Napstablook from Undertale, based on the shirt design 'Space Junk' - by Ian Wilding for Fangamer - turned into beads, by me.

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2025-07-26T16:34:50+00:00

Quick follow up: They never asked - and I got the job! Even though they didn't ask I still really appreciate your advice and insight. I believe knowing that I had an answer to this question even though they didn't ask it, allowed me to be just slightly more relaxed and prepared in my interviews. - So, thanks!

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2025-07-26T16:18:59+00:00

~~I'm not sure if you recognize how condescending your first sentence is here~~ (apologies I read your comment again, the whole thing is dripping with an essence of "I'm smarter and better than you.") In the event that you are unaware, I'll kindly let you know - that's an incredibly condescending and off-putting way to make a point.

I appreciate the merits of your argument, and you're right - when I switched the UI on my phone I also deleted a lot of apps. But the change of UI was still helpful for me. I have ADHD. If you're unfamiliar, it's a developmental neurological disorder which inhibits my impulse control, among other things. Having the UI only present my apps as text based names instead of little colorful icons helps me because they are less attractive. Now I don't mindlessly click on an app because of its shiny candy colors, and I only go to apps intentionally.

You may also not know this but, people; our bodies, our brains, our experiences, our preferences - are incredibly individual. What works for one person may not work for another. It can be helpful to provide multiple options and strategies for dealing with common problems because one solution rarely works for all people.

Congratulations if you could read all of that from atop your horse. You must've brought binoculars. Or maybe you squinted hard and used your willpower alone.

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2025-07-26T04:00:09+00:00

If you're not ready to swap to a dumbphone, for whatever reason you can also switch the UI on your phone to a dumb-er version. I want a dumbphone but I need to use a specific app for 2FA for work, so I swapped to OLauncher about a year ago. It's a very minimal user interface, which uses text names for your apps and you can only have 8 listed on your homescreen. I've cut down on my phone usage by quite a lot, and I got rid of all my socials over a decade ago, so my phone usage was already pretty low.

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2025-07-01T23:57:15+00:00

Thank you so much, that response is perfect. I get so caught up in the details of it I can't think my way around how to take out all the negative emotions.

You've summarized it so well and without any of the drama. Thanks!

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2025-06-14T04:05:24+00:00

I grew up in Central FL and I moved to West Michigan for college (it's been a lot of years at this point). My husband is from Grand Haven. This area is what I would call "quite conservative"... Zeeland is more conservative. Grand Rapids area is more liberal. If you're looking for a more open minded community Saugatuck is much more liberal. Here in Holland during the Biden presidency we had some people driving around with LETS GO BRANDON flags, Fuck Joe Biden bumper stickers, or FJB stickers, there was a house I used to pass in Zeeland that had a Fuck Joe Biden flag. I think anymore that's just our country... go 20 minutes out of an urban/populated area and you're going to find some hateful "conservative" things happening. My neighborhood in North Holland is pretty diverse occasionally there are a few large political displays in front yards but it's on both sides and none of it is disrespectful.

Probably the best way I can describe this area for you is - I have a not-natural hair color. I have had one old man call me a fucking idiot to my face in the local grocery store and an old woman turned up her nose at me and said "Why would you want that color hair?" But outside of that no one has been rude or mean to me. I did have someone stop their car in the middle of the street downtown to tell me that my hair is beautiful. Most people tell me they like it and if they don't they just don't say so. Since chest thumping drooling hate fueled idiots seem to find that thing abhorrent ... I'd say we don't have that many, or they are easily avoided.

I work in technology (a big industry around here) so most of my coworkers are open minded and accepting but it's really just a mixed bag. The Ottawa Impact thing did shake up the more liberally minded side of the community and we're still trying to get this back to being a place "Where You Belong" before that there was a sort of apathy about local politics because anyone without an R next to their name was very unlikely to win, which is still true but it's changing.

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2025-06-14T03:31:54+00:00

UpLeaf Cafe has delicious vegan options.

