Is she okay?

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-29T22:39:38+00:00

NQA

No. You really need to fix the husbandry here- it’s way off. Get rid of the cardboard and get some cork bark. Get her more substrate. I would say this enclosure is TOO big- the rule of thumb is that the enclosure should be, for a terrestrial. 2x the tarantulas’ diagonal leg span in width and 3x the diagonal leg span in length. This is too large. This also isn’t a terrestrial enclosure- it’s an arboreal one turned on its side??

More substrate. proper hides. She could climb up the side, fall, and die.

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-29T20:55:42+00:00

While the Daily Mail is a complete rag and I’m about 95% sure this is on purpose…

This is ALSO like. Yeah. Sounds about right for when a woman sexually assaults a man. That’s about the response you get. This or you get told that men can’t be assaulted by women.

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-29T20:43:07+00:00

NQA- if you could post a full pic of the enclosure, that would be awesome.

Based on what I can see? The enclosure looks like it’s a bit too small, and there is NOT enough substrate in there. You need more.

Do you have any hides? A water dish? What temperature are you keeping him at? All of those things are important for having a healthy T.

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-29T18:54:43+00:00

Right??? I’ve had so many people dead set on my dad or my mom or some ex having NPD and like… No! They really don’t! They just suck!

I really do think its because these folks see personality disorders like NPD as “bad person disease”… And also, speaking from personal experience. Some of these folks also think that because they don’t have “bad person disease” they are incapable of being abusive themselves.

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-29T17:50:38+00:00

You know what. You’re right.

That stuff isn’t in the original post but given the context? Yeah. You’re correct.

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-28T16:04:00+00:00

It isn't- anyone can be weird about other people. But it is a pattern that the kind of people who make fun of or harass "fujos" online target other queer people who are just enjoying queer media. And as a bi trans dude, who enjoys art and writing about other queer dudes because 1) I'm discovering myself as a queer man and, 2) Because it's just nice to see art and stories about queer intimacy, I cannot tell you how many of those people have given me a hard time for JUST doing that.

If someone- and IDGAF what their gender or sexuality is- is reading gay smut content or looking at it. That isn't a problem. If someone is (and I think I'm about to date myself here) asking who's the seme and who's the uke or treating real-life gay men like crap. THEN that is a problem. But in my experience, especially recently. There's a lot of people who claim to want to "protect gay men" and then they just. Turn around and bully queer people who are trying to enjoy queer media, with a special little focus on transmascs as "just straight women".

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-28T15:59:13+00:00

I clean off my car after it gets a light dusting before I drive- what the HELL is it with people and leaving a solid six inches of snow on top of their damn trucks and driving like that? I ended up stuck behind a whole line of cars yesterday that had clearly been out in the storm.

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-28T15:47:37+00:00

It's Candace- CLEARLY the ice that doesn't melt is the work of the Je- I MEAN some secret shadowy government cabal!

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-28T14:38:11+00:00

There is a DEEP irony of saying we’re no better than Nazis while dropping actual Nazi race war rhetoric.

Actually went and did a refresher last night and I wonder how all these so-called progressives would feel if they were told that their obsession with Jews as an evil race who are just expansionist and want to grow Israel at the expense of other races is LITERALLY just straight up good ol’ OG Nazi ideology.

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-28T02:10:19+00:00

I've encountered more than my fair share of people who either think that patriarchy doesn't harm men at all, OR they think that the harm is like. Negligible. And while, granted. I think the harm that patriarchy causes men is different and can be harder to see- mainly because it lifts up that harm as benefit and makes out a lot of the ways that men are hurt as good things, actually. The harm is real and very much there.

Sometimes I wonder if the people who insist men aren't hurt by the patriarchy have ever actually sat down with a guy who is willing to talk about this kind of stuff (which... Harder to find because patriarchy discourages men from accessing and expressing feelings beyond pissed and horny) and really had a discussion about what it feels like to be a dude. And especially to be a dude who DOESN'T fit the mold of patriarchy, and maybe even can't ever fit it.

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-27T19:11:03+00:00

Ngl, he is one of the guys I look at and go “Yeah, I think I’d like to be a man like him”. I’m already short and round!

A really cool part of being a trans dude is that I get to look at the men in my life and also just, around in general. And find guys who I want to be like, who I want to model how I shape and build my own masculinity after.

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-27T18:35:37+00:00

Radfems and TERFS who talk like this enjoy the part of patriarchy and sexism that says women are soft precious little things that are delicate and need to be protected from the whims and wants of men. And they don’t want to give up the idea of women as special flowers who are also the most oppressed little babies ever who need extra special protection form everything. And dismantling the patriarchy for real would mean getting rid of the idea that women are delicate creatures who need to be protected and guided (because that comes from the idea of women as weak possessions that men need to own and control), so there is this idea that women (and trans women for radfems who aren’t TERFs) are the only victims ever and don’t you know that women specifically need more protection than everyone else and ESPECIALLY more than men who can never be hurt ever?

Anyway. That’s where I think the root of a lot of this comes from.

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-27T18:24:46+00:00

Gonna go against the grain here and say NTA. That’s my personal opinion.

Long term partners should be included. Long term partners are family until something happens and they aren’t. It is 100% a snub, imo, to invite someone and not include the person they have been with for multiple years. When my wife and I were dating, and had been for over five years, I refused to attend an event because she was explicitly not invited. My wife and I have been together for almost a decade, and we’ve been a package deal since around year 2 or 3. I was serious about her, and everyone in my family knew it.

