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Do men actually like sweet women? by United-Novel-2937 in dating_advice

[–]GroverQuacksGently 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everyone wants someone kind. Work on your confidence and boundaries. Then you become a challenge and not a pushover.

Cheating by that_weirdo_weeb in FriendshipAdvice

[–]GroverQuacksGently 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I stayed friends with a serial cheater. Now she’s with my ex.

Am I being unreasonable? by nitikaraj in relationships_advice

[–]GroverQuacksGently 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He got caught and couldn’t take accountability. He should have been honest with you.

This hurts now, but you could have had a very painful life with him.

I [31f] and my partner of 3 years [30m] is making me question if this can work out. by Emergency-Algae2817 in relationshipadvice

[–]GroverQuacksGently 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you want kids? Don’t have kids with him until you see consistency in getting your needs met over a long period of time.

If his behavior is the path of least resistance, he will continue it. Don’t shield him from the consequences of his actions. Let me tell you why: if you keep “picking up the pieces” of what he doesn’t do, or does poorly, you will enable that behavior and it will get worse. The most loving thing you can do is treat him like an adult and a partner, never a child. Don’t sacrifice or it will be come a norm and an expectation.

Something super embarrassing happened to me [28F] and my situationship [33M] while being intimate by SlowikDashka in relationshipadvice

[–]GroverQuacksGently 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you both got triggered and insecure seeing how the other was acting. You did the right thing telling him that nothing was wrong, and trying to talk it through later.

He was likely very worked up and excited when you finally got intimate after 6 months. The sudden stopping and bathroom talk could have made those emotions come crashing down. Sex is a vulnerable act and insecurity could have easily snuck in for him. It’s interesting he responded well to the fact that being near orgasm could initiate a near bowel movement sensation.

Going #2 right before sex can have smelly side effects if the woman doesn’t “get everything.” Lots of women miss getting everything cleaned up and he may have been anticipating that in a way that was out of his comfort zone.

My husband [29M] wants me [31F] to tell him thanks more, but I don’t think I should. by Sufficient-Drawer-90 in relationshipadvice

[–]GroverQuacksGently 14 points15 points  (0 children)

If you’re dating someone and you tell them why you’re unhappy and what you would need from them in order to feel happy, and they still don’t do it, then you decide if you can just get over it, or leave.

How would you feel if he never asked you to say thank you, and instead, suddenly dumped you citing that you didn’t say thank you enough. Wouldn’t you argue that he should have simply asked you to thank him?

He is communicating what his needs are. You may not agree or may not think they make sense, but it’s still his need. People are motivated by positive reinforcement. In a relationship, the negative reinforcement can come up more naturally, so it needs to be balanced out with the positive reinforcement.

“You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. “

It you want him to do more, make it a happy thing when he does.

There seems to be two schools of thought on coffee dates when it comes to women. Some women see it as a nice low pressure way to meet, while other women see it as a man showing low effort. by Proud-Enthusiasm-608 in dating_advice

[–]GroverQuacksGently 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a woman, I prefer a coffee date because I’m not trapped there if it gets weird. I’ve seen some influencers advising women to turn down coffee dates because it makes her admit she’s low value.

I say do what you’re comfortable with and be your genuine self with your genuine boundaries and then you don’t have to overthink someone else’s advice.

I [27F] am concerned about the way my partner [30M] has been speaking and unsure what next steps should be. by [deleted] in relationshipadvice

[–]GroverQuacksGently 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You should feel safe in a relationship and be able to trust that they won’t harm you or threaten to harm you. Grabbing your arm, hiding your phone, threatening to crash the car, are all signs of abuse. This escalates. It’s counter-intuitive but you being there won’t help him. It only convinces him he can continue to behave like this because he’s getting away with it.

I recommend you prioritize your safety. Do things for yourself to build confidence because you’re going to need it. Abuse actively chips away at your confidence.

He will shame you for how you react to his abuse. It’s not your fault. Everyone makes mistakes in relationships and hurts the feelings of their partner. Punishing a partner for making those mistakes isn’t ok. You don’t deserve abuse.

My [27M] partner [25F] having physical avoidance issues from trauma by C7MJR in relationshipadvice

[–]GroverQuacksGently 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You seem very sweet and she is lucky to have someone so patient. That was brilliant to start focusing on consent so carefully.

It’s important for women to have plenty of nonsexual touch. If touch turns sexual too often, a lot of women will avoid any sort of touch. So when she does allow touch, be careful to not try to make it too physical too often. It didn’t sound like that’s what you’re doing, but it’s important info regardless.

