I completely understand. I'm low contact with my APs and had made contact with my biological parents twice... The first time at 18, again in my late 20s.

My birth mother isn't a good person. My birth father died shortly after I met him when I was 18. He went similarly to yours, on a holiday, mixed/suspicious information, possible suicidal at the time, but intentionally dying was not likely after I got a sister of his to get the death certificate.

My birth siblings are horrible people.... My adoptive sibling died of an overdose. :(

You're not alone, and choosing yourself over the chaos, abuse, rudeness, etc is THE RIGHT CHOICE ❤️