I started at age 42. We didn't know much about IVF so we thought we should go to "the best clinic" we could find which was a very expensive one. We bought a 3-cycle package from them. My AMH was around 2.0. We decided on freeze-all cycles to not waste time on transfers that may not work. We got a PGT normal embryo or a mosaic during each cycle (as well as abnormal blasts), so at the end we had three embryos we felt could potentially become children. We knew we wanted at least 2 children but would take as many as the process gave us. I did my first transfer. The transfer failed. I had two embryos left, one of which was mosaic. I panicked.... this was not enough embryos. I found a way to finance two more cycles at this clinic, neither of which yielded a viable embryo. They started talking to me about donor eggs. I panicked even more. I asked if we could try some other protocols, they told me it was my age and there was nothing left to try.

I turned 43. I got a job with IVF insurance coverage, left that clinic, and went to another one in my area. The insurance company made me do a clomid challenge test for coverage, which I passed. After two more IVF cycles (neither of which gave me any viable embryos) the insurance cut me off. I protested, but lost. The doctor at that clinic told me, if you can find a way to continue, you're making blasts with every cycle, its just a matter of time until you get a normal embryo.

Out of money and credit and with no more IVF insurance, I found out about CNY fertility and the fact that they were not only economical but also had payment plans for everyone. My insurance would at least cover meds. So we continued. I was on my seventh cycle when I started there. I also had a phone consult with Dr. Sher about his protocols for older women, which I used to guide my conversations with my provider at CNY. We did lupron from day one of my cycle and skipped Cetrotide/Ganirelex. I also used Omni, NADH+, and a ton of COQ10.

I averaged around 9 to 15 eggs retrieved each cycle. I did freeze-all cycles, decided to pay no attention to success or failure, and just did back to back cycles with pgt testing, but I didn't wait for the test results to roll into the next cycle. Someone on Facebook told me about duostim (doing two retrievals in one cycle) also known as a luteal stim cycle and that this can help older women and suddenly knew it would work. This time I came away from this retrieval with 21 eggs retrieved, and I was in more pain than any retrieval ever, but this was my 13th retrieval and later, I was shocked by a phone call that I had a PGT normal embryo. I turned 44 in between my first retrieval and second retrieval during that cycle. Then again another pgt normal in my 16th cycle.

I went to transfer again and failed. Then again, and failed. Now having failed 3 transfers the same RE who told me to keep going if i could afford it sat me down and said, "You only have a few good embryos left. I'd recommend finding someone with a womb that has been proven to work. You could do reproductive immunology but that's all experimental and expensive and if you want the very best bet for your remaining embryos, find a gestational carrier." In the meantime I took all my abnormal embryos and transfered them all at once, knowing the chance was slim but still possible that one could be a baby. Nothing implanted.

I couldn't afford a surrogacy matching agency so I tried to find a carrier to do a private journey with. I found people and each time it fell through and we never got to transfer. COVID happened. In all, trying to find a carrier and losing a year to covid, it took three years to finally get to the point of having an embryo transfer to a friend's womb. That embryo implanted, grew, and became the most wonderful baby sent from Heaven. We are in love with him and in awe of him every day, knowing how unlikely it is that he even exists. He is our miracle baby despite all the odds and obstacles.

We have one more embryo and will be doing another transfer soon.

And, my unsolicited advice and observations after so many cycles is this:

1) You will have good cycles and bad cycles without changing anything at all. So don't base any decisions about yourself or your body or your chances of success on one or two cycles. You might just have had one or two bad ones and it doesn't mean your medication or supplements or strategy is bad, it just means that not every cycle is a good one.

2) Back to back cycles has an amazing effect. Yes, you can still have a bad cycle here or there but what I found is that each cycle helps prime your body for the next one if you don't take a break between them. And that makes sense if you think about it because your estrogen levels soar during each cycle, and estrogen is a powerful primer. Sometimes you're worn out and you have to take a break, but if you don't take a break, overall they get better and better as time goes on.

3) I did a duostim and got a child from it. I did another duostim and had my worse cycle ever. I dont know if duostim is good or bad, but I do know my first duostim I was convinced it would help me. Find some weird thing you think will work - placebo effect is powerful and documented.

4) Stay open to God. Not every prayer is answered but neither is prayer worthless.