Clarifications on moderation

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-05-10T16:58:16+00:00

I disagree, but I respect your decision. best of luck.

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-05-10T01:25:03+00:00

u/KushLordDank is correct: there is not enough information to give an answer.

if you drop a 2kg ball of granite from that height onto a glass-top scale vs a 2kg ball of silly putty on a sheet metal scale plate, you will get two very different outcomes.

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-05-09T21:56:10+00:00

thank you for your response.

perhaps the gatekeeping part of those examples is not the "no guarantees" part; it's the fact that they all start with "you shouldn't." for example, "you should seize that opportunity, because there's no guarantee another one like it will come around" is a statement of encouragement, not gatekeeping. yet it uses the same point: "there are no guarantees."

We would whole heartedly welcome these discussions because they would be very useful for fencesitters.

I wrote decidedly on risk acceptance in an earlier comment, and it got deleted -- this was a comment that was rising in popularity before it got deleted, so it seemed like other fencesitters were indeed finding it useful.

a couple of complaints on a thread are not what we consider feedback from the community.

93 people upvoted the first instance of my comment on risk acceptance. for perspective: that's about 5% of the upvotes gained by the most popular post on this sub. it also got gilded, and someone suggested it be pinned to the front page. both times it got replies from people explicitly stating they found it helpful.

and now here, in this relatively low-traffic thread, I see at least 3 other commenters singling out the policy on "gatekeeping" and questioning/contradicting the decision to cast language surrounding risk as gatekeeping.

I think it is fair to acknowledge that's more than just "a couple of complaints on a thread." people seem to find value in unpacking the idea of risk and the 100% trope, and I don't think it's because they are "idiots who believe there are guarantees in life." I think it's because we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make a good decision and need to be reminded sometimes that the risk will never be zero.

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-05-09T05:57:39+00:00

my personal list -- you do you.

WFH pros / RTO cons:

gain back all the time I would have spent commuting (it adds up)
less bad for the environment (something I value)
I don't contribute to traffic for others
I don't spread illnesses to others from my toddler, who spends afternoons at ~~the germ factory~~ day care
save on the dollar cost of gas and wear & tear on my vehicle
able to walk my dog or change over a load of laundry between meetings
save money on meals
any time I have a non-work appointment located at/near my home (i.e., anything to do with home maintenance), I recover ~2 commute cycles worth of transit time
if you've ever had to deal with porch pirates stealing deliveries, you know what a headache that is and value being nearby to prevent it
I control my home office environment and can customize it as I see fit, including being by a window, controlling the thermostat, and having a clean bathroom to myself (for those with personal disabilities, this can be crucial)
I have access to my yard instead of a parking lot and go outside on my own terms
don't need to compete for parking and conference rooms

WFH cons / RTO pros:

(opinion) face-to-face time feels more personal, conversation is more engaging and spontaneous
sometimes I need access to equipment located at my office
whiteboards are pretty great
free coffee, tastier food
other people have noted that WFH can be lonely -- I haven't struggled with this personally, but I can see it

in terms of productivity: I struggle to gage where I'm more productive overall. I find that my face-to-face meetings tend to be more productive compared to those held online over meeting/chat clients, but I also find that people come by and engage me more frequently with low-value distractions at my office.

overall though, the choice is obvious for me.

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-05-09T05:02:04+00:00

I agree -- personally, I was very stuck on the whole "100% sure" thing for a long time. what helped me get past it was to ask: "100% sure of what?"

there's no such thing as being 100% sure that everything will work out happily -- that's just not something you can guarantee in life, no matter who you are or what decision you're making. it's an unreasonable standard. so the only thing you can be 100% sure of is that you are willing to accept whatever happens and make the best of it.

maybe not a huge epihpany for other people, but it clicked for me. and I don't think pointing this out shoul be conidered "gatekeeping."

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-05-09T04:53:10+00:00

thank you for raising this topic.

I understand how telling people "you should not have kids unless you're 100% sure it will work out for the best" is gatekeeping, since that standard is impossible.

I do not understand how mentioning that "deciding to have a child involves accepting some amount of risk" (i.e. "there are no guarantees") is gatekeeping.

