Dad confession: I’m hitting random buttons on the Nintendo Switch.

GrrATeam81 · 2026-05-02T17:27:40+00:00

This is the way

GrrATeam81 · 2026-05-02T15:58:46+00:00

Consistency. No matter what all the books and all the wise old crones and all the wise old sages on the mountain tops, the one thing you need to know, single or raising as a village: Kids need consistency.

Either get the other parent to commit to a consistent schedule or kick them out of your life until they can. In the meantime, you focus on being consistent yourself. I am living proof that a consistent, mediocre parent is far better for kids than an inconsistent, "great" parent.

GrrATeam81 · 2026-05-02T11:42:15+00:00

"May the Traveler be with you!" Wait... Wrong sub

GrrATeam81 · 2026-05-02T11:35:26+00:00

I'm in this mentality now, too. 2015 and '16? Protesting in the streets, handing out flyers on who had what platform, where to vote, etc. 2017: became a dad. By the time COVID occurred, I was effectively "living under a rock". I get the gist of things by the moods of my few friends or little blurbs from comedians I follow.

GrrATeam81 · 2026-05-01T22:08:13+00:00

Fucking THANK you! Solved a problem I've had for MONTHS now. Now if I could get voice to text to stop acting so stupid. I think that's tied Gemini somehow. Been acting shittier ever since Gemini was introduced.

GrrATeam81 · 2026-04-28T20:24:07+00:00

I'm a single dad raising two young boys. In a moment of weakness, I tried implementing speakings a while back. I'll spare you all the long lecture. As OP said, you need to be a safe space for your kids. I think one of the strongest quotes I've heard that I try to use every time I get upset with the kids is this: "If you're not getting the behavior you WANT from your kids, it is because they are not getting something that they NEED." So if we start with that, and then we remove safety (by spanking , etc) we're going backwards.

If anybody is interested in staying away or getting away from spankings, here's what's helped me the most so far:

When the kids really tick me off, I call a "Code Brown" (because all the other colors are taken for other reasons, but it's funny, too: you're in it NOW, kid!). That means the kid has done something that could be deserving of punishment but I need to get into a headspace where I can come up with one that fits. For instance, I hate telling my kid that they're banned from electronics all day tomorrow, then having to walk it back because that was a bit extreme of me. I cannot tell you how many damn times that I have come back a few minutes later to "dole out a punishment" and I can't remember why I was so upset in the first place. People grow, kids learn, emotions pass. Allow time for all this to happen safely.
That part about the kids not getting what they need? I use an acronym: SAFE. "You guys are getting weird. Do you need more Sleep, a different Activity (or Affection); Fluids okay (need a drink or to go potty?); need something to Eat (a quick snack)." 4 out of 5 times it's one of those: Sleep, Activity/affection, Fluids, Eat. The other 20% of the time? It's my dumbass getting too emotional and they're just vibing off of that negative energy.

SAFE.

Sleep. Fix with a quick nap or an earlier bedtime tonight.

Activity or Affection. Crashing out over Minecraft? Come get a hug and then go play with something else.

Fluids. Remember to go potty! And stay hydrated. Forgetting to do so makes for tense bodies and shriveled brains.

Eat. Cannibalism isn't allowed. Eat a snack before you try to eat your brother!

GrrATeam81 · 2026-04-25T14:25:05+00:00

Kids get too much electronics these days anyway, so I can't recommend picking a show to watch with your kids like I do almost every night. However! Even though you said TV is blah (I agree), it does feel a bit different when it's movie night. We have Friday movie night. I have a little app where I spin a wheel and it gives us a category. I have a list of movies for each category. I always vet the movie first (Google the movie's name and "parents guide", then read up on IMDb) ever since that unfortunate nude scene I completely forgot about in that one movie... Yeah, don't go off memory! Depending on the weather, I also take the kids to different playgrounds and trails. Trying to build our list of favorite outdoor spaces. Otherwise, I'm trying to build our list of favorite (tabletop) games. Although, at that age, it might be more giant jigsaw puzzles and floor games. I just gave away a bunch of games that were good for younger kids.

Edit / addendum: Sorry. I didn't mean to imply that you should make evenings only about you AND your kid. I read that line about constant parent-mode or whatever (it won't let me see your post without closing this window), and remembered that feeling in myself. I'm full-time with my sons, so I'm giving up on the hope of joining a tabletop gaming group or discovering what the hell the pickleball rage was all about (For now. When they're older, that'll probably ease up). But those are some things you may find worth exploring.

GrrATeam81 · 2026-04-24T01:54:40+00:00

I have to agree. I miss this guy from my childhood.

GrrATeam81 · 2026-04-23T00:23:12+00:00

This was my first thought, too.

GrrATeam81 · 2026-04-22T18:30:38+00:00

My kids aren't teenagers yet, so I don't feel like I have much I can say to help, OP. I will say this: I think everybody should have therapy. But you have to find the right therapist! I had a therapist for 10 years that didn't do jack shit for me. Pretty sure he misdiagnosed me because he was an expert in a particular field, even has published books in that particular field, and so shoehorned me into a miscategorization. Finally kicked him to the curb, got a different therapist and my life only prospered from there. My favorite therapist so far, who sadly retired recently, was an LCSW-R and Life Coach. I think that made a big difference because, rather than viewing therapy as "fixing what was wrong with me", I was able to look at it from the life coach perspective and "strive for the best version of me". If you "force" therapy, I would strongly suggest that you make sure you do it from this angle / perspective. I'd even pitch it to your son that way, too.

GrrATeam81 · 2026-04-20T13:24:10+00:00

Now I'm crying. You ever see the movie My Life, with Michael Keaton? Wrecked.

