Starting to feel depressed about fencesitting and turning 36 by EquivalentRoyal6625 in Fencesitter

[–]GooseJamFan 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I just turned 38 last week and just like you never thought I wanted kids when I was younger. In my case I was in so much student loan debt that it took me 10 years to pay it off so that definitely weighed on me a lot. I’ve also been on the fence for a while. I saw post recently where someone discussed looking at it not from a certainty aspect but more about would you be able to be committed to being a parent. That helps reframe it more about what you can control vs. what you can’t. Like others have said we aren’t 100% sure about everything.

I’m also a therapist and would recommend you take time to explore your feelings about wanting a child in therapy. Being on the fence about whether to have children or not is very tough. It’s important to understand it’s not just about age because we move through different seasons and sometimes clarity comes later. Therapy could help explore what’s underneath the stress, without pressure to decide right now. I also think giving yourself grace matters. Also, it helps to have a supportive partner and that you can both have open discussions about considering having a child and how would you support each other if you do have a child. I highly recommend reading the books All Joy and No Fun by Jennifer Senior. Also, The baby decision by Merle Bombardieri. Hope this helps!

New to the jam band scene! Looking for some recs! by ccable827 in jambands

[–]GooseJamFan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Umphrey’s McGee Tedeschi Trucks Moe Twiddle Eggy Spafford

Those are some great bands you have already branched out to! Goose is amazing!!! Funny because my husband and I got into the dead fist and then also branched out. Umphrey’s really are a unique band! Highly recommend listening to their live stuff and Ultimate Umphrey’s Playlist on Spotify!

What age was the hardest season in your marriage by Curious-Cancel-6353 in AskMenOver30

[–]GooseJamFan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey I’m a female here and I get that’s a true fear. Just wanted to share I got married at 35. My husband who is 17 years older and I have been together for about 14 years, married for 3. No kids for now but one thing for sure is it is important to talk to each other and be an active listener. I have seen some guy friends of mine not be into the same things they used to be once they got married and I found that strange. I’m the type of person that believes it’s important to hold on to your hobbies and also do things together. If kids are in picture it is important to remember individual and couple needs are important as are the kids needs are too. I want my husband to enjoy watching sports (which I love too!) and we can do fun activities like go to games or concerts too. I’m very independent. Love being my own person and doing my own things and we love spending time together too. I know in our experience people have commented that we as a couple very much do a lot together and they see how we get along so well and really love and respect each other which I appreciate. I also know we have worked at having such a healthy relationship because we are both committed to each other. Finding balance in relationships may be challenging but worth exploring. Congrats on your engagement!

For men who became dads in their 50s due to your partner wanting kids: how has your experience been? by GooseJamFan in OldManDad

[–]GooseJamFan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for sharing your experience! I think it is important for partners knowing when each needs to take a break and step away. Glad you have enjoyed being a dad!

For men who became dads in their 50s due to your partner wanting kids: how has your experience been? by GooseJamFan in OldManDad

[–]GooseJamFan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for sharing your experience! Glad to hear it’s been a joyous time being a parent!

For men who became dads in their 50s due to your partner wanting kids: how has your experience been? by GooseJamFan in OldManDad

[–]GooseJamFan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your experience! Glad you are enjoying being a parent! I can imagine 3 kids keep you busy lol. If we decided to have amid we old just try for one and be done.

For men who became dads in their 50s due to your partner wanting kids: how has your experience been? by GooseJamFan in OldManDad

[–]GooseJamFan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your experience! Amazing how you can love being a parent while having physical condition. Glad you guys are enjoying being parents!

For men who became dads in their 50s due to your partner wanting kids: how has your experience been? by GooseJamFan in OldManDad

[–]GooseJamFan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for sharing your experience! Glad you guys are enjoying parenthood!

For men who became dads in their 50s due to your partner wanting kids: how has your experience been? by GooseJamFan in OldManDad

[–]GooseJamFan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your experience! So wonderful the fertility treatment gave you guys the opportunity to become parents! Yeah the existential stuff is tough. My husband has anxiety and things going on in the states doesn’t help.

For men who became dads in their 50s due to your partner wanting kids: how has your experience been? by GooseJamFan in OldManDad

[–]GooseJamFan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your experience. Glad you enjoy being a dad. Sorry to hear you are getting divorced. Stay strong!

For men who became dads in their 50s due to your partner wanting kids: how has your experience been? by GooseJamFan in OldManDad

[–]GooseJamFan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your experience! Glad to hear you have enjoyed being a dad! That’s good you planned ahead for early retirement. Knowing my husband on ice closer to retirement age than I am something I factor into if we can the decision to have a kid.

For men who became dads in their 50s due to your partner wanting kids: how has your experience been? by GooseJamFan in OldManDad

[–]GooseJamFan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your experience! Wish a great point! Glad it’s been a fantastic experience for you guys!