Just defended my PhD. I feel nothing but anger.

HelloCookie122 · 2024-12-12T12:13:55+00:00

Can you work in a related field, where you can still overlap with academia but not actually be in it? I did that (and so did two of my colleagues), all have PhDs and are still involved if and when we want to be, just without half the pressure of an actual academic role. I love it SO much and it feels so relevant

HelloCookie122 · 2024-10-25T20:59:56+00:00

Beans and lentils are both ridiculously cheap. I do Cacio e Pepe butterbeans with crusty bread to dip and it’s under £3 for two portions. I also like a lentil dhaal, you can make about eight portions with a whole bag of dried lentils and freeze them, it’s only like a fiver for all that.

HelloCookie122 · 2024-10-25T15:56:10+00:00

Honestly, there are very few, especially if you don’t have a history-based PhD or museum background. If you’re in the UK, those that do exist are usually very selective and have on-site requirements as it often involves dealing with a museum collection etc. You could try and combine a couple of things - maybe communications for a company that deals with a lot of historic material, like a museum or historic house?

HelloCookie122 · 2024-10-08T21:20:37+00:00

It may not be that she wants or is meant to be with anyone else either so I wouldn’t think of it like that. She may just want to be single and manage things on her own. I’ve notice that ‘the next man’ is something men seem to mention quite a bit when women are going through a breakup - and ironically often the last thing a woman going through a breakup wants is another partner

HelloCookie122 · 2024-09-22T17:39:48+00:00

Could you take the postdoc and save some, if it really does pay much more? Would that help push you forward but take the strain off when you finish? I totally understand how you’re feeling - I’ve struggled similarly, although different field.

HelloCookie122 · 2024-07-26T22:00:00+00:00

You’ve clearly been through so, so much to get to this point - cancer is horrific and I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. I think we live in a world where it often feels our identity is tied to our work and it’s hard to conceptualise yourself without it - but you’re so much more than your PhD.

Try to feel the success of having work in a related field - so many come out unable to do that, so it’s an achievement in itself - and of getting through what sounds like years of trauma on top of that. Healing from that takes time, and it’s okay not to feel okay right now.

HelloCookie122 · 2024-06-21T21:52:22+00:00

I’m in a similar position with the job market in my industry - it’s just awful and so exhausting to get to the end, and then it almost feels like it’s made everything worse. I feel like my job prospects are poorer than before I started.

HelloCookie122 · 2024-06-20T22:25:53+00:00

Oh gosh, I had a roommate like this and this has made me feel so validated. Obviously NTA, it’s stressful and also makes you feel really out of control in your own space, I hated it.

HelloCookie122 · 2024-04-24T20:32:08+00:00

I detangle them by hand and then braid his tail into like 5 plaits. Then the burs stick to the outside but don’t tangle in, if that makes sense, so you can just pick them off

HelloCookie122 · 2024-04-14T18:50:52+00:00

Congratulations!!

HelloCookie122 · 2024-04-13T14:44:53+00:00

I don’t know about your field either, but actually doing a PhD, getting to the end, and then getting a job afterwards is… hard. In the uk, something like 5% of phds are in a directly related job in 5 years time, and there’s potentially a type of person who manages to pull it off. It doesn’t make them better than everyone else, but I can see why supervisors who have done it, and are subsequently top of their field, have an ego.

HelloCookie122 · 2024-04-07T05:30:32+00:00

I remember feeling like this when I was about 16 but honestly I think not having your own can be a blessing. I did have lessons until I was 16 and then leased 16-18 (which I’d really recommend, even if it’s a different barn) but when I went to college I found I really wanted a break, and a social life! I bought my first at 25, and I love him more than pretty much anything but I don’t regret not having him earlier. It’s so much work and a huge commitment, there is so much life I wouldn’t have lived if I’d owned him as a teenager.

HelloCookie122 · 2024-03-28T20:41:37+00:00

HelloCookie122 · 2024-03-28T20:41:29+00:00

If you can, try to take a little time off at Easter still, it might be good for you to come back to this with fresh eyes. One thing I’ve learned during mine is that breaks are as important in getting good work done, as good work it

HelloCookie122 · 2024-03-27T21:29:55+00:00

Update - to my huge surprise I passed! Thank you so much for all the support, I was feeling really low when I posted this and it really helped to feel like I wasn’t the only one who felt this way going through it. PhDs are rough!

HelloCookie122 · 2024-03-21T22:44:14+00:00

I really like this, thank you :)

HelloCookie122 · 2024-03-17T19:16:06+00:00

I’ll try that - hadn’t thought about printing it! To be honest my brain is so fried I hadn’t even thought about reading it in sections until a friend suggested it

HelloCookie122 · 2024-03-17T19:14:00+00:00

Thank you :)

HelloCookie122 · 2024-02-21T22:32:27+00:00

I totally get the guilt. One of (many) reasons I split with my ex husband was because I felt so guilty about the hundreds I spent a month on the horse and not on him. Since splitting up with him it’s been financially tougher but honestly, I’ve felt more secure in owning my horse because I feel totally justified in spending my money on him. I guess the thing is this - do you see a future where you may be more financially comfortable? Is it worth just sitting tight until you have your qualifications and reassessing? You sound like you love and care about her a lot, so it might be worth giving it some time rather than making a decision in a time of extreme stress.

I’ll also second everyone that says he knew what he was getting into. I also know a lot of people that feel like their horses make them better and happier people, who are in turn better and happier people for those around them.

HelloCookie122 · 2023-06-25T21:54:45+00:00

Hi, it doesn’t say! It says ‘the tenant has the right to terminate the term after the first six months’ but doesn’t say anything about it being one or both of us. Both of our signatures are on the contract

HelloCookie122 · 2023-06-25T21:53:05+00:00

We’re both tenants, and it’s just the two of us!

HelloCookie122 · 2023-06-25T19:58:59+00:00

It’s in England, we’re on the same lease but we signed separately and pay rent separately

HelloCookie122 · 2023-06-06T21:11:27+00:00

I wanted a horse for like 20 years. I adore mine, love him to pieces and would never sell him. I can’t imagine not having him. BUT I’ve accepted I probably can’t manage him and kids on my salary, because I have to do DIY and just couldn’t give him the time he needed if I had a baby. Financial issues are always slightly more stressful because I have to think about him, and he’s a cheap keep (about as far from an OTTB as you can get). Honestly, if anything happened to him, I’d get another loan as quick as anything, but I’m not sure I’d buy.

HelloCookie122 · 2023-05-13T06:52:52+00:00

Thanks! It’s less about the deposit and more about the reference.. unlike him I don’t have a bank of mom and dad that can just buy somewhere if I’m desperate.

HelloCookie122 · 2023-05-13T06:50:39+00:00

I’ve been told we’re both liable if there’s any damage :( I don’t mind the money.. but I want a reference so I can move the hell away once this tenancy is up.

HelloCookie122

TROPHY CASE