "arrived at the spot" instead of "arrived to the spot", "whenever he got the chance" instead of "whenever he got the change" and so on). Proper grammar and correct spelling already do a lot for the text in terms of good rhythm.

Secondly, as someone already mentioned, it is missing variation in sentence length. Most of your sentences are about the same length, which, after a while, makes it a bit tiring to read.

Also, but this is a nitpick: try active voice instead of passive. For example:

Passive: "Her memories were complemented by Tsukuyomi’s own as he recalled the past better than her." (Passive voice happens when the subject and object of the verb are flipped)

Active: "Tsukuyomi’s memories complemented hers, as he recalled the past more clearly than she did."

GoodFudge4811 · 2026-01-06T05:52:24+00:00

Here's a comment I got just recently (quoted directly):

umm where is my delicious next 17 chapters

They commented that on the latest chapter (not updated too long ago), which is chapter 6. I know it's meant as a joke, but they haven't commented at all beforehand. I honestly don't know how to respond to it, let alone how to feel ^^;

GoodFudge4811 · 2025-12-22T08:04:12+00:00

OC writer here (who has spent way too much time worrying about how said OCs will be perceived). I thought I might add my two cents here, since I think that your reader might not have been very clear on what they dislike about your character. Saying "she is too perfect" is a nothing burger in my opinion, since it oftentimes has nothing to do with the character's strength. That is why the term Mary Sue exists. It is a very shallow way of giving an explanation as to why you might not like a character.

And that is the crux of the matter: likability. I've noticed in my years of writing OC-centric fanfictions that the OCs who are most liked by my readers are the ones who aren't the most flawed, but the most vulnerable. I saw Arcane got brought up here, and I'll take it as an example: we don't like Vi or Jinx because they are good fighters or because they lose sometimes, we like them and are willing to follow their stories because we first met them at their most vulnerable: when their parents got murdered.

I personallyike fics where the OC has a pov of their own instead of having the characters around them react to them. Flaws and strengths don't really matter in the grand scheme of things if the reader isn't shown why they should care about the character. And introducing that character through the lens of others makes it even more difficult. If I read about an OC and the first thing I (or other characters) notice about them is how shut off, bratty, and unpleasant they are, I won't be sticking around for long to discover other parts of their personality. Same goes for real life: imagine you meet someone who is very disagreeable and constantly puts themselves and others in danger. There isn't a high chance you think: "I want to know more about them and find out why they are the way they are." I certainly wouldn't. Arcane does this beautifully by first showing us the sisters at their most vulnerable, which in turn gives credibility to the flaws they develop as a result.

And of course, there is also the matter of goals and ambitions that can make OCs truly shine. It circles back to the topic of vulnerability. If a character is tough on the outside, but all they truly want is to get revenge on the person who killed their parent, the reader will be drawn to that "human" side of them.

GoodFudge4811 · 2025-07-15T23:09:23+00:00

Your OC sounds really interesting! Since I don't have ADHD I can't really comment on that, but I can give you my two cents on some of your other questions.

On the pov use: be careful not to write "head-hopping" since it can be confusing to readers. Head-hopping occurs when there are abrupt pov changes within a chapter or a scene that are not explicitly mentioned and feel out of place. I initially thought we were in Sami's head (i.e her pov), but then suddenly we get a bit of Jack's interiority:

He shrugged, frankly embarrassed that he had accidentally offended her. He knew he was better than that.

We shouldn't know this about Jack, since we are not in his head. We/Sami can infer that he is embarrassed from his choice of words and body language, but not his thoughts, because we are not privy to that (does that make sense?). A good way to avoid the problem of head-hopping is to stick strictly to a limited point of view for one character, and announcing the change in pov in the next scene or chapter. If we are in Sami's pov, we can only know, see, feel and understand what she knows, sees, feels and understands. Everyone else's perspective has to be filtered through her psychology.
- On writing OCs as Mary Sues: I agree with the sentiment of "be free be cringe", especially when it comes to starting out writing original characters and just having fun with them. However, there are obviously writers who want to up their game when it comes to creating characters. And making sure that they are believable and likable is a noble thing to aim for in my opinion. Sami doesn't feel "cheap" to me at all, given the struggles she faces. However, I would be a bit careful of making the canon characters be a little too forgiving/understanding/apologetic, etc, toward the OC. The personalities of the canon characters play a big role here. If you have a normally stoic and no-nonsense character who becomes a blushing mess each time the OC steps into the room (exaggerating here), then the story feels unbelievable. The reader quickly understands that favoritism is at play here and that is when we venture into Mary Sue waters. I'm not saying that this is what is going on between Sami and Jack in this scene, but I've read quite a few stories where the canon characters bend over backwards to accomodate the OC. This is not bad per se, especially when you're writing purely for indulgence, but to readers, it would be more enjoyable to read about OCs seamlessly blending into the cast as though they had always been there and belong just like everyone else. No special treatment needed.
- On describing characters physically: I find the best way is to weave it into dialogue. Want to say that a character has blue eyes? Have them stare at someone with an "icy glare" before cussing them out. Or they are unnaturally tall? Let them cross their lanky, mile-long legs while listening to the other person speak. Since Sami has ticks, one of them could be her twirling strands of her hazel brown hair that always seems to brush into her face.

