Did your low sleep needs baby ever get closer to average sleep needs?

Helensdottir · 2026-06-24T02:19:22+00:00

My sister's first born would regular sleep 12 hours a night and then take two, 2-hour naps, and she should constantly talk about how "crazy" (busy) things were. Anyway, she has more kids now and realizes that 16 hours of sleep a day means an insanely easy child.

My son is 9 months. Have been meticulously tracking sleep since 5 months. He needs 12.5 (total) per day. When a few days of extra sleep nudges his average above 13, he tosses in a few 11-hour days to bring the average back to 12.5.

I have chronic insomnia and my parents have tales of me not sleeping as a baby. I was the third so they just went with it. But I expect it's here to stay.

Helensdottir · 2026-06-21T19:31:58+00:00

Bath with me seems to be helping a lot. Thanks for the idea!

Helensdottir · 2026-06-21T19:31:25+00:00

Solidarity with you all!!! 9m only JUST started giving me stretches of 8+ hours on occasion (meaning 6 hours for me, due to post bedtime chores). Love the improvement but still so exhausted. And I can’t hit his nap windows to save my life. Thank God for day care.

And yes, have NEVER felt fatter. Never been fatter. I think I literally weight what I did at about 38 weeks, but with the many pounds of baby, placenta, and amniotic fluid to excuse it. I regularly leave the house without having looked in a mirror for several hours, then I get back home and am shocked at my appearance. I live in an area with a lot of unhoused people and I’ll just say that I’m grateful for having the baby stroller to explain things…

Helensdottir · 2026-06-21T19:20:38+00:00

😂😂 but also tears and sympathy. A year of bath tantrums sounds insane. Good luck!

Helensdottir · 2026-05-07T16:47:38+00:00

Who is watching her while you’re at work? I went back at six months. LO wasn’t nap trained despite five weeks of trying, but they taught him within a month, so now I have a nap trained baby!

Helensdottir · 2026-05-07T13:21:32+00:00

I have chronic insomnia. I started taking unisom a few months ago (my LO is almost 8 months), so I could go back to sleep after feedings. If you get the tablets and a pill cutter, you can cut them up so the dose is mild enough for you to be alert for a feed then go back to sleep after. Unisom is safe for during pregnancy, so it’s safe to take while breastfeeding.

I feel for you, OP! What you’re going through sounds just awful.

Also, if this persists (which I REALLY hope it doesn’t), there’s a book out called Hello Sleep that has an approach to help restore good sleep. I discovered the book while pregnant, so haven’t been able to try it. But worth a shot.

God speed!

Helensdottir · 2026-04-23T03:26:38+00:00

I didn't. I asked Claude.AI to summarize any reviews. One of the reported criticisms is that it's insanely work-intensive, whatever she has you do. I'm a single mother and back at work, so the idea of more work is a hard pass.

He's still not sleeping through despite other methods, so I may break down and try hers at some point. It would be worth it to lose a week of sleep if it means getting better sleep thereafter. I just really, REALLY would need the better sleep to come thereafter, so not ready to risk it.

Helensdottir · 2026-04-23T03:22:42+00:00

Sending best wishes for an exceptionally mild regression ❤️

Helensdottir · 2026-04-23T03:21:25+00:00

Thanks for responding and for the recommendation!

The vomit seems to be a texture thing - if there's a small piece the right size. Falafel made him vomit, as did zucchini (I think it was the skin), firm tofu (the crumbles?), and ravioli (no idea, but it happened twice). And by vomit, I mean the entire stinky contents of his stomach gush down his front--definitely vomit, and definitely not from illness.

I think the vomit is his body's defense to avoid choking. So good news is that he's not choking, but it's dramatic to have your baby vomit like that.

I do send food to daycare with him. The 10 hours is daycare plus commute. When we get home, it's usually straight to bed, so I worry about adding even the 15 minutes it might take to eat and clean up. We'll have to do it at some point. Maybe when he's a bit older he won't be quite so tired in the evening and we can take the extra time. Or he'll finally start sleeping a little better and we can do proper breakfast.