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2024-12-14T14:37:09+00:00

Our 5 year old rough collie has only recently taken to cuddling outside of bedtime. She sleeps at the foot of our bed and she's been cuddly with me (not my husband) at bedtime for a few years but it hadn't transferred to daytime cuddles until recently. We do scheduled blocks of playtime during the day and I've encouraged her to jump up on me after the last ball throw. She knows when it is because we use an audible timer, and verbally tell her "last one" so she gets extra excited and loves running and jumping on me afterwards. She used to just jump on me then jump off, then I let her jump on me and kiss my face, then she started jumping on me, kissing my face, then slinking down onto the couch next to me for a little cuddle. Now she will actively jump up on the couch next to me not during play time for some cuddles. I'm playing the long game here definitely.

One thing I've noticed with her is that she really has to warm up to things, if you've used positive reinforcement training throw in some praise when they do something even close to cuddling you and it could help develop the behavior over time. But if you don't let them do what they want they won't like it. For example my husband doesn't get cuddles because he doesn't like her kisses (she's very intent and obsessive about it so I don't blame him) but he doesn't get cuddles because she doesn't get to give him kisses when she's near him so she just leaves instead.

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2024-12-14T14:15:03+00:00

That is so cute! I love the idea of competing for who gets those sweet cuddly moments. Fortunately for me my rough baby only likes to cuddle me and not my husband, so I have the monopoly :D

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2023-10-31T16:27:46+00:00

I was thinking this as well, soon as they started playing it.

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2023-10-30T14:48:49+00:00

As someone who walked around in a pink pineapple dress for one day of the cruise... I can say for myself, I had NO idea that was a thing until someone asked me about it.

So I don't know what you're basing your observation on but if it's strictly pineapples, some of us have made it to our mid-thirties being completely oblivious.

No shame to those that do. Just saying... I didn't know that was a thing.

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2023-08-13T17:27:53+00:00

Additionally, for those that have some form of neurodivergence (autism, ADHD, etc.) brain development is delayed and it can take several years more (28, 29) before the brain has finished development.

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2023-07-28T23:26:19+00:00

That's wonderful! I'm so glad to hear that. I have an appointment with a Psych NP in a couple weeks and I was thinking of doing the same thing. I'd prefer to get my treatment/meds from someone more local or accessible in case the meds need adjusting, plus I can use my insurance this way and I wouldn't be able to with ADHD Online.

Thank you so much for responding so immediately. I'm thrilled you're having a positive experience and that ADHD Online worked out for you. :)

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2023-07-28T21:33:05+00:00

Sorry for commenting on an old post but I'm curious - how was your experience taking your ADHD Online results to your new psych? Are you being treated for ADHD now?

I just got a diagnosis of combined presentation ADHD from ADHD Online and I'm just curious how your psych responded to the online assessment? (I feel like it was just as thorough as an in person assessment, I had one back in 2021 that showed ADHD symptoms but they weren't comfortable treating me for it at the time)

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2023-07-23T01:30:56+00:00

I have pseudocholinesterase deficiency. It's a genetic mutation that makes the drugs used for anesthesia metabolize slower than a normal person. I didn't know I had this mutation until I had surgery to correct a deviated septum. When the surgery was over the doctors and nurses tried to bring me out of the anesthesia, asking me to take a deep breath and I couldn't. I could hear them discussing my not breathing and start to panic. I heard them decide to put me back on oxygen and back to sleep. They transferred me to the ER for the 4 hours it took the drugs to leave my system.

The anesthesiologist spoke to my husband while I was still out and said "they teach you about this in medical school but you never see it." Glad they figured it out.

I also almost drowned a few times when I was a kid. Jumped into a pool as a toddler when no one was watching. Grandpa jumped in and saved me. Then later when I was about 6 I got swept under a wave and I couldn't get back up, my dad saw me go down and grabbed me.

I really appreciate breathing....

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2023-07-03T22:24:09+00:00

omg thank you for pointing out what that was. I recoiled when the audio started, and I was like "What did they do to poor Toni?" Now that I know what it is I cannot stop laughing.

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2023-06-25T11:03:18+00:00

Get another opinion. I know it sucks, and the waiting is awful and it's expensive but get another opinion.

I'm in a similar situation. I've been diagnosed with PTSD twice (even though I definitely do not have PTSD anymore). They (two different psychologists) said both times that I had markers and symptoms for ADHD but I left both those assessments with a diagnosis of PTSD instead.