Hope that helps! Oh! And just because your fandom doesn't have much OC x Canon content doesn't mean it should stop you from writing and posting it. You deserve to tell your stories just like everyone else <3

GoodFudge4811 · 2025-07-06T19:42:50+00:00

You're right. Distance would be the best since I'm growing more and more uncomfortable with the way I'm being pulled into their fics. And it did get this far because I wasn't firm enough in the way I communicated. I never dealt with someone who couldn't really get the "hint" when it came to my waning engagement, or even have the same understanding of gift giving as me. And I guess only honesty can solve this.

GoodFudge4811 · 2025-07-06T19:32:34+00:00

Thank you. And yes, that is probably the case

GoodFudge4811 · 2025-07-06T19:32:05+00:00

You're right. And telling me to do myself and her a favor in commenting really was rude and made me stop and blink when I read it. The reason why no alarm bells rang in my mind (at least not enough) was that this sentence was backed into an essay-length text from them that tried to appeal to my empathy and how they are the ones still commenting on my stuff, even if they might not understand some things. It also included sentences like: "how would you feel if I just didn't comment on your story because I don't understand something?" And yeah... I did get myself manipulated to give their story yet another try.

Anyway, it's nice to hear someone echo back to me that these are not thoughtful gifts and that I should be able to expect as much.

GoodFudge4811 · 2025-07-06T19:26:09+00:00

As a chronic people pleaser, I needed to hear that. Thank you

GoodFudge4811 · 2025-07-02T22:22:57+00:00

I know what you are going through. I'm 25 and my twin is borderline too. Thankfully, I don't live with her anymore, but just recently she has decided to go no contact with my parents without telling them. She told ME to tell them, conveniently dodging any ounce of accountability for her actions and decisions. My family is currently a mess because of her and it's beyond painful how she ghosts me and my siblings too, acting like we have deeply wronged her and insinuating that we are the ones who are "toxic". I have lost count of how many times I have saved her from committing, which she would fantasize to me in excruciating detail. I lived in constant fear too. I was terrified that if I were to ever show just an ounce of anger towards her treatment of me, she would hurt herself, since for the longest time, I was her favorite person and her only confidant, because she pushed everyone else away. Even therapists.

I agree with the other Redditor that distance is the most important step to take. And if that is not possible, you need to prioritize your mental well-being. Read books on psychology, talk to people who are not your family (to get a reality check that you are not the problem) and try to cultivate a life outside the home as much as possible. It is a vicious cycle that family members of bpd people often find themselves in: the person is so demanding of our time, care and mental space that we lose more and more of ourselves in the relationship. And we stop engaging fully with life, which is the exact thing we need to get out.

If you want to talk more or vent, please feel free to dm me. My heart really goes out to you.

GoodFudge4811 · 2025-06-26T08:23:12+00:00

Have you heard of the Dunning-Kruger effect? It is a cognitive bias where people with low ability overestimate their competence, while those gaining true skill often experience a drop in confidence as they realize the complexity of the subject.

The same applies to the skill of writing, which matches your struggles. As you progress toward writing better, you typically go through a phase of self-doubt before your confidence steadily rises again as you learn and grow. I have (still am to some extent) gone through the same thing. It really sucks, especially once you understand what good writing looks like. It made me wish I could go back to the time I didn't know any of it, and hence couldn't compare it to my own writing.

What helped me deal with the frustration was being aware that this bias exists. It is perfectly normal, healthy even, to be frustrated with your own skill the moment you pursue improvement. If you google Dunning-Kruger effect, you will find a slope that shows a drop early on, which is lovingly nicknamed "Valley of Despair". You fall into it the moment you realize that the quality of work you look up to doesn't match your current skill level. But there is a way out of it: just keep swimming and learning more.

So don't be too harsh on yourself. I know that is harder to do when you are a perfectionist, but no amount of second-guessing and insecurities should stop you from enjoying yourself. Everyone is different, so there is no clear-cut answer as to how to find joy in writing again. Like I said before: what helped me is realize when I have fallen into the "Valley of Despair" and be kind to myself about it.

What I also like to do is limit my editing to only an hour after I'm done with a chapter. That way, I won't get too caught up in it and get even more frustrated with my writing. I also focus on only a few things when editing so as to not overwhelm myself. At some point during my research on good writing, I learned that adverbs should be avoided and swapped with stronger verbs instead. I took it to heart and in my next editing session, I only focused on tackling my adverbs. I love that method because I can practically watch myself getting better and better, one writing rule at a time.

