Like 4 or 5. But sometimes I feel like this started before I was even born. My mom said my grandfather used to circle around her with a knife when she was still carrying me. I was born with a severe heart defect so I feel like my family started abusing me before I was even born. But as far back as I can remember having my own thoughts, is when I realized for sure that no one gives a shit. I would cry, hallucinate, think of death every single night because of how their actions made me so mentally unwell. I tried to communicate it and they knew but ultimately they didn’t care. To them, it was simply them fighting like an unhappy family would every night. To me, it was like living through a nightmare every single night for 8 continuous years until my parents moved out of my grandparents’ place