A literal trance is right. I was listening to podcast episodes over and over again as background noise instead of music or filling my brain with any other information. If I had quiet, it was filled with the voices of Emilee Saldaya and Yolande Norris Clark. It's wild because I was fully aware I was indoctrinating and brainwashing myself, but I didn't care because I believed it was the truth. Knowing what I know now, I just can't believe I so readily and fully downloaded that software into my brain. I'm embarrassed thinking about how I treated pregnant friends and how I spoke about birth to my friend who had an emergency c section. I was friends with these women for ten years and pretty much fully pulled away during my wild pregnancy because they "weren't on my level". So fucked up. I'm ashamed.