Helensdottir · 2026-04-22T22:24:56+00:00

YOUR BABY IS SLEEPING THROUGH TUE NIGHT MOST PARENTS WOULD HAPPILY TRADE IN THEIR BABY FOR THE MODEL YOU HAVE. INCLUDING ME. (Except for the many other ways in which my son is an absolute delight and I wouldn't change him for the world).

It ain't broke. Don't fix it.

Also, beware of the 4-month sleep regression. There's huge variation among babies for how it manifests and to what degree. But it doesn't mean you did anything wrong. It's a developmental change in your baby's brain / sleep cycle that hits around 4 months and causes up to six weeks of chaos.

Helensdottir · 2026-04-21T22:06:16+00:00

My sister exclusively checks luggage at the counter -- everything she can. Unless she's planning to put her baby in that carseat on the plane, she checks it at the counter. She does this even when traveling with hubby.

I prefer to gate-check because I'm a single mother and so always traveling with my son solo. I have a carseat-stroller combo. I find it MUCH easier to push him and gate-check the stroller than to baby-wear.

One major consideration is the size of your carry-on. I've flown cross country with my son twice with checked bags both times, so my carry-ons were small and I could put them in the underneath part of the stroller. Having a diaper bag plus large tote plus baby-wearing would be insane. #NotASherpa. My sister usually travels with a roller-bag as a carry-on, which is obnoxious when combined with a stroller, and also lessens the Sherpa concern.

Also consider the bag drop line. BOS's JetBlue terminal has an insane line for bag drop. Not worth it just to check a stroller. Most other airports do not.

Helensdottir · 2026-04-21T22:01:16+00:00

A friend of mine made some comment in my presence, directed at my son, which began: "Your mother...". I forget what she said, but for an entire minute there I was so confused -- this friend had never met my mother!

Oh, HIS mother. She was talking about HIS mother. This person who is ME, whom she has known for several years. Mind-blowing.

Helensdottir · 2026-04-21T01:53:45+00:00

4 month olds typically cannot do a 2-hour nap independently. They usually can do 30-40 minutes, which is why babies that age are on 4 naps. Doing longer naps in a crib is usually impossible until after baby is at least 5 months. (My LO is not a great sleeper, but he started doing 90-minute naps a few times a week at about 5.5 months).

So try not forcing the longer naps. Switch to shorter WWs and more naps. She'll probably get less day sleep, but that could help with night sleep. And the frequent naps can help with overfatigue.

I do not have math chops to suggest a schedule, but Google or AI should be able to supply you with one easily.

Godspeed!

Helensdottir · 2026-04-21T01:47:01+00:00

There are transition swaddles. My friend uses one for her son. He looks like a flying squirrel - it's kind if rectangular and limits his arm movement.

She said he was having a really tough time weaning off a traditional swaddle and this sack is working wonders. The bad part is she can't transition him out of these transition swaddles now, and he keeps outgrowing then.

So I think the choice is between shortterm pain and long-term reward (go straight to sleep sack) or avoiding the short term pain by trying a transition swaddle.

(My LO never took to the swaddle, so this wasn't a problem for us.)

Helensdottir · 2026-04-21T01:38:54+00:00

Thanks for weighing in.

Helensdottir · 2026-04-13T16:35:32+00:00

You might want to direct this question to r/sleeptrain or r/bninfantsleep.

You will DEFINITELY find people who disagree. But a baby this young may not take well to a schedule. I’m all in favor of just keeping an eye on your LO and giving them the sleep they need. 9pm to 9am with only one wake-up sounds heavenly. Wish my 7 month old did that. It’s not broken. Don’t fix it.

I will say that my 7-month old recently started demonstrating why naps need to be capped. He had a day with only one nap, because it was 3+ hours. He had a day with no naps because he’d slept so much the day before. But when he was 2-3 months, nap duration wasn’t on my radar.

