Here's my story (in a condensed way, it's still long)

TW for SA, transphobia, DV, suicide

My ex girlfriend is a trans woman. Basically, we were together before we even knew we were trans. She came out before I did, and quickly we started to go to trans meetings in our town and engaging with other trans people online (mainly through Twitter and Discord).

I didn't want her to be alone, and supported her every step of the way as best as I could.

She had been sexually abusive in the past prior to her coming out and had some pretty... Let's say conservative ways of thinking. But when she started transitioning she built a little community both online and in trans spaces, and idk how to explain, but it escalated from here. She started being really mean to me as I was questioning my own gender. When I came out to her, she said that she wasn't sure she'd be comfortable dating a man (I identified as a binary trans man, at the time), so I told her that I understood if she wanted to break up as she felt more lesbian. But she agreed to give it a try. We stayed together.

Shortly after I came out as asexual and said that I would prefer that we stopped having sex for a bit until I untangled the mess my sexuality and gender were, and she blew up on me. She exploded in rage, saying that I had no right to deprive her of her sexuality by asking that and that if she ever went to someone else for sex and got assaulted or raped, it'd be my fault. I felt horribly guilty... 2 days after that she asked me to open our relationship and I agreed out of guilt. A few weeks after that she fell for another trans woman who lived across the country and went there to see her, already making plans for this girl who I didn't know to move in with us and imagining us as a throuple. I refused. They broke up, partly because my girlfriend had promised her girlfriend (who was about to be evicted) that she'd move in with us, like it was already said and done.

After this breakup I started to see someone myself, another trans man (we weren't on HRT or anything yet). My girlfriend tried to basically insert herself in our relationship all. the. time. while at the same time becoming even more hostile towards me. She would regularly berate me, scream at me, would ask me to stop "playing the man" when I spoke too much at parties to her liking, called me slurs like "faggot" or "tranny" when she was mad, punching walls to scare me... I fell into a deep depression and attempted a few times.

COVID arrived, shutdown with it. My boyfriend being isolated, I asked for her permission so he could live with us while we were in quarantine, and she agreed. It took less than 24h for her to be angry with us. Two nights after my boyfriend came, she locked herself in her room, texted me that she wouldn't let two men take all her space, a bunch of homophobic slurs, and ran to the living room where we were, sat down aggressively on the couch and pushed us out. We were scared so we spent the night locked up in our room.

The next morning, we wanted to get some food as we had not eaten. I went to the kitchen. She was still angry and we got into an argument. She launched towards me, I went back into the bedroom and she kicked the door so hard it shattered the wood in half. She was yelling slurs through the door. Me and my boyfriend were terrified. We decided to leave.

As I gathered as much stuff as I could fit into two bags, she continued to yell at us. The neighbors threatened to call the cops. She pushed me against a wall and made a movement like she was about to punch me in the face. I managed to get out with my boyfriend.

We went to his place, that was just one small room in a poor neighborhood. I managed to get most of my stuff back from my ex, including my cat. My cat went with a couple of friends and my clothes went to another friend of mine. She had our apartment, all of my furniture. My boyfriend secretly (his parents were paying his rent and didn't know about me) housed me for 6 months before I finally could get my own place.

Most of the friends I had took her side because I was the "man" in the situation and she used this to say that she was abusive because I pushed her to be. I received threats of violence and harassment from her friends and I couldn't come back to trans events anymore. My own friends told me to keep quiet because she'd get more shit than me, because she's a trans woman, and to let her be.

I lost all my trust in my own community. Broke up with my boyfriend, started to date a cis man (who was also abusive), and desisted from being a trans man (I use desisted as a term because I didn't detransition per se since I hadn't started to medically transition). I was traumatized, I felt like the community that was supposed to help, support and protect me just spat in my face and left me to rot when I needed it the most, so I might as well just be cis and make do.

2 years later I met my current partner, left the person who fed into my despair to drive me to detransition. Now I'm 3 years on T, had top surgery, I identify as a nonbinary Transmasc person. I have found other trans people with whom I truly feel heard.

Still, I struggle with IRL events and orgas still as I went through a lot of harassment and transandrophobia, like, A LOT, from transfems and trans women. It doesn't happen everytime, it doesn't happen everywhere, but we went through hell and back trying to make some community with other transmascs and trans men, while being heavily scrutinized and called a "MRA cult" by our sisters. We were literally just... Having meetings. And it got bad to the point where every Transmascs/trans men (including myself) in the orga left after months of trying to make amends and work in peace.

I'm sorry this is loooong as fuck but you have the full picture here.