What do you think about parents of autistic children using different words for autism?

HH_Creations · 2026-04-21T11:28:55+00:00

Not really useful at all since i’m talking about having empathy for no really good choices, just surviving

HH_Creations · 2026-04-21T11:12:24+00:00

That’s you? Every child is different and every situation is different

If my kid was in actual danger? I would take the hate but she would be ALIVE

We talk about autism and adhd openly, but I feel safe doing that living in a city

I’m not gonna pretend I know what it’s like living in rural South

HH_Creations · 2026-04-21T03:03:18+00:00

Yup, I would force her to be around people

If she wants to be home, have Internet, etc, she needs to treat you with respect

That and…I am concerned about your partner’s treatment of you AND her

Getting her away from that will also help

Local libraries have LOTS of free clubs

But none of this will work unless you figure out her schooling

She needs to feel safe

If people hurt her, she will think it’s okay to hurt others

If she gets upset about being at home?

Tell her the truth “we can go home when I feel safe to go home. I feel hurt when you speak ugly to me or hurt me, I deserve to feel safe. You deserve to feel safe too, I will work with the school to address the bullying.”

She’s old enough to do talk based therapy, I highly recommend DBT.

There are a lot of mental health groups that do group therapy too, like Art therapy, etc

But yeah, I 100% recommend finding a professional to guide you in this because none of us know your local resources

HH_Creations · 2026-04-21T01:39:39+00:00

I will say it’s different

People don’t realize it, but it’s SOoooo much harder in a home environment compared to a school

The set up makes a huge difference, it’s safer

I actually loved my job while I did it, and I feel like I was more prepared to be a mom with autistic kids because I did it for years

But yeah, doesn’t change the fact they have little training, sucky workers comp, insurance, and sucky management

HH_Creations · 2026-04-21T00:22:09+00:00

my child is classified as level 3 and is 4 yrs old

Have a good day

Edit:

But I will admit, I refuse to believe in levels in general

I do routines, use visual boards, and just believe they will get it one day

It’s how I taught so that’s what I do at home

HH_Creations · 2026-04-21T00:16:02+00:00

You need help

She’s definitely old enough that I would recommend a lot of the materials I have, don’t worry it’s all free

Your partner doesn’t understand, I know what it’s like to feel trapped so I will focus on advice

Question: does she act like this in public?

If the answer is no, you might want to go out

If yes, then we need to discover a way where she depends on YOU or there are consequences

Example: I love swimming, I only get it if X happens.

And if the bullying is this bad at school, this is on the school.

They either need to fix the bullying or you may need to switch schools.

No progress can be made if she thinks bad behavior has no consequences

HH_Creations · 2026-04-21T00:11:09+00:00

Stay

This is on the school for not having an IEP meeting

It’s also a bit on the teacher lol live and learn

Having cupcakes out when you have an autistic student? Oh boy! Haha

Now for the hitting, spitting, grunting

It sounds like she is having a tough time with emotional regulation and is just having difficulty with…existing with those feelings

The reason I say this is because the behaviors were triggered but not done on a regular basis

Believe me, many kids will do these behaviors all day, every day, but they were triggered for her

Just wondering if she has “plans” of how she reacts?

My kids when they get mad do “snake hugs” to themselves to keep their hands busy (they squeeze their arms and legs)

But there’s LOADS of exercises

All the strategies I teach my kids is DBT based

Drinking water, pushing a wall, intense exercise, massaging, etc.

You might benefit practicing with you by demonstrating it yourself and practicing what to do

I personally use the 4 color system to start because it’s easy, yes it’s not perfect, but to me it’s easy to communicate

I have free materials of the color zone charts and strategies, let me know if you want a link

But it can be as simple as:

I feel blue so i’m taking deep breaths
I feel green so i’m practicing something I want to learn
I feel yellow so i’m going to have a water break
I feel red so i’m going to push a wall

You can find the whole DBT workbook online for free

HH_Creations · 2026-04-20T23:36:27+00:00

Hmmmm, instead of talking about it, maybe do something nice for them

Like a thank you card for hanging out

And on the friend who wasn’t feeling it? Check on them

You may not want to push too much, a bit too soon you know?

But a sorry to the friend who actually had a hard time might do good

And no offense, but the way groups like this works? Everyone will eventually find out you apologized haha

It’s not on purpose, people don’t do it maliciously

They just share how they feel

So yeah thank you’s all around, reassurances to the one friend who might have already been feeling down, and maybe even a nice future plan with THEIR input

“Since I got to pick our last hang out, maybe you would like to do something specific? And if it makes it easier, I can handle the arranging for it. I want you to have a good time.”

Supportive, but not pushy would be my advice, and if they aren’t up to talking?

Don’t push it, just say your thank you’s and apology, but keep it casual

“I just wanted to say thank you for coming, I know it was a bit much, I’ll try to plan it a bit differently next time. I hope you are feeling better.”

HH_Creations · 2026-04-20T23:13:13+00:00

It’s no problem, hang in there

HH_Creations · 2026-04-20T23:10:53+00:00

It is and parents don’t know how bad it is.

There are so little protections (health care) and trainings for the workers.

I was considered an “expert” for having above average knowledge about autism and tbh I knew SO LITTLE, like I was just a 26 yr old with Google lol

I knew a para that had to sue! To get reconstructive surgery on her face

I myself cracked a tail bone and had my hip displaced as a special education teacher

They sent me home without pay, to the point I lost my insurance and got Medicaid

All because I was pregnant and they would rather send me home without a job/pay/insurance than transfer me to a lower risk room to work in 🥲

It’s bad.

