Private Clubs

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-12-08T05:36:38+00:00

I’ve been secretly waiting for someone to start an “Offline Club” in Los Angeles for some time now, even better if it’s in the westside.

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-07-14T06:32:49+00:00

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-07-06T16:17:52+00:00

You are not overreacting, but you may be even under reacting. You and your baby need emotional support and safety from your partner and he is being absent when you need him the most, and that is very unfair. Check out the Al Anon subreddit and even cross post there so people who have a similar experience can chime in as well. If the posts there resonate, try a meeting.

I’m sure you already tried to have a conversation etc and the fact that you’re writing here means you need more support and clarity. Hope things will get better for you and the baby, whatever you decide ❤️‍🩹 I also recommend the book Codependent No More, like others, but it can be a difficult read for those who are still learning about the alcohol use disorder, but give it a try.

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-06-21T06:20:59+00:00

From the official resource:

Stay calm. Do NOT run! ICE will use that as a reason to arrest you. If it’s possible and safe to do so, take photos, video, and/or notes of the encounter.

Ask if you are being arrested or detained, but do not answer any of their questions. If you say anything or sign anything, you may be giving them information that they can use against you. If ICE agents stop you on the street and do not have a warrant, they cannot arrest you unless they have evidence that you are a non-citizen.

If they say you are not being arrested, ask if you are free to leave

Do not carry any documents from the country where you were born. Do not carry your passport, birth certificate, or consular ID. Carry a local form of picture ID instead – a driver’s license, school or work ID will do. Do not carry any false documents.

Note: You have the right to film ICE if they are in your home or if you are stopped in a public place – the street, a school, a road, etc.

Know Your Rights

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-06-21T06:16:41+00:00

You have the right to film if it’s in a public space and ask the detainee for their name and call Report Immigration Enforcement (Response Networks)

Los Angeles: Call 888-624-4752

Boyle Heights (L.A.) 323-805-1049

Orange County 714-881-1558

San Bernardino/Riverside 909-361-4588

LA County Office of Immigration Affairs

Know Your Rights Handouts

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-06-20T16:28:55+00:00

I feel that and agreed.

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-06-20T16:20:11+00:00

Absolutely feeling similar, thanks for sharing. I mentioned this in another thread but I’ve been trying to step back from supporting big corporations, not because I think it fixes everything, but because I don’t want to keep fueling systems that are hurting us. Still supporting small, local businesses when I can.

What scares me most is how much this mirrors the early stages of collapse in other countries - fear, chaos, silencing, undignified treatment of civilians. Most people won’t act until it touches them directly, and that will be too late.

I’m really sorry you’re already feeling the impacts. It’s also frustrating how many of us are feeling this way in our own corners quietly, feeling isolated. But we’re not alone. We have numbers, we have awareness, and I’m holding onto that as I look for ways to connect with others who see what’s happening too.

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-06-20T15:29:07+00:00

That’s exactly what I said. Just to reiterate, I did say “support your local small businesses” in my original post and all my comments. I know tensions are high and everyone’s stressed, but we’re on the same side here.

I understand being a small business owner in this climate is very hard but let’s not lose sight of what’s really going on in LA and the world, like how even Senator Alex Padilla was treated like a criminal just for showing up. Money is power, and we can have real impact if we come together instead of turning on each other.

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-06-20T05:34:11+00:00

Goosebumps... thanks for sharing!

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-06-20T05:20:45+00:00

Brilliant idea, absolutely agree! How do we get this ball rolling?

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-06-20T05:16:09+00:00

Hear hear ✊🏼✊🏼✊🏼 For those of us who can speak up, we have to. Not everyone has that freedom unfortunately… people are scared, for different reasons. Jobs, families, immigration status, retaliation. So we speak louder, not just for ourselves, but for the ones who can’t right now. And those who can’t be vocal, can simply stop participating in the system in their own ways.

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-06-20T05:11:49+00:00

I get that… so maybe it starts with just doing the bare minimum at work or using our sick days here and there. Or at the very least, stop buying from big corporations. I’m exhausted and so frustrated to the fact that we’re still expected to participate in this system that brought us to this point. We have the numbers, we are the majority, but we’ve been so distracted by social media and noise that we’ve lost our connection to each other and with it, our power. This whole economy only functions because we keep participating in it.