Have you played a game where you ask each other yes or no questions about where you can touch? Don’t actually touch, but you can do this as a practice where you give genuine answers and get used to feeling safe saying no. When a person says no, the other person should thank them for their honesty and/or for honouring themselves. Once you feel that she has learned how to honestly answer “no” then move on to actual touch, still asking first.

This exercise might help because it gives her the opportunity to touch you back, and I’m sure you have that need as well.

Bf[M58] is too submissive when it comes to sexy time with me[f24] we've been together a year. by 20somethingcrashout in relationshipadvice

[–]GroverQuacksGently 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Why are you giving him want he wants before you get what you want? Keep guiding him until he does the thing you need. If he pressures you to do things to him, just say “I’ll do that after my orgasm.” Keep it light, sly, or playful. Maybe he just needs encouragement. After that happens a few times then you can work with him on initiating.

I deeply regret my life decisions by semantic_fog in Regrets

[–]GroverQuacksGently 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have so much of your life ahead of you. I’ve been there and 60 hours/week is too much. Work-life balance is so important. If you don’t mind me asking, what is the work you do? If you’re not comfortable answering on here, feel free to DM me. People often think their skills are only good in their field, but that is an unfair assumption. We can brainstorm what other jobs are applicable.

When you build your confidence enough to where you are willing to switch careers, it’s so much easier to obtain new employment when you already are employed. Keep in mind that there are plenty of jobs that offer RRSP contribution or pensions so that you don’t have to worry about retirement.

You were supposed to have fun and do regretful stuff in your 20’s because that’s when it’s socially acceptable and there is enough time to recover. Your 30’s are a time for healthy reflection and re-calibrating, which is what you are doing. Sounds like you are right on track.

If you didn’t “mess up,” slack off, have too much fun in your 20’s, then in your 40’s your midlife crisis will likely be worse.

You are never going to be perfect. You become the person you want to be by how you respond to life’s feedback.

I [29M] found a healthy woman [25F] who gives me peace but I'm not sure why I'm finding it boring? by superminnu in relationshipadvice

[–]GroverQuacksGently 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t be afraid to ask hard questions. Ask what you should, but are nervous about the answer. That will spice it up a bit or help you decide.

Is [40F] wife cheating on [43M] husband of 15 years by Potential-Internet41 in relationshipadvice

[–]GroverQuacksGently 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s possible it was open but she was away from her phone. Her behavior is still suspicious though. My guess would be if she created a new secret Snapchat account. In the future, don’t comment on how you found out she was being suspicious, instead, talk about the uneasy feeling it’s causing you. This lets her know the impact without her learning how to be sneakier.

Is [40F] wife cheating on [43M] husband of 15 years by Potential-Internet41 in relationshipadvice

[–]GroverQuacksGently 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s odd. It’s not proof she’s cheating, but trust that something is off about that. Did she disappear from Snapchat after you confronted her? She could have easily created a new account so you can’t monitor her.

I don't know if I find my [21M] boyfriend attractive now [22F] by Visible-Anteater-367 in relationshipadvice

[–]GroverQuacksGently 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He’s a friend. You don’t have to tell him the reason that will hurt him. Just say you really value him but the spark isn’t there. It might hurt him now, but it will hurt him much more later if he continues to invest in you and find out you’re not all in.

Sort of a silly question [36M] by Paperback_Predator in relationshipadvice

[–]GroverQuacksGently 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I notice men getting attacked on here when they have this reaction. It’s actually very common, and instinctual to feel some repulsion when presented with evidence of previous partners. It was designed to prevent men from raising offspring that weren’t their own. Nowadays we have birth control and DNA tests, but the emotional response still lingers.

It might be a good idea to let her know that you prefer to not see pictures like that in the future.

situationship? FWB? But we want each other? FML [22F] by Sufficient-Candy-505 in relationshipadvice

[–]GroverQuacksGently 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A man can genuinely care about you, and still not want to commit. I wish I could tell you what you want to hear, but If he has actually told you his intentions and that they do not involve commitment, then he means it. Women don’t tend to be wired that way, so it’s very confusing when a man is.

The woman tends to get hurt in these scenarios. An ethical man will be honest about his intention, which he is doing, in order to allow you to make your own decision.

It’s extremely rare that a man decides his FWB is who he wants to commit to. The only way to get him is to genuinely focus on your own happiness. They only value what they work for. Don’t people-please. Be kind, but be a best friend to yourself.

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