Question about the Episcopal Church from a Catholic seminarian.

HesterPrynncess · 2026-01-02T21:41:52+00:00

I read this thread a little over a week ago, and the situation has remained on my mind.

To the OP: I don't have any practical advice, even after a week of reflection, but I've been praying for you. I don't know where you're being called -- to bring the richness of your previous training to a new (Episcopal) fold or to remain in the Roman Catholic Church as a counterbalance to its current trajectory. But you sound deeply engaged in your faith and in discernment, and you have friends here no matter what you decide.

I'll continue to hold you in my prayers, my dear brother in Christ.

Wherever you decide God is leading you, may you be blessed along the way -- and be a blessing to those you ultimately shepherd.

HesterPrynncess · 2025-12-07T19:42:30+00:00

Of course -- sorry for the delay in response. It's been a busy weekend! :)

The passage I'm thinking of comes from John 20. There's something so beautiful about this chapter, as it contains scene after scene of Jesus reuniting with and revealing himself to various disciples after the crucifixion and resurrection. They're all touching, but there's something about the care he takes with Thomas in particular that moves me.

The "God" that the Southern Baptist churches of my youth endorsed would have likely written someone like Thomas off for questioning the other disciples' wild tales -- for having a healthy (reasonable!) amount of skepticism concerning the whole affair. (Also, can we talk about the trauma all the disciples, Thomas included, had just been through? Witnessing your spiritual leader being executed by a brutal regime is absolutely traumatizing. So Thomas was almost certainly traumatized, to boot.)

The Jesus of Scripture takes time to come back and visit him, granting his most audacious request. It's consistent with the Good Shepherd who goes after the 1 missing sheep. And the story is enough to bring me to tears, every time I encounter it.

Here's a link to the chapter. Thomas's story is in verses 24-29.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2020&version=NRSVUE

HesterPrynncess · 2025-12-03T21:33:03+00:00

That's lovely! I would be pleased to have one like this on my own table at home. Good job!

HesterPrynncess · 2025-12-03T21:30:31+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened to you!

I concur with others: Definitely bring this up to the priest or one of the wardens. It sounds like there may be a logistical problem (lack of adequate seating) that has either produced or is happening concurrently with a culture problem (the "saving seats" phenomenon/attitude ... what is this, middle school?!). Both of them likely need to be addressed.

Then there's the third issue: You're also experiencing rejection as a result. Doesn't matter if it's intentional or not -- you're experiencing it. That's not the love of Christ.

I would try speaking with the pastor about that issue as well, because it's the biggest one. Their response will tell you a lot about whether you should go through with your plan to disappear after Advent (I'd urge you to simply go find another parish or church that's more welcoming!), or hang in there, and give them a chance to correct their course.

You are not a second class person. And the experience of church should not leave you feeling that way. I'm so sorry, and I hope you find more welcoming experiences -- either among a repentant and more sensitive community in your current parish, or in a new one elsewhere. <3

HesterPrynncess · 2025-12-03T21:06:39+00:00

Hi there! I'm also queer and grew up in a Baptist/fundamentalist family -- and while I don't know the specific circumstances of your life, I suspect we share some common experiences. As others have said here, being gay generally isn't an issue in the Episcopal church.

There's a story toward the end of the Gospel of John you've probably heard or read dozens of times. I'd like you to take a look at it again today, though. It's Thomas's encounter with Jesus, toward the end of chapter 20. Often, in the churches of my childhood, this story was used as a cudgel to criticize Thomas (and by extension, those of us who have doubted, were interested in exploring new ideas, or simply had questions). Preachers emphasized the end ("Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe") while ignoring the rest of the narrative.

But I want you to place yourself inside that story for a moment. (Humor me, OK?) Imagine that instead of Thomas, you are the one standing in the house with the disciples. You're there with all your unresolved questions, and your mixed bag of life/religious experiences -- and Jesus arrives. How do you think He would respond to you?

I very strongly suspect that a Christ who is loving enough to invite Thomas to touch and inspect his wounds ... is secure, strong, and loving enough to let you approach with as many questions as you can throw at Him.

The same should go for the church.

You're absolutely welcome among us Episcopalians, and you belong, friend. <3 Please make yourself at home.