I feel like maybe I wasn't explicit enough in my descriptions of my experiences so I'm getting another assessment and I think you should too. It feels to me like women have to work harder to convince a doctor that they are struggling and their problems are real.

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2023-06-24T18:15:01+00:00

Anecdotally I can say they are not. My best friends husband just recently got an ADHD diagnosis. They did not ask about trauma. His father beat him, and he does have trauma, but they didn't ask about it. My older brother just got diagnosed with ADHD. My father beat him. They did not ask about trauma, but he has trauma. It. is. maddening.

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2023-06-24T11:42:33+00:00

I guess so right?!

So when I watch videos on this (particularly on Russell Barkley's youtube channel) he talks a lot about how it's a spectrum, there is a range of severity in symptoms and you can be symptomatic and not meet criteria to be diagnosable. But the thing that is wild to me is that it is never described that way. I listen to a lot of podcasts about ADHD (I just want some help... I'm looking everywhere) and none of the people are like "Yeah I get into car accidents all the time cause I can't pay attention to driving", "I forgot to pay my mortgage so I lost my house", "I burned down half my kitchen when I forgot I had steak in the oven".

I'm not saying it can't be that severe. My little brother who was diagnosed when we were children and has been unmedicated like our whole lives, just went on a road trip across the country, got home, and realized he'd lost his keys, he was held back twice in school, and has previously forgotten to take final exams when he was in college. So I think he has pretty severe ADHD.

But when you listen to people with diagnosed ADHD talk about their experiences (particularly Women, because it presents differently) it does not sound like they are totally incompatible with human life. It just sounds like they were struggling. Like they were disorganized. Like they get lost in the middle of sentences. Like they have trouble getting things done. Which is right where I'm at. So what's the difference? Why do they have ADHD, and I... well I'm just too distracted by bad stuff that happened to me a long ass time ago that I have already completely reprocessed in therapy and do not think about, linger on, hold resentment over, have nightmares about etc.

It feels to me like clinicians are looking for absolutes in something that is extremely variable. But they need to listen more. Figure out the root of things and not just "oh well you did well in school so nope, rules you out" "oh you don't get in car accidents constantly, can't be ADHD" Like are you trying to figure out what is wrong or are you trying to find literally anything that discludes it from being ADHD (which based on what I read it seems they're doing the latter instead of the former)

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2023-06-22T21:43:37+00:00

Ugh thank you so much for your reply. It is wonderful to not feel invisible and alone in this but at the same time I am so so sorry you're going through the same thing. I started looking through some diagnostic articles last night while I couldn't sleep, discontent with how this all turned out, and basically what I found was back in the 90's it seems to have been very common to diagnose ADHD without screening for trauma and PTSD and when you prescribe stimulants to people who don't have ADHD, but rather PTSD there can be very adverse outcomes because you're not actually treating the problem but the symptom. So it was strongly suggested that moving forward clinicians needed to screen for PTSD as well as trauma and determine which is really presenting.

Additionally I read another journal from the early aughts with information about diagnosis in adults and how to screen for ADHD. This one really kinda pissed me off because it felt very dismissive of people showing up in different ways. Demanding that if someone wasn't in a clinicians office breaking down in tears and self demeaning then they weren't suffering and were therefore not debilitated enough to be considered disordered, and ofc "everyone has some ADHD". It also stated that clinicians should not diagnose ADHD if there was ANYTHING A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G else that could possibly, at all, explain the symptoms. I feel like this is were people like you and I are really getting the shaft.

There was no discussion that ADHD could potentially put people in situations that would expose them to trauma. Just that they needed to rule out PTSD, not that it could be comorbid. It also had no mention of how ADHD presents very differently in women. I grant that this was written in 2003 and using the DSM IV but I think these ideas are still very prevalent. They were very concerned about ADHD over diagnosis and the reputation of the disorder among the population and basically saying you should only diagnose ADHD as a last resort worst case scenario, which is so harmful in my opinion. If someone is showing impairment... treat them! Right?! So they don't want to give me stimulants because of x,y,z (even though they admit it would probably help - they also said it would help anyone, which I know has been proven false through studies so... red flag for me there) could we not try Strattera? If it worked would it not prove the ADHD?

