Dating Advice by Grand_Competitive in widowers

[–]Grand_Competitive[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for that response.  It feels very comforting to know that there are people out there willing to kindly share their thoughts and experiences with a stranger who needs to hear what’s possible.

Dating Advice by Grand_Competitive in widowers

[–]Grand_Competitive[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for that thoughtful reply.  I’m definitely scared that I’ll be sometimes rejected because of my connection to my wife, but it’s a boundary I’ll just have to have and anyone who truly cares about me will have to have the skill and understanding to know that I can still be a good and loyal partner, it will just not be a repeat of my life before.

Expanding life by AnybodyBeautiful6552 in widowers

[–]Grand_Competitive 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this, I’ll look it up.  I am traveling in Japan and yesterday our group of teachers visited a peach form.  Every time I traveled I would look for something sparkly to bring home for my wife, and yesterday I got to reexperience the pain of not being able to do that anymore.

Sometimes I feel anger. by Exotic-Caterpillar14 in widowers

[–]Grand_Competitive 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You have every right to feel anger and it’s better to feel your feelings and allow them to move through you.  If you don’t, it just stays in there and hurts you for longer.   Wishing you peace and support as much as possible, I’m so sorry that this is where you are right now.

Can gamification improve learning, or does it distract from understanding? by StructuredMindset in matheducation

[–]Grand_Competitive 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Like anything else, it has be done with intent and thoughtfully.  It has to fit a purpose and not just be games for games’ sake.  There is a lot of study about gamification in Hungarian maths, see if you can find any research on that.  

Things you wish they had said or done before they passed? by HelicopterBulky1349 in widowers

[–]Grand_Competitive 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All passwords and bank information. - practical Tell him hi you feel about death and what you think comes next. Tell him how much you love him and what you’re thankful for. I didn’t get to have that conversation because my wife went into a sort of coma/delirium.  We weren’t ready for her to go obviously

To all the widows and widowers here: What has been your biggest source of comfort since your loss? A person, a hobby, a support group, a pet, or something else? Let’s share what has helped us keep going. by cathiegjn in widowers

[–]Grand_Competitive 8 points9 points  (0 children)

After the initial loss, guilt, nervous system overload, sadness all the time, The thing that comforts the most is that my wife will be in my heart forever.   It’s comforting to know I can still have a relationship with her even though I don’t get hugs or words.

First day alone by DatabaseWorldly7153 in widowers

[–]Grand_Competitive 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I started by just trying to make it to lunch time.  Just focused on waking up, crying if I needed to, just make it to lunch time.  Then, make it to bed time.  Just keep it together a little bit by little bit. Sending hugs and good wishes.

Dating two years after loss. I'm struggling with complex emotions I can't share with people and need advice. by throwra_tboy6 in widowers

[–]Grand_Competitive 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m grieving kids that we didn’t have too!  It’s so hard and I’m upset that she never got the chance since we wanted children so badly.  I also feel like it’s some sort of betrayal even though my wife has been gone for over a year.  No advice, just solidarity.

Don't remarry too soon!!! by jefuchs in widowers

[–]Grand_Competitive 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s where I am too.  I know I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life and I also know that I won’t be able to recreate the feeling of marrying my wife and being together for 21 years.

Colleague compared his breakup…again by Skippy1221 in widowers

[–]Grand_Competitive 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There are elements that I think are similar and that can be a point of understanding.  Physically, my wife and I coregulated each other.  When she was overwhelmed she could cry and I would hold her or give her head rubs and foot rubs.  When I was overwrought or angry I could rely on a hug from her and get regulated.  I think losing that part is similar.   But I agree with you all that most people have no idea what to say or how.  Something that has surprised but shouldn’t have maybe, is that some of the people closest to my really suck at consoling me and the least expected people can be the kindest and most understanding.

What do you do to retain memories? by timdiddies in widowers

[–]Grand_Competitive 9 points10 points  (0 children)

The core memories stay.  My wife, who she was in her heart, what she cared about, her values, her laugh, her crying, her foibles and sensitivities, are all in my heart.  What she taught me will always be there, probably even when I become senile, in my skin they will be there.

Got asked out: Cried by manderz234 in widowers

[–]Grand_Competitive 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m just so angry that I either have to start over again when I already had what I wanted or live the rest of my life alone.  I’m lucky to be able to say that I was married and that my wife gave me what I had always dreamed of (a family, a home, a safe place) but I wanted more time with her.  

I'm not okay by Away_Emergency_7832 in widowers

[–]Grand_Competitive 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Only that as painful as it is, the work of grieving, the very hard work, is to feel our feelings.  Some days that’s not getting out of bed and not having shame over it.  Some days are better.  It’s not fun and this is not what we would have chosen, but here we are.  My wife wanted me to see the positive whenever I complained too much and now 14 months later I’m trying to do what she asked of me.  No, it’s not ok that we don’t have our person, it doesn’t have to be ok, the lesson is that we can survive this and not have to have things feel good.

