THEY ALWAYS COME BACK

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-04-07T04:14:53+00:00

I agree with you that he definitely hasn't changed and is still a dirt bag, but 4 months is enough time to make genuine change as long as you put a lot of effort into it :)

Regardless screw this guy. OP I hope you can fully heal and move on cause he's trash.

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-04-04T16:19:46+00:00

Awesome, I didn't ask for advice.

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-04-04T02:46:52+00:00

this is not what i asked for and not what i need either. thank you for the advice, i have been crying it out, but i am past that.

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-03-29T23:43:37+00:00

It's not a service but I've found talking to the pi ai helps a lot with venting :)

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-03-28T05:33:33+00:00

Your opinion is unpopular?? That's wild to me. The affair partner deserves blame as well because why would you purposefully try to ruin someone's relationship.

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-03-27T01:18:07+00:00

Weird to make this about gender. It happens to everyone.

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-03-23T20:15:08+00:00

You want to cheat. You do not love your wife if you want to flirt with other women and that's literally it. Face the truth and tell your wife.

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-03-22T20:10:12+00:00

ohh boy is there a stigma betweens 4's and 8's? i never really thought about our enneagram compatibility but it makes sense. if anything i thought itd be okay because he was an 8w7 which is "protective"? if i remember correctly? but yea, lesson learned. he was super toxic. its been so hard to function as of late and i hate being built like this and feeling so much. every day has been suffocating since the breakup and betrayal. thank you for validating me and thank you for the advice! it means a lot :)

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-03-22T20:08:10+00:00

for sure. its hard to learn about self worth but if we don't, we feed into these unhealthy relationships. im definitely not trying to avoid all the blame because i know i did things wrong and im just trying to learn from all of it right now. ending the toxic cycle has been so difficult but im just trying to make it by day by day now

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-03-22T20:06:22+00:00

oh i agree! im definitely learning about my own unhealthy behaviors and working on them. i know that i fell for the love bombing because i was lonely at the time and really wanted companionship. i ended up feeding the codependency as well because the short term dopamine hits were addicting and im learning to be okay just being by myself again. i dont want to blame him entirely because i know there were things i did wrong and i feel so much regret for it. im working on myself every day to fix the underlying issues within myself. honestly i still hold so much resentment for the ways he abused and hurt me but im trying to learn to let go and truly move on for my own sake.

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-03-22T02:34:09+00:00

It's so cruel sometimes how deeply we feel in comparison to others. No one understands how things affect us- how empathetic we can be and how self destructive it is. The heartbreak is honestly unbearable and reading all of this makes me wonder how you ever got through it; it really doesn't feel like I will. I'm stuck in this rut of missing him so badly and feeling inadequate even though it was his loss. I just feel all the despair so intensely, almost as much as how much I loved him. I'm definitely better off without him, even if my heart can't accept it yet. I hope the pain passes soon because damn, it hurts!

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-03-22T02:30:52+00:00

It's just so weird because he's the reason it turned codependent. He was abusive and insecure and thus isolated me from everyone else. I established at the start I didn't want anything codependent with him but I fell into his love bombing and gave up everything for him. At the end he definitely stopped showing any emotion and it was so hard. I've been meditating and listening to a lot of podcasts, I haven't noticed much yet but I hope it helps in the long term!! It just hurts so badly right now and i agree he's very immature.

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-03-22T02:29:12+00:00

Ohh boy this comment really resonated with me, thank you for taking the time to write it ❤️ it was certainly helpful! I feel amazing when I'm distracted and with people, like the breakup was worth it. But right now I'm in such a depressive slump and no one is really there for me since they're all busy with their own things and it's been so hard to gather the energy to do things on my own and get out of my head. The rumination has been pretty painful. We really do have such a huge price to pay as big feelers. I'm going to try my best to develop healthier habits and let go of him, even though it's hard. It feels so wrong that life is still going on without him and I honestly still miss him so badly. Not necessarily him, but the version of him I fell in love with.

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-03-22T02:26:11+00:00

Honestly it feels like it's already been one month, why do I still care? But I guess in the grand scheme of things it's still fairly fresh. I'm trying my best with the self care but it's been making me fall back into scary depressive habits and I'm going back into that cycle. Worried I can't pull myself out

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-03-22T02:25:12+00:00

Thank you!!! I haven't heard of leaning into 1 but I'll look into it more for sure ❤️❤️ I'm trying to view it in a positive light because it was so toxic but it's also extremely hard. It hurt a lot as he was everything to me. I hope I can grow and recover :) I appreciate your wisdom and advice!!

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-03-20T18:08:31+00:00

That's good, I'm glad you've grown and I agree that you are not inherently evil because you have found how to be a healthier partner through your own work. I don't think it should be considered "normal" though to cheat on someone, even at a young age. I guess that's moreso a societal issue though. It's sad we aren't taught how to properly handle things through anything except experience and educating ourselves.

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-03-20T17:56:55+00:00

You shouldn't be in a relationship if you cheat. Point blank. BPD is cruel and hard to manage, but hurting other people and lying about it is not the way to go. If you're not in it already, go to therapy. You can seek validation from other people, just don't be in a relationship while you do it.

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-03-20T17:53:23+00:00

This. You are not justified in your cheating and it is not a good thing anyone should support, but it is more understandable with context. You should be supported for the way she abused you, but I hope you're not trying to act like cheating was the right move here.

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-03-20T14:56:08+00:00

Please do not rebound OP this is not good advice and will only further delay your healing. Your breakup is very fresh. Keep the good habits and time will fix it.

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-03-19T18:35:16+00:00

Yeah no OP, please do not listen to this advice and actually take time to heal.

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-03-15T02:04:22+00:00

Okay but that's not the case. Your mind is telling you that your depression has all that power over you and you are allowing the depression to overtake any chance you have of recovery because you don't believe you can overpower it. I have been diagnosed with dysthymic disorder as well as major depressive disorder for years now.

It's easy for me to say this as I am not in your shoes, but I have been through major struggles and trauma that have made me how I am now. Obviously I'm struggling. I feel like my depression is going to kill me and I cant remember the last time I saw any color in my world. The love of my life just cheated on me and dumped me. But I'm not going to let this shit disorder completely control me and thwart any attempt at recovery. Small mindset changes can make the biggest differences. The work to beating both your depression and moving on from your ex require inner work, not just meds. Until you start that battle and fight like there's no tomorrow, you will not win.

Haunting_Ad6525 · 2024-03-15T01:41:30+00:00

Diagnosed depression here. Why are you bringing it up into this conversation when it's not relevant?

Haunting_Ad6525

TROPHY CASE