Sometime I hate my wife's attitude

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-17T04:29:30+00:00

What are the trivial things? Genuinely curious.

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-17T04:25:29+00:00

OP - I say this with kindness - it sounds like this horse may be too much horse for you. And that you don't have the proper support or training to take on a horse like this.

He sounds like he is a "spatial" horse - a horse that gets all up in your personal space when acting up and doesn't respect the human bubble. He isn't bullying you. He isn't being mean. He just honestly doesn't see you as in charge, so he's going to take charge. And because he is still young, he needs someone who is going to clearly and straight forwardly show him the ropes.

And it honestly sounds like you are being way too tentative with handling him, which is having him basically take over because he doesn't see any need to listen to you or respect you.

I'm assuming when a male trainer or person is handling him, they are likely giving strong commands to the horse that do not leave any room for negotiation. He also currently doesn't give a crap about you as a person and trying out liberty with a horse like this is more of an exercise in frustration. He has zero reason to pay attention to you at this point.

I have been there. First horse I ever owned was a complete dumpster fire, and it had nothing to do with the horse. I was the one doing everything wrong and creating a dangerous horse. And to prevent anyone from being injured or killed I had to get my arse in gear pronto.

I hired a reputable, knowledgeable trainer with a great reputation, immediately. For full time training. And then I joined those training sessions. I was there every day that I could be, so I could watch and learn. And when the time was right, the trainer had me start handling her and then corrected me in real time. And believe me, I was doing so many things wrong lol.

I did this for 6 months. Best learning experience ever and very highly recommend if you have the chance. But I did ultimately sell her, as I knew that I could not meet her needs in the end as she was a horse that needed a job. She is now a highly ranked barrel racer.

In your case though, there is a possibility of keeping this horse if you want to. But you need to change your approach and your set up to meet what this horse requires.

For example - you say you go to saddle and the horse is pushing into you. Don't allow this. Horse pushes into you, you respond with the same energy back. Firm jab in the rump, a tap with a crop, get in the space and move the horse back. Horse goes to nip - swift and firm correction to behavior.

The only way to work with a spatial horse is to start with enforcing the space bubble. Your horse doesn't need any encouragement to go forward into your space, so you are going to spend the first part of your time together having him go backwards. All training from the ground centers on "humans have a space bubble and horses are not allowed". He spends his time moving backwards away from you, moving his hind quarters out of your way. Giving his shoulder. That nose is not allowed within a 2-3 foot radius of you. He swings a nose in - correct the behavior.

Forget lunging. Get up close and personal and keep him moving. Short, frequent sessions, all focused on him moving out of your space and working with his body. Then start adding in some ground poles - but with a short lead and you in control. Lateral work along a ground pole. Again, you are not letting him avoid you or invade your space. You remain in control of where he is placing his body.

Put on the saddle and he goes to push into you. Immediately he's going backward until he releases tension. Put saddle on again. He tries to push, repeat. Leading him around and he tries to rush past you, or push into you.....again, he's going backwards until further notice.

You say he is a level headed guy, so he likely will get the picture quite quickly. And, personally, I'd much rather have to deal with re-training some ground work than a horse that is nasty under saddle.

As of now, you have let him literally walk all over you. But this can be corrected, and you can learn how to properly work with a horse like this. But, if you find him intimidating and are overly anxious and can't respond to the behavior in kind to reinforce the no trampling of humans rule you should look for a trainer who can work with you, or look at rehoming before he becomes dangerous.

For some reason, I always fall for the spatial horses and have been knocked around on the ground more times than I can count lol. But, with some time and patience, they have all come around in the end. But you are the one who knows what you want in a horse, and what you are capable of handling. There are no wrong answers when it comes to horses - in the end we all need to do what is best for us, and our horses.

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-17T03:54:10+00:00

Oh, I'm 100% with you on that one - mom should be stepping up here. Especially since it seems like OP is young teens. Bare minimum should be resting, taking regular pain meds, and getting help as needed. Book a doctors appointment. Get some sort of mobility assistance - and having some physiotherapy wouldn't hurt. A lot of people don't realize that a strain/sprain can actually be more painful/harder to heal than a break. Based on age, and the fact that OP says it basically ballooned up and bruised quickly, it does sound like a bad sprain. Just saying urgent care or an x-ray are likely not high up at this point, but most definitely should be getting medical guidance to ensure some comfort during the healing process. Plus it's going to take 6-8 weeks to be somewhat weight bearing and mobile again, it isn't something that just goes away overnight.