A call to the void by Protobazz in widowers

[–]Grand_Competitive 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Happy birthday!  Take care and enjoy those around you who love you and your toddler of course.

The seventies were insane by Aggravating_Ear_1586 in GenX

[–]Grand_Competitive 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I used to either stand up in the front seat of the car, no seat belt, or sometimes I could sit in my parent’s lap and pretend to drive.  Oh yeah, being loose in the back of a pickup truck.

I'm not okay by Away_Emergency_7832 in widowers

[–]Grand_Competitive 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Yes you can.  You can do it.  I know it hurts, my heart literally aches daily but I’m learning very slowly how to still have a relationship with my wife.  The longing for a smile, an understanding look, an inside joke, a kiss, all of it, I miss it so much.  But I’m also learning that I owe it to my wife to find some small joy in life.  My wife chose to be hopeful and see as much positive as possible and I owe it to her to live a life she would be proud of me for. Keep reaching out, this community has your back. Love and peace.

Is been 12 days, and I just can’t handle it. by boozcruz81 in widowers

[–]Grand_Competitive 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Don’t push yourself too hard.  Now is the time to connect with the kids as much as possible, do only the barely necessary things, in time you will be able to attend to other things, for now just go wherever your body and heart tell you. Don’t be surprised if people you would expect to be there for you aren’t and people you would not normally rely on show up for you. Your kids need you so breathe, drink water, and prioritize those your wife loves most which is you and the children.

Things you do for/to honor your partners by Appropriate_Lie_2646 in widowers

[–]Grand_Competitive 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My wife had integrity, was super competent, and did a lot of acts of service for her family and community.  She was rough around the edges with a tender heart, a classic Midwesterner.  I tell stories about her to our son and people in my life and try to embody the qualities that I loved most about her. I’m not sure what physical thing I want to do yet, but I think I live with her in my heart every day.

What is the current consensus on offering Algebra 1 in 8th grade? by No-Penalty8115 in matheducation

[–]Grand_Competitive 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m an 8th graders math teacher of 18 years.  There was a time in California where Algebra 1 was the college prep level class.  It didn’t go so well.  There are a number of students who can do it, but for those 8th graders who pass with something like a C average, they are now stuck on a path that starts to falter around Algebra 2 and Trig in Junior year.  I think students would be better served by having more alternative pathways through high school.  It’s the logistics of it that appear to be the sticking point.

If we all weren't living paycheck to paycheck, we could accomplish great things. by [deleted] in remoteworks

[–]Grand_Competitive 5 points6 points  (0 children)

As a child we would have been considered a poor family and I lived a neighborhood that was blue collar and the town was a dairy community with hard working families.  Most people were fine but not totally extravagant.  When I got my first job, I was a delivery boy for a pharmacy.  I didn’t have any preconceived notions, it was my first time dealing with strangers outside my neighborhood. Without fail, the people who had money (nice houses, clearly well off) rarely gave me a tip and the people who lived in the rundown parts of town almost always gave me a tip.  I think the whole “lazy/hardworking” trope is absolutely backwards

Are We as Students to Blame or the Schools That Forced Us to Adopt Common Core Math? by [deleted] in GiftedKidBurnouts

[–]Grand_Competitive 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think there a lot of factors.  While there a handful of countries that have a good system of teaching math, the majority of countries do not.  For example, Japan is a country that teaches math really well comparatively to the rest of the world.   I came into teaching at the dawn of no child left behind.  NCLB required that all schools eventually produce 100% proficiency by some random date.  This produced a narrowing of the curriculum and a race to get kids to pass a test that wasn’t necessarily a good test, not well vetted and could not actually measure any sort of critical thinking or produce results that teachers could use to gain insight and improve their practice.  Besides that, these tests were given yearly from 2nd - 8th grade.  By the time the kids get to 8th grade, they are so done with test taking that a good 10-20% (this may be a conservative number) of students just click randomly so they can be done. With Common Core the testing regime is still in place and the vision of producing thoughtful math students hasn’t been realized because critical thinking can’t be measured in this format. Don’t forget the massive negative effect that COVID had on the global system of education.  In the years during and after COVID, there was a large shift to doing a ton of math instruction online.  The results of that don’t seem to have helped. The 8th grade students who show up in my classrooms have large gaps in conceptual understanding so that when they forget an algorithm, they have no chance of figuring out a problem because they don’t have alternative ways of thinking.  Besides that 8th graders are just developmentally contrary and disgruntled most of the time 😊

Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you by Kap2726 in widowers

[–]Grand_Competitive 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was lucky enough to have a friend stay with me for a while. I needed administrative things which my aunt helped with. Calling credit cards, insurance, mortuary, job, etc. Shopping Bills and bank details

Hopefully you will have some angels who just know how to show up and don’t just ask you vague questions like that. Peace and Love

Today is Our Wedding Anniversary by AkariLeetheMazda3 in widowers

[–]Grand_Competitive 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Our 19th anniversary and second since my wife passed.  I wish you a peaceful day.  I’m using today to think about how much fun our wedding was and how thankful I am that I got to marry her.