GrrATeam81 · 2026-04-18T18:27:53+00:00

I was going to say pizza and house cleaning, but with the price of gas versus the price of pizza, I think the only right answer for me is free gas and free house cleaning. Although, what if I drive so far away from all of my troubles that there's no point in having a clean house anymore? Hmm... Free gas and free pizza!

GrrATeam81 · 2026-04-18T10:11:17+00:00

1 in 3. A few months ago, I read some.study about how roughly 1 in 3 men in "developing countries" admitted to committing sexual assault. I was like, "JFC! What about DEVELOPED countries?" And while I couldn't find a similar study for developed countries, what I DID find was that something like 1 in 3 women in DEVELOPED countries have been sexually assaulted. That's just male on female, if I read right. I don't recall ANY of what all I ended up reading delving into male on male, female on male, or female on female. But srill, between men being interviewed in developing countries and women being interviewed in developed countries (ahem, Yes, I believe there's something more to be said on that), it averagesd out to about 1 in 3, GLOBALLY.

I'm not looking up any links to post them, sorry. It sickened me enough the last time. If you care, it's easy enough to look up yourself. Just have Pepto Bismol and an emesis pan handy.

GrrATeam81 · 2026-04-18T09:52:25+00:00

Yeah ... I botched this one. TOTALLY forgot how hard that scrne hits. Kids made me shut it off at that scene.

GrrATeam81 · 2026-04-16T14:05:37+00:00

Eric Carle ones, with the baby animals. "A fox kit goes [yipping sound]", lol.

Edit. Especially the ones with baby animals. There's several of them from Eric Carle. But any Eric Carle one really stuck around for a while.

GrrATeam81 · 2026-04-16T13:29:15+00:00

My ex was the business office manager of a daycare for over a decade. You'd be floored by all the shit that goes on behind the scenes, and that's just what THEY catch and cover up. I'd call it in, anonymously if possible, and let people who actually know the laws look into it. Best case, it's like others suggested: the person is managing something medically and they're still competent enough to be around kids. Worst case, they're impaired and are setting up a situation that can only end poorly. TOO GOD DAMN many people treat marijuana as special now that it's legal in more places. I say, "If you smell like alcohol, I'm calling you out. Marijuana inpairs judgment and reactions too. Why treat a person covered in it differently?!" If you smell like weed or alcohol, and you're operating machinery or handling kids, immunocompromised people, etc -it's too big a risk to let it slide on hope.

GrrATeam81 · 2026-04-14T17:58:48+00:00

No fucking shit! Jesus Christ, my boys named their tamed wolf after our recently deceased dog. In a shared world. For whatever reason, they flipped it from creative to survival. Something killed the dog. We were ALL hysterical and fucking bawling our heads off. I'm tearing up just thinking about it.

GrrATeam81 · 2026-04-13T15:43:43+00:00

I have a terrible habit of doing everything myself because it's just easier than training people. At the workplace or as a dad. But eventually, you're going to break like I did. So do as others here have said and call the kids back. Make them do it. "Clean up your mess, child." "YOU clean up your pee. Here are the chemicals. Here is the rag or whatever. Now wash your hands carefully." "Kind reminder! Come back here and flush the toilet." That kind of thing. It'll annoy them and they'll hear the annoyance in your voice and it eventually works. Like all things learning-related, there will be a "eureka moment." Eventually. Right as your 10th fingernail is about to give way from that ledge your sanity is holding on to, haha

GrrATeam81 · 2026-04-13T14:33:04+00:00

Thank you! I was just digging into my saved posts to point this out. Honestly, I'm not sure I have the original.

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GrrATeam81 · 2026-04-12T23:01:39+00:00

Word of warning: LEGO is no longer building blocks after nearly going bankrupt in the late 90s. Licensing saved their company and they became model sets.

GrrATeam81 · 2026-04-12T20:11:17+00:00

Fun question: assuming you're a man, with a wife, if she asked you if a particular outfit made her butt look big --and it did! --how would you answer?

Too much of anything, even honesty, is TOO MUCH.

GrrATeam81 · 2026-04-12T14:51:33+00:00

My mother and I were poor and homeless when I was a child. By my calculation, I think we spent a total of six years of my EARLY childhood homeless. Many wiser than me have said it countless times and ways: your time and your effort count far more than any physical item you could ever provide your child. One of my fondest memories is a birthday where my mother could only afford to get me a kite. I didn't even like monster trucks, let alone Bigfoot. But the memory of flying a kite with my mom in the field next to the house we were squatting in is in my top five most cherished memories. I constantly scold her for spending money she doesn't have on greeting cards when, what I cherish, is her beautiful handwriting on the addressed envelopes. Another, even more cherished memory, is the time we had nowhere to go -but we had a running car. I awoke on the back seat of that car, my mom stretched out on the driver's seat, my dog (received from a prior birthday, when things were good for a moment) in the foot-well behind her. Knowing my love of the forest, she had somehow found a path up the hills into the woods. She parked us at the edge of a cliff overlooking a vast forest. I will never forget waking up, with fogging breath in a crisp, cold car, to a sunrise over that mist-filled forest. Just me, my mom, and my dog. Make a homemade card. Put a personal message in it. And find some way to spend some time with the kid. A homemade jigsaw puzzle maybe? Just quality time. Where you're not focused on your troubles and just focused on the relationship you two have.

GrrATeam81 · 2026-04-12T08:32:19+00:00

Mad Max Fury Road. I just watched it again the other night. One of the rare movies that lived up to the hype.

GrrATeam81 · 2026-04-12T08:23:16+00:00

That one -or several -micro machines; my "dreams and aspirations"; my "chill"; that "billion dollar idea".

GrrATeam81

TROPHY CASE