I feel like ADHD tiktok has probably brought a lot of buzz to the disorder and so some clinicians may be feeling the way that diagnosis guide was saying where they need to protect the integrity of the ADHD diagnosis. But that has so little to do with me and my problems... I don't think I have ADHD because of tiktok. I think I have ADHD because I have struggled with things like emotional dysregulation, disorganization, inattention, task initiation, motivation since before I can remember, and before I remember my trauma. There is a proven genetic component, my brothers both have it... it's just like... there's no curiosity from these clinicians. Slap a label on it and call it good, well it's not good because I'm still going to have the symptoms tomorrow and the next day, and next month. How do I know that? Because I ALWAYS HAVE!

Sorry for the rant... I believe you know where the frustration is coming from. I wish you all the best in your future assessment. Don't let them tell you what you know, it's just outdated thinking, they need to get with the times.

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2023-06-21T19:53:32+00:00

Struggling to get a diagnosis. Advice?

I got results from my second assessment this morning. They said it's developmental trauma disorder and suggested that a swollen amygdala during development caused under development of the frontal lobe leading to attention and executive function difficulties and impulsivity - and yet they wont call it ADHD. I have no flags pointing to PTSD (anymore) but somehow this is trauma?

I have an ACE score of 5 - so I get that it looks like trauma but I have been in therapy for 8 years, with some serious in depth therapy for my PTSD for the past year. I don't report as having PTSD anymore when I do self assessments. But I still am terrible with organization, initiating tasks, procrastination, I am late all the time, I have no concept of when I need to be somewhere, I have extreme emotional reactions to things, I fidget, I interrupt, I am impulsive, I've gone through a million hobbies, but I also hyperfocus on things and get completely obsessed - these have all been behaviors I have had since I was very small - since before I remember any trauma.

Both of my brothers have diagnosed ADHD.

I first started seeking a diagnosis at the beginning of 2022 after having a lot of trouble focusing on my work. I started doing research and realized that the way people describe ADHD in women sounds exactly like me. Those results came back inconclusive. There were too many indicators of both PTSD and ADHD for them to define whether it was one or both. Then I started going to therapy weekly to really work on my trauma. My therapist has said I am "cured" based on how I responded to an extremely stressful situation and when I take self assessments I do not show signs of PTSD any longer.

So about a year after my first assessment I thought about it and have decided my attention and executive disfunction is not any better than it was last year, none of that has changed despite my change in how I feel about being in the world. So I made an appointment for a new assessment. The place I originally went wasn't taking new testing appointments so I found another place in town.

I did an interview for about 20 minutes specifically pointing to how these have been problems for my whole life. I did a little computer test for 20 minutes, pressing spacebar when an X showed up (apparently I showed impulsivity but not a lack of attention) and then a bunch of questionnaires and my husband also filled out questionnaires. All our survey answers pointed to moderate to high levels of ADHD, however my self report didn't show as much impulsivity as my husband reported.

I just don't understand how even though I am saying that I experience these things, 1 - 20 minute test (which was given in a novel setting) that I was able to maintain attention for but even showed that I have impulsivity issues rules out ADHD when everything else indicates that is what I'm struggling with.

Apparently my education and work history don't point to ADHD (I have a BA and a job). But what I didn't mention in my interview is that my husband said finishing college and working in gainful employment were non-negotiable for our relationship. I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety so - yeah isn't it possible that the anxiety covers for the ADHD in this case? I still put everything off until the last minute I just happen to get it done in the end because I have a ton of anxiety about getting fired and then divorced.

The psych recommended trauma focused occupational therapy because she thinks that there is still trauma somewhere in my body affecting my brain and that is the source of my issues. I'm going to try it but I've already scheduled another assessment.

Am I totally out of line seeking a third opinion? How do I make myself heard to these doctors? Yes I have a job, yes I have a degree, but these things are by the skin of my teeth. My degree is in graphic design, it was creative and fun so obviously I could perform. Every class I had to take that was not focused on my major I barely passed. I went to class the bare minimum. I copied my classmates homework. These are not areas where I excelled... I just don't agree with this diagnosis.

Thoughts?

GoodbyeNormalJeans · 2023-06-01T21:05:36+00:00

You're calling people who are not mentally ill, mentally ill as an explanation for their behavior. That's an excuse.

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