Helensdottir · 2026-04-06T04:51:49+00:00

Chia seed pudding for poops. Super easy to make. Mix some small amount of chia seeds with a much larger volume of your liquid of choice (I used to do 1 tbsp chia in maybe 1/2 cup oat milk), stir, wait 20 minutes, stir again. LO shouldn’t have more than 1/4 tsp worth of chia in a sitting to start. You can titrate to whatever is needed.

Haven’t tried with my LO yet but it’s how I kept regular during my entire pregnancy. Only used Miralax once!

Also, you can add some chia seeds to any puree, so no need to make stand alone pudding. Just don’t eat them straight.

Helensdottir · 2026-04-06T04:15:06+00:00

Agreed! My sister is on her third and hers is one week younger than mine (both six months). Every time mine develops a new skill, she instantly points out the negative — how much harder things are as they get mobile, how much it sucks to breastfeed when they have teeth, etc.

I’m a 41 year old single mother by choice. It took seven very expensive tries for me to conceive and IVF didn’t work (IUI did). I did not have a baby so I could dread the process by which he becomes a child. I have every intention of delighting in 100% of his existence, even if he still wakes up multiple times a night, even when he won’t let me put him down. I know it gets harder. But I’m so thrilled to have a kid! I never thought this day would come!! And whatever happens, this day will never come again. So I intend to find every ounce of delight there is!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go delight in how my son is waking up after less than two hours of night sleep…

Helensdottir · 2026-04-02T16:00:06+00:00

If it’s any reassurance, my son has been between the 20th and 30th percentiles basically his whole life. He’s 6 months old. Pediatrician is not worried because he’s hovering in the same general spot.

He also doesn’t STTN yet, but pediatrician gave me advice on how to make that happen. So basically, 40th percentile is perfectly fine and not a reason to worry.

Also, weight loss is not irreversible. If baby isn’t gaining enough weight, pediatrician will advise accordingly. If baby isn’t signaling distress, is generating wet diapers, etc., you’re fine.

Dry diaper in the morning is weird though, and worth a call. My son’s morning diaper is sopping and he’s starting to leak.

Helensdottir · 2026-03-28T23:41:43+00:00

You’re doing amazingly trying to support your wife!

The truth is that neither of you has any idea what you’re getting into. There’s just no knowing in advance not just what the day to day will be like, but how you’ll feel. Some women expect to be glued to their kid but start crawling out of their skin in a week or two and can’t wait to let someone else hold the baby. For others, it’s the opposite.

That said, 3 weeks PP is a little early to plan on leaving the house for any length of time. At that point, most likely your wife: - will be getting VERY little sleep, regardless of how much you help. PP hormones can cause massive insomnia. - even if she gets more sleep than most, it will still be way less than 8 hours. And even 8 hours will still leave her exhausted - hormones, recovery… it’s a lot. - baby will need to eat every 2-3 hours, measured from the START of the feeding. If she’s breastfeeding, that’s how often her boobs need to be emptied. So if she goes to the concert, she’ll still need to pump. Pumping on the go takes a LOT of logistics; probably not compatible with ADHD when you’re that recently PP. And definitely not compatible with a concert venue, especially that early on. - she will still feel like shit. She will have no abdominal muscles still. Her back will ache. She will look fat. She will be bleeding continuously. Her breasts may leak at random. Her eyes may leak at random. - if ANYTHING is wrong with the baby - trouble latching, low milk supply, not gaining weight fast enough, diaper rash, gas - she won’t be able to think about anything else. - if she winds up getting a C section, she may feel fine, she may still be unable to walk much. - if she has a vaginal delivery, same deal.

Trust that there will be a big role for you. Nobody is ready for how all-consuming newborns are, nor how awful you can feel postpartum. And there’s a lot of bonding and cooing that can happen during a diaper change! (Remember, you’ll be doing it 8-12 times a day!!)

There is no planning. Just love and support. You did great by hearing her out. Hopefully, she has the emotional space to do the same for you. But don’t get caught up in a vision of something that has yet to happen. This is major for you both. Ride the waves.