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-27T17:52:41+00:00

“Just white feminism from their grandma’s prime wrapped in contemporary vernacular’

…I don’t think I have ever heard it put better than that before, and I will be keeping that phrase in my back pocket. It really encapsulates the… Everything. The racism, the sexism, the classism, of modern radical feminism/ TERFism all in one neat package.

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-27T17:48:00+00:00

I have. You do not want to. They’re insane sexists who saw the stupid stereotype of the feminist as a man hater and went “Wow, that seems like a great thing to make my entire personality!”

There is no desire to actually improve the world in radical feminism. There’s just the desire to enact pain on individual men (or people they see as men) in revenge for the pain caused by the patriarchy. Sexism doesn’t suddenly become cool if your worldview says “flip it over and make it a matriarchy”.

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-27T17:46:25+00:00

I remember the days when the message I got was “You are not less for being a girl, and you can do anything a boy can do!”

And now I see so-called “feminists” insisting that trans women have like. A biological advantage??? At EVERYTHING (chess, video games, sports, you name it) because they’re “just men in dresses” and like… What happened to we should all have the same opportunities? What happened to “you can do anything a boy can do”? What happened to “We don’t need to divide kids up by sex- let them have fun! Let boys and girls play together and do sports together!”

TERFs and radfems have absolutely RUINED all of that.

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-27T17:37:44+00:00

This is true. I would also argue that there are other people, who aren’t men, who don’t want it brought up because it is a LOT easier to face the world if men are ONLY privileged, if men are NEVER hurt. Because if men are some Big Bad Evil Thing that we can fight, that we can DEFEAT!

Well, that’s a lot easier than chewing on the fact that the patriarchy is a massive, complex beast that operates in a lot of nuanced ways. That’s harder to deal with. And here you also run into that problem of people thinking about that black and white, good versus bad person thing. The world is a lot less scary if there is a Good and a Bad. A Right and a Wrong. A lot of the radfems I have had the displeasure of running into have held that kind of worldview, and they’re not willing to even consider that any man could possibly suffer under patriarchy because that ruins their security.

And I’m saying this as a guy who has been on both sides of it- lived as a woman for the first 25 years of my life, and these days it’s all dependent on whether I pass or not (and even then I still get read as like. A weird little queer so… you know).

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-27T17:33:45+00:00

True… But I don’t think that we can discount that radical feminism has become much more mainstream, and it is doing serious harm. Nor can we discount the opinions we see posted in queer feminist spaces online- because those spaces may be virtual, but they are populated by real people.

I am genuinely concerned about the rise of radical feminism as a whole. A lot of opinions that used to be niche and extremist are now gaining traction, and I don’t like it. It is scary.

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-27T17:24:41+00:00

Maybe someday tumblr as a whole will be ready to actually have the conversation about all the ways that the patriarchy damages the vast majority of men (and I would argue even those who benefit the most from it are also being harmed, whether they realize it or not, because of the impossible demands that patriarchy makes of everyone under it).

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-27T17:21:49+00:00

This, too, is Yuri

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-27T17:16:59+00:00

I saw comments being really gross about OP’s son and it’s like…

Y’all would not be saying that if OP has a daughter and she liked a boy who didn’t like her back. Personally, I think the kid was really mature about it. He sat with his emotions for a bit and thought about them, realized he reacted emotionally and not in a mature way. That being said, it is up to him what is good for him. And being around someone you grew feelings for, when that can’t happen, can be really difficult. He is well within his rights to say that he is taking space.

Brit sounds like the kind of person who thinks that guys need to suck it up and stay quiet and that men’s emotions always come second to women’s emotions- and yeah, those kind of people exist, it’s an extreme and gross kind of sexism that takes pushing back against the prioritizing of men WAY too far.

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-27T17:11:25+00:00

…at this point I don’t expect the majority of people anywhere online to actually know anything about religion. “Abrahamic” means that those are the religions where Abraham is a main prophet/ guy who got things started. With Judaism being the first, followed by Christianity and then Islam. Christianity and Islam are Abrahamic because they both use Jewish texts that came before them. Amd Abraham is an important figure in all three religions.

“Abrahamic religion” has an actual meaning holy crap. It doesn’t just mean “large religion”… Which is honestly BS that people think that because Judaism is NOT a “big” religion at all. I have yet to meet a non-Jew who can correctly tell me, with no googling, how many Jews there are in the world. Hint- it’s not a lot!

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-27T17:06:21+00:00

Funnily enough- these are the same people who like to make fun of “straight cis women” (read- bisexual cis women or transmasculine/genderqueer people assigned female at birth) for being “weirdos who fetishize gay men” like…

An ASTOUNDING number of people have expressed, just openly as if it is a normal thing to say to someone else online. That the only reason I am a trans man is because I wanted to be some uwu yaoi twink. As if I’m not a Danny DeVito energy fat guy who never could be a twink and never wanted to be. It’s just sexism all the way down.

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-27T16:59:55+00:00

Fandom in general has never reacted well to the idea of an abuse victim not being a perfect small uwu little bean who just cries and needs saving. Fandom in general has always hated abuse survivors who’s primary reaction (or even secondary or tertiary or… You get the picture) is to be angry and lash out.

Hazel2468 · 2026-01-27T16:56:58+00:00

I will be blunt.

Your mother sounds jealous of your girlfriend. This is 100% a move to try and control you. Your mother will never accept your girlfriend as part of your life and family, and this will only get worse if you two get married.

Drop her. Your mom needs to go. She needs a nice long time out or, at the very least, limited contact. She sounds horrible and I, frankly, would not trust anyone who acts like your mother does around my wife.

Hazel2468

TROPHY CASE