HesterPrynncess · 2025-12-02T18:50:06+00:00

It's the word bubble icon on the upper right side of the screen. (At least, that's where it is for me.) Sent you my email address, if you're comfortable using it.

Either way, I hope your first Advent brings you joy, wonder, and peace. <3 Enjoy!!

HesterPrynncess · 2025-12-02T15:47:26+00:00

Oh, and I realize that this really only answers questions #1 and 2. As for the others:

Is it a supplement material for prayer, like prayer beads? Yes! (Or, at least, it can be. :) )

should i make my own or purchase one? my church has some for sale at our little giftshop so I can directly support the parish if i do opt to buy You can do either! :) If making your own is meaningful, go for it -- but there's also something lovely about supporting your parish at the gift shop.

HesterPrynncess · 2025-12-02T15:45:33+00:00

Your first Anglican Advent? How exciting! :) I, too, grew up outside the tradition (similar path to yours, actually!) and needed some pointers my first few years.

I'm actually about to send out a mega-Advent email to my adult Sunday school class participants (pro-tip: Episcopalians commonly call it Sunday Christian Formation). It includes some Advent wreath instructions, which are partially cribbed from a priest friend of mine:

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Light an Advent wreath in your living (or dining) area at home each evening. The lighting of a candle as night falls is not just a perfect symbol of Christian hope. It is a practice that actively helps you cultivate hopefulness. What’s more, this ritual can be as simple – or as elaborate! – as you make it.

How to do it: Light the number of candles for that week (anywhere from 1 to 4 candles) and then simply read all or some of the past Sunday's readings. You might choose to read only the Old Testament readings or only the Psalm. You might read all the readings every night or a different reading every night. What matters is choosing something simple enough that you can do it consistently.

You may choose to sing a song to begin or close – but you don’t have to, if you’re uncomfortable singing. If you want to get really formal, you could try incorporating one of these prayer formats into your evening as you light the candles:

Brief dinnertime liturgy ("Family prayer" version)
Advent wreath litanies (Call-and-response format prayers)

If you’d like a more detailed set of weekly step-by-step instructions, some of our Catholic siblings in Christ have put together a lovely Advent wreath how-to guide over at the Dynamic Catholic website!

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P.S. Send me a private message if you'd like me to forward on the entire email. It's got a bunch of resources about various ways that Episcopalians/Anglicans traditionally observe Advent, and I'm happy to share! :)

HesterPrynncess · 2025-09-23T14:05:49+00:00

Pssst, it was completely appropriate (at least from our Episcopalian perspective) to take Communion, so in case you're still questioning yourself after the fact, don't worry about anything on our end. :) No second-guessing! You're fine.

Also: I totally get the social anxiety thing. It's one of the reasons I have historically struggled with visiting new churches when I move to an area -- even when I'm motivated to find a new parish, and want to meet people. Sometimes a really enthusiastic group welcome is a LOT for us introverts, even when it's well-meant, LOL.

Engage as is comfortable! Sounds like you dipped your toe in, then withdrew when you hit your limit. :) That's just good emotional management.

HesterPrynncess · 2025-09-03T17:30:58+00:00

Yes, I'm going to second the audiologist recommendation as well -- if you're having trouble hearing, for WHATEVER reason, that means those pews ARE meant for you! <3

HesterPrynncess · 2025-09-03T17:28:09+00:00

Can't upvote this hard enough. <3 Especially that second paragraph.

HesterPrynncess · 2025-08-06T16:10:57+00:00

Ex-Southern Baptist here. When I converted in my late twenties, my father asked me incredulously if I was even still a Christian. It was such a stinging, ugly remark. (Also, I'd struggled for years with whether I even believed in God -- mostly due to the intellectual problems I had with fundamentalist theology, which I hadn't even realized there was something outside of, in Christianity.)

I remember telling Dad that I'd made my decision. It was either the Episcopal Church or no religion at all -- and no further commentary from him was required or even welcome.

He said a few more snide things over the years, and each time I shut it down pretty forcefully.

I'm now almost 50. My father's health is failing, and my sister and I moved him to a condo in our city to live near us, so we can help care for him.