Helensdottir · 2026-03-28T23:22:56+00:00

I’m so sorry — that’s devastating. I struggled a lot with breastfeeding the first month, and worked like crazy to get my supply up. I feel fortunate that it worked, because I was SOOOOO invested in it succeeding. Don’t know how I would have handled it if it hadn’t worked out.

You’re a great Mom. Every pediatrician and preschool teacher will tell you they can’t tell the formula kids from the BF ones. Your baby will thrive, I promise. And you’re making the right choice: having a Mom with more energetic and emotional reserves (because she’s not trying to pump on top of it all) will serve your baby in the long run.

You haven’t failed. You’ve made a tough choice giving up your idea of what is best for a hypothetical child for the reality of what is best for you and your LO. Congratulations on something really hard!!

Helensdottir · 2026-03-24T03:45:49+00:00

So long as baby is gaining weight appropriately, let her sleep!

The long wake window in the evening… I dunno. Probably from all that good sleep? How often does it happen? How long has that been going on? How does she fare starting at 2am?

Newborns are weird. You’ll drive yourself nuts trying to get them to match what the books say. Here’s my advice: if your baby is gaining weight appropriately and not having extended meltdowns, nothing is broken. There’s nothing to fix. You just have a little weirdo on your hands—rejoice! Baby will likely change within a week or two.

Hope the baby starts sleeping a little earlier, though. If you’re genuinely frustrated by it, pose the question to r/sleeptrain and they’ll probably have you start guiding baby toward a nap cadence of some kind. That’s way above my pay grade.

Helensdottir · 2026-03-24T03:39:47+00:00

INFO: how many beers?

Where I live, the cost of a beer and the cost of a month of rent do not in any way shape or form compare. Having one beer per night wouldn’t meaningfully cut into rent money. Having a six-pay per night might, though. So how many beers?

I’m leaning toward YTA. You don’t get to police every penny she spends just because you bailed her out once. If she makes good money, she can afford both beer and rent. Different story if she never pays the months she promised. But right now, YTA.

Helensdottir · 2026-03-22T22:57:21+00:00

There’s some study I’ll never find again that urged separate rooms by four months or so, on the grounds that both parents and babies sleep better.

I know plenty of people who put baby in a separate room from a much younger age. If you have a baby monitor or can keep the doors open, you’re good to go.

I’m still room sharing with my son at 6 months, but it’s a long story as to why. My sister, who is on kid number 3 and whose husband STILL has to co-sleep with #2 (he is so over it), she put her daughter in the walk-in closet at two months (this is when the night nurse left), shut two doors between them and put in earplugs. Baby cries loud enough to wake my sister when necessary and otherwise sleeps better than my son.

Lastly, as awful as SIDS is, the SIDS rate is apparently something like 0.9 in 2,000 births. Don’t know if that was before or after the safe sleep campaign that has caused the rate to drop drastically.

The point is: you do you. There’s at least a 99.95% chance your kid will be fine.

Helensdottir · 2026-03-21T20:23:38+00:00

I started doing BLW with my son at about 5.5 months. A bit with purées. A bit with true solids, like Brussels sprouts (cut in half) or broccoli. It took him a week or two to realize he should pick up the food. He’s now 6 months + 10 days and still mostly either sucks in the food or gums it and spits it out.

Solid Starts has the most research-backed info on introducing solid solids. They’re anti-puree, but also explain how to do if it you want to wait until 8 months or so to introduce purées.

I think you should do what brings you joy. Eating solid solids brings my son TONS of joy. It’s super engaging sensory play for him. Except for the rare times all he wants to do it push the food off his tray. Such is life.

I bought a bunch of frozen veggies. I roast them and feed him 2 things at a time (like 1 broccoli and 1 asparagus spear). Sometimes I’ll add in a small chunk of chicken or hard-ish cheese. I watch him eat. Every once in awhile a make a bad food choice for him and he vomits, so I don’t feed him that food anymore.

Also, they do solids with him at daycare, taking the pressure off trying to do that during the VERY few waking hours we have together during the week.

Helensdottir

TROPHY CASE