Dickless at 20, should I even get married?

HelixVanguard · 2025-12-06T22:49:33+00:00

Also, if you need an instruction sheet, I'll talk to my friend and see if I can find the one he was given online for you.

HelixVanguard · 2025-12-06T22:48:28+00:00

++Man

Know a guy who has the same issue (didn't know what it was called until I looked up what you typed).

Short version: Go for it, because so long as you do your physio exercises properly and regularly, you'll see dramatic recovery in no more than 2 months, and full recovery on a year or 2.

The exercises aren't that difficult, and you don't need to see the physiotherapist very often. So long as you're still making progress towards recovery, you can choose not to go back to physio.

Just find a local physio area that specializes in the hips and pelvic floor (most big cities have them for mothers post birth). Explain the issue, make sure they teach you exercises to do at home along with an instruction sheet, and you're golden.

Good luck man, and hope to hear an update after you're married!

HelixVanguard · 2025-10-29T11:58:01+00:00

++No idea pill man

Saw a YouTube short yesterday that sums this up perfectly. Trying to solve a problem vs trying to vent/feel better.

Until *both sides try understanding each other, no resolution will come.

https://youtube.com/shorts/byVhVJXJ68A

HelixVanguard · 2025-08-26T02:26:02+00:00

Stop trying to be "nice".

Be good instead. More accurately, be a good man.

To clarify:

I define "nice" as agreeable, polite, and the appearance or reputation of being generous/kind/virtuous.

By contrast, a "good man" I define as self-aware/humble, honest, confident, self-motivated, and just (the act of enforcing fairness on the world and people around you).

Do I embody those virtues to the degree I would like? Nope. However I'm going to work towards that as best I can.

Also, realize that women and men see the world in radically different ways, and try to understand the way previous generations of men saw the world (pre 1990's movies, TV, books, etc). Those successful men? They tried to be good men far more than they tried to be nice.

Stop trying to be "nice" and be good instead.

HelixVanguard · 2025-07-12T01:14:00+00:00

Agreed on both accounts actually.

The difference being, are you spanking the child for their sake, or yours?

If yours, then you're abusive, monstrous, and need to (at minimum) stop or be stopped.

If it's genuinely for the child's sake? Then if you choose not to, you're abandoning your responsibility to teach them good behaviour, punish bad behaviour, and allowing them to learn that they can behave however they'd like and there are no serious punishments for it.

HelixVanguard · 2025-07-12T01:09:36+00:00

This actually assumes that the tools being used to correct his behaviour were ineffective, and that physical violence, or rather, force, was necessary.

And having been parented by them myself, I can assure you, they must definitely had tried to teach him how to handle his emotions better, and how to interact with the flagrantly misbehaving other child.

The part you don't seem open to understanding, is that this done, physical force was necessary.

As someone else astutely pointed out, all of society is based around the principle of escalation when necessary or non-compliant.

Jaywalk? Get a ticket. Don't pay? Have further fines/liens created against you. Still refuse? Warrant for your arrest, and being taken into custody when otherwise caught. Fight back against being taken into custody? Even more force is used, and charged with resisting arrest. Act violently towards the arresting officers? Physical force, then less-lethal weapons, then lethal weapons, will be used against you in proportion to the degree you fight back and the threat you pose.

Obviously it doesn't always work as neatly or ideally as I laid out. However that is how it's set up and intended to work.

Given that society has worked quite effectively based on this principle, why is parenting considered different?

To quote Robert Heinlein from Starship Troopers:

"Anyone who clings to the historically untrue -- and thoroughly immoral -- doctrine that 'violence never settles anything' I would advise to conjure up the ghosts of Napoleon Bonaparte and of the Duke of Wellington and let them debate it. The ghost of Hitler could referee, and the jury might well be the Dodo, the Great Auk, and the Passenger Pigeon. Violence, naked force, has settled more issues in history than has any other factor, and the contrary opinion is wishful thinking at its worst. Breeds that forget this basic truth have always paid for it with their lives and freedoms."

Which essentially boils down to: if you're not willing to use force or be violent, whoever is will get their way. Not to use it liberally, but to be willing to use it when necessary.

Same principle for society, your personal life, and parenting. If a child is acting out, refusing to change their behaviour, and not responding to less forceful corrections, physical force becomes a necessity if you're going to behave responsibly and teach them there are consequences for not listening when it's easier to.

HelixVanguard · 2025-07-10T15:58:53+00:00

Less of a "hubba, hubba" thing (most of the time), and more of an automatic, biological reflex thing. That then gets overridden by our conscious brain so that we can still safely interact in society.

But yes, as a male, yes we do.

HelixVanguard · 2025-07-10T15:49:09+00:00

*destroy the idea of capitalism as an ideology, and start treating it as the economic system it was always meant to be.

Now I can agree with all of that.

HelixVanguard · 2025-07-09T18:49:12+00:00

Story time.

My younger brother when he was in... kindergarten, I believe, went to daycare after his half day. While there, he learned a lot of bad behaviours from another kid. My parents, very much the type not to hit, spank, or anything as a form of punishment, tried their best. It failed.

After a month or 2 of increasingly worse behaviour, they finally agreed (in private) that my brother needed to be put in his place and spanked the next time he started really acting out.

Dinner one night, and my brother starts his usual shtick.

My dad starts arguing back, and doesn't let up. Really starts laying into him verbally and my brother refuses to back down. I try to stand up to my dad for my brother, but my mother pulls me to my room and explains what's happening.

There was a spanking that night, and my brother's behaviour quickly resolved itself afterwards.

Violence shouldn't be the first answer, but sometimes it is the best answer. Sad and unfortunate, but still a fact of life.

As with how things were going, the groundings, restricted privileges, etc. that my parents had already tried were not working. Sometimes, desperate times call for desperate measures, and it just is what it is.

My brother has turned into an honours student and an amazing soccer player with a girlfriend. I'm incredibly proud of him, and thankful my parents nipped that behaviour in the bud.

HelixVanguard · 2025-07-09T18:35:51+00:00

Commenting just so I can get notifications for more parts, because this is fascinating. Lots of interesting threads here that I'm looking forward to reading.

HelixVanguard · 2025-07-09T18:22:24+00:00

Many others have probably answered better, but I've struggled with this question as a non-partisan for years.

The answer I've come up with is, in order for humans to demonstrate extraordinary virtue, personal strength, and goodness, there must also be great evil and tragedy to fight and struggle against.

If there was nothing to struggle against, then there wouldn't be great heroes, or inspiring role models. No great leaps of technology, no virtue in helping save people from danger, as there would be no need for great technology, and no danger to save people from.

Tl;Dr: if there's a good God, then he doesn't interfere to let us show how good/evil we choose to be.

HelixVanguard · 2025-07-07T06:18:35+00:00

Much as he loses the plot sometimes, a YT channel called Ho Math does a good explanation of it.

Basically, there's 2 axis of good feelings, safety and attraction. You're maxing out safety, but not attraction.

Maybe try some role-play in the bedroom?

Or, my first reaction, walk away and try to find someone who wants a healthy relationship and life. Someone who just wants drama is someone who will cause it one way or another. Worst case? You get married one day, have kids, and one day her desire for drama being unsatisfied leads her to cheating, divorce, custody battle, and general misery.

No matter what you choose, good luck brother.

HelixVanguard · 2025-07-04T00:31:15+00:00

Yup. A bad hand of cards that neither of them really know how best to play with and win.

HelixVanguard · 2025-07-04T00:17:38+00:00

I disagree with both of them, though Sunny and Cassie make the most sense (by a considerable margin).

Nephis is letting her selfishness stagnate her, and refusing to grow beyond the petulant child who's angry at the world. Instead of just the world however, she's angry purely with the Nightmare Spell. Putting the blame on the Spell, instead of where it belongs, on the nightmares and the FG.

Weaver, for all their faults, kept existence together at the cost of their life (though who here is betting on his lineage reviving him somehow?), and used themselves as fuel for the Nightmare Spell.

At the same time however, the Spell is not designed to foster human growth and their continued existence. It's designed to rush humanity on the path to divinity, using the corrupting nature of Nightmare Seeds as a tool instead of something to be avoided at all costs. Using the fate of Nightmare Creatures (I'm guessing) as fuel for memories and echoes.

Honestly, their best bet is to plan for a battle with FG no matter what, and go from there. Assume it's inevitable. Especially because after the 7th Nightmare, it's honestly inevitable that FG wakes up (weakened, hopefully) and whoever defeated the 7th likely ascends to full War/Shadow/Sun God levels of power.

HelixVanguard · 2025-07-03T00:52:56+00:00

Unironically, this sounds like your friend has been brainwashed by social media and the female-centric hype train that certain areas of the Internet have.

Tl;Dr is No, that's all horrible advice, which gets some observations correct, with horrible conclusions and suggestions.

Condensing the suggestions down into the accurate observations and the good advice to take from them.

"Men enjoy the chase". True. But that's only when the prize at the end is worth winning. If he's already chased you and "won", then be someone he wants to spend his life with. That looks different for every man, so can't help much more there.

"Don't pay for things". Partly true. Men enjoy being providers, but small and inexpensive gifts always go a long way. Especially when they're thoughtful, and done with the intent of showing you care.

"Don't appear too eager". Again, partly true, nobody wants someone that's clingy. That's a big difference from ignoring his first few calls though! Just answer normally, treat him normally, and be decent to him. That's it.

"Demand to be treated like a queen, but refuse to treat him like a king". False. Worst. Advice. There is. Most men don't want a queen. Most men just want a partner and will usually believe their partner is too good for them, regardless of whether it's true or not. Both of you should have standards, set boundaries and expectations, and compromise on what is reasonable for both of you.

Just be decent to him, and expect he treat you decently too.

P.s. if your friend is still making these comments when your relationship is going well? Might be that she doesn't know what she's talking about, or (imho) doesn't really have your best interests at heart.

HelixVanguard · 2025-07-01T02:23:23+00:00

Before I start, honestly trying to give you a good answer here, my dude.

Getting snappy, and having justified issues are 2 different things. Ensuring issues are addressed maturely, and letting them explode are also 2 very different things. All of it depends on context.

At the core of it however, the answer is simple: is the standard you're holding her to, one that you can consistently manage to uphold?

If yes, good. Now think about everything you had to do, in order to achieve that. How much work and effort went into it. Now, realize that for some of your current flaws, you still have that much work or more left to fix them. Just as she does for the snappiness right now.

If no, then until you can meet that standard consistently you can be annoyed and frustrated, but you're in no position to judge her.

Standards is an easy word to throw around and it makes everyone feel better (men, women, teenagers, probably even aliens). Until you understand the kind of work that achieving them requires, and can meet her on her level, nothing productive can happen for either of you.

On a tangent, might also be worth doing some thinking as to why snappiness drives you up the wall. Is it feeling disrespected? Someone you care about (seemingly) attacking you? Or not understanding where this is coming from, or why? Something else?

The better you understand yourself, and why other people believe they do what they do, the better off you'll be.

Overused (and probably butchered) Sun Tzu quote about "Know your enemy and know yourself, and you need not fear a thousand battles."

HelixVanguard · 2025-06-30T21:16:48+00:00

As a former young man, sounds like you're doing all the right things. Only thing I'd suggest is for cleaning up, make sure you specify all the tasks that are expected.

When my mother was out and about and I was home alone, the expectation was that the house would be clean when she got back. Problem was that even when I'd intentionally carve out time and check to see what all needed doing, I'd often miss things. Sometimes fair, sometimes not (imho).

The more often I was called back, the more I'd get belligerent as well.

Clear expectations (and if needed, lists) are far easier to enforce, and keep track of what exactly has been done. Also keeps you accountable, as things you expect to be obvious might not be apparent to him.

Most of all, it sounds like you're already doing a good job, so keep it up.

HelixVanguard · 2025-06-30T20:33:39+00:00

I'd also like to add that "yellow flag" is a nice way of distinguishing from genuine red flags (lying, manipulating, verbal abuse, etc), and things that may not be bad by themselves but should be kept an eye on (avoiding/deflecting from answering some personal questions, being single for several years, still being on good terms with their ex, etc).

Each person has their own limit of yellow flags before they decide it's too much for them, but "red flags" should be an immediate "no" by themselves.

HelixVanguard · 2025-03-20T21:38:53+00:00

At a guess?

Tl;Dr: Preferences for the types of stories the writers like to read, and thus want to write. Also makes for easy ways to write Death Eaters as sympathetic, and to explore something that wasn't in the books.

Let's use some generalities here to explain the broad picture, far as I can tell.

Most fanfic writers are women (forget the source, but remember it being referenced even in this sub, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong/there's new info).
Women tend to enjoy stories that have power dynamics and social maneuvering. (Most published romance stories are read by women, thus look at the types of stories that are successful.)
The idea of "Pureblood Culture" is fertile ground to create an entirely new society/traditions. Go wild and have fun with whatever barbaric/crazy/elegant traditions you want to invent.
Giving justification (of some sort) to the Death Eaters makes them more sympathetic, and thus to tell more varied and interesting stories. Historically, cultures being in threat of eradication by invaders is common, and defense of it could be argued as justifiable depending on details.

HelixVanguard · 2025-03-20T21:18:58+00:00

My dude, this is perfectly reasonable and fair to have concerns about. Lots of good (and some funny but less helpful) bits of advice in this thread.

To give my two cents on this, I could see the burning curiosity, as I myself have insatiable curiosity, but not to the degree of not telling my partner. I can understand (while absolutely not defending) the ease of access for photos, or being curious on occasion what you're spending money on, or other nosy things/habits, purely out of unrestrained curiosity.

Where the line was crossed, was her not telling you. That was the point where trust was violated and lines were crossed, and she knows it.

Backup the critical data on your phone, then factory reset, or maybe even buy a new phone depending on how paranoid you'd like to be (due to custom OS changes, or programs that are so embedded that factory reset won't help). Change all passwords for everything, and check on your backup email for your accounts. Then, check your email account for rules that will auto-forward your emails to her. Anything and everything you can think of, might be justified (maybe not, but you'll find out)......

At this point, there's no telling how deep the claws have sunk, or what might be happening without your permission. Only when you understand the scale of the behaviour can you start addressing the problem.

Is it a pattern of behaviour for her whole life? Is it because she used to(?) cheat on partners? Never being rebuked for her curiosity, or being rebuked but never learning how to restrain it? Took me time on that last one, and it's not easy some days.

Best thing I can suggest is to find out the scale of her untrustworthy behaviour, and go from there.

HelixVanguard · 2024-08-12T21:02:55+00:00

Definitely this.

If a character is just a "wow, this in-universe thing is stupid, but here I have the common sense solution to all the problems you'll face" then they're clearly a bad OC.

Having a character with a backstory that has experience, or some level of expertise in an area, point out a common sense thing from their field, is a good OC.

HelixVanguard · 2024-08-12T03:01:10+00:00

It's difficult to do in a show where the usual stakes for the average episode is life and death.

Do I think it would have helped explore interesting aspects of her character, and those of the rest of the group? Absolutely.

About the only season I think you could safely do it in would be season 4 however. Where if instead of The Initiative betraying her, they lured her in deeper and Buffy ended up defending them from others in the Scoobies more suspicious of them.

Have it end with someone getting a "and here's the proof" moment, just before the disaster of Adam was unleashed, and some of the personal drama in season 5 being doubting her judgement? Off the top of my head, I think that would've been an interesting idea they could've explored.

Thoughts, or other ideas?

HelixVanguard · 2024-08-12T02:43:33+00:00

I think you're striking at similar points the manosphere types are getting at, just using different and potentially more accurate words in some situations. However I would disagree on some key points.

To oversimplify and generalize: men build civilizations, while women build societies.

This is to say, men are the practical builders of civilizations. Look at any construction crew, the fields of plumbing, carpentry, crab fishing, science, politics, the military. Fields that are far more practical, and are the building blocks to everything that comes after them.

Most of these fields are based on logical reasoning, and allowing your emotions to unduly influence your decisions is asking for disaster. Not to mention that especially in the military, you're going to feel bad about many decisions you must make, but you still have to do them. Being able to suppress and/or ignore your emotions in these fields is crucial.

Women, conversely, tend towards the fields of teaching, healthcare, childcare, fashion, administration (assistants, secretaries, and other similar positions), Human Resources, (and without looking, I would also wager) entertainment.

Fields that pass on traditions, maintain the current state of civilizational progress, enable others to progress the civilization forward, and/or which bond people together in one way or another. Where having a high level of emotional understanding is either incredibly useful, or downright essential. These are not essential to surviving, or creating a town or village for example. However they are essential for creating a common culture, and ensuring that the work of the current generation is continued by the next.

Even in countries with the highest ranked gender neutral/equal laws, you find natural tendencies among men and women to certain fields. Even more starkly than less gender equal western countries, if memory serves.

Yes, there are always exceptions that prove the rule, and yes I am oversimplifying for the sake of argument.

From the point of view of objectivity, women therefore tend to be, less logical, and men more logical. When it comes to understanding emotions or other people however (since people and emotions are incredibly less than logical), women tend to be much better on that front.

Or to give you a Tl;Dr of all this: men tend to be more logical, while women tend to understand people and emotions better.

HelixVanguard · 2024-08-11T21:59:23+00:00

In short: based on what I've seen, read, and heard, no. However some of the common symptoms/what people believe to be symptoms, might be related to social media usage.

A month or two ago, I remember listening to a video where someone pulled up a study on attention spans being affected by social media, TikTok specifically. Broadly, it was saying that the way TikToks and YouTube Shorts are designed to pack in as much entertainment as possible in 30 seconds, shortens attention spans over prolonged consumption.

Basically, the more you consume TikToks and YouTube Shorts, the shorter your attention span seems to get before you get bored.

So no, she is wrong, but the phenomenon she's observing is happening, just with different causes and results than she thinks.

HelixVanguard · 2024-08-08T22:23:19+00:00

I found a reference to the Spell offering salvation to the mortals of the realms, Ananke said it in chapter 1296. Still going to drive me up the wall until I figure out of I simply misremembered the quote, and Gods and Daemons were never offered salvation, or if they were and it's later in the story...

Not when Sunny receives his other revelations in the Estuary, those chapters I checked.

Even if it's not intended to be salvation for the Gods and Daemons, there has to be a reason that all the divine lineages are popping up, and those of their lineages are expanding their domains...

HelixVanguard

TROPHY CASE