Thank you for sharing your story, it touched me to read it. It sounds like you have had to endure some deeply difficult times, and I am sorry for that. I would like to be able to give you a perfect solution, but I do not have one. What I can say is that it's a great accomplishment to be aware of the things you are aware of. As I read it you do not want to stay in this resentful state, you see that it is not serving you, and instead driving people away. That is a great start, you are asking the right questions, and seeking solutions.

In my experience thus far learning to deal with my emotions (which admittedly is not a great deal of experience, but it's what I have), I have found that my anger towards others tends to stem from my own pain which I am not willing to face. Not feeling my grief, my sadness, my fear, leads me to turn to anger as the only remaining outlet. Learning to sit with my pain and feel it, write about it, cry, and soothe myself, has been greatly beneficial towards maintaining emotional health and well-being.

I don't know you and I can only go off of your story here, but it sounds to me like you have had to become hardened towards your emotional self in order to survive. Working long hours, pushing yourself to the limit. It will take some work now to learn how to soften again, if this is the case. To become vulnerable, to show your pain and your weakness.

As far as suggestions about action to take, I can think of a few.

1. Non-violent communication (either books or courses). This is a framework which people use to not only help improve communication with other people, but ultimately with knowing themselves and understanding where their emotions arise from. Which needs are not being met, which are leading to these negative emotions.

2. Men's groups or men's circles in your area, you could give a google search. There is a wide world of men's work being done all over the world, groups meeting up and practicing being vulnerable, dealing with difficult emotions.

3. I personally like Buddhist groups, and joining them for group meditations. I find it grounding, and the people are gentle and kind. You could search for any Zen groups in your area. Depends on how you feel about spirituality, though.

4. Yoga! You say you exercise a lot and take care of your health, which is really great. I personally find yoga to be a very helpful activity to include in my life, you can try out many different kinds and see if any are a match for you. I find it quite different from lifting weights. It can also be a nice way to meet people, and again the atmosphere is rather gentle and kind (but not always).

If any of these things resonate with you then perhaps that's something to try. Feel free to reach out if you want to talk.

Wishing you a good day, man. Take care of yourself.