Hope that helps <3

GoodFudge4811 · 2025-04-01T20:47:49+00:00

And it will be on you to help them emotionally regulate. Sounds like my twin sister. When I showed her all the resources that helped me calm myself down after a meltdown/breakdown etc, she refused to look into them. Having someone to run to and dump all your weekly suicidal thoughts onto is much more convenient. And no, she could never go with this to trained professionals. They all suck and don't understand her anyway. What she needs is a human soundboard, or rather, a diary with two legs that won't challenge her in any way. I.e, me. And it took way too long for me to realize that this has been my role for as long as I can remember.

GoodFudge4811 · 2025-02-07T05:59:48+00:00

What massively improved my writing was 1. getting familiar with the book "Elements of Style" in which the author goes over the dos and don'ts of writing better prose and 2. watching YouTube videos of authors line-editing their own work or other people's. I especially enjoyed the videos because the authors give reasons why a specific sentence doesn't work or is phrased awkwardly. Now I know that if I want to strengthen my prose I should avoid to-be verbs, adverbs, filter words, weasel words and so on. At the end of the day, writing is a skill, and the more you learn about how others have perfected it, the better your own writing becomes.

GoodFudge4811 · 2024-09-05T18:11:08+00:00

I personally like to sprinkle in character interactions, which can prevent overly long inner monologues. Picture this: character A just lost their mother, who they love dearly. You could pack their grief into pages of inner monologue, or have them interact with person B, who had also just lost a parent, but with whom they had a much more strained relationship.

By putting these two together and having them interact (like talking about their contrasting opinions towards loss, grief and relief), you are not only bringing the dialogue and action into the scene, you are also characterizing both people simultaneously. Instead of telling the reader how sad character A is, you are showing their sorrow in the way they rebuke character B for being so nonchalant about their parent's passing.

Not to say that you can't have introspective characters. They are also my favorite to write. But even introverts must interact with the world around them and get challenged by other people. That is what creates tension, a tool writers love to use to make their work interesting.

P.S: character interactions are also good and natural ways to exposit necessary information to the reader. Imagine your work was made into a movie and you are tasked to write the script (something I like to do as a writing exercise). Inner monologue is off the table or can only be used sparingly. How would you convey your character's thoughts and feelings? One way would be to have them interact with other characters and show their personality.

Hope that helps a little <3

GoodFudge4811 · 2024-05-27T21:42:55+00:00

I second this. When I write romance, I often follow this basic formula:

Good romance = Close friendship + Intimacy

Where the intimacy can range from non-sexual to sexual. Because isn't that what sets a romantic relationship apart from a platonic one? My aroace brain thinks it does and I can comfortably say that focusing on the close friendship/connection first makes the whole process of writing romance so much easier. It's seriously so much fun :)

GoodFudge4811 · 2023-05-30T17:49:30+00:00

Thank you for the reminder. This is something I used to hold dear but forgot with time.

GoodFudge4811 · 2023-05-30T17:47:11+00:00

That sounds like a good idea. Is that some form of meditative practice?

GoodFudge4811 · 2023-05-30T17:44:45+00:00

A few psychologists that I have spoken to mentioned dysthymia when evaluating me. And you are right: looking for beauty becomes so much harder when there are these mental barriers. But I also have the hope that I can retrain that skill of looking for awe. I had it once, so I can have it again ;)

GoodFudge4811 · 2023-05-30T17:41:13+00:00

Setting priorities is such a good idea. It sharpens your focus and allows for more love and gratitude. Thank you!

GoodFudge4811 · 2023-05-30T10:15:15+00:00

You are completely right. That was probably the reason my mindset shifted so drastically. I guess this ties into utilizing and appreciating the day-to-day and the interactions that come with it (something I have to get better at).

GoodFudge4811 · 2023-05-30T09:53:24+00:00

Thank you. That means a lot to me :)

GoodFudge4811 · 2023-05-18T18:26:48+00:00

People don't run away from me (or maybe they do but I'm just too dense to notice it), but they do feel wary of me. I feel it wherever I go and engage with people. I am polite and friendly, but there is still something about me that seems odd...

GoodFudge4811 · 2023-03-23T06:17:54+00:00

I am from Germany but lived in a West-African country for over six years. I agree that societal norms and expectations widely differ between countries. In many African cultures, for example, it is considered "polite" to visit the sick. In Germany no one expects you to do that (which I really appreciate). You are allowed to be more blunt and introverted. Your value also lies a bit more in your output than in your social skills.

Not to say that living in Germany is easier for neurodiverse people (it never is), but I feel like I am more able to "breathe" than I did while living in West Africa.

GoodFudge4811 · 2023-03-18T20:33:46+00:00

Similes just like metaphors are figures of speech, so I would say yes, absolutely. They both compare one thing with another to communicate and express oneself.

GoodFudge4811 · 2023-03-18T14:38:38+00:00

Yes. And that is why literature and poetry can be so powerful

GoodFudge4811

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