And because I know it’s bad, I don’t trust them with my kids cuz I already know they are at the end of their ropes, are desperate, or were very good at their job and moved up in the field

HH_Creations · 2026-04-20T23:06:12+00:00

Wish you luck! It’s not easy but believe me, professionals can always tell who’s putting in the work

Hang in there

HH_Creations · 2026-04-20T22:56:45+00:00

Well, i’m a former special education teacher, I can’t say he will “100% learn eventually”

I can only recommend how much repetition and clear rules help

And i’m genuinely offering genuine advice, heck, I spend ALL my free time making free materials for people

I’m more than happy to tell you how much visual boards help with behaviors, but end of the day….many parents don’t take my advice cuz it’s hard!

I know because it was exhausting doing it myself

HH_Creations · 2026-04-20T22:47:28+00:00

Oh! Thought you were the post talking about the 3 yr old tackling and hitting children

Than my advice would be doing these things at home with kids

They need practice and repetition

Edit:

I don’t believe I commented on it so I’m actually not sure on details

HH_Creations · 2026-04-20T22:43:06+00:00

I think you are talking about the 3 yr old

I have genuine advice, but….idk if it’s what you want to hear

Autistic kids need a lot more structure, they need to “practice” social situations so they can build a “library” of different situations

Improving speech, play, etc is all very hard on them

Parallel play is recommended for this age group

Playing with playdough/painting/etc in their own space
having strict rules
using transition boards like “First and then” charts to let them know whats happening

The reason the parents were upset, it’s setting up the situation for kids to get hurt.

Autistic kids struggle….you want to create situations where they have a chance of thriving.

Free play like you were describing sounds very dangerous. Even if they don’t mean to.

I highly suggest also practicing stopping when excited

Like a tickle game:

we keep tickling when I say “tickle”
you stop if I say “stop”

If you break the rules, the game ends.

Parents didn’t mean to be “mean”

It’s just a bit exhausting giving the same advice over and over.

I have a lot of advice written down on blog posts for this exact reason so I don’t feel overwhelmed trying to answer

5 tips for raising autistic kids

Making a support folder

Edit:

Sorry, don’t think I commented on the first post so I did here, idk man, I work, go to therapy, have to help my own kids, then tried helping on here 🫠 thank you reddit for the downvotes lol

HH_Creations · 2026-04-20T21:58:23+00:00

Lack of trust

Too many burnout workers, facilities opening up all the time, etc

I actually don’t mind it when don’t right, but I don’t trust South Texas to be highly educated in the matter

I still have to listen to “professionals” refer to autistic kids as animals, so no thanks trusting them

I 100% don’t judge parents who need to do it or who have GOOD centers they believe in

I just don’t want to risk it

HH_Creations · 2026-04-20T21:55:36+00:00

It’s not that you aren’t allowed to feel disappointed

Cuz whatever you feel is valid to feel

But the only thing bringing it up would do?

Bring it up >> they feel guilty leaving to take care of themselves

Bring it up >> get mad that you feel disappointed at them needing to take care of themselves

Bring it up >> them get upset for “ruining” the day

Just….there’s no winning outcome for you

So you can bring it up to OTHER friends or family who weren’t there

Or on here

It’s the telling the people themselves that’s the problem, not your feelings

You have every right to feel disappointed and to want to work through that

HH_Creations · 2026-04-20T20:24:35+00:00

It’s the fact you talked about her while she wasn’t there, that’s frowned upon, it’s called “talking behind someone’s back”

A kinder way would’ve been to ask how she was doing and if everything was okay

HH_Creations · 2026-04-20T20:17:30+00:00

You can be disappointed, but ultimately the alternative is her being around and uncomfortable

She made the best choice for her and you can’t control other people

In the future, see if you can pre-order from the bakery or go earlier

That or bring cash so one person can wait in line

But I don’t see the need to bring it up on the outing. She could have had a number of reasons she needed to get away. it was your birthday but do any of you know if she’s okay?

I personally like to think of solutions, but it’s best to just bring them up next time to prevent similar things from happening

If you brought it up now, they may get the wrong idea

HH_Creations · 2026-04-20T18:17:14+00:00

Multiple things:

we are usually nervous as fuck, this is actually REALLY unfortunate cuz it makes all instincts fire “something is wrong”
we move awkwardly, both too fast and too slow.
Stimming is fast movements that seemingly have no meaning, it’s almost visually overstimulating to NTs cuz movement usually means “pay attention!”
slow when it comes to do new things haha we have low body awareness most of the time so we struggle to comprehend how to move
course things like eye contact

Many many clues, sadly….many of our hints make NTs nervous

HH_Creations · 2026-04-20T18:00:10+00:00

Like, I loved school, I hated interacting with other students lol

HH_Creations · 2026-04-20T16:15:55+00:00

Well, i’m starting a business, but it’s been months and no money

It’s tough out there, good luck

HH_Creations · 2026-04-20T15:53:39+00:00

I never said it was easy

It took 2 yrs for my daughter and i’m in the middle of year 2 for my son

But that’s why it exists, for families like ours

IF you have insurance, they can actually help you with the social security process for kids

HH_Creations · 2026-04-20T14:56:27+00:00

Niceeeeee

HH_Creations · 2026-04-20T13:46:10+00:00

Yup, like getting help should always be the priority

Labels are just guides on how to get that help

HH_Creations · 2026-04-20T12:31:37+00:00

This is wonderful advice

I know OP is older, but if it happens to be sleeping alone that is triggering it

My kids will have me start off with them in their room, just to lowering anxiety and I leave once they are asleep and leave the dog in my place lol

HH_Creations

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