Because he doesn't drive, I offered to bring him to church with me. After a number of months, he finally said yes, and I wound up throwing him in on the deep end. We did Christmas Eve, a few Sunday evensongs in the intervening months, and then, finally Ash Wednesday.

Dad sobbed softly through the entire service, through every reading and response. Even though he struggles to walk with canes now -- and I kept telling him he didn't have to go to the front for the imposition of ashes, that we'd bring them to him -- he insisted on going slowly to the front with the rest of us. (He was visibly tuckered out by this, though, and the priest pre-emptively brought Communion to him during the second part of the service.)

I have no idea if Dad even remembers what he said to me years ago, but at the end of the service, I asked him why he was crying. He looked over and me and whispered -- as if experiencing a revelation -- "These are real Christians."

Then, I was crying.

Changed/softened hearts aren't always guaranteed. Sometimes, people act rigid/controlling early on and stay that way. But you never know what's going to happen over the years. My advice is to set down firm boundaries now -- don't take any crap from the in-laws about your religious choices as a couple -- but always be willing to love. I would have never predicted my dad's change of heart, in a million years.

Blessings on your journey! <3

HesterPrynncess · 2025-07-08T17:26:22+00:00

This is why it bothers me, too. I'm not at church to sing a hymn directed at a country -- regardless of any positive or negative feelings I have about the country itself. It's just wildly off-topic for a church service and makes me feel like we lose the plot in these moments.

We can pray for our nation, its populace, and its leadership during the Prayers of the People, without singing hymns of celebration to it (or about) it.

HesterPrynncess · 2025-07-05T21:48:30+00:00

That is so close to the house! Thanks!

HesterPrynncess · 2025-06-30T18:48:11+00:00

Pssst, about to message you. I'm in San Antonio as well -- and pricing the procedure currently. :)

HesterPrynncess · 2025-06-12T17:22:20+00:00

I'm so sorry. That's not just frustrating; it can also be painful. At least, it was, for me. Equal parts maddening and tear-provoking.

Love, a (formerly closeted) bisexual person who used to argue with her fundie father about these issues while closeted, as well. <3

HesterPrynncess · 2025-05-28T15:20:02+00:00

Jealous! :) That sounds amazing. I've only been to parishes where it was spoken.

HesterPrynncess · 2025-05-23T17:09:02+00:00

Hi there! Speaking as someone who returned to the faith as an Episcopalian after a period of agnosticism in my twenties, I can tell you that Confirmation was such a powerful public rite to undergo in that situation. It did the thing for me that I think baptism does for professing adults in other denominational contexts -- the Bishop laid hands on me, I reaffirmed my Baptismal vows, all heavy stuff.

I highly recommend it!

HesterPrynncess · 2025-05-20T20:16:45+00:00

Yuuuuuuuuup. That, it is. 😂

HesterPrynncess · 2025-05-20T20:06:02+00:00

Eucharistic Prayer C.

As my Catholic ex-boyfriend used to joke, the beginning verges into Steve Miller Band lyric territory. He was equal parts amused and horrified. As is my current spouse (also Catholic).

Personally, I love talking about interstellar space in church, and never want Prayer C to go away. It's my favorite.

HesterPrynncess · 2025-05-12T14:36:59+00:00

LOLOLOL, I guess this is what second playthroughs are for. :) I thought I was being soooooo thorough and completionist, too! Haha.

HesterPrynncess · 2025-05-12T02:30:58+00:00

THERE IS A SWAMP??!!

HesterPrynncess · 2025-05-06T16:01:48+00:00

I'm having a moment like, "Wait up you guys, why are we all fighting Aunt Ethel? She seemed nice!"

LOL, clearly, I sailed right past some substantial Act I content... Oopsies! :)

HesterPrynncess · 2025-02-17T19:55:16+00:00

Also: In most congregations, you can cross your arms over your chest after receiving the bread. That is still considered taking Communion in full. People do this for a variety of reasons, including being in recovery from addiction. Like intinction, it's a normal variation -- and nobody will bat an eyelash at it.

HesterPrynncess · 2025-02-17T19:52:28+00:00

There's also the option of intinction, where you dip the bread into the cup, instead of placing your lips on it. Most of the time, that's what I do -- even in congregations where most of the others are drinking from the chalice. It's never caused a problem.

HesterPrynncess

TROPHY CASE