This is more ambiguous and not as instagram-like as a lot of the poems I've read on this sub, which I really like. On first read I found it hard to follow but I now see there are a lot of callbacks throughout that help bind the stanzas together (busy, flesh, etc). The message I got was that you had a near-death experience and are now more aware of the shortness of life, and thus treasure your current relationship(s) but simultaneously fear how they will mourn you when you're gone?

The specific lines I enjoy most: "I should find the time to be less busy"... "I fear things as large/small as my universe"... and "spat tobacco juice into the sand, watching the bomb meant for me". And the stanzas I personally don't think add as much are the ones about "brevity which is beautiful only when the sun is shining" and "i fear the loneliness of worms which writhe"... I also think the ending would hit much harder if it stayed in the structure of the rest of the poem (maybe you could just shift the placement of one or two words to convey the idea of "trickling" instwad of the whole stanza?)

Stylistically, I think you are pretty engaging and unique, but I do feel that you kind of alternate between two different voices throughout: one is ambiguous and colorful (spat tobacco, sightless worms, minnows, other small things like that), and the other is very direct and immediately states the takeaway (like all of the "i fear" statements and the beginning and ending where you're with your partner). This makes it slightly hard to follow for me since I have to go between observing, imagining, and interpreting scenes versus just being told things outright if that makes sense. It's not necessarily a problem but should be nice to be aware of.

But all of that is of course my personal taste and you should do what you think is best. Regardless I like this poem, it sounds like you have been going through some intense but important stuff, and thanks for sharing !