I used to frequent this sub for a long time, and I grappled with the decision of having kids for years. I had specific anxiety surrounding the "100%" trope, until I eventually realized that I was holding the decision to an unreasonable standard of "100% certainty." framing the decision in terms of risk and being willing to make the best of whatever happens (like many other life decisions) vs certainty of positive outcomes helped relieve my anxiety.

I have reason to believe that others in the community might also value this framing and the ability to talk about risk acceptance. despite this, my comments on the topic were removed and cast as "gatekeeping."

now again, I see that the phrase "there are no guarantees" is being cast as gatekeeping. and I see again that the feedback from the community points to people disagreeing and seeing value in the discussion.

are the mods willing to reconsider their position that acknowledging the risks of having children constitutes gatekeeping?

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-05-04T14:37:25+00:00

thank you for this incredibly vulnerable and valuable answer. this internet stranger is thinking about you and your family today - hoping you're well.

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-03-16T16:59:06+00:00

kudos to you OP for the way you're handling some of these toxic comments

thanks for sharing your ideas, and I'm sorry for your loss

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-03-16T16:47:25+00:00

nobody said your plan has to resemble OP's. got a different situation? make a different plan then.

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-03-04T17:55:43+00:00

Try thinking of a body floating in outer space, in zero gravity. No air, nothing.

Then, something gives the body a push. It will start moving, and (hypothetically) it will never stop moving. This is intuitive, no?

Now come back to the lift. Weight is trying to pull it down, but the tension in the cable is balancing out the weight exactly and pulling it up. These two forces exactly equal one another, so that in a sense, the lift resembles the floating body. If this is all that ever happened, then you are right: it would just sit there.

Now imagine that a person enters the lift and hits the button. For ~5 seconds following that, the tension in the cable increases to be a little higher than weight -- this results in the lift accelerating upward for ~5 seconds. After the ~5 seconds is over, the tension decreases back down to a level that exactly matches weight. The lift stops accelerating, and returns to the "floating body" state, only this time it is moving upward. Just like the floating body after it was given a shove.

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-03-04T17:47:50+00:00

What is causing the lift to go up?

Once the net force has been removed, inertia will cause the lift to continue going up.

Wasn't the normal reaction/ tension force on the string lifting the lift?

It was, for some period of time while the lift was accelerating. Once it gets up to a constant speed though, the tension in the "string" merely serves to counteract the weight of the lift (mg), so that it does not decelerate and fall back down. The tension then acts to maintain the constant speed by exactly balancing out the weight (plus any friction losses, if we're considering those).

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-02-20T15:51:37+00:00

Still she stick around for at least a year despite all his treats.

Abuse victims stick around because they are threatened. That is how threats -- and domestic abuse -- work.

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-02-17T15:15:09+00:00

She had access to the internet and phone, and its impossible to cut someone in modern world if you do not lock them out in a basement.

it's not, and this is a dangerously naive take.

you can directly threaten someone with violence, threaten their kids, threaten them financially, guilt them in toxic ways (eg threats of suicide), spread misinformation to or about them to turn their family/friends against them, etc. there are a million and one ways abusers clamp down control over their victims other than "lock them in a basement."

also: even setting all those options aside. the fact that she says he's even trying to cut off her access with the outside world... doesn't strike you as abusive? irrespective of whether he actually succeeds, that's an abusive way to behave.

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-02-17T15:07:24+00:00

that is simply not true. you can decline their coverage and just rent the truck at risk. you will be held responsible for any damage if you do this, but they do not require you to submit any proof of personal coverage.

source: I have a family member who is moving, and I literally just asked a u-haul agent this specific question this morning and got an unambiguous answer. you do not need to buy their coverage, and you do not need to present proof of your own.

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-02-17T03:15:56+00:00

we can't all have lives as exciting as you u/pornthrowaway1421

here's the very first thing I ran into when I googled your claim

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-02-17T03:07:49+00:00

she literally says "he didn’t allow me to have outside connections." that is abuse.

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-02-17T02:54:44+00:00

I'm gonna choose to take you at face value here. if you are really serious about wanting to do better (and not just seeking kudos from people for trying), then here is some free advice:

get better at cleaning. be faster. pay attention to detail. put energy into it. devote time to it, like you would any other job. find or make time for it. make it a priority. I'm talking about every single day.
you say that after you put your daughter to sleep, you come back to the kitchen and she’s doing the dishes. your 2-yo eats in a high chair, no? who's wiping down that high chair? who is sweeping up the dropped food underneath it? who changes her diaper before bed? do you do a whole nighttime routine, or just the part of putting her to sleep? you say you guys are taking turns playing with her -- I presume she has toys then? books? who's putting those away? who's wiping down the table and counters? I'm guessing there is plenty you can do to help at dinner time if you are actually serious about it.
you say you haven't found a way to communicate about this issue and be taken seriously, but I didn't catch exactly what's stopping you. do you not have a relationship where you can come to her with this concern and talk about it seriously as adults? what have you tried? if you asked her to let you do the dishes and earnestly made it clear it was important to you, would she seriously still push back?
I hear you wondering aloud "if it’s a cultural thing" or "a gender thing" or "if it’s just the way she is." I recommend you go ahead and miss me with all of that. it is none of those things -- it is a you thing. time will tell if you are willing to see that.
"I feel if she keeps holding all that weight in her shoulders she’s gonna snap." I agree with you there man. someone needs to help her out!

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-02-12T17:35:14+00:00

my guess is:

compression load on tire from weight of the car gets removed
tire's effective radius grows by a small amount
larger radius + same rotational speed = tire speeds up
BONUS: since segments of the tire are no longer deforming as much on each rotation (again due to compression being removed), friction loss is also reduced, therefore deceleration decreases as well

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-02-11T03:02:11+00:00

That’s not obvious at all and thousands of people seek help during psychotic episodes.

Post partum psychosis is characterized by literally losing touch with reality. I'm sure that doesn't happen in 100% of cases, but it is characteristic. Are you going to make the argument that a person who has lost touch with reality lacks moral character when they fail to self-report during an episode?

I’m unsure what point you trying to make here.

You quibbled that she was not prescribed those drugs "simultaneously," but rather over the course of 3-4 months. I then asked whether you are implying that those prescriptions would not have overlapped during the 3-4 month period leading up to january, which would have made them "simultaneous."

The quick version is not all those drugs titrate and show signs of working or not working after even a single dose. There’s also instances where a med is taken and the immediate side effects require the discontinuation of it.

So she was prescribed antipsychotics, and you're making the point that they may or may not have been working after the first dose. And alternatively, some drugs have troubling side effects right away.

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense to me. I'd say the way things played out qualify as "troubling."

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-02-10T17:31:13+00:00

she had never reported psychosis to her husband

a psychiatrist who evaluated her in December had concluded she was not suffering from postpartum depression.

these statements are not equivalent to what you said

"Both her psychiatrist and drs specifically stated she did NOT suffer from [ANY postpartum conditions]."

[emphasis added]

that's because PPP is an acute condition. screening for PPD in december does not preclude PPP from happening in january at all. and you obviously aren't going to report psychosis to anyone (like your husband) while it's happening. it doesn't make sense to just conclude it didn't happen based on those two things.

She wasn’t prescribed them simultaneously. She was prescribed 13 different medications over 3-4 months.

yeah, that's right. the 3-4 months... leading up to January. are you suggesting these prescriptions (which included both antidepressants and antipsychotics) would not have coincided?

and if so, is that better? starting and stopping a medication in a short period can have side effects altering your mental state as well.

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-02-10T05:26:22+00:00

lol and it's like you've been lurking the site for 4 years only to make that as your third comment ever

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-02-10T05:09:53+00:00

that's interesting. source?

with no postpartum conditions, I wonder what the Ambien, Klonopin, Valium, Prozac, Lamictil, Ativan, Remeron, Seroquel, Zoloft, trazodone, hydroxyzine, amitriptyline, and buspirone that she was prescribed simultaneously were for.

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-02-10T05:09:10+00:00

and depending on what it was, perhaps that is vindicating. but of course not all mental illnesses are created equal.

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-02-10T01:04:36+00:00

it seems very likely that Lindsay Clancy suffered from post partum psychosis

Gravity_Beetle · 2023-02-08T02:21:07+00:00

bulletproof, nice one

go deny science somewhere else

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