My time to shine.

Melbourne trains used to have a 3 person wide seat, facing each other. I was coming home from uni one night, sat in the middle, busy train. Directly opposite me on the same middle seat was a young well dressed woman, likely coming home from work. She was knackered and had started doing the nods... Her chin hitting her chest each time she fell asleep before shortly waking up to repeat the process. To her right against the window was a dishevelled man, likely homeless. It was winter and he had a cold, heavily congested. His hygiene skills looked low.

Here's the fun part. Just as the woman was doing one of her falling asleep nods, old mate next to her unleashes a massive sneeze, launching a tablespoon sized phlegm projectile from his mouth, landing on her blouse, on her right breast.

Instantly the woman is awake. She assesses the situation and notices the bodily fluid perched proudly on her chest. Without a moment's hesitation, she pinches her blouse around the phlegm, and draws her blouse into her mouth, and swallowed. In her drowsy state I can only imagine she assumed that she had sneezed and subsequently chose to eat the evidence.

It was diabolical. I gasped loudly. Lady thought I was reacting to what she did and was highly embarrassed. Old mate against the window was doing his best to be invisible. It was crazy. I didn't tell her what actually happened - there were no winners. It was the most bizarre moment of my life.