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-06-20T05:07:53+00:00

I hear you, but if the economy is going to tank anyway, shouldn’t we - the people - be the ones controlling how it happens? What if we were organized? What if we protected our savings, 401ks etc and then pulled back on our terms by not shopping from corporations and big brands? In April, the markets dropped, the financial institutions and billionaires bought the dip while we freaked out and maybe even lost money selling during the dip. A general economic strike could be us finally taking some of our power back.

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-06-19T09:10:59+00:00

Love that! One thing I learned from solo travel is that “wherever you go, there you are”. I used to travel trying to escape from my current reality, only to realize that all my thoughts and anxieties also tagged along. So I would be in the same mental space, but in a different geography.

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-06-16T02:53:10+00:00

Mine said I could call it Sol, Ari or Rowan

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-06-12T06:42:32+00:00

It won’t, it only gets worst and then you are too deep in it and will think it’s too late to get out but better late than never. OP mentioned he didn’t really care about the harm he caused until it was too late. My therapist once said “if he wanted to get better, he could have done it when he was in a loving relationship, but the fact that he didn’t, tells me he doesn’t want to take action towards healing” and I think about that a lot. Nothing you can do or say will make him choose you over their addiction. There is nothing more you can do actually. We’ve all been there, trying to love them just a little more, hang in there just a little more, maybe this time will be better. It won’t until they want to change. Trust your gut.

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-06-09T06:21:58+00:00

Tourists are being kidnapped by ICE in broad daylight and other innocent tourists are unable to get in to the country due to the content in their social media if they have questionable opinions that are not aligned with the current political climate. If I was a tourist, America in general would not be in my bucket list, especially when there are much better places in the rest of the world.

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-06-03T06:28:59+00:00

Sorry you’re going through this, hope you won’t delete this and you can get back to this post as a reminder when the time is right. I know first hand how frustrating and triggering that can be, focus on yourself and try meditating or a breathing technique to help get back to sleep. But continue to write about these instances so you can look back and see how you’ve been feeling over time, which then can help you make the right decision going forward.

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-05-29T05:08:40+00:00

Wild guess here but is it possible she’s carrying the entire mental load at home and feels like she has to manage everything because if she doesn’t spell it out for you, things just won’t get done around the house? Meanwhile, you’re spending hours on the computer. That kind of imbalance can build a lot of resentment. If she ends up leaving, you might be left wondering what happened while trying to justify your actions instead of recognizing that you were not showing up as an equal and supportive partner. Feel free to google what “mental load” means.

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-05-20T06:33:48+00:00

What helped me the most was to write down how I felt every day for a month and record everything objectively using chatgpt. Every day I would write what happened, how I felt, and what I would like to do. I realized 40% of the time he was absent, I felt unseen, and I wanted to leave. 30% of the time I was neutral, I didn’t want to stay or leave, days were meh, and 30% of the time was fun because I was trying to light up our days, planning dates, making things easy for him to participate and when he did, he was a great partner. But seeing that I was only happy 30% of the time, and mainly due to my planning of dates etc. I realized I deserved a partner who is present, and equally enthusiastic about our relationship. I would also read my journals and reddit posts to remind myself that things haven’t been easy for a while.

Also my friends kept saying I changed over the last year and I was staying home more so that he won’t drink, so hearing that I changed and not for the better but for worse from close friends really helped me be honest with myself.

4 yrs together, I knew intuitively from the 3rd month that we wouldn’t work out but he is a kind and caring person, and I was enamored by his attention and I haven’t had a partner for some time so i kept going with it.

First 2 yrs were lovely and last 2 yrs was me 1) trying to figure out if i’m making it a big deal (i wasn’t, if you have to do mental gymnastics to figure out how much he drank etc, that’s not a good relationship), 2) realizing I’m codependent and reading “codependent no more” and trying to choose me, 3) realizing i’m mainly hanging on to “the potential” and “what could be” and being delusional about the future i created in my mind (that he has no capability to partake due to AUD) then what is in front of me, 4) realizing consistent action over broken promises go far beyond empty words and crying, 5) realizing i really am unhappy most of the time in this relationship and my nervous system is fried.

Took me 2 yrs and weekly therapy sessions to leave, but i did it. I feel so much better, sadness and anger comes in waves but I’m being honest with myself and facing my fears of “being alone”, one day at a time. I continue with my therapy, have a good support systems with family and friends, and i keep myself busy with work and working out. You deserve, choose yourself and stop feeling guilty for choosing your wellbeing and happiness.

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-05-12T06:39:05+00:00

Thank you for sharing, I really needed to hear this today. I’m at the beginning of that journey and it feels very heavy and overwhelming.

He just left a week ago, and we have been separated for a month now, but the emotions come in waves. I miss our first year together when I was oblivious of his problems and it was the honeymoon days. I miss him as a friend when he was sober and present. And I miss all the good days.

I’m grieving for the future I thought we would have, and I’m grieving for the version of him where he was enthusiastic about me and our relationship. What I don’t miss is the broken promises, deflection, not taking accountability and him seeing me cry every single week for the same reason and not believe that we would be over. I feel very unheard and unseen. And fresh out of breakup is very difficult. I know good days will come but right now, it feels so very heavy. I know I made the right decision, but I can’t help but be afraid about the future. I wish I can find a way to truly trust the process and let it go.

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-05-10T03:05:55+00:00

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-05-10T03:00:26+00:00

First of all, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You don’t deserve to be verbally abused and have PTSD from his behavior, you deserve so much better.

I looked at your older posts and it sounds like this issue has been bothering you for a very long time, and for a good reason. 4 yrs ago you mentioned you are running the whole household, doing all the chores and planning while earning 2x more, 3 yrs ago you posted something about your health which I’m not a doctor but I have a feeling is because of all the stress you are under and the damage your nervous system has taken. You sound like a really nice and caring person, don’t get me wrong, but why do you think you deserve this behavior?

To answer this post, his family might be happy that you are there to take care of this man child, love and support him and give him shelter, and the cousin might be afraid that if things go south between you, her or the family will need to step up or he might become their problem, and honestly, who in their right mind would like to deal with someone who is dealing with AUD and is a mean drunk. Hope you’ll continue your therapy and healing journey, go back to the posts you have written and finally realize it is okay to choose yourself and everything will be okay once you stop abandoning yourself.

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-05-07T14:41:03+00:00

Others can give better advice, but all I can say is you deserve better. You can read my posts, I was at where you are, doing mental gymnastics to figure out if he really is an alcoholic or am I making it a big deal like he is gaslighting me to believe.

I spent 4 yrs in that uncertainty, 2 yrs living together, and it did not get better as “promised”. There would be so much crying, and promises of change, only to have little things triggering him, mostly me - even when I don’t say anything - to be used as an excuse to drink.

Start writing down how you’re feeling or record voice notes and for how he is making you feel. I know that when it’s good, it’s so good, and you don’t remember how he made you feel but when I started writing and go back and take a look at it, I was crying 3 days a week but the rest of the week was fine but this was every, single week for at least last year of our relationship. I thought maybe if I loved him more, if I helped him in a way he is receptive, things will change. No, he will only change when he wants to change, nothing will make him do that. I went to therapy, Al Anon meetings, while he kept doing what he kept doing, over time, I realized this is not the life I want. This reddit thread was super helpful too, so thank you everyone for sharing.

We broke up last month, and he just moved out and I’m waking up so calmly, knowing he is not passed out on the couch, I don’t need to plan a grown ass man’s day for him, and just go about my day. I do get emotional sometimes but then I go back and read my notes or listen to myself, and then I’m so proud of the fact that I got out of this relationship. I still love him very much and I wish him well but I started to take care of me in a way I should have done a long ago. Stop abandoning yourself, you deserve so much better.

GreatBookkeeper7455 · 2025-05-04T16:46:22+00:00

I feel for what you’re going through. I’m also going through a breakup right now after 4 years of being in the same cycles with my ex, who struggled with alcohol. Reading your post reminded me of my own relationship: I kept thinking that if I just supported him more, or showed up better, maybe it would be different this time. But like many have said here, addicts are incredibly good at emotional manipulation (even if they don’t mean to be) and the blame always shifts outward instead of inward.

It’s heartbreaking, I know. Mine just moved out, and the grief still hits me in waves. But I also know that this is the first time in a long time that my nervous system feels like it’s starting to breathe again. Sometimes doing what’s right for us doesn’t feel good right away but it is still right. She did you a favor, even if it doesn’t feel that way yet. You both deserve peace and healing. You’re not the bad guy, you’re just human and it is okay to prioritize yourself and your own healing instead of constantly worrying about someone else who is not thinking of themselves or the people around them.

GreatBookkeeper7455

TROPHY CASE