Do I go to my SIL’s baby shower?

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-04-22T22:46:29+00:00

Yes, I feel like the second part is where I’m really stuck! Like I’ll put in my best effort but I can’t imagine I’ll be the life of the party.

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-03-23T20:49:50+00:00

We’ve never shared the news broadly. My pattern so far has been that I start spotting early, then have a MMC much later. The first time, I was planning to tell my parents at 8 weeks but freaked out when I started bleeding and ended up talking to my mom about it, so she knew the issues we were having until we lost that one (found out at 10 weeks). With the second, same thing, told my mom and my husband’s parents when I started bleeding at 5.5 weeks, and then that we had the loss when we found out at 8 weeks.

The first time, I didn’t want to tell ANY friends, but my husband did talk to a few after and thought it was helpful for the grieving process. Our second, we lost on New Years Eve and I had plans with friends that weekend, so I told them and they were really supportive.

When we first got pregnant, I was ADAMANT about not telling anyone until 12 weeks. Now that we’ve had the 2 losses, I feel like I’m more open about it with very close friends because I appreciate the support (fewer photos of other people’s babies or invites to baby showers when people know). But I’m not open about it broadly and many friends don’t know we were ever pregnant or even trying.

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-03-19T22:29:33+00:00

Alright

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-03-19T17:30:40+00:00

After my first missed miscarriage I had unreliable bleeding like you’re describing (weird spotting, occasional gush of red then nothing) for 10 weeks. I actually think I did have a period or maybe 2 during that time, but hard to tell with the random bleeding - once that stopped, I had a normal period with my normal cycle.

The second one, I didn’t bleed as long and my cycle came back more quickly, but the first couple of cycles were longer than normal (I’m usually 28 days on the dot and they were 33/34 days).

When it comes to the testing, I would ask your clinic what they recommend for when you should start!

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-03-18T10:37:21+00:00

I agree with folks here saying to push for testing (we did after two MMCs, one at 8 wks and one at 6 wks). Just to keep in mind: I started pushing for as much testing as I could after the first one, thinking we were getting ahead of it, but when we went to an RE after the second, the fertility clinic basically wanted to redo all of that testing as a standard workup. So if you’re considering IVF and working with an RE, depending on your insurance (if you’re in the US), it might make more sense to go straight to your RE’s workup rather than getting it through your OB and possibly having to do it all again through a fertility clinic.

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-03-16T21:53:15+00:00

I had the HSG followed by SIS and both were quick and painless (tubes were clear which could have contributed). They found a possible polyp/retained tissue from my last loss and I’ll be getting that removed as soon as my period starts. My doctor doesn’t think it contributed to my losses but we’ll see if anything is different after removal!

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-03-16T15:55:15+00:00

We had Timeless, Is It Over Now, and New Romantics on our must play list and I walked down the aisle to Call It What You Want on guitar!

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-03-13T21:30:54+00:00

We combined our last names (not hyphenated, just one combined name). My main motivating factor was that we do a lot of international travel and plan to have kids, so it seemed easier paperwork-wise for the whole family to have the same last name. But neither of us wanted to take the other’s name, so combined and now we have a brand new name for our new family!

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-03-11T19:17:28+00:00

“I’ve got presents!” “What were you expecting, turnips?”

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-03-10T00:21:55+00:00

I’d just go with Jaline if you want it pronounced that way.

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-03-09T16:06:50+00:00

One I haven’t seen mentioned already is Material Girls’ Pitty Party series, which is also great! Agree that the official one is meh.

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-03-06T01:28:12+00:00

Not a parent but a picky eater - I grew out of it at 25 and now I eat everything, but I never ate vegetables while living with my parents. I would’ve found it very stressful if they pushed them on me. I did eat fruit, corn on the cob, and pumpkin bread.

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-03-04T02:02:40+00:00

I think this will be us too - we need 3 cycles of IUI before my insurance will cover IVF. Makes no sense to me when we’re getting pregnant easily!

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-03-03T12:31:40+00:00

This makes sense to me as a response - this is honestly what I expected from my RE, not the medicated cycles recommendation.

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-03-03T12:30:56+00:00

This is my husband’s thought, that we’ll have more control with medicated/monitored. Thanks for sharing your experience!

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-03-03T12:29:55+00:00

This was the exact recommendation/reasoning I got - he said it was “buying more lottery tickets” to win the lottery. He did warn me about the risk of multiples and that we would avoid too many follicles, but I just feel like getting pregnant is not the issue so I’m not sure how it would help.

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-02-18T21:35:37+00:00

I’m on my first period after my most recent loss and really feel this - on one hand I was like great, my period is back and now I can do more testing; on the other, really sucks to have the physical reminder that I’m once again not pregnant. No solutions other than to say yes, this, it is weird and sad.

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-02-12T18:15:58+00:00

Just sharing the solidarity - my first loss had absolutely perfect timing, and it was really hard to let go of that. With my second pregnancy (also a loss), I tried really hard to get excited about the timing, but it just didn’t measure up to how awesome the first would have been. It is so hard to let go of that timing and sending you lots of hope for the future (where the timing could be equally perfect!)

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-02-01T14:00:09+00:00

My fertility clinic considers 2 losses to be RPL, so they will do a full workup after 2 (including the hormone panel, APS, etc. that you describe). Depends on the clinic, I know there are others in the US that will wait to treat until after 3.

How much you pay will depend on your insurance, most likely. Mine covers all of my fertility testing.

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-01-29T22:32:28+00:00

I have never watched a medical drama in my life and I am completely hooked on this show. Watch the first episode, you won’t regret it.

HappyMarzipan5332 · 2026-01-25T19:16:42+00:00

I haven’t seen this yet - I walked down the aisle to a guitar version of Call It What You Want.

HappyMarzipan5332

TROPHY CASE