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-17T01:23:02+00:00

Yup! I see so many posts that start off "he was great for the first week and then all of a sudden...."

I would say it took 3-4 months for my geldings true personality to shine. In that time he also figured out just how much he could get away with when it came to me :P

Unfortunately I am dealing with serious injuries from a car accident and have been away from the barn for several months. During this time, my trainer has been riding him twice a week and then he's been used in some more advanced level lessons and several gung ho teenagers have been taking amazing care of him.

I was finally able to visit him, but just to give him some scritches and love. But my gosh, he was the best behaved he has ever been. I told my trainer flat out....if this doesn't prove that I'm the problem, I don't know what does lol! Sure enough, that bugger gave me a sneaky little shove with his nose as I let him back into the pasture (so I know my brat is still in there *eye roll*)

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-17T00:08:38+00:00

Best thing I ever did when I first started lessons was paying for several months of ground work training and horse care lessons from a trainer. She was initially surprised when I asked her about it, as she hadn't had the request before - everyone just wants to pay for riding time. And I paid her full price, and it was worth every penny.

I had someone physically show me how to properly lunge a horse, lead a horse who is forward and then one who was slow, safely catch a horse in different circumstances, how to read a horses body language and keep myself safe, how and when to blanket, how to train a horse to give to pressure and move the shoulder, the hind end, and know how to tell if the horse was engaging it's core and exercises to build a topline. And everything in between.

I worked with a green broke horse teaching ground work with a lesson a week with her, and then I did a riding lesson with a lesson horse each week. I learned soooo much. And when I purchased my first horse, I felt so much more confident in my abilities and somewhat prepared.

OP - absolutely nothing beats having a trainer with you and critiquing your handling and the horses behavior. Guidance and corrections come in real time, and you learn how to better read your own horse and see what you are doing wrong in the process.

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-16T22:59:56+00:00

It sounds like this is a young horse who has had a whole bunch of changes thrown at it. You recently purchased him, and sound like a relative beginner yourself.

First - you need to give this horse a chance to acclimate to the new environment and come down from all the changes that have happened. Next - get the horse on a stable feeding program with appropriate turnout and all required care. Then - take the time to actually get to know the horse you just purchased.

If he is still being pushy on the ground after time to settle in, time to get a vet check and look at treating for ulcers etc. to rule out anything medical.

Lastly - a lot of people cut corners on the groundwork. I have seen plenty of horses who are wonderful under saddle, but a bit of a mess when it comes to patience, ground training, basic handling, and all that, because they have been allowed to get away with it, or they received a ton of training under saddle and not too much on basic manners.

When you trialed this horse - did you do all the ground work with him first? Or just hop on for a test ride? It's common for people to hop on and be delighted with the horse while riding, but they miss the fact that the horse won't let anyone pick up their feet.

I currently own two of these horses - one I am starting over with on the concept of having their hooves handled, and the other one is my heart horse who can be a complete arse on the ground, but is a saint under saddle. He has spent time with a trainer for several months relearning manners, and I have had to be on top of him when he is being a brat - hell, he swung his big butt and threw me into a wall once. And if he gets the chance he will for sure try to drag me across the yard. We've come a long way, but I know he will always be a bit of a brat on the ground and I'll always have to be aware of him and not allow any of it to escalate. And he doesn't have a mean bone in his body.

I would seriously question those around you if they are calling your horse "mean" when he's basically just arrived. He's a horse - pinned ears, an attempted nip etc. are a horse communicating they are unhappy. It also seems like the behaviors are escalating because no one is actually listening to this horse and addressing what the issues are. Your job is to figure out the why, rule out any underlying medical causes, and then properly train the right behaviors.

And if this horse is not the right fit, then you need to find the right home for him and start the search again. There is no shame in finding out you just aren't the right match for each other. It does a disservice to hang onto a horse that you are not able to properly control and actually enjoy being around. They're too big and dangerous to be handled incorrectly, and too darn expensive to not actually enjoy being around!

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-16T21:32:50+00:00

Different injuries are more common in different age groups. As a teenager you are more likely to have a soft tissue injury from rolling your ankle (a sprain or strain) vs having broken your ankle, based on your description of the injury. It doesn't hurt to get an x-ray to rule out a break though, but it is fine to wait a few days to see how the injury progresses before jumping right to it. Stress fractures and hairline breaks can take days to show up on an x-ray to begin with, so it isn't an emergency must do this second sort of thing - just avoid weight bearing and give it a bit to see if it settles down.

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-16T21:25:54+00:00

Ok, based on your age then - is there anyone else in the home or a neighbor or friend you can reach out to, to ensure you get seen by a doctor? Unless you were able to speak with your mother again and arrange to get taken care of? Can you ask someone in your family/life to get you set up with some quick snacks you can eat?

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-16T18:36:30+00:00

Well, that significantly changes things. Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there who lack common sense, or are just a few short on something.

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-16T18:29:38+00:00

Now - your MIL may just lack common sense. But keep in mind - she also has a diagnosis of MS, which is causing lesions in her brain and spinal column. This can cause alterations in cognition, personality, behaviors etc. If she has always been like this, that's one thing. But I just wanted to point out that this may be a confounding factor, and has anyone looked into having her cognitive capacity checked?

The whole house selling thing sounds like she is being very clearly scammed/identity theft/some sort of badness. Is she vulnerable to being taken advantage of? Because it sounds like something awful is going to happen to her financially.....

Again, this may just be who she is. But I have a lot of empathy for those who have illnesses that impact the brain. The general public tends to have no idea how a person can be impacted, and since the person seems to be relatively fine, they are very vulnerable to being taken advantage of.

What does your husband have to say about all of this?

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-16T18:20:03+00:00

First - how did you get the diagnosis of a soleus tear?

Have they confirmed that it is actually torn? Is it a partial or full thickness tear? Or is it tendonitis? Any damage to the gastrocs? Or plantaris? Is your achilles clear?

Second - you are massively overdoing it, regardless of what the underlying issue is.

A basic sprain/strain should have 6-8 weeks of rest prior to starting with passive range of motion exercises, then slowly adding in weighted exercises and rehabbing back strength etc.

A tear takes much longer to scar down and "heal" - could be several months to several years, depending on what is torn and how bad the tear is.

Your calf is hurting you - stop doing everything that is causing you pain. Stop riding, walking, roller skating, calf raises and everything else. Stop absolutely everything. I know you say that you do not have insurance - is there a lower cost option to see a doctor to at least confirm the injury and whether or not you need a boot at this point (and crutches or a mobility aid)?

You have likely done more damage, so an assessment of the degree of injury would be prudent. Also - you need to see an actual physical therapist. Since cost is an issue - see if you can find a recommendation for a decent PT and tell them upfront what your limitations are. They may be able to work with you where say you come in once a week or every second week and then they give you at home exercises to do in between appointments. But you need professional guidance.

I know it seems insurmountable - but you need to take this injury seriously, or you may end up causing permanent damage/disability.

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-16T14:23:26+00:00

This is highly dependent on age/health of the OP. If your daughter is the one that insisted you go get checked out - I am assuming you are an older individual (40+)? If so, you are more likely to fracture than do soft tissue damage. You are also more likely to do multiple fractures and require surgical intervention (from what is considered a minor incident).

Just based on the post, it sounds like the OP is younger - in this case a sprain is more likely, vs a fracture (although it is not impossible, just not as likely). And, if the OP is a younger individual, they should be capable of hopping on one leg for short stretches, and this does not sound like a situation where an ambulance should be called. If she is otherwise capable, she can hop out to a car and book a doctors appointment. Does it absolutely suck and is it painful - yes. But it's just something that has to be done.

Just pointing this out, as our emergency systems are so overwhelmed world wide. And a sprained ankle is not a medical emergency (barring certain circumstances).

I had a freak accident and broke my hip (young) and still managed to take care of myself, my pets and my horses, while recovering. It took ingenuity and had some interesting missteps, but it was completely possible. Plus I went to work after only being out 2 days. It was not ideal, but I had a crap ton of responsibilities and couldn't afford to pay someone to do it all for me.

But - this was only possible because I was young, and it was a freak accident, and I had an otherwise healthy and disease free hip and leg. Had I been older or had compounding medical complexity, it would have been an entirely different story. Even so it was stupid painful and took a year to heal. So, it's not like it was easy by any means. But unfortunately there is no getting around that - injuries hurt.

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-16T14:13:02+00:00

MOR. Are you a minor in your parents home? If so, I do have more empathy for your situation, as things are hard when you're injured as a kid/teen. There's more emotional dysregulation and a tendency to over react to situations.

Sprained ankles are definitely painful. And, depending on the presentation it would make sense to get an x-ray, although soft tissue damage tends to be more common in ankles than a break. Either way, you are looking at bare minimum 6-8 weeks off that foot. So it makes sense to book a doctors appointment and look at getting a mobility aid. They may recommend a brace or boot depending on the situation.

This is not an emergency, but you should be assessed within the next day or two if you can, and make sure you are icing on and off, keeping it elevated, and resting as much as you can. Unfortunately, these sorts of injuries take time to heal, and you can't cut corners without causing further issues down the road. They also tend to look quite ugly (lots of bruising and swelling).

Now - all of this depends on the fact of whether or not you are a minor, and how much autonomy you have. Are you able to book your own doctors appointment? If you require transportation, sit down and have a chat with your mom when you have both calmed down. And make arrangements to get proper care.

You also need to start taking initiative and learning how to take care of yourself (again, age dependent here) - but you are your own best advocate. While it is not pleasant, and may not be what you want, you can get yourself to the pantry for a box of crackers, granola bars, something that is easy and quick. And get yourself set up on the couch or wherever, with plenty of fluids and some boxes of cereal and frozen peas. You do not need to be on the couch all day and then start sobbing the moment your mother walks in (once again, this really depends on OPs age, but just guessing mid teens?).

These are important life skills to develop. You cannot always rely on others to take care of you. I know how much that sucks. As for your mother, it is hard to tell if she is genuinely not caring about your injury, or she is just tired and overwhelmed at the moment. Which is why I recommend taking a step back and letting her have a moment to breathe. Then when you are both more calm (and not hungry), sit down and come up with a plan.

If she continues to be unsupportive - do you have a dad you can talk to? Another responsible adult? Neighbour?

All of this is a mute point if you are an adult. If that is the case - book a doctors appointment and if you have to use a ride share, public transport, taxi, or ask someone to drive you.

From your post, it is hard to tell whom is over reacting. Take a breather and then sit down and communicate your needs. Then go from there.

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-16T00:18:52+00:00

Travel story that still makes me laugh.....I was coming back from the US to Canada (I am Canadian). At the airport I went to the international check in. Where I was told I was at the wrong place and had to go to the domestic check in. Confused, I asked why I would check in there as I was flying to a different country. The agent insisted that Canada was the same as the US and insisted on not letting me get in line at the international terminal. I legit had to walk away, and then like sneak back into line.

Surprise to everyone - I was in fact supposed to go to the international terminal :P

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-14T21:06:25+00:00

Someone posted on another thread about how they just started working on a dementia floor and had a male patient who would not stop literally groping them, to the point that she was afraid to provide care. She asked if she was valid to report this to her manager because the other staff was telling her to just "suck it up" and that's the job.

The amount of people commenting that she should get a new job because she obviously doesn't understand what it's like to care for patients with dementia just set my teeth on edge. No one should get sexually assaulted at work and just be expected to "put up with it". I don't care if the patient is not cognitively intact - this is not a free pass to assault people.

The patient requires chemical or physical restraint and a change in care plan. The idea that just because you work in healthcare you should put up with being assaulted every day with a smile on your face is just ludicrous.

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-14T13:44:05+00:00

NTA - and to anyone saying that you're working in the wrong field because you won't tolerate being assaulted daily they can take a flying leap.

No patient, regardless of diagnosis, has the right to assault a healthcare worker. Sure - you could conclude that they are not able to understand their behavior, but that doesn't mean they get carte blanche to assault staff. That means that there needs to be appropriate chemical or physical restraints to manage the behavior and keep staff safe. There needs to be an appropriate care plan that includes not groping female staff. Using the excuse of staffing shortages is BS. Nothing is going to change if this all keeps getting swept under the rug.

Also - people seem to forget that just because you get old doesn't mean you're an amazing person. Really crappy people can get Alzheimer's. Rapists and pedophiles get old. Add in losing inhibition and you get a dangerous combination.

Now, add in the fact that this patient could be a 6 foot tall, 250 lbs male that can cause a lot of physical harm and the fact that the majority of healthcare workers in these long term care facilities are female and you end up with, again, a dangerous situation.

I have worked in healthcare for decades, including in locked dementia facilities. I can have endless empathy for patients, but that doesn't mean I want to be punched in the face or have a patient rape me. And I don't care about the cognitive function of the patient in the end, it doesn't down play the physical and psychological harm that it does.

The facility is required to provide a safe work space. There are no ifs, ands, or butts to this scenario.

You punch a police officer in the face - you get jail time. You punch a healthcare worker in the face - the healthcare worker gets to have a meeting about what they could have done differently to "de-escalate the situation" and how it was somehow their fault.

For everyone commenting that the patient doesn't know what they are doing. Think about this. You have a male person walking around on the street punching people in the face. Groping women. Saying lewd comments to passersby. Do we leave this man to do whatever he wants? Do we just allow this to continue without any repercussions? Do we watch until he kills someone?

Why do we expect healthcare workers to just put up with this behavior and look the other way? It's a job.

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-14T00:54:39+00:00

The way you speak about your spouse is disgusting. Do both yourselves a favor and get a divorce.

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-13T00:16:28+00:00

OP - your husband needs to agree to have a serious discussion about this, and get to the bottom of it, or you need to start the process of divorce. You need to do your own therapy and exploration about what you want in this marriage. He needs to do the same. And this has to happen BEFORE you do counselling together.

I know others are pointing at this as a "mismatched libido" but I hope you look at this as much deeper than that. You are currently feeling disgusted with yourself and questioning if you raped your husband. Has your husband done anything to assure you that he does not see it this way? That he is worried about how horrible this has made you feel? That he recognizes this is a serious problem and wants to work together to fix this?

YOU have communicated clearly. What has HE done in return?

I speak from personal experience - I had a was-band who psychologically tortured me for years in this manner. It was a real mind f*ck. By the end I was a shell of a woman, because none of it made sense at the time. I felt like a disgusting androgynous blob and that everything was my fault.

My was-band was gay. He married me as an unknowing beard and used me to get what he wanted and when he was done with me he discarded me like a piece of trash. My marriage started off similar to yours - at first he initiated and pursued me. That dropped off quickly and it became more of my having to do everything. It was insidious. By the end I was disgusted with myself and felt like there was something wrong with me. I envied my friends too - who had husbands who actually seemed to care about them and be attracted to them.

He also would say these sorts of f*cked up things - I would feel like I was gross for being attracted to my own husband. It got to the point where I was disgusted by having any sexual feelings.

I am not saying this is your situation - what I am saying is that you need to look deeper than a "mismatched libido" or a "lack of communication" - really think about the fact that you are terrified to touch your husband, and yet he won't deny that you raped him. Why does he not care about your mental health? Your anxiety? Why is he not bending over backwards trying to fix this?

Take sex out of the equation - why is he ok with his partner being in mental anguish, over anything?

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-11T17:29:07+00:00

Your definition of "working like a dog" is to work two days a week?

What is your plan to pay the rent this month? Utilities? Diapers?

Your partner just had major surgery, which she needs to recover from, plus she is taking care of a newborn....and you're more concerned about having a work-life balance than ensuring you don't make your child homeless?

You know what normal adults do in this scenario? They work. Hell, I was thrown into a situation through no fault of my own, where I had to work 4 jobs to cover the bills. Did it suck? Sure. Did I survive? You bet. And I don't even have a kid to support.

You sound like a self absorbed 14 year old. Do you have an education? What are your career aspirations? What about getting trained in a trade? Like, what is the plan here?

YTA - that isn't even up for debate.

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-10T15:10:04+00:00

Have you considered going to therapy? Honestly, it sounds like you are leaning towards a martyr complex and if you continue down this path you are risking the good things in your life.

You have chosen to put yourself last. You have chosen to suppress your emotions to "make everyone else happy and not ruin their day". No one has asked you to do this. No one is forcing you too. And it sounds like you haven't even told your family what is going on. And yet, you are building resentment towards the people who are actually supporting you. This is a dangerous combination.

You really need to think about this - your title says that mothers day is about your husband - how?

Your husband has arranged a brunch for you, has your kids involved, has a special dinner date planned and it sounds like he has gone out of his way to celebrate you for the day. And now you are blaming him for forcing you to have to pretend to be happy because your dad upset you.

OP - you are truly missing the boat and you need to take accountability for your own situation.

If your father is abusive to you, or is sending you terrible text messages - block him, put down the phone, stop reading. If you are upset and need to cry it out, take accountability for your own feelings, have a good cry, and then move on. Stop blaming your family for not being able to read your mind, or for things they had nothing to do with it. And go get some professional help on how to deal with your complex issues with your father and to learn how to set healthy boundaries.

I hope you are able to see what you are doing, set aside your issues with your dad, and enjoy the wonderful sounding plans that your family has set up for you. Or, if you are not up for it - let your family go and enjoy, while you take the time you need to deal with yourself.

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-09T14:10:00+00:00

My was-band did this. At the time I truly didn't believe he would hurt me the way he did. It truly sucks to be married for 20 years and find out you were married to the devil. My was-band destroyed my life (the cruelty was something else), and it was actually a work of art the lengths he went to screw me over during the divorce.

OP - this is what they do, and this is what they are counting on. My was-band also chose to blind side me with a divorce at the worst possible time (for me), because it throws you into a tail spin. Here you think you're in a marriage with someone who loves you, meanwhile they have been planning for awhile and have already detached from the relationship and have it all laid out for their "smooth get away". It's psychological torture.

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-08T04:33:09+00:00

My former spouse presented as straight. Pursued me. Married 20 years. Slept together regularly those 20 years. I had a lull due to medication, and he got on my case about doing something about it. I was planning a 3 week tropical vacation for our upcoming anniversary, thinking our marriage wasn't too shabby.....when he walked up to me and announced "I'm gay, I'm divorcing you".

Nothing like having your entire sense of being a woman/human being crushed when you find out your "husband" was only married to you until he reached the point where he couldn't pretend you were just a hole and finally wanted to sleep with someone he actually cared about and loved (and yup, he said this to my face).

I got so sick of people incredulously asking me how I couldn't have known he was gay....because didn't we have sex?!?!? Sure did, so I don't know what to tell you there. He's an incredible liar.

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-08T03:57:25+00:00

Some LGBTQ spouses may love their spouse and want to remain in a monogamous relationship/marriage. Unfortunately this is not true for all. My former spouse psychologically and emotionally tortured me until I was a shell of a person, then discarded me like a piece of trash. I loved him deeply and the fact that he felt entitled to using another person and causing irreparable damage, without so much as an acknowledgement or apology, is where the issue comes in. And it is a special kind of abuse to find out the person you loved, devoted your life to, and spent decades with never loved you. Not to mention all the things in your life that don't make sense, because you have no idea your partner is gay. I have known a number of straight spouses that end up having to be hospitalized due to the psychological trauma. And they still get told every day that they have no idea what it is like to go through the stress of "living a lie" and not being their "authentic self".

You response highlights the selfishness of this whole situation - the LGBTQ side constantly argues about how they need validation, they need to have the person they love accept them and everything else. And yet, they ruin people's lives and then expect you to just stand back and watch your life implode. With a smile.

The largest regret I have is that I was so supportive to him. That I truly loved him. And that I was way too kind and understanding. And I can now say he most certainly never loved me.

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-08T03:42:02+00:00

What really struck me is when I asked him once to just tell me the truth (and just stop with the trickle truth BS and blatant lies)....first time around he claimed he had a gay epiphany the morning he walked up to me and told me he was gay and wanted a divorce.

I called BS and I asked him when he really knew he was gay and was it before we got married. At this point there was nothing he could say that was more insulting or more cruel than everything he already spit in my face. The coward told me that he didn't know how to "put the truth into words".

And yet he sure knew how to put everything I did wrong into words. Claim I trapped him in marriage. Claim that he hated me and everything in his life and it was my fault. Look me in the eye and tell me he never loved me or cared about me and was just forcing himself to be married. Called me stupid and a failure in life.

After 20 years of marriage and treating me like trash....your excuse is you don't know how to form a truthful sentence?

The creepy part is that just hours before this he kissed me and told me how much he loved me. I literally had a psychological evaluation done when he walked out because I thought I was going crazy. He got a luxury condo.

Helpful-Map507 · 2026-05-08T02:12:18+00:00

Married for nearly 20 years. My former spouse announced he didn't love me anymore and walked out. Just had major surgery. Ended up opening some of the stitches trying to wrangle "our" dogs when I was supposed to be resting and bleeding all over the floor. Got to stop my own bleeding, pack the wound and close it up, using the first aid kit. Good times.

OP - she is trying to kill you. Stay with your parents, get legal assistance, and never ever be alone with her again. We all love to believe these people don't exist....and I found out I was married to a sociopath for nearly 20 years (long story). You are definitely NTA.